Dilemma with ex-friend

[Tdc2182]

Here's the short story.

I liked this girl since the beginning of school. We became close friends, hung out, went to dances, so on and so forth.

But I then started to notice something about her. She was a tease, a hypocrite, and insecure. I learned she had made out with someone on the night I took her to Homecoming (went as friends, but still...) and never told me about it. I heard it from one of her friends.

I though "Hey, whatever", and continued on my way, slightly confused that she never picked up the signs I put out there.

Through a long list of problems she had with guys (what with saying she didn't like them, then ending up inviting them to her house where they did all sorts of G-rated things, I'm sure /sarcasm) she recently started dating an ex of hers, who is just an idiot in general. He sweet talked his way into her life, and she let him (despite telling me multiple times that she hated him) and they dated.

To this day, I am quite positive she did know that I liked her. And she didn't care.

There was a confrontation, I said what I said, she said what she said.

It doesn't seem like we are going to get over this. Thats not the problem. I have no intention of making things right, I don't even think I want to. I can't say the same thing for her, but despite what she tells me, her life is based upon stupid drama (part of the reason I started to dislike her).

The problem is that we have every class together, share a few friends, and sit very close in most of the classes. Needless to say, it's very uncomfortable.

I need to find a way to deal with the close proximity. My usual approach is just to let them fume about it away from me and behind my back, but I don't think thats possible this time around. We are gonna see each other a lot.

Sorry for the lame sob story, but this is something I really can't handle this year. Thanks.

 

[Kakashi on crack]

Hmm, I think I understand to an extent.

The best thing you can do is act normal, don't even bother caring about the fact that you guys exchanged uncomfortable words. Just focus on having fun with your friends and getting through your classes. She can fume and you can ignore it, or disregard it as the words of a drama queen. If she actually confronts you about it, give her the chance to speak her mind, but if she becomes insecure about it, or can't keep a civil conversation, disregard it and walk away from it.

Call it a guy thing, but I beleive that anyone who wants to be a complete idiot, or tries to start crap needs a firm butt-kicking (I'm trying to censor myself here, please realize...)

Don't let her make you feel uncomfortable though, that will just go negatively for you.

 

[Abseith]

Yea i think act normals the way to go be civil if she talks to you ignore her all other times if she talks crap about you who cares if she talks to you about it dont be a douche try work things out or if you cant explain why your unwilling to tell your mutual friends you dont really want to know what she has to say about you and move on

 

[lemiel14n3]

Yeah, best advice is, while not to proceed as if nothing happened, proceed as if it didn't matter, because, really it doesn't.
This is high school, in a few years this will be a story you tell your buddies over beers, after you've realized that there are other fish in the sea and that this girls problems are not your problems.

Honestly from my vantage point it looks like it could've been avoided by saying you liked her from the start, at least then everyone would have known where everyone else stood. but if regrets were oil, there'd be a whole lot of regrets in the Gulf.

 

[Aurgelmir]

Yeah, best advice is, proceed as if it didn't matter, because, really it doesn't.

Try also to make her feel that she lost something when she lost you. She was the ***** here (from what you said), so make her feel it. But don't go out of your way to do so, that will just seem unnatural.

 

[Tdc2182]

During this confrontation, did you make your feelings known to her? What was her response? If so, was it good enough for you or do you feel she was lying? The thing is, if you are sure of this, and you did not tell her directly, then you aren't sure. Just that simple. Until you hear it come out of her mouth that she did/did not know, all you can do is logically guess with your gut on whether or not she was aware of this. That's what I think anyhow. Thing is, there are lots of factors that could have made it hard for her to notice, especially if she is all of the things you said she is. Being insecure can easily blind/mask feelings around you, or the intention of others because well, you just aren't so sure about them. Even if you go through everything on your end, the reception on her end may not come out as clear cut. You know what I mean?

Now if you did tell her your feelings/that you did like her and that sort of thing, and she said what she had to say, then I think the only thing you can really do is either deal with it or try to find some compromise. You say you don't want to make things work or make them right, well the only way that feeling will go away is if you at least find closure in this to where her presence does not affect you in the way that it does. Either get past what happened/what was said, or try to deal with it in the current state of things. Those are the only 2 options I think you have. :/

I hope this advice helps!

Thank you, it did help, and no, I didn't tell her.

Its just the whole kind of thing where a few weeks ago I was falling head over heels for her, where as now I just wish I had nothing to do with her.

I don't know if working a compromise will cut it. She seems intent on trying to make me feel like crap right now (invited herself along with a few of my friends when we went to McDonald's today, knowing full well it was my idea and that I'd be there).

So I am gonna try to deal with it for the time being, if it gets worse I guess I'll do my best to reach a compromise.

 

[Tdc2182]

Call it a guy thing, but I beleive that anyone who wants to be a complete idiot, or tries to start crap needs a firm butt-kicking (I'm trying to censor myself here, please realize...)

Yes, I was an ass in this situation also.

I haven't called her any names, or insulted her directly unless you can't the "You're not the person I thought you were" line. Bringing it up in the first place was a bad idea, but needless to say needed to be done.