Do As They Say, Not As I Do

[MPerce]

1.-Selective/ Extreme focusing- Many people with higher functioning have a problem were they can focus on a task incredibly well ie.(chess or video games) but have troubles focusing on tasks they do not like or have troubles with.
This usually leads to troubles with tasks such as homework and the inability to follow instructions, take dictation effectively and chronic procrastination.

For example in a class room setting i was always off somewhere else not paying attention, however i always got good grades. This is because i quickly picked up and understood the structure of "the test" i quickly learned to analyze and remember key points of lectures and assignments that would be placed on tests. Similar to how your son quickly picked up the rules of chess.

The best solution i found for procrastinating is to use reward systems ( never use punishment) to prioritize tasks. focusing on what im being told to do at work however is still an issue as i focus on one aspect and the rest seems to drown out. Making lists where i can focus down tasks makes me much more effective though.

Huh. Since when did I start using username "link55307?"

You just described my childhood, sir/madam.

 

[Patrick Gann]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful and insightful feedback! Too much to respond to everyone individually, but here are some noteworthy things I'll mention:

1) re: the TV show Parenthood. I love it, and my wife loves it, we've seen every episode to date. Most people I know in ASD topic circles agree that the portrayal of character "Max" is probably the best, most positive, and most accurate portrayal of someone with Aspergers. That said, it's always important to remember the "spectrum" concept, and that everyone is at a different place. My son, for example, is a little more high-functioning on the social scale, and at the age of 5, it's still too soon to definitely determine or definitely rule out a specific diagnosis (hence the "NOS" in PDD-NOS).

2) Meds. It's not even an option at this point. In a few years, depending on how well he does or does not cope with school, we'll consider it. Doctors and therapists are 100% agreed with us on this.

3) "Being a parent sounds terrifying." It is. It's also quite rewarding. But let that healthy fear sink in before choosing to procreate!!

4) To all the parents who have similar experiences, or to those who have had similar experiences as our Andrew growing up, thank you so much for sharing your stories. Just knowing you're not alone is helpful.

And a short addendum to the article since it was first drafted: we've chosen (with the therapist's guidance) to allow some scheduled computer time for Andrew on pbskids.org -- it's a small amount (30min/day), and it's considered a privilege which can be revoked based on behavior (esp. at pre-school). Part of why we allowed it is that his younger brother (age 4), who does not exhibit any of his older brother's behaviors, was also interested in the site; and trying to parse that out became hellish. So we're letting both of them have some PBS Kids time as part of their daily routine.

Thanks again everyone!
Patrick

 

[Canadamus Prime]

The official medical transcript cites PDD-NOS (the "NOS" being "not otherwise specified").

Ah, NOS. That's pretty much fancy medical speak for "I have absolutely no fucking idea."

 

[disappointed]

Really good article.

I don't really understand why people want to introduce children to video games at all. I didn't have much access to them until I was about eleven or twelve, yet by the age of sixteen I was very comfortable using a computer and was learning programming. Technology is far more available now than it was then - kids will inevitably pick it up and will discover the joys of gaming in their own good time.

 

[TripleDaddy]

While he has the same obsessiveness, as long as he is given a warning as to when computer or Wii time is over, he will transition away quite calmly.

I remember from a young age, my mother made me keep an hourly schedule planner. I had activities planned out from video game/ TV, to home school lessons, to eating, showering etc.

I was always made to look over my schedule, I wonder if thats something my mom was told to do by our doctor.

My son functions best when he has a clear understanding of what the routine for the day will be. The first two weeks of kindergarten were rough for him until he figured everything out and breaking routine is never done lightly. We have a family reunion coming up in July that I am absolutely dreading because it will mean a stay overnight in a hotel.

 

[Byrn Stuff]

Articles like these are what keep me reading the Escapist. This issue is tangential to gaming news/entertainment, but it represents a real issue in the culture, one of many problems coming to the forefront as gamers become parents in the 21st century. Thanks to Gann and the Escapist for providing such fascinating and informative writing. Best of luck with your son.

 

[Mariakko]

PS: Education games such as math blaster are great i had mastered grade 5 math by the time i started school.

This. I played English and mathematics games before a lot before I started school and when I after a few months of being there they skipped me ahead two years. I stand by the right sort games(learning games) are beneficial to children. Still no substitute for running around the back yard with a wooden sword slaying monsters though.

 

[W1SE 9UY]

thanks for taking the time to write this article and share what you've learned. i'm a pretty avid gamer myself and wrestle with how that will change once my wife and i start having children. although this can't have been easy for you, it sounds like you're doing a great job as a parent.

 

[Idsertian]

Fantastic article good sir. I come from a family where myself, my sister and my brother are all on the ASD (though I myself have never had any official diagnosis), and reading your article just brought back so many memories of exactly the same sort of things from my childhood. While I no longer meltdown as you described your son doing, I still require sticking to some form of routine and absolutely hate it if it gets broken, though this has also mitigated itself over the past few years.

Rest assured, I can totally sympathise and empathise with where you are, as having to look after my brother and sister when they visit ranges from tricky, to near impossible at times. Fantastically informed read sir, definitely nice to see someone who knows what they're talking about. Will pass this on to my mother, she'll probably find as interesting as I did.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Gotta love modern psychology. "A diagnoses for every variant" would make nice motto. Give it another fifty years and we'll have a name and treatment program for children who don't like school.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

I myself have never had any official diagnosis) [...] I still require sticking to some form of routine and absolutely hate it if it gets broken, though this has also mitigated itself over the past few years.

Anyone else feel it is a tad insulting when someone, undiagnosed too boot, decides they have a mental disease or disorder because they like to live an organized life?

I feel like I went to sleep and awoke in some sort of nightmarish future, where it's "in" to have some sort of mental disorder and where a diagnosis is handed out as freely as mints. Anyone not know at least a few people who claim to have some sort of malfunction? We look for all these reasons why mental disease and disorder is on the rise (particularly in areas like ADHD and manic and/or depressives) and blame everything from video games and music to what we feed the cows, but so few people stop and think "Hang on, maybe the ratios are going up because we slap these labels on anyone who so much as coughs queerly."

Mental impairment is a pretty fucking serious issue and it gets my blood running hot at the sheer ease with which we are willing to label one another. I've news for some of you--just because your child is an energetic handful and an utter brat at school, doesn't mean they have some attention disorder, and just because your teenage offspring is going through a phase doesn't mean they are enduring a major depressive disorder. Mental disorders are kind of an important deal and throwing them at anyone who so much as steps two feet out of line, or slapping them on some kid whose patents can't control them is a huge disservice to the issue.

I'm no old woman, fondling remembering the days of old when we would just hit someone up side the head when they expressed an oddity of behavior or thought, or when we would send a child off to the military when they had trouble at home, and I don't believe a hard day's work cures any alignment. Hell, I'm twenty-years-old. But c'mon, people. Labels, names, diagnosis and pills may well make you feel a little better and I'm sure they can help to shoulder any blame, but we can come up with enough conditions to give one to every human on Earth and we still won't be any better off.

 

[Idsertian]

Anyone else feel it is a tad insulting when someone, undiagnosed too boot, decides they have a mental disease or disorder because they like to live an organized life?

Allow me to re-instate the bit you kindly cut out in your double-post:

and reading your article just brought back so many memories of exactly the same sort of things from my childhood

To further elucidate, I have other social, emotional and learning problems that have prevented me (and still do) from leading what would otherwise be called a "normal" life. Just because I have never obtained an official diagnosis, doesn't mean they don't exist. Before you pull out the "hurr hurr self-diagnosed basement dweller" card, this is actually coming from my mother and her tireless work researching the subject of ASD's, spending vast quantities of her time studying books and articles, listing every characteristic she saw in us and comparing them to known disorders, all to better understand the problems that afflicted myself and my siblings, so she could try and look after us better and be more sympathetic to what might be going through our minds at any given point in time.

I agree with you, mental disorders are a serious matter, but just because someone isn't diagnosed, or doesn't fit in to your chosen "image" of what someone with a mental disease/disorder should be, doesn't mean their problems don't exist. I personally find it damn nigh impossible to do things that most other people my age take for granted.
I am terrified of any social situation outside my comfort zone of the few people I know, I overly fixate on things, I intensely dislike being forced to operate outside some form of loose routine at least, things must be done in a certain way, in a certain order, I find it hard to concentrate on things, am easily distracted/sidetracked, take longer over doing things than most other people would (as an aside, sometimes because I'm doing them more thoroughly, though often it's due to the aforementioned lack of concentration/being distracted), going into incredible detail where I don't necessarily need to and others that have probably slipped my mind for the time being.
When I was around the age of Gann's son, maybe slightly older, I would often have severe meltdowns because of what my parents would see as a minor change to the days' plan, but because I had it set in my head how the day was going to go, and due to my problems rendering me incapable of adjusting (or making it difficult at the very least), it would make me incredibly distressed and upset, resulting in what you might call a "tantrum", but what is, in actual fact, my trying to adjust, failing and getting incredibly frustrated in the process.

Now, I'm fairly certain you don't have some heretofore unknown telepathic link to my brain, and I'm damned certain you aren't me, so I would greatly appreciate it if you don't try and pretend you know a thing about me or how my mind works and whether or not I have any sort of disorder. I politely suggest you do some reading into ASD's or even Autism in general, to gain an understanding of just how much, or how little, it can actually affect someone. I respect your right to be "insulted" by what I said, but I do not agree with it.

Good day sir/madam.

CAPTCHA: firecracker. Apt.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

-

Your mother, who you tell us has spent countless hours looking in to the complicated realm of autism, has never seen fit to have you diagnosed? Nor have you yourself ever seen fit to request one? I find it difficult to believe someone who claims to have been so drastically affected, to this day even, by a supposed affliction would not seek out an appropriate professional. Fear, trepidation and an unbreakable routine haven't kept the millions of others from, in one way or another, being professionally diagnosed.

You list what sound like the traits of a rather picky and easily bored individual. Throwing a "tantrum" if you can't have it your way and not being inclined to focus on things you do not wish to, could well be said of any child on this Earth. Retaining those traits into adulthood is not sufficient ground to so fervently demand from the world you be seen as mentally impaired.

As I said, the more we so freely self-diagnose and hand out labels and claims to affliction, the less and less relevance they hold. What was once seen as a personality trait now has a treatment plan. Those of us more boisterous than others are now given drugs to calm us. A shitty month is cause for a therapist and depression is worn like an undeserved badge of honour among many of the young. No hyperbole and no misquote, I honestly heard a boy, no more than eight, ask of his friend "Remember when I had depression a week ago?" He then went on to ask how many times he had tried to "commit suicide," as if the words being spoken aloud by his same-aged friend would afford him some prestige. I'm sure we all have known at least a few girls or boys with scarred wrists who would tell us in private how horrible their lives are. You know the kind. Speaking as someone who survived a suicide attempt solely due to unwanted help, an ambulance and some dedicated doctors, this sort of faux ailment feels like a spit in the face. For every "pretender" there is a real sufferer having their real illness belittled to that of temporary annoyance.

[small][small]I'm not suggesting those who self-harm and report it to others do not suffer from mental illness, mind. It is an accepted fact among the medical community that self-harm is or was once present in more than three quarters of suicides. I'm not referring to genuine self-harmers here and I know who they are, having seen with my own eyes individuals who've cut their arms from wrist to shoulder wide enough open to see bone; people who so genuinely seek to harm themselves that they'll cut open their neck with a broken fingernail if no sharper tool is available. I speak only of, if you'll pardon the tired cliche, the "angsty teens" that make it hard to find and help the real teens suffering depression or suicidality.[/small][/small]

I had a friend diagnosed with ADHD. We were at primary school. He was hell for the teachers and his parents had either given up by the time I met him or never cared to begin with. In class he would utterly ignore teachers and had no interest at all in ever changing. The school went out of its way to accommodate him, giving him a special aid to follow him to class and assist in his learning, among other such assists. Any time he would normally be reprimanded, he would be given a waiver or ignored--"He has ADHD," the excuse always given. Never intentionally harmful or foul to anyone, he was simply... uninterested in doing what was asked of him. His I-don't-care facade continued on for quite some time, but ended rather abruptly; see, he was diagnosed with cancer that required a few surgeries to remove and more than a handful of chemo rounds, and just like that, his ADHD vanished. How odd that a little perspective could cure a brain-chemical disorder. Of course it didn't, I know. He, like many diagnosed with ADHD, required only life to kick him in the ass. Rock bottom does wonders for the human psyche. Maybe that's why the U.S., one of the luckiest countries and populations on Earth, continues to see such zealous ADD and ADHD diagnoses.

People make martyrs of themselves so much I'm forced to wonder just how wide Munchhausen's can stretch.

Look, you may well suffer a mental illness--as you mention, I don't know you and (sadly) I'm not telepathic. But I would wager that of late I've had to deal with more people in need of a wake up call, than genuine suffers of illness. After a while one gets kind of fed up with how... almost mundane it all is. When did mental-fucking-illness become something one could casually posses from time to time? When did it become hip to cut your wrists? Why on Earth are we handing out more medication than ever before? Life is meant to be getting better--and it IS--but we continue to find new ways to show just how sick we are--at least in our own minds.

I'll apologize for the way I spoke to you. I was less than pleasant. But, like you I'm sure, the actual contents of my opinion remain as such.

 

[sibrenfetter]

Articles like these are why I read the Escapist. Very interesting read and I can totally see how you would want to share one of your passions with your child and the struggle that follows when one really shouldn't. I myself have a one year old son, and while I love gaming, I am not sure how to handle this in the future.I found your read inspiring.

I myself have never had any official diagnosis) [...] I still require sticking to some form of routine and absolutely hate it if it gets broken, though this has also mitigated itself over the past few years.

Anyone else feel it is a tad insulting when someone, undiagnosed too boot, decides they have a mental disease or disorder because they like to live an organized life?

While I get your point, I think you are the one being insulting here to a well meaning fellow escapist. As a psychologist myself I do not agree with your view that one can only have a mental disorder if one has been diagnosed (that is what you say, I know, I know not what you mean, but still....). Maybe Idsertian would be diagnosed with a certain disorder if he would go to a therapist, how would that make any difference regarding his problems? A diagnoses is rather meant to determine the best way to help a person, not as fashion label.

To Idsertian I would suggest to seek help if you feel limited in your possibilities to life.You might be surprised how much can be achieved through the right help. Just make sure you seek out a decent Psychologist with a Masters degree. Also, don't go to a psychoanalyst (Freud based) as this horribly outdated and will not help you. Rather look for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or something similar.

 

[Idsertian]

-snip snip snip-

No worries, perhaps I responded a bit harshly myself, but I do get somewhat defensive when it comes to this subject. On the topic of professionals, I was, in fact, sent to two different psychiatrists, neither of which cared to give any sort of diagnosis. The first one put me on Ritalin (twice), which had no affect other than to make me lose my appetite and thus, a ton of weight, then fucked off to another country. The second had no interest in my case beyond how much money it was making him and his department of the hospital, making absolutely no effort towards making a diagnosis or helping at all. I cottoned onto his act pretty quick, quicker than my parents at any rate, though to be fair, we stopped going after they did. As a result, I don't have a lot of trust in psychiatrists, so have never been to one since.

I realise that ASD's may or may not be as serious as other mental conditions, which can only be determined on a case by case basis, I'm not trying to make out that "woe is me, it's the end of the world", I was just sympathising with the OP as I can totally see where he's coming from. I can pretty much visualise what's going through his kid's mind as I used to be exactly like that, is all.

Also, it's the less visible traits that have followed me into adulthood, meltdowns are not part of my repertoire of symptoms any more.

EDIT: Yes, opinions we have, and strongly, we hold them. /yoda

EDIT THE SECOND:

While I get your point, I think you are the one being insulting here to a well meaning fellow escapist. As a psychologist myself I do not agree with your view that one can only have a mental disorder if one has been diagnosed (that is what you say, I know, I know not what you mean, but still....). Maybe Idsertian would be diagnosed with a certain disorder if he would go to a therapist, how would that make any difference regarding his problems? A diagnoses is rather meant to determine the best way to help a person, not as fashion label.

To Idsertian I would suggest to seek help if you feel limited in your possibilities to life.You might be surprised how much can be achieved through the right help. Just make sure you seek out a decent Psychologist with a Masters degree. Also, don't go to a psychoanalyst (Freud based) as this horribly outdated and will not help you. Rather look for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or something similar.

Chill fella, chill. Just a minor disagreement between me and him/her, I think it's already fizzled out.

Yes, seeking out help for a diagnosis would probably help a bit, but it's only part of the problem I think. The other part is that I just don't have the faintest clue what I want to do with my life, possibly due to reasons I'm not going to go into here. Maybe getting a diagnosis would help with that, maybe not. Feh, something I need to think about on the already long list of such things.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

-snip snip snip-

No worries, perhaps I responded a bit harshly myself, but I do get somewhat defensive when it comes to this subject. On the topic of professionals, I was, in fact, sent to two different psychiatrists, neither of which cared to give any sort of diagnosis. The first one put me on Ritalin (twice), which had no affect other than to make me lose my appetite and thus, a ton of weight, then fucked off to another country. The second had no interest in my case beyond how much money it was making him and his department of the hospital, making absolutely no effort towards making a diagnosis or helping at all. I cottoned onto his act pretty quick, quicker than my parents at any rate, though to be fair, we stopped going after they did. As a result, I don't have a lot of trust in psychiatrists, so have never been to one since.

I realise that ASD's may or may not be as serious as other mental conditions, which can only be determined on a case by case basis, I'm not trying to make out that "woe is me, it's the end of the world", I was just sympathising with the OP as I can totally see where he's coming from. I can pretty much visualise what's going through his kid's mind as I used to be exactly like that, is all.

Also, it's the less visible traits that have followed me into adulthood, meltdowns are not part of my repertoire of symptoms any more.

EDIT: Yes, opinions we have, and strongly we hold them. /yoda

I think we actually agree more than we disagree, lol. As explained before, I'm quick to anger due to being entirely frustrated with how mental health is treated and seen by the general population. Also, like you, I get a bit defensive out of habit.

I think psychiatrists in their current form cause more harm than good to people such as you; rather than give you tools to overcome whatever unique oddities you posses, they only seem interested in drugs and finding new labels for people. While infinitely useful in managing severe disorders, sitting down with someone, listening to them and using your training to offer them ways in which to cope and grow as a person, so that they may eventually participate more freely in life, is vastly superior to telling them what you think they "have" and throwing a prescription at them.

 

[Idsertian]

100% correctness was contained in this post

Absolutely, couldn't agree more to be honest. At least, in my experience anyway. Who knows? Maybe I just got unlucky twice and as and when I visit another in the future (maybe that should be if and when, w/e), things will actually be better.

While you are frustrated by how mental health is portrayed, I too am somewhat irked by the way Autistic people are portrayed as well. While not necessarily outright negative, the coverage I've seen isn't exactly complimentary either, often showing (sweeping generalisation incoming) "us" as incapable of independent action, thought or just plain stupid, requiring people to explain everything to us and treat us like delicate little eggs, which is far from the truth as Autism affects every person differently. But that's getting into another topic altogether, and I've got to write something for my little blog yet, so I'll bid you adieu for now and go get on with it.

TTFN.

 

[sibrenfetter]

-snip snip snip-

Chill fella, chill. Just a minor disagreement between me and him/her, I think it's already fizzled out.

Yes, seeking out help for a diagnosis would probably help a bit, but it's only part of the problem I think. The other part is that I just don't have the faintest clue what I want to do with my life, possibly due to reasons I'm not going to go into here. Maybe getting a diagnosis would help with that, maybe not. Feh, something I need to think about on the already long list of such things.

Grey day (sorry Grey Day!) just posted a very friendly update while I was writing my post . I was not angry at Grey Day, as I understand what he/she meant to say and I was happy to see the post once I replied :-D.

What I read is that you went to a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist. In cases like yourself however, a psychologist is normally a better fit. A psychiatrist is basically a physician with a specialty in mental illnesses. Typically the psychiatrist deals with the very heavy cases where medication is often the only option. And while they often do great work, the psychiatry field is known to run quite a bit behind on the psychology field regarding new methods of treatment. Most groundbreaking research is all done in Psychology. Normally (at least in the Netherlands) one would first go to a psychologist who would try to help you without medication. If that would not work out and the psychologist thinks drugs might bring an improvement, they would send you through to a psychiatrist. It is exactly the psychologist who can help you to deal with questions like what to do with your life and how to get there. In general this is not an expertise of a psychiatrist.

just in case: Many psychiatrists do great work and they are very necessary as well ;-)

edit: hahaha I just read both your posts and we all agree :=/, is this still the internet we are on?

 

[Patrick Gann]

Just read through the rest of the discussion -- and this is why I love The Escapist. To answer the rhetorical question: "is this still the Internet we are on?" -- somehow, yes! Good discussion everyone!

I too am wary of over-diagnosis and *especially* self-diagnosis. In the cases of both myself and my son, I refuse to just scour wikipedia and try to label particular behaviors.

Future discussions regarding mental health and gaming need to happen, and they will happen. Let's hope they'll all be as civil as what I've witnessed here. ^_^

 

[Najos]

I very much disagree with the idea of "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic," but other than that it was a great article.

To elaborate, addiction is more of a neurological thing than a behavioral thing. Certainly, people can form habits that revolve around behaviors, but to be addicted a substance/action has to activate the "pleasure center" (nucleus accumbens, releases serotonin and dopamine) of the brain. Continued, regular activation then leads the brain to recognize higher dopamine and serotonin levels as normal and the withdrawal symptoms drive a person to continue the behavior. So, in reality, once a person is completely sober they are no longer addicted at all.

With that said, genetics play a huge role in alcoholism, but I'm not completely sold on all of the literature out there. I think the medical community really likes defining things as a disease to increase treatment and such, which is fine, but a little dishonest in my opinion.