Did anyone else find the sex scenes in The Witcher 2: Assassin of Kings to be hilarious?

KRAKENDIE

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Forgive me if I'm late on this; I don't follow hype so I didn't bother with The Witcher until recently.

It's not so much that there is sex in the game, or even how graphic the scenes are. I hear tell that one of the lead developers said the sex scenes were a matter of "creative freedom". I've learned in my industry that this is a bullshit way of saying "We wanted to see what we could get away with". I don't argue against that. That's fair.

What I find funniest is the idea that the scenes add any level of maturity to the limp dick that is the "dark fantasy" claim. The Witcher 2's sex scenes look like there's a twelve year old somewhere banging his Polski GI Joe and his sister's Elven Barbie against each other trying to mimic the sounds he heard in his father's special DVDs. It went like this for me(paraphrasing):

Triss: Oh baby I love you, you dour gray hunk of a man.
Me: Mhm give papa some beautifully-rendered sugar.
*Fades to black*
Me: Wait, what's going on? What?
BAM BAM. WHAM. WHAM. TITS. WHAM. TITS.
*Roommate walks in*
Roommate: I see you've found my porn stash.

It felt like someone shoved their fist into my ear and pulled the immersion right out of my skull and wouldn't give it back until I stopped laughing.
The way AoK treats magic is more mature than that.
The way the characters dress is more mature than that.
The way the dialogue is written is more mature than that.
It's the reason most of my friends don't play Mortal Kombat because they think it's immature.
It's the reason why the Arkham Batman games made me laugh way more than they were supposed to.

Am I alone on this? Or does the absence of Arwen fellating Aragorn in LOTR actually make it seem less mature?
 

The Madman

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I've only seen one of em with Triss so I'm no expert, but it was better done than any other 'sex scene' I've seen in a game... which isn't saying much at all and frankly even with a game like Witcher I wish developers would just stop trying.

God I remember I once made the mistake of trying one of the 'romance' in Dragon Age: Origins. The little cinematic that popped up was so damned terrible I didn't feel dirty or guilty, I just felt a bit of pity for the poor developers that had to take time trying to create that pathetic little cutscene.

Developers would be better off just avoiding those sorts of cutscenes entirely. All of em. For every genre. They're all terrible without exception.

And on a side note what does AoK stand for? Age of Kings? I don't remember any magic in the Age of Empires series, although how the priests worked was quite hilarious.
 

VulpesAqua

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I honestly thought they were well executed. They looked like they were having sex rather than just cuddling in underwear like Bioware games.

And just because there is immature approach to sex by characters doesn't mean it is immature within the medium. Geralt's sexual drive is a character trait for him that helps better paint his status as a mercenary and one who has vices.

I really don't understand this thing about people deriding the game as immature because of crass jokes and sex. The game is mature it's just not cultured per say. Yes the game is full of sex and crass euphemisms, songs and jokes. That's how people are. You mean to tell me you've never shared a dirty joke with your mates down at the pub?

Even if there were no sex or mention of it I would still call the game mature. It deals with a number of interesting political issues in this fictional realm. The most interesting one for me is the idea of maintaining balance in the North to eschew the threat of invasion and the means by which it is accomplished. The game's plot truly dragged me in and fascinated me, and if a pair of tits are enough to distract you from the game then you may want to get your priorities straight.
 

Zhukov

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Dec 29, 2009
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I didn't think they were quite that bad, but yeah, they were impossible to regard with a straight face.

I mean, how can anyone not laugh at the sight of Geralt pumping away with that same bored, neutral expression on his face?
 

KRAKENDIE

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The Madman said:
I've only seen one of em with Triss so I'm no expert, but it was better done than any other 'sex scene' I've seen in a game... which isn't saying much at all and frankly even with a game like Witcher I wish developers would just stop trying.

God I remember I once made the mistake of trying one of the 'romance' in Dragon Age: Origins. The little cinematic that popped up was so damned terrible I didn't feel dirty or guilty, I just felt a bit of pity for the poor developers that had to take time trying to create that pathetic little cutscene.

Developers would be better off just avoiding those sorts of cutscenes entirely. All of em. For every genre. They're all terrible without exception.

And on a side note what does AoK stand for? Age of Kings? I don't remember any magic in the Age of Empires series, although how the priests worked was quite hilarious.
I would say the first ME cutscenes, how ever lax, were at least watchable. Not necessarily good. Dragon Age: Origins was after the uproar about a sliver of backside being shown in the ME scenes.

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. AoK. Everything in AoE works hilariously.
 

KRAKENDIE

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Zhukov said:
I didn't think they were quite that bad, but yeah, they were impossible to regard with a straight face.

I mean, how can anyone not laugh at the sight of Geralt pumping away with that same bored, neutral expression on his face?
They weren't insufferable, just a bit comical. He's just such a gray, blank man, the "he has sex too!" thing doesn't sell very well.
 

KRAKENDIE

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VulpesAqua said:
I honestly thought they were well executed. They looked like they were having sex rather than just cuddling in underwear like Bioware games.

And just because there is immature approach to sex by characters doesn't mean it is immature within the medium. Geralt's sexual drive is a character trait for him that helps better paint his status as a mercenary and one who has vices.

I really don't understand this thing about people deriding the game as immature because of crass jokes and sex. The game is mature it's just not cultured per say. Yes the game is full of sex and crass euphemisms, songs and jokes. That's how people are. You mean to tell me you've never shared a dirty joke with your mates down at the pub?

Even if there were no sex or mention of it I would still call the game mature. It deals with a number of interesting political issues in this fictional realm. The most interesting one for me is the idea of maintaining balance in the North to eschew the threat of invasion and the means by which it is accomplished. The game's plot truly dragged me in and fascinated me, and if a pair of tits are enough to distract you from the game then you may want to get your priorities straight.
Bioware is an embarrassment in a number of things, truly.

The immature approach is indicative of the immaturity within the medium. No one thus far has been able to do a sex scene that is all things a sex scene should be: believable, characteristic, and necessary.

Geralt's vices are one thing, a sex scene that is obviously gearing toward an almost cartoonish depiction of adult sexuality and maturity. I'm not saying full-frontal nudity is the worst thing ever, I'm saying the presentation of this softcore pornography wasn't very good. Gratuitous sex scenes make sense in some context, but the Witcher 2's context doesn't go much farther than "This is what sex is. Adults do this."

You know what? The off-color jokes aren't a problem for me. In those times crass jokes were even more popular than they are now, especially among sellswords and that lot. But the crass jokes are written in with convincing dialogue in believable situations, men talking to men.

Distracted me from the whole game? Remember that time I said virtually the same thing you just said about other aspects of it being mature and more potent in presenting the world and the characters?

KRAKENDIE said:
The way AoK treats magic is more mature than that.
The way the characters dress is more mature than that.
The way the dialogue is written is more mature than that.
Good times, those.
 

The Madman

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KRAKENDIE said:
I would say the first ME cutscenes, how ever lax, were at least watchable. Not necessarily good. Dragon Age: Origins was after the uproar about a sliver of backside being shown in the ME scenes.

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. AoK. Everything in AoE works hilariously.
Eug, I remember Mass Effect. I dislike those cutscenes as well, the best part of em as I recall was that they were short and you didn't see much. Still would have been a better experience without them however!

Felt completely out of place with the setting and story as well. I remember you had like two brief conversation with that one blue alien before she was creepily going all fangirl over Shepard. Instead of spending time and resources detailing a poorly lit sex scene the developers should have worked on creating better dialogue for a more believable and sympathetic relationship methinks. But that's just me!

At least with Witcher it's part of the setting and character established in the books that Geralt is pretty much a medieval James Bond, not that it makes those cinematics any less cringe-worthy.
 

endtherapture

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I think TW2 mainly had sex scenes out of notoreity of the previous game and it's sex cards, most of it is irrelevant anyways.

However the sex scene with Triss in the baths in TW2 is great and advances the story well and shows you how Geralt feels about Triss and helps set the stakes for...

Yennefers's return

and it was pretty well done. Better than Bioware for sure.
 

Racecarlock

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Well, let's face it. How many people would have actually bought the game if it didn't have tits in it? Unfortunately for everyone who actually cares about maturity (Myself definitely not included), sex sells. Deal with it.
 

The Wykydtron

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Sep 23, 2010
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If i remember that Witcher 2 LP correctly, the sex scenes were still cringeworthy even though they may have been some of the most well done ones in video games yet... I think that may just be my personal distaste when it comes to anything sexual shining through for the most part actually. XD

Though that bath one with Triss? It was a rather good character development moment if I recall correctly. Like the sex complimented the character development and it wasn't just an excuse for "WAHAYYYY RANDOM TITTIES!"

The other sex scenes were no where near as good. They simply lacked the context that made that Triss one so effective.

I'm gonna have to go and pick the 360 version up at some point aren't I?
 

Casual Shinji

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I wouldn't say the sex scenes are bad, it's simply watching people having sex, which in and of itself is pretty silly and awkward to witness.

The reason why sex scenes in most movies are so theatrical with slow motion and fade outs is because simply watching two people hump eachother is laugh inducing.
 

Xenedus

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Them having a sex scene as part of the main plot didn't bother me but the fact that they decided to put in a sex scene for virtually EVERY little encounter was over the top. Fade to black would have been just fine for most of the random "oh hey it's a prostitute let's see if it's possible to sleep with her" moments.

As for everyone saying how it is just an immature pandering attempt I think you are missing the point a bit. The Witcher 2 was attempting to make very believable human beings and let's face it human beings (especially in unadvanced societies with nothing better to do) have a LOT of sex and the dirty humor is just how the world is.
 

tzimize

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The Madman said:
I've only seen one of em with Triss so I'm no expert, but it was better done than any other 'sex scene' I've seen in a game... which isn't saying much at all and frankly even with a game like Witcher I wish developers would just stop trying.

God I remember I once made the mistake of trying one of the 'romance' in Dragon Age: Origins. The little cinematic that popped up was so damned terrible I didn't feel dirty or guilty, I just felt a bit of pity for the poor developers that had to take time trying to create that pathetic little cutscene.

Developers would be better off just avoiding those sorts of cutscenes entirely. All of em. For every genre. They're all terrible without exception.

And on a side note what does AoK stand for? Age of Kings? I don't remember any magic in the Age of Empires series, although how the priests worked was quite hilarious.
Partly disagree.

Agree that its the best I've seen in a game until now, and also agree that they could be better. But I found them to be believable.

Especially the first scene (which isnt really a sex scene) when Geralt wakes up next to Triss in Foltests camp. Its BRILLIANT. After a wonderful night, Geralt wakes up and caresses the hips of a shapely woman. It is erotic, real and just awesome.

I could of course go: OMG BOOBS! But really, that scene was for me one of the best in the entire game. The one in the water/roses was a bit too sugary for me, but since it was punctuated with humor (the soldier thinking the place was haunted) it just worked for me. I laughed, enjoyed myself and believed the characters and the world.

While not perfect, the Witcher 2 sex scenes are by far the best thing to happen to such scenes in the gaming world ever. My hat is off to CD Project for creating these scenes and pushing the envelope.

I cant wait for Witcher 3. There will be a Witcher 3? Right?

Racecarlock said:
Well, let's face it. How many people would have actually bought the game if it didn't have tits in it? Unfortunately for everyone who actually cares about maturity (Myself definitely not included), sex sells. Deal with it.
I would. Witcher 1 is one of my all time favorite games. Even without the tits. The fact that CD Project sells it without DRM on GoG is just icing on the cake. Free DLC, free Enhanced edition, BEAUTIFUL graphics, fun dialogue (in a good way), a decent plot...I could go on and on. Witcher is amazing.
 

johnnnny guitar

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well yeah they are kinda strange but if you want hilarious "sex scenes" just watch any bioware games "romances" they are some of the fucking funnist things I've seen
 

Kahunaburger

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Yeah, sex scenes in basically any video game are pretty hilariously bad. It's a function of the wonky models and animations, IMO. Although in Bioware's case, the way the scenes are "shot" also makes you wonder if anyone on the design team has had sex, like, ever.
 

Adam Jensen_v1legacy

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I liked the one with Geralt and Triss in the garden of remembrance. It was supposed to be comedic. Every serious game like this one needs a few comedic moments. And I think they timed them right. And the best thing is, you can skip those sex scenes if you want to. But Geralt is the player. He likes to plough women.
 

Fappy

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Adam Jensen said:
I liked the one with Geralt and Triss in the garden of remembrance. It was supposed to be comedic. Every serious game like this one needs a few comedic moments. And I think they timed them right. And the best thing is, you can skip those sex scenes if you want to. But Geralt is the player. He likes to plough women.
That scene was a fucking riot.

OP, I didn't find all of the sex scenes funny but I know exactly where you are coming from. I honestly don't know if you are supposed to actually take them seriously or not.