DnD stories

[Draygen]

Got a few, but they are pretty short,

In a dungeon crawl:
Fighter: I open the door.
DM: You see 3 goblins, they get ready to charge.
Sorcerer (Me): I cast grease.
Rogue: I scatter a bag of caltrops.
Cleric: I drop my torch.
Fighter: I close the door back.
We never went back in that room, and the goblins never came back out.

In a Dragonlance game, my Kinder sorcerer was in the middle of a rooftop duel with what was supposed to be a recuring villain, and his partymembers were pounding at a hatch to come to his aide.

DM: He sees the trapdoor start to splinter and makes to jump off of the roof into the darkness.
Me: I cast disinigration. (Roll- Hit)
DM: Bah, (After some quick math) he only needs to roll a 2 to make the save. (Roll.... 1) Son of a!!!! Fine, but you don't get to loot the corpse because its dust.

 

[sage42]

My best time happened not to long ago.

players
(Me) Dwarven fighter
Human fighter
Human Monk

Or Dm decided to go with a steam punk era campaign. We wake up in the middle of town(we got drink the night before or something like that) and all of a sudden one of the guards comes running up and asks us to head to the guard tower to sign up to protect the city. as we approach the tower it gets destroyed by ... something but the bottom floor is still intact so we enter and my friend (who is playing a human fighter who's tactics are kill who's ever not in the party and ask later who they were) rushes the captain of the guard who proceeds to kick my friend ass. I apologize for my friend by saying he has mental problems which was believable, and were recruited.

travel time we arrive at and abandoned house so we decided to rest while looting it(were still in the city) once I check one room up stares while the other two are downstairs they here a noise which they dismiss until three lizard-men Human fighter tries to bullrush one of them misses and sends Monk through the wall into another house and through a sword case and the wall again. The LMs laugh at this and shoot human fighter in the chest knocking him down but not dead, head same result and finally the left nut obliterating half his manhood. All this happened due to his own stupidity I here this and I brace myself for and attack by hiding next to the door way in side a room. The lizards hear my footsteps and send the grunt of their group up to find what was happening. As he walks into the room unaware of me I sink my Axe into his skull killing him instantly. WooHoo for me! The other two hear this and come up they see the blood splatter and throw a steam grenade into the room I duck behind my shield and am unharmed but my shield is destroyed. they throw another, I run out and throw it back and it rolls to their feet the look at each other With an "Oh, fu-" the grenade goes of blowing them to the sides of the hall way. I rush out kill on with my axe the other gets up tries to shoot me but misses I then rush over to him and kill him too. I then rush down satires and laugh at The human fighter while helping him by removing the bullets from hs head and chest.

 

[NeutralDrow]

Shoot, you had to restrict it to D&D? I could have told the WoD story of the mob of mooks with very, very, very poor aim.

Oh well. This one isn't my own story, but I still like it. It can be summed up as follows:

"Oh no! The dragon has Jimmy in its mouth!"
"Wait...Jimmy has a lower AC than the dragon."
"..."
"..."
"AIM AT JIMMY!"

 

[khain13]

I played a campaign back in high school where the party consisted of:
Me Tiefling (half devil/demon) Wizard true neutral level 17 with an 18 charisma <- that will be important later.
Human Psionicist lawful neutral
Dwarven battlerager chaotic neutral
Half-elf fighter/thief neutral evil

At one point we came to a village that was having problems with orc/goblin raids, we were paid to venquish the greenskins and set out on our task.

When we arrived at the greenskin base I used my charisma to convince them we were on their side. They explained that they were being picked off by a family of silver dragons that lived in the mountains nearby and paid us to kill the dragons.

Knowing that 2 adults and an unkown number of lesser dragons would be a chalenge we decided to use diplomacy. We went to the silver dragons and convinced them that the orcs were going to attack the humans and we were there to ask them for help.

The silver dragons said they will help if we bring them the horns of an elder green dragon that lairs in the forest on the other side of the mountain.

We then traveled to the green dragon and convinced him to attack the silver dragons when they ride to the rescue of the town.

We returned to the silver dragons with beutifully crafted replica green dragon horns (thank you item spell), the orcs were signalled to attack, the silver dragons flew in to stop them, the elder green dragon attacked them and we sat back to watch. In the end the green dragon survived and we finished him off in his weakened state. We then looted the town, the orc base and both dragon lairs. None of our party members took damage from the final battle.

And most people use charisma as a dump stat.

 

[Fireyredmullet]

my most memorable one is one where my lv7 stormlord rages out and kills everyone in my party and then commits suicide. my DM looked at me with the most contempt id ever seen when i said "time for a new campaign!"

 

[Artemis923]

How 'bout the time Thundarr the Barbarian punched a knight's horse in the face when he was being charged by said knight?

Or the time Alleris the Sphinx met his doom at the hands of a random lich?

Or when the foolish brute Duon tried to grapple a Beholder?

Or the time when the mighty warrior Ramses discovered his famous battle cry, to the sniggers of his friends?

Nothing beats Dungeons and Dragons when it comes to storytelling.

NOTHING.

 

[dontworryaboutit]

My monk kicked a hydra in the face and killed it.

 

[Lonko]

I was DMing a party who were just sitting on their asses doing nothing when I wanted them to investigate the city they're in so that they could witness a mugging, rescue the elf being mugged and be led onto their quest.

So, I eventually had a thief sneak into the room of the rogue, Raevella, and nick her stuff. She woke up and, rather than kill him, knocked him unconscious. Note that I had intended that she kill him, steal his dagger, go to market to sell it (she's that kinda gal) and encounter the aforementioned mugging.
Then she proceeded to drag him to the next room where Dhrodin, the insane dwarf was sleeping, to ask him for some rope to tie him up.
What did Dhrodin have to say about this unconscious NPC thug with absolutely no plot significance?
"CAN WE KEEP HIM!?"

They kept him. He became a sidekick of theirs. This throwaway enemy became Ben the thief, built like a brick shithouse and about as smart.

Then there's the time Dhrodin, sitting in a noble's waiting room, ate his chair.
Then there's the fact that Dhrodin served as the party's beast of burden, pulling a wagon behind him, with the rest of the party in it.

Oh, here's another one, featuring Seddit, the Gnome Illusionist.

Seddit is very smart, but incredibly stupid (ie. 18 Int, 6 Wis). Our group just loves to play Chaotic characters, because we get to do whatever the fuck we feel like.
Once, the party (the same one as Dhrodin's party) came to a village. They decided to split up to find an inn and so on. They split up under the assumption that Seddit would be with one of the others.
Seddit found the general store.
Seddit: Show me the best thing you have!
*shopkeeper holds up a carrot shaped like a potato*
*Seddit casts Hypnotise*
Seddit: This object is called a Parrot. It is worth 30 gold pieces. It can cure any disease.
Shopkeeper: Hey there, this here Parrot can cure any disease you'd care to name. Just 30 gold!
Seddit: I'll go as low as 25
Shopkeeper: 30
Seddit: CURSE YOU!
*Seddit leaves*
*Rest of the party finds Seddit*
*Dhrodin enters store*
Shopkeeper: Hey there, this here Parrot can cure any disease you'd care to name. Just 30 gold!
Dhrodin: SEDDIT! WHAT DID YOU DO!? (Dhrodin's player actually yelled this at the top of his lungs. It startled me)

They then proceeded to tie him up, under the impression that he was a danger to himself and others (He isn't, he's merely eccentric)

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

All these stories make me want to play DnD. I've only ever played once, and it was like for 30 mins.

Basically, I started as a half-elf Cleric with Martial Weapons as a bonus feat. My companion(Elf Ranger) and I were in town, and we went to the pub. We both ordered drinks and I had something in mine. After a few checks, we deduced it was a piece of copper that went to some sort of something. We look around town and go into a couple of shops, one with a mean old lady, and the other with a father and son. The old lady kicks us out and mutters some anti-elf slurs. In the father and son shop, we buy a copper rod that the copper piece fits to. The ranger opens it and a shiny powder falls out, and the owner jacked up the price. The Ranger argued with him and won, paying only three copper coins for it.

We go back to the pub, and it turns out the piece of copper goes to the barmaster's wall lamp. Instead of checking it out, we go and lurk about the graveyard... uneventfully. Then we had to quit because it was play practice.

Afterwards, the DM told us that we were supposed to pull on the wall lamp and it would reveal a secret door where the next part of the campaign would start... I was pissed.

My current char is a Lv.1 Neutral-Good Human Fighter, but my friend is having trouble finding someone to DM for us and having a good time for all the players to play. Curse conflicting schedules.

 

[Dramatic Flare]

So, our party in 4th ed is based on the back story "we're in a band together." I have a bard for lead vocals and lyre. The wizard uses his cantrips for projection and ambiance noises, the fighter is the drummer, and the rogue is the live dance act.

I'm going to skip the boring part and skip to the ending- after three shows in one city, the rogue has a tattoo of a drow being tentacle raped on his ass, the wizard will never find his glasses again, the fighter (our only female) was literally rejected by every man she met, and my bard has an STD.

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

So, our party in 4th ed is based on the back story "we're in a band together." I have a bard for lead vocals and lyre. The wizard uses his cantrips for projection and ambiance noises, the fighter is the drummer, and the rogue is the live dance act.

I'm going to skip the boring part and skip to the ending- after three shows in one city, the rogue has a tattoo of a drow being tentacle raped on his ass, the wizard will never find his glasses again, the fighter (our only female) was literally rejected by every man she met, and my bard has an STD.

That must've been some night, so much ale must've been involved. Also... that is one fucking awesome tattoo. Poor fighter... she's lonely.

 

[Lunar Shadow]

Being a gnome, I used to be the backup trap detector. I am a druid. They would fucking throw me. Well, until I could turn into large creatures that is. Anyway onto the story

We were in a dungeon and the rogue was being paranoid despite not finding any traps. SO they decided to test. Using me. So the fighter grabs me off of my riding dog animal companion and hurls me down the hallway. I land, roll a little, then get back up with no trap being sprung. Now, I flip off the party as they start to come to where I am. As the fighter gets halfway to me, he activates a trap and gets smushed. Apparently, the pressure pad for the trap had a trigger weight of 120 pounds, I weighed about 8- at most with gear. After that they stopped doing it as much, then stopped completely when I could morph into a bear and maul them if they tried.

 

[Dramatic Flare]

So, our party in 4th ed is based on the back story "we're in a band together." I have a bard for lead vocals and lyre. The wizard uses his cantrips for projection and ambiance noises, the fighter is the drummer, and the rogue is the live dance act.

I'm going to skip the boring part and skip to the ending- after three shows in one city, the rogue has a tattoo of a drow being tentacle raped on his ass, the wizard will never find his glasses again, the fighter (our only female) was literally rejected by every man she met, and my bard has an STD.

That must've been some night, so much ale must've been involved. Also... that is one fucking awesome tattoo. Poor fighter... she's lonely.

That is simultaneously the best and worst part- none of us had any alcohol in us.
And that's what the fighter gets for having a charisma of 8.

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

So, our party in 4th ed is based on the back story "we're in a band together." I have a bard for lead vocals and lyre. The wizard uses his cantrips for projection and ambiance noises, the fighter is the drummer, and the rogue is the live dance act.

I'm going to skip the boring part and skip to the ending- after three shows in one city, the rogue has a tattoo of a drow being tentacle raped on his ass, the wizard will never find his glasses again, the fighter (our only female) was literally rejected by every man she met, and my bard has an STD.

That must've been some night, so much ale must've been involved. Also... that is one fucking awesome tattoo. Poor fighter... she's lonely.

That is simultaneously the best and worst part- none of us had any alcohol in us.
And that's what the fighter gets for having a charisma of 8.

Wow... Right now I'm glad that my second highest stat is a Charisma of 17. I'm a devilishly handsome fighter...*strokes imaginary beard that represents his ego*

 

[Da_Schwartz]

looks like i might have to liven things up a bit here. Among my home dnd group i am affectionately known as epic fail guy, a name which i have earned again, and again, and again. I originally acquired the name when we started a campaign at lvl 5 and i roled a samurai out of the oriental adventures book. I had placed a lot of skill points into the iujutsu (however the hell you spell it) skill as well. Very first fight of the entire game was a kind of final fantasy 4 defeat your mirror image thus overcoming your inner turmoil fight. We broke into groups of 2 and I was in the last group to go, so after waiting about an hour because of excessively long combat, i get to fight myself. Being a samurai my mirror image and I step off to the side for an Iujutsu duel to get things done quickly. For those of you who dont know the Iujutsu skill is a skill that you can put ranks into like any other and if the circumstances are met you use it instead of an attack role, and depending on how high your role it does extra dmg. Well, i roled an 18, and was very smug, believing that the dm would soon be lamenting how quickly this fight ended, only for him to roll a natural 20..... and then another...... and then confirm the double critical. So something like 4d10 + 5d6 or something or rather.... my character exploded. So i had spent about an hour making this character, another hour watching others in combat waiting for my turn, only for him to die on the first and only role he ever made.

Awesome. I love stories like that.

 

[NeoNomad]

I was playing once and the dungeon master said "what time did you speak with him," and pulling away from the fact that the person was my sister's rapist/killer (in game,not reality) i sad "i can't be sure my sun-dial is broken," as i shrugged and looked at my wrist sending my cohorts into a gut ripping laughter... those were the days...

 

[LordSnakeEyes]

Good old Pen n Paper... I miss it so...

Well, here's mine:
Overview---> In my group, the DM was sadly the greatest shade Lawful Good ever to exist, making it difficult for my Sorcerer/Cleric to find any meaningful enemies. Thus, after finishing a quest against an "Evil Vampire" (although he never really showed he was evil, I wsa sent there to kill him for simply being a vampire, he just protected himself to no aveil). Anyway, I was knighted and was one of the King's Advisors. My alignment has always been more on the Chaotic Side and this character just happened to have been hiding a secret from the group since his conception, he was Chaotic Evil (bust smart enough not to get caught, so a Ring Of Undetectable Evil was hidden among my many Spell-Holding Rings.

So there I was, Requiem Malefactum, advisor to a kind king, as a Sorcerer, I was very charismatic and the King was nice enough to have three lovely daughters (after checking, two were lawful good or somesuch and one was lawful evil) of course, I seduced the lawful evil daughter quite quickly as I rolled 20 after 20 of successful charisma checks (I loved that +12 Cape, +5 inherent and original 19) I easily convinced the woman to kill her father and marry me, making me king. I obviously became a Tyrant as I conquered surrounding lands and became a powerful Lich. I Prestige Classed into the True Necromancer class (with undead leadership and epic feats that built my army) with which I lead a small war on what I eventually found out to be the Hidden Elven Capital.

Anyway, I grew more powerful when I found some messed up book that magically turned my levels in True Necromancer and in Cleric to raw fighter levels (Damned those Feats took long to sort out... 30 levels...). My DM actually told me later on that this was because I was too dangerous with my army, but he underestimated my resourcefullness, I had lost my undead army and due to my people discovering about my treachery all because of those pesky PCs (haha) my human army had left me as well, I basically had 21 or so levels of Sorcerer and 30 Fighter levels.

I retired my character for 2 in-game years, during which I say he forged his ultimate weapons. I took for all my fighter weapon specialisation feats the sword (longsword) and used the souls of a thousand Demons and Devils (Failed PC quest), Asmodeus' Mace-thing (other failed PC quest) and my Soulgems (BTW I became a Demilich after my reign on Western Faerun) to forge a weapon that was not only powerful enough to make a Balor quiver.

I named my ultimate blade the Dirge.

With this blade, I came back and killed every PC one by one, I basically spread chaos thoughout the material plane. I was sent a few of those Order monsters from the book, I was sent some Epic Leshay Hunter guy and killed them all.

Anyway, with my sword and my spells, I killed three waves of PCs and eventually retired the character by killing a Paragon (the equivalent of Demon lords but good), pissing off a god (St-Cuthbert or somesuch) killing him and telling the players my character left the plane.

I just remember him and 2 other of my characters ever owning so much:
Requiem Malefactum, Matt "Snake Eyes" Venomtongue and Skurge Lok'Trar.
Respectively; King Of Death/God Slayer, Demon Lord/Pirate Lord Snake Eyes and Grand Orc Warchief/ Chosen Shaman Of Nature.

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

The other day, we were playing with level 1 characters in a randomized dungeon. The party was a Human Fighter(me), an Elf Druid, a Human Monk, and an Elf Ranger. I was the only 'Good' aligned character, everyone else was 'evil' aligned.(Monk was L-E, Ranger C-E, Druid, N-E) Suffice to say, my character had better contribute or he's getting ganked.

Anyway, we were in this room with entrances to the north and west, we try the west door first but it's a huge stone block(hardness 8, hp 80, thickness 4-inches), and it was locked. The other door was a normal wooden door; so I did a trap check. It was trapped; we triggered it with a piece of pottery on the floor, and it dropped a massive guillotine blade that would've done 15hp damage. We were level one characters, I had the most health at 13hp... If I hadn't have 'searched for traps' one of us would've died.


It sucks that I have to work whenever we get together play...

 

[Lucidtransition]

I have to add this in here, its excellent for a good laugh.. this is a campaign that i was running for a few of my buddies a while back.. their party consisted of a completely insane barbarian (and i mean crazy).. an elf that knew nothing of the outside world other than his tree village, and a druid that pretty much disgusted the rest of the group with his tree hugging tendancies.

Anyway, they had just got attacked by a large cat armadillo creature that i had created as a reoocuring monster that was following them.. they ended up getting injured, and so started to head to the nearest church (or tavern, which they figured could ease the pain a bit). after reaching the nearest town, they went to the tavern first, and then to the priest in town for some healing.. meanwhile while they were there, they realised there was a circus in town.. so they decided to see what all the fuss was about.. they spent the next few hours watching men fight beasts for money, and fireworks.. the fireworks really impressed the elf, as he had never seen them before.. so he ofcourse wanted to see if he could buy some.. the crazy barbarian took a stroll off to see the beast master cause he wanted to get in on some of the action while they were still in town.. and the druid... he was kinda pissed about teh whole animal fighting thing.. a disaster immediately ensued.. the poor people of this town never saw it coming.. the elf all excited and chattering went to buy some fireworks.. after being turned down he figured he would just throw a torch in the box of fireworks, and see what happened.. it was sure to be awesome (so he thought). meanwhile the barbarian was also turned down for a fight in the ring with some beasts, as the ring leader was pissed off about soemthing, and was busy counting his money... and the druid... yeah... he was at the animal cages.. setting them free... from all of this, this is what the end seen looked like... The barbarian had the ring leader , dead, over his shoulder, carrying his money box on a hill over looking the town with the elf and the druid there. they looked down at the town which was blowing sparks and explosions everywhere, with wild beasts chasing the poor townsfolk around screaming and running for their lives. the elf and druid looked on in dismay /facepalm as the crazy barbarian decided to bury the ring leader in a shallow grave and uttered "He was a good man" while hugging his money box...

 

[Thief74]

one time my party and i was on a quest to kill a goblin king we were at there out post and i used Disguise (i was a bard) i tryed to gain entrance but my party attacked (because there lame)
i was attacked but then i jumped into a river and from there we got owend