Depression

[Sovvolf]

Hey guys, its me Sov here. I think I've finally excepted that I'm depressed. Usually I'd tell people to shrug it off however sometimes its not so easy, I guess when your looking at it objectively, depression doesn't seem too bad, seems like something you could just shrug off just like that. Not so easy when your the one suffering from it.

Do any of you guys have any advice on how to cope with it? I don't want to take any medication, I hear those anti depression tablets can get pretty addictive. Eventually you sort of depend on them and trying to get off them is another problem.

I could go into detail about what its over but well... It would be a very long post and I doubt many would care to read it or just want a tl;dr so I doubt they'd be much of a point.
Any info you can give me would be grand. I hate being in states like this.

 

[Jauffre]

Whenever I'm down, I like to try new things. I dunno, it distracts me with the fun of learning something new or discovering something new so I forget about being sad.

 

[Sovvolf]

Tried that, tried learning and distracting myself, even trying to have fun. However while it might help for maybe an hour, when it comes down to it, that's all it ends up being, a distraction. Its a temporary solution but not a cure or a permanent one.

 

[SckizoBoy]

If you want to get rid of this, probably the best way is to go see your doctor so you can get a referral to a counsellor/psychotherapist. In some cases anti-depressants aren't the best way to go (they actually do very little, if anything, for me).

As an aside, go to the gym/do regular exercise. Physical activity and the endorphin release that comes with it helps. It may only be temporary, but that's why the 'regular' is important. Also, after a while, being physically fit (whether or not it's visible) is good for self-image.

 

[Sovvolf]

If you want to get rid of this, probably the best way is to go see your doctor so you can get a referral to a counsellor/psychotherapist. In some cases anti-depressants aren't the best way to go (they actually do very little, if anything, for me).

As an aside, go to the gym/do regular exercise. Physical activity and the endorphin release that comes with it helps. It may only be temporary, but that's why the 'regular' is important. Also, after a while, being physically fit (whether or not it's visible) is good for self-image.

I do martial arts 4-6 days a week. So the physical activity I have cleared up. I was thinking about going to the doctor but I don't know how much good that will do. I mean, best I'm going to get is that some psychotherapist or counselor is going to sit there and tell me what I want to hear. That might make me feel better but I also feel it will just make me feel patronised.

 

[WolfThomas]

Anti-depressants aren't really that chemically addictive nor do they really have effects people might want to take them for like opiates do. There's no real problem taking them for a long time as long as any side effects are neglieble. Obviously they're not the only treatment, they should go with some cognitive based therapy or some other psychiatric intervention. But in many cases they do work quite well. They're to correct chemical imbalances.

I've saw peoples lives changed drastically because of medical intervention when I did my Psych rotation.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I do martial arts 4-6 days a week. So the physical activity I have cleared up. I was thinking about going to the doctor but I don't know how much good that will do. I mean, best I'm going to get is that some psychotherapist or counselor is going to sit there and tell me what I want to hear. That might make me feel better but I also feel it will just make me feel patronised.

Quick question: how do you feel after you've trained?

Other than that, I don't know whether I can add anything, though if you do exercise that much (I'm guessing 2-3hrs per session?) and don't feel any different (short term and otherwise), then it might genuinely be a medical problem, not a psychological one. Still worth going to a doctor to check it out.

 

[Sovvolf]

I do martial arts 4-6 days a week. So the physical activity I have cleared up. I was thinking about going to the doctor but I don't know how much good that will do. I mean, best I'm going to get is that some psychotherapist or counselor is going to sit there and tell me what I want to hear. That might make me feel better but I also feel it will just make me feel patronised.

Quick question: how do you feel after you've trained?

Other than that, I don't know whether I can add anything, though if you do exercise that much (I'm guessing 2-3hrs per session?) and don't feel any different (short term and otherwise), then it might genuinely be a medical problem, not a psychological one. Still worth going to a doctor to check it out.

I train hour sessions though every day except Wednesday and Friday, there are two different martial arts to train after each other so I do 2 hours most days, Wednesday is only one and no training on Friday. As for what I feel afterwords... Well it kinda depends on how training went, if I did good at training I feel a short burst of happiness and confidence, if I feel I did do as well as I think I should have or I got dominated during sparring... I'll feel a little sad and frustrated that I couldn't do better.

However if neither and it was just a typical session, I'll not really feel anything. I have to walk home and its a 2 mile long walk up hill so I'm more often than not thinking about the journey a head.

Mostly when I get home I'm too tired to think, however when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts. There's reasons behind it, I've not just spontaneously turned depressed. I've got a few problems at home. I may owe a more detailed explanation here though.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I train hour sessions though every day except Wednesday and Friday, there are two different martial arts to train after each other so I do 2 hours most days, Wednesday is only one and no training on Friday. As for what I feel afterwords... Well it kinda depends on how training went, if I did good at training I feel a short burst of happiness and confidence, if I feel I did do as well as I think I should have or I got dominated during sparring... I'll feel a little sad and frustrated that I couldn't do better.

However if neither and it was just a typical session, I'll not really feel anything. I have to walk home and its a 2 mile long walk up hill so I'm more often than not thinking about the journey a head.

Mostly when I get home I'm too tired to think, however when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts. There's reasons behind it, I've not just spontaneously turned depressed. I've got a few problems at home. I may owe a more detailed explanation here though.

I suppose that's natural, I've had my arse handed to me in training before... not the best feeling. But anyway, I think that you need to do as much as possible to keep yourself (or rather, your mind) occupied. Time with your uni friends, studying, fight-analysis, gaming, solo-training etc.

If the problem continues to persist, then getting professional help might be better than going at it alone. Have you spoken with those to whom these issues are relevant?

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts.

I don't mean to sound like an arse, but do you think it might have something to do with loneliness? I used to find I got really down when I was on my own for a while.

 

[Sovvolf]

when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts.

I don't mean to sound like an arse, but do you think it might have something to do with loneliness? I used to find I got really down when I was on my own for a while.

You hit one of the major problems right on the head. That's one of the reasons for my depression. I'm very much lonely.

I suppose that's natural, I've had my arse handed to me in training before... not the best feeling. But anyway, I think that you need to do as much as possible to keep yourself (or rather, your mind) occupied. Time with your uni friends, studying, fight-analysis, gaming, solo-training etc.

Tried a few of those. I don't have many friends, specially not locally, not anymore at least. Sometimes we'll get together for a few laughs but because of transport arrangements ect... Its no everyday and I'm no longer in college, currently unemployed so I don't get to interact with a lot of people. As for the rest, I try. I try to put video games on and distract myself but it doesn't last long.

If the problem continues to persist, then getting professional help might be better than going at it alone. Have you spoken with those to whom these issues are relevant?

Well one issue is an hard solver and the other is even harder. The issue at home is with my brother. We've just started living together a few months back. Parents old house, she's passed it on to both of us and they've moved out. Though living with him as been... difficult. I agree to look after his daughter while he works and he'll take care of rent and putting food on the table. However its been hell, while the roof is over my head, food isn't on the table, or in the fridge or anywhere to be honest. Tends to spend all his money on booze and takeaways and rarely on actual shopping. I end up paying for food but as a fellow on the JSA/welfare I don't get the amount of money needed to feed the lot of us and I quickly run out of funds.

So over the past few months I've been lucky to eat a meal a day. Then there's the arguing with his GF all the time, screaming and shouting at 4 in the morning. Having to hear his GF's baby crying all night.Gas and electricty often going out because he forgot to pay it or wasted money on booze. The house often being a total wreck... Life as been hell for the last few months. Now its just taring away at me. I talk to him and his responce ends up being the same "It'll be right, me and -insert gfs name here- aren't going to be arguing anymore and I'll get some shopping in tomorrow" however it doesn't happen. Been like this for months and well... I honestly can't take it no more.
There is a solution to this, My parents have offered me a chance to move in with them and I'm considering taking them up on the offer.

The other reason isn't as simple to cure. As said I don't have many friends. I have a few on the internet but no one in real life. I'm single, lonely and well... Stuck that way. Its honestly starting to eat away at me too. Waking up everyday to a empty bed, having no one really to come home to. Having no reason to wake up the next morning. That's also got to me and again making me depressed.

There's a third reason which sounds a little too self centered, whiny and egotistical which is why I don't like the mention it often and I'm honestly ashamed to feel this way. Just, I feel unknown, unneeded and at times unwanted. I feel no matter what I do, it makes little to no impact. As vain as this sounds, I want to be remembered. I feel I could die at any moment and outside family and few people I know... I'll not be missed and it will soon be as if I never existed at all. I try and fix this but I honestly don't know how. Again I'm not proud of that one but you've helped give me advice here and I feel I should be open with you on this.

Thanks for listening and I hope I don't come off as too much of an egomaniac.

 

[SckizoBoy]

snip

No need to apologise, I think that's one of the least whiny posts about personal problems I've read in a while.

Anyway, you seem as though you really need a change of surroundings, and my first response would've been 'move back with your parents asap'. However, what concerns me most is the situation with your niece. Are you only staying where you are so that she's well taken care of? Depending on how far away your folks are, they could help in that regard, I guess.

As for friends, I suppose that you've already tried socialising with your sparring partners? Nothing much but just chatting with them before/after or even during sessions might reveal other common interests. Or even just getting together to watch UFC, or something. Or, if you get on with your internet friends, have you considered webchat? It may not seem like much, but it's a start.

And with your third problem, I get that too, and it's usually best alleviated by having someone to talk to, whether it's a friend or not it doesn't matter, though friends do tend to fare better. Since this is the case, I would now definitely recommend getting a referral to a counsellor/psychotherapist, because you do need to talk about it and vocalise it (not just type it down for internet-denizens to read...) to a visible pair of ears. The person on the other end of the conversation may not be emotionally invested in it in the way that you wish, but he/she will help change how you think, since what you think will be entirely up to you, but gradually, your train of thought will be directed towards better things and looking up won't seem so hard. If you don't mind me saying so, but you're too young to be weighed down by things like this (but then again, no age is right for this shit).

However, for now, I'd suggest moving back in with your parents just so you've got a change of pace/setting (and peace by the sounds of things). And perhaps you can speak to them as well. But make sure that your niece is going to be OK, too.

Best of luck.

 

[Sovvolf]

Anyway, you seem as though you really need a change of surroundings, and my first response would've been 'move back with your parents asap'. However, what concerns me most is the situation with your niece. Are you only staying where you are so that she's well taken care of? Depending on how far away your folks are, they could help in that regard, I guess.

Its one of the things plaguing my mind. Though I've looked after her like this even when living with my parents. Done it for about four years, considering she's about four and a half... I'd say I've probably parented her more than her father. She's very much a daughter to me and I wouldn't put myself, no matter what emotional state I'm in, a head of her. However thinking it through, she has my brother GF to look after her through the day. Who I'm kind of shifty about but she did look after her for a few months before. She's also got my younger brother who's 19 who can also help out, along with yes my parents when needed.

Her well being is my top priority. Though the main reason I'm having difficulty moving out is having to tell it to my brother. He might see it as me being spiteful or stabbing him in the back. So I've been a little iffy on it at the moment however I feel if I don't get out this place soon I'm going to crack.

As for friends, I suppose that you've already tried socialising with your sparring partners? Nothing much but just chatting with them before/after or even during sessions might reveal other common interests. Or even just getting together to watch UFC, or something. Or, if you get on with your internet friends, have you considered webchat? It may not seem like much, but it's a start.

I do chat with my sparring partners from time to time yeah... I mean, I guess its inevitable and well it helps break the ice. Mainly in the changing rooms or when we're padding up. However I've never really thought of asking them around. I feel that might be a little forthcoming of me and might make things awkward if they say no or we have a bad experience during in coming over and hanging out. That and by the time training finishes (we don't start till around 18:30) its mostly time to go to bed.

And with your third problem, I get that too, and it's usually best alleviated by having someone to talk to, whether it's a friend or not it doesn't matter, though friends do tend to fare better. Since this is the case, I would now definitely recommend getting a referral to a counsellor/psychotherapist, because you do need to talk about it and vocalise it (not just type it down for internet-denizens to read...) to a visible pair of ears. The person on the other end of the conversation may not be emotionally invested in it in the way that you wish, but he/she will help change how you think, since what you think will be entirely up to you, but gradually, your train of thought will be directed towards better things and looking up won't seem so hard.

See here is the big problem... I'm just a little scared to go see one. While I'm not too scared of telling the counselor my thoughts or feelings... I'm afraid that I'll never hear the end of it from my family. You know, the whole "Tut' what you doing that for, don't be daft... counciling" type thing. Where I just scratch my head with the word Jackass written on top of my forehead. Its probably the better idea to go but I think its going to be a very last resort thing and probably something I'm going to wait for, see how I feel once the environment changes.

If you don't mind me saying so, but you're too young to be weighed down by things like this (but then again, no age is right for this shit).

Maybe so, I don't know... I really don't like to complain about these things often. I often feel like I'm whining and get that feeling in my head that I'm just being and attention seeker. So I just keep it to myself most the time mainly to avoid that. As I may have said, I'm pretty self conscious and at times maybe even overly critical.

So maybe its just built up over the years. I know know. Often scared to tell people incase they make fun of me for it.

However, for now, I'd suggest moving back in with your parents just so you've got a change of pace/setting (and peace by the sounds of things). And perhaps you can speak to them as well. But make sure that your niece is going to be OK, too.

Best of luck.

Maybe that's for the best and don't worry, as said... She's my top priority. Thank you for your help.

 

[mikey7339]

when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts.

I don't mean to sound like an arse, but do you think it might have something to do with loneliness? I used to find I got really down when I was on my own for a while.

You hit one of the major problems right on the head. That's one of the reasons for my depression. I'm very much lonely.

Been having this issue since I just moved on my own and broke up with my girlfriend. I just got a big fuzzy cuddly sheppy dog and he's helped a ton. If you have the time to care for one see about adopting a dog or another empathetic type of pet.

 

[Sovvolf]

when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts.

I don't mean to sound like an arse, but do you think it might have something to do with loneliness? I used to find I got really down when I was on my own for a while.

You hit one of the major problems right on the head. That's one of the reasons for my depression. I'm very much lonely.

Been having this issue since I just moved on my own and broke up with my girlfriend. I just got a big fuzzy cuddly sheppy dog and he's helped a ton. If you have the time to care for one see about adopting a dog or another empathetic type of pet.

I was taking care of my parents Terrier, did so for a few months but they've recently took him back.

 

[aba1]

When I feel depressed it's ussually because I feel like I am stuck in some aspect of my life but really it's not that I am stuck it is just that not matter which discision I make I will come out with somthing lost even if I gain more than I lose but at the end of the day somtimes you gotta take a hit in order to move onto better things its like the old saying goes "you gotta give in order to get"

 

[Evidencebased]

when I'm at home during the day... That's mostly when it starts.

I don't mean to sound like an arse, but do you think it might have something to do with loneliness? I used to find I got really down when I was on my own for a while.

You hit one of the major problems right on the head. That's one of the reasons for my depression. I'm very much lonely.

I suppose that's natural, I've had my arse handed to me in training before... not the best feeling. But anyway, I think that you need to do as much as possible to keep yourself (or rather, your mind) occupied. Time with your uni friends, studying, fight-analysis, gaming, solo-training etc.

Tried a few of those. I don't have many friends, specially not locally, not anymore at least. Sometimes we'll get together for a few laughs but because of transport arrangements ect... Its no everyday and I'm no longer in college, currently unemployed so I don't get to interact with a lot of people. As for the rest, I try. I try to put video games on and distract myself but it doesn't last long.

If the problem continues to persist, then getting professional help might be better than going at it alone. Have you spoken with those to whom these issues are relevant?

Well one issue is an hard solver and the other is even harder. The issue at home is with my brother. We've just started living together a few months back. Parents old house, she's passed it on to both of us and they've moved out. Though living with him as been... difficult. I agree to look after his daughter while he works and he'll take care of rent and putting food on the table. However its been hell, while the roof is over my head, food isn't on the table, or in the fridge or anywhere to be honest. Tends to spend all his money on booze and takeaways and rarely on actual shopping. I end up paying for food but as a fellow on the JSA/welfare I don't get the amount of money needed to feed the lot of us and I quickly run out of funds.

So over the past few months I've been lucky to eat a meal a day. Then there's the arguing with his GF all the time, screaming and shouting at 4 in the morning. Having to hear his GF's baby crying all night.Gas and electricty often going out because he forgot to pay it or wasted money on booze. The house often being a total wreck... Life as been hell for the last few months. Now its just taring away at me. I talk to him and his responce ends up being the same "It'll be right, me and -insert gfs name here- aren't going to be arguing anymore and I'll get some shopping in tomorrow" however it doesn't happen. Been like this for months and well... I honestly can't take it no more.
There is a solution to this, My parents have offered me a chance to move in with them and I'm considering taking them up on the offer.

The other reason isn't as simple to cure. As said I don't have many friends. I have a few on the internet but no one in real life. I'm single, lonely and well... Stuck that way. Its honestly starting to eat away at me too. Waking up everyday to a empty bed, having no one really to come home to. Having no reason to wake up the next morning. That's also got to me and again making me depressed.

There's a third reason which sounds a little too self centered, whiny and egotistical which is why I don't like the mention it often and I'm honestly ashamed to feel this way. Just, I feel unknown, unneeded and at times unwanted. I feel no matter what I do, it makes little to no impact. As vain as this sounds, I want to be remembered. I feel I could die at any moment and outside family and few people I know... I'll not be missed and it will soon be as if I never existed at all. I try and fix this but I honestly don't know how. Again I'm not proud of that one but you've helped give me advice here and I feel I should be open with you on this.

Thanks for listening and I hope I don't come off as too much of an egomaniac.

Just off the top of my head it doesn't sound like you're depressed in the brain-chemicals-aren't-working way, so it's possible anti-depressants wouldn't do much for you. They can be really helpful to people like me, though; when I go from being off my meds to on my meds it's like removing a thick gray blanket from over my head. And they aren't addictive -- you're only "dependent" on them in that you need to take them regularly for them to work, not like you'll start craving them or whatever.

But I think that doing some talk therapy would be a really good idea for you. It can be just as effective as medication for some people, and a good therapist won't just tell you what you want to hear; instead, they will advise you and listen to you, and even very gently kick your ass a little bit to get you to help yourself. I've been seeing therapists for years as part of my anti-depression regimen and all of them have been kind and sympathetic but not soppy -- I've even occasionally gotten "homework" like looking up online dating sites, or practicing making eye contact, or asking a friend out for coffee. I was very skeptical when I started (I'm not a mushy person at all, and I thought it would be all crying and hugging; it isn't) but it's been surprisingly helpful and painless.

Aside from just making you feel better, a good therapist can give you solid advice for dealing with some of the situations you're in. Maybe he or she will be able to suggest new ways of talking to your brother, or help you meet/befriend new people, or even give you tips on finding a job (if that's something you want to do.) You might have to try out a few therapists to find one you like; I finally settled on the third person I tried and it was definitely worth doing a little shopping around because she was fantastic. That's another reason to start therapy sooner rather than later -- you don't want to wait until it's an emergency to get help, because therapy can take some effort and time to set up and get working well.

Please don't let your embarrassment stop you from getting help. A huge number of people get therapy for all sorts of reasons, and it's becoming very acceptable. Everyone I've talked to about it hasn't batted an eye, but have been very supportive and encouraging. It's like seeking treatment for any other problem -- maybe it feels a little awkward or you still have the idea in the back of your mind to try and "tough it out" but rationally seeing a professional is the best thing to do. Even if your family gives you a hard time about it, I imagine they'll shut up once you actually start feeling better from it, and you might be surprised at how accepting they'll be of the idea -- until I started all of my therapy I'd thought I was the uniquely crazy one, but then I found out that pretty much half my family and friends have been to counseling for one thing or another and it's really a very normal, common thing to do.

Oh, and a possibly-helpful link to all things depression:

http://www.nmha.org/go/depression

 

[SckizoBoy]

See here is the big problem... I'm just a little scared to go see one. While I'm not too scared of telling the counselor my thoughts or feelings... I'm afraid that I'll never hear the end of it from my family. You know, the whole "Tut' what you doing that for, don't be daft... counciling" type thing. Where I just scratch my head with the word Jackass written on top of my forehead. Its probably the better idea to go but I think its going to be a very last resort thing and probably something I'm going to wait for, see how I feel once the environment changes.

By all means, see how much the change will do for you, but if you do need therapy (please see comment by EvidenceBased, because I agree with what she's said), don't leave it too late. There is no need to fear going to a counsellor and if it really comes down to it, just don't tell your folks where you're going.

Maybe so, I don't know... I really don't like to complain about these things often. I often feel like I'm whining and get that feeling in my head that I'm just being and attention seeker. So I just keep it to myself most the time mainly to avoid that. As I may have said, I'm pretty self conscious and at times maybe even overly critical.

Here's where I'd like to reach through my screen and yours a hit you upside the head. You have absolutely no need to think like that. There's conscientious... and then there's too much of it. If it's of any reassurance, you're just a guy who's got some real problems and they're biting you more than you can ignore. What you need is someone with whom you can just get this all off your chest.

So maybe its just built up over the years. I know know. Often scared to tell people incase they make fun of me for it.

As I mentioned, you don't need to tell the people you know, but with those you trust and know well, being apprehensive is natural, but if they're genuinely your friends and they come to realise that you're in a bad place, 'making fun of you' won't be on their minds at all. They'll be part of the process to help you.

Maybe that's for the best and don't worry, as said... She's my top priority. Thank you for your help.

You're welcome, and I'm sorry I can't offer anything better.

 

[Ando85]

Sorry if some of this stuff is already covered before but here is my advice-

Exercise and getting sunlight are physiological ways to release endorphins and serotonin. Make sure you are getting enough.

As for prescription anti depressants they really aren't that bad. I used to be total against using prescription drugs to treat a mental illness. They won't instantly put you in a euphoric mood but once they build up in your system they seem to "take the edge off". I'm no doctor but I hear SSRIs are a lot safer to take than MAOIs.

Humans are social creatures so regular socializing and just doing stuff that is fun sure helps.

I actually found therapy/counseling to not really work for me. In fact I had one experience where it just made me feel worse by bringing up things about life that suck. However, there are positive and negative aspects of life and when depressed those negatives come roaring forward.

Hope some of that helps.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

I've had lots of different flavours of not feeling right. There's only one thing you need to do.
GO TO THE DOCTOR.
You live in the UK, it's free, that's what they're there for. They'll ask you to fill in a form saying how you feel about stuff and ask you question to determine how serious it is. They can also determine what type of depression you have and give you specific advice.
If it's bad, they'll recommend you go to a counsellor. If it's really bad, they'll give you a prescription. Some of the drugs work really well, some of them aren't as good but can act as a placebo.

I understand that you might feel embarressed about it, but you're 20. You can do whatever you damn well please and what your parents think shouldn't matter.

Either way, me and everyone else in this thread don't really know what we're talking about. We can share our experiences but we aren't train to help you. Your doctor is.