The primary sufferer of any war has been humans. Full stop.
Throughout history, it was usually the military fighters who suffered the most during war, since a lot of conflicts took place on fields far away from cities. Even when cities were sacked, it was relatively rare for the victor to totally destroy the city - that was often only done if there was a lot of bad blood between combatants (Like Roman and Carthage). In the majority of wars until WWII, military deaths almost always outweighed civilian deaths. Again, there were exceptions to this rule: Some Chinese Civil Wars inflicted immense suffering on the civilians due to disruptions in the food supply. But by and large, most of the people who died due to war were the soldiers. It was only after WWII, that it became common for large amounts of civilians on both sides to potentially die.
Women ARE primary victims in war, the same way ALL humans are victims in war. Some sides suffer more or less than others, but at the end of the day, it is people who suffer, and that includes soldiers, civilians, men, women, children - the whole lot suffer. Soldiers suffer stress, injury, permanent disability or even death from combat. Civilians suffer from money and resources being appropriated to war, which hurts the economy and they can have their cities bombed, their friends or colleagues die or suffer from violence and disaster as a knock-on effect from conflict. Women can suffer due to the loss of a husband, son, friend or support, and from much worse if their town is pillaged. Children suffer from war just being being near or it from losing a family member or home from it.
War is terrible. War IS sometimes necessary, but it is never a good thing for society. Selective individuals can benefit from war, but modern day combat is almost always detrimental to society and to the species at large. You can claim that war is a driver of human innovation, and in some ways it is - but you can't be sure that had the state given the money that was used in war to direct research, that maybe even more benefits would have been derived. War might (occasionally) result in some good things, but I have the feeling that it's one of the least efficient, most short-term solution to pressing problems.
I'm not insulting soldiers by saying War is bad. Most soldiers who have experienced combat will say that War is bad, and I also agree that sometimes it IS necessary. However, I also believe that, by nature, humans are a bit quick to go to war, especially if they think they can win. I also would encourage each and every soldier to move beyond the "I'm serving my country" line - you might be serving your country, but that is no guarantee that your country is correct. Patriotism is a wonderful thing when used in service of something good. It is a terrible thing when used for bad purposes. Remember, some of the most Patriotic people in History were the Japanese Imperialists and Roman Centurions, and we are all quite aware of how gosh-darn BRUTAL those people were. You should serve your country if your country needs to be defended, but you should think very hard about whether or not the war you are involved in was justified or not. Maybe it is. But Maybe it isn't. Patriotism in the sense that you love the values of your nation, is usually a good thing. America's constitution is a grand document and even though I am not American myself, I admire and greatly respect the Constitution and the American system of government. If you are a patriot in the sense that you love legal freedoms, guarantees and limits on power, then that is a good thing.
But there is another type of Patriotism - a very, VERY ugly type of Patriotism, which I wouldn't even call real Patriotism, but Jingoism. It's the "My Country, Right or Wrong" sort of belief - the idea that your nation is best because that's the one you were born in. The idea that, as long as it's what's in your nations "interests", anything is justified. This sort of Patriotism is nothing more than blind pride and arrogance. It is valueless, because it worships a brand name, a flag, or a particular slogan or image. So many people make the mistake of loving the flag, but not even having a CLUE about the ideas that flag is supposed to stand for. A lot of people just chant the anthem, chant the motto, and bray that they are the best, and no one else, because of.... well, REASONS, which they rarely elucidate. These are your Nazis, your Commisars, your drunken "USA, USA" chanting fratboy, your Terrorist or Imperialist - they are the worst sort of civilian, the worst sort of soldier, the type who would welcome fascism so long as it was draped in the flag and carrying a cross. The "patriot" who doesn't even have a real clue about what it is they supposedly love about their history.
This sort of patriot is NOT confined to the US - he or she can be found in any nation on Earth. Every time I hear a Chinese Citizen insist that it was right for the PRC to take over Tibet, every time I hear some one from the UK insist that the British Empire was a "good" thing, Every time I hear an American still try to claim that there were WMDs in Iraq or that WMDs weren't the point of the war, every time I hear one more Indian person say they should just Nuke Pakistan or take Kashmir by force, every time I hear a Sri Lankan try to justify what the army did to the Tamils or every time I hear a Tamil try to lamely, pathetically justify a suicide attack on a school, and every time I hear an old Japanese veteran try to excuse the Rape of Nanjing I think of a brainless, jingoistic false patriot - one of the worst types of human being possible.
Patriotism, TRUE patriotism should be reserved for values and values ALONE. Not a song, not an anthem, not a flag, not an accent, not name or an image. Images can be corrupted, songs can be subverted, and anyone can fly a flag. If you pledge your allegiance to shallow, abuse prone symbols, be prepared for smarter people to use your patriotism against you and for their own purposes.
