Different Girl Problems

[mitchell271]

So, fellow Escapists. If you're here, I'm assuming you want to help.

I'm currently in Grade 12. I've been friends with this girl since Grade 9 but we started to become really close in the second semester of Grade 11. We flirted a lot, texted almost non-stop for almost a month and shared all sorts of secrets with each other. Recently, I told her I liked her and I found out she liked me as well. We were going to go on a date and then one day, I messed up.

She told me one of her fantasies, and to respect her wishes, I'm not going to post what it is here. We were talking with some of our friends and then the topic of consent laws and saudomy laws in Canada came up. One of my friends said that her fantasy (not knowing what it was) was actually illegal but they don't enforce it. I looked at her (the girl I like) and joking said to her and her alone, (and not very loudly) "Well, so much for that fantasy!". Then she punched my arm (normal for her, plus it felt like a playful punch).

Then it started to feel like she was avoiding me. Just last Thursday, she called off the date. Why? I had shared something with other people that she had told me in confidence. I haven't talked to or even seen her since.

I think she's overreacting, but I also feel like she has a point.

So fellow Escapists, any suggestions or comments? I really have no idea what to do right now and it's messing up my studies as well as my head.

EDIT: To those wanting to know a bit more, sexual humour is a kind of humour I use a lot, so even if she hadn't told me her fantasy, I probably would've said what I said. And (I'm pretty sure) she knows this.

I realize that I fucked up but I still feel that way towards her and those sorts of feeling don't dissolve overnight.

 

[cthulhumythos]

whats up w/ all these girl problems?

option 1: just confront her. boom. problem solved.

if it doesn't go over so well... well, your in highschool. not gonna be the end of the world.


option 2: murder is usually an easy route to take, but slightly illegal. you need to be good at digging and hiding to pull it off.

 

[Jonluw]

Ok, I don't understand.
I don't think you're being clear enough in the 3rd(2nd) paragraph, because I can't figure out what it is that you've said that she had told you in confidence.

Also: This belongs in the advice section.

 

[Rawne1980]

Fantasies aren't meant to be shared with random folks my friend.

Usually a person keeps them to themselves or shares them with someone they trust. She obviously trusted you enough to share hers and you went and blurted it out.

You just broke her trust.

I'd say talk to her but I doubt she's going to be very happy with you. Probably find it hard to trust you with anything aswell.

 

[windlenot]

whats up w/ all these girl problems?
option 2: murder is usually an easy route to take, but slightly illegal. you need to be good at digging and hiding to pull it off.

That made me laugh. A lot.

Also yeah, go with option 1. Confront. That's really all you can do, right? No shame in being upfront about it.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

option 2: murder is usually an easy route to take, but slightly illegal. you need to be good at digging and hiding to pull it off.

dont dig, just go on a walk with her and push her off a steep bit of hill into a river. it looks like an accident.

OT: talk to her. yeah, you fucked up. its not the end of the world. just apologize and give her cookies. nobody can resist cookies. unless you're dead inside.

 

[Lilani]

So, fellow Escapists. If you're here, I'm assuming you want to help.

I'm currently in Grade 12. I've been friends with this girl since Grade 9 but we started to become really close in the second semester of Grade 11. We flirted a lot, texted almost non-stop for almost a month and shared all sorts of secrets with each other. Recently, I told her I liked her and I found out she liked me as well. We were going to go on a date and then one day, I (think I) messed up.

She told me one of her fantasies, and to respect her wishes, I'm not going to post what it is here. We were talking with some of our friends and then the topic of consent laws and saudomy laws in Canada came up. One of my friends said that her fantasy (not knowing what it was) was actually illegal but they don't enforce it. I looked at her (the girl I like) and joking said to her and her alone, "Well, so much for that fantasy!". Then she punched my arm (normal for her, plus it felt like a playful punch).

Then it started to feel like she was avoiding me. Just last Thursday, she called of the date. Why? I had shared something with other people that she had told me in confidence. I haven't talked to or even seen her since.

I think she's overreacting, but I also feel like she has a point.

So fellow Escapists, any suggestions or comments? I really have no idea what to do right now and it's messing up my studies as well as my head.

Just ask her if she remembers the conversation and tell her you're worried you hurt her feelings and you're sorry. If you did hurt her feelings, she'll know that you know and regret it, and things can start to heal. If it didn't hurt her feelings, then at worst she'll think you're rather sweet for catching onto those little details and maybe feel a bit bad herself for making you feel like she was mad at you.

 

[RedxDecember]

Very well written, my friend. Twice as good as mine. I have no idea how it's going to work out, but I hope it works out for you.

 

[Goldeneye1989]

Because you said something in public that broke the confidentiality between you two, it could have been over heard but she trusted you to keep it to yourself. Simple.

 

[Ruley]

I'll just second (or tenth) what everyone else was saying, get talking to her and apologise. You've lost her trust and you're probably going to have to climb a hill before getting it back again. (If I've understood the OP correctly)

 

[lobster1077]

Quoting Adam Jensen solves every communication conundrum. Just open with a Jensen compliment "Nice hat", while she's flattered move onto the issue. Just say the magic words "I never asked for this". And viola most of your ailments are resolved.

 

[Athinira]

Not knowing the girl or you, i don't have enough information here to give an appropriate tip on how to EXACTLY solve the situation.

So instead, I'm going to give you some of the most basic 101 advices on how the human/female brain works.
1) "Animals, including humans, are designed from nature to run away from things that chases us."

If she is avoiding you, don't chase her (as in, don't be persistent in trying to enforce communication with her). Don't act desperate. Act normal and cool instead. In such situations of communication breakdown, it's important to talk face to face since body language is extremely important. Get to her IRL and talk, but don't talk about the fantasy or the communication breakdown. Just act natural and cool and suggest you do some of the things you usually do with her. That helps her forget about the unfortunate episode and concentrate your your relationship instead, and if it resurfaces later you'll have a second shot at getting it right this time.

2) "The most important thing to a women is how you make them FEEL inside when you're with them."

Again, like i said, forget about texting/calling and get to her IRL. Physical presence creates entirely different emotions that can't be recreated by voice alone. The thing is, if she has feelings for you, then those feelings will resurface if you get to see her again, especially if we're talking an improvised (read: unexpected, at least on her part) meeting and you act like you should.

If she doesn't have feelings for you anymore... Well, I really don't want to write this last paragraph, but I'm going to anyway because it still holds true: If you truly "fucked up", then it's best to forget about her (at least on a girlfriend level).
I know it sounds harsh, and when you have feelings for someone it's not an easy thing to do, but it's a simple fact that the idea of the "one and only" has always just been an idle fairy tale. There are other sweet girls out there, and you will meet them. I'm not saying you should detach yourself from love, but if your love is lost to you, it's best to move on. You'll find a new one, and it's important you don't put your feelings on standby. If you force your brain to move on, your emotions will follow.

 

[Mandalore_15]

So, fellow Escapists. If you're here, I'm assuming you want to help.

I'm currently in Grade 12. I've been friends with this girl since Grade 9 but we started to become really close in the second semester of Grade 11. We flirted a lot, texted almost non-stop for almost a month and shared all sorts of secrets with each other. Recently, I told her I liked her and I found out she liked me as well. We were going to go on a date and then one day, I (think I) messed up.

She told me one of her fantasies, and to respect her wishes, I'm not going to post what it is here. We were talking with some of our friends and then the topic of consent laws and saudomy laws in Canada came up. One of my friends said that her fantasy (not knowing what it was) was actually illegal but they don't enforce it. I looked at her (the girl I like) and joking said to her and her alone, "Well, so much for that fantasy!". Then she punched my arm (normal for her, plus it felt like a playful punch).

Then it started to feel like she was avoiding me. Just last Thursday, she called of the date. Why? I had shared something with other people that she had told me in confidence. I haven't talked to or even seen her since.

I think she's overreacting, but I also feel like she has a point.

So fellow Escapists, any suggestions or comments? I really have no idea what to do right now and it's messing up my studies as well as my head.

Hm, sounds like you really fucked up. If I were you, I'd stare longingly after her every time she's around... in school, walking home, in her garden, anywhere really. Follow her around a lot too, perhaps even look into her window at night. This might interfere with your studies, but after all, you can't work with this kind of stuff going around your head, right? This will give her the message that you really want to patch things up, and get you on the road to recovery.

After that, I would try calling her a lot. Perhaps 10-15 times a day to begin with, but this can be increased if the desired response isn't forthcoming. If it goes to voicemail, leave comments like you miss the way she smells, things like that. Chicks love that shit.

If all else fails, I would go round to her house and talk to her parents when she isn't (I can't emphasize that enough) around. Tell them that you are getting engaged (or plan to upon reaching legal age, no idea what it is in Canada). This will clearly land the both of you in the utmost of shit, but after all the beatings and punishments, your bond will have been made much stronger. You will have demonstrated your deep love for her through your self-sacrifice, and she will have no option but fall longingly into your arms.

Hope this helps!

 

[AwkwardTurtle]

option 1: just confront her. boom. problem solved.

I love the simplicity of your solution. It seems this should be the universal solution to ALL relationship problems. It all just sort of stems from a lack of communication. ._.

 

[StarsintheBlood]

You screwed up, man. When a girl tells you her fantasy, it's kind of a big deal. Joking about it, especially in the company of others, is just not cool. Just talk to her and say you're sorry; she'll likely come around, if you're sincere.