Do You Have a Mental Disorder and How Much Does it Affect You?

[gsilver]

Depression and Aspergers here... Aspergers was strongly suspected by a psychologist in the family in the 90s, and confirmed in the early 2000s.

As for how it affected my life, I had a very lonely childhood where time and time again, I'd do something "wrong" and all of my friends would evaporate. Usually without me even knowing why. Before being diagnosed, I determined myself to be so destructive to the people around me that I took it upon myself to speak only when necessary for a span of six years. That time and the 3 years following were the worst.

Things have gotten better since then, in that I now have an actual circle of friends, but I'm still somewhat on the periphery of the group, but it's a massive step up. I still have trouble at work, and have had difficulty getting and passing interviews, and passed up for promotion, even though I am repeatedly told how technically proficient I am at my job (I am a programmer). I generally do well at the technical parts of the interviews as well, but fail at the all-important "people skills" tests.

I've also had abject failure at relationships, as I'm now in my thirties and still have never been in a relationship or have had sex.

The isolation that I have experienced massively fed into the depression, which started when I was around 10, beginning due to my inability to make/keep friends, and I still constantly have thoughts that I'll never be good enough for anyone, that I have no energy and am just going through the motions in life waiting until I can die.

I've been put on a number of mediations, but they all have had disasterous results. I spent the last 6 months on Prozac, and it caused serious enough fatigue and lethargy that I put on about 30 pounds. I'm about one month off of it right now and I'm trying to get back into the shape that I was before.

Maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I sure don't see it.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome as a child, though nowadays it'd more properly be known as Higher Functioning Autism.

I have Asperger's (actually diagnosed, not internet self-diagnosis as seems to be the fad)

Aspergers (official diagnosis by a licensed doctor, I'm not really part of the "self-diagnosis" crowd

CHOO CHOO! All aboard the Asperger's train! (Actual diagnosis)

I have aspergers as well and was diagnosed, I did not online diagnose myself.

Is it trendy to self diagnose aspergers and... why?

OT: I have dyslexia, it used to be really bad when I was in elementary school, I pretty much couldn't read and was in danger of being held back, I had a teacher who recommended I cheat on spelling tests. I went to smaller middle school that helped out greatly and these days it's just a mild annoyance that pops up every now and then.

One of my best friends has aspergers, he hasn't had a good time of it at all...
he was verbally abused as a child, his parents told him he'd never amount to anything, his mother gave up on him and he lived with his father until he was much older, his father treated him like a walking social security check and an excuse to quit every job he's ever had, forced them into financial insecurity where they've had moments of near homelessness. He has weight issues because all they could ever afford to eat was junk, he can't even stomach fruits or vegetables.

These days he lives with me, his self confidence is shot and he has anxiety and horrible nightmares at night, but he now takes medication, which is helping immensely with the anxiety and he's slowly feeling better. For the first year, I had to keep reassuring him that I wasn't going to kick him out and I'm a financially responsible human being (unlike his father), so we're not going to be evicted. He couldn't bring himself to believe I would buy him food and stuff because he's my friend and not because I had an alternate motive. I say "I" but this is the way he felt of all people.

Those are mostly early setbacks though, he's much happier now.

 

[Ingjald]

Myself, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome as a child, though nowadays it'd more properly be known as Higher Functioning Autism.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome as a child, though nowadays it'd more properly be known as Higher Functioning Autism.

I have Asperger's (actually diagnosed, not internet self-diagnosis as seems to be the fad)

Aspergers (official diagnosis by a licensed doctor, I'm not really part of the "self-diagnosis" crowd

CHOO CHOO! All aboard the Asperger's train! (Actual diagnosis)

I have aspergers as well and was diagnosed, I did not online diagnose myself.

Is it trendy to self diagnose aspergers and... why?

At least up until recently, yes it is/was, to the point where it became hard to be taken seriously when claiming to have it, hence all the slightly defensive disclaimers the aspies in the thread add. It probably comes from the fact that every brief summation of what Aspergers means will contain the phrases "difficulties in social interaction" and "above average intelligence", which to some people reads as "It's not my fault I'm a misunderstood genius.". Cue self-diagnosis.

Also, no, it wouldn't be known as "higher functioning autism". Both the terms "Aspergers Syndrome" and "high-functioning autism" are obsolete, and nowhere to be found in the latest DSM-V. In an effort to help more people, all things autism are now called ASD, "Autism Spectrum Disorder", with the fallback-term PDD-NOS mentioned earlier being used if one does not meet enough criteria for ASD, but still have similar and/or additional difficulties not better covered by stand-alone diagnoses.

Another aspie here, by the way; I was diagnosed at 19, although my difficulties started much earlier, and I was given the diagnosis DAMP: a poorly defined mess of a diagnosis somewhere between autism and ADHD, whose sole reason for existing is as a career vehicle for the originator of the term. Let me tell you, if convincing medical professionals you have legitimate issues is difficult, then convincing them that you have the wrong diagnosis is damned near impossible.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

At least up until recently, yes it is/was, to the point where it became hard to be taken seriously when claiming to have it, hence all the slightly defensive disclaimers the aspies in the thread add. It probably comes from the fact that every brief summation of what Aspergers means will contain the phrases "difficulties in social interaction" and "above average intelligence", which to some people reads as "It's not my fault I'm a misunderstood genius.". Cue self-diagnosis.

Also, no, it wouldn't be known as "higher functioning autism". Both the terms "Aspergers Syndrome" and "high-functioning autism" are obsolete, and nowhere to be found in the latest DSM-V. In an effort to help more people, all things autism are now called ASD, "Autism Spectrum Disorder", with the fallback-term PDD-NOS mentioned earlier being used if one does not meet enough criteria for ASD, but still have similar and/or additional difficulties not better covered by stand-alone diagnoses.

Thanks for the input.
As far as the high functioning autism correction, you might want to quote JoJo up there who said it originally, the quotes don't stack, so he won't see your message otherwise.

 

[Ingjald]

Done, thank you.

 

[stroopwafel]

These days he lives with me, his self confidence is shot and he has anxiety and horrible nightmares at night, but he now takes medication, which is helping immensely with the anxiety and he's slowly feeling better. For the first year, I had to keep reassuring him that I wasn't going to kick him out and I'm a financially responsible human being (unlike his father), so we're not going to be evicted. He couldn't bring himself to believe I would buy him food and stuff because he's my friend and not because I had an alternate motive. I say "I" but this is the way he felt of all people.

Those are mostly early setbacks though, he's much happier now.

Wow, that's really nice of you. You sound like a genuinely good person. Your friend is really lucky.

No experience with mental illness but reading through some of the comments it must be tough. Life is already demanding and society can be a viscious place so having an extra layer of difficulty on top...yeah. I know how grating that can be. Anyways hope you all hang on and know there's always a better tomorrow. Just never give up or resign to fate.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

No experience with mental illness but reading through some of the comments it must be tough. Life is already demanding and society can be a viscious place so having an extra layer of difficulty on top...yeah. I know how grating that can be. Anyways hope you all hang on and know there's always a better tomorrow. Just never give up or resign to fate.

Some people don't believe aspergers, or really anyone on the autism spectrum aside from those with full blown Hollywood style autism even exists.

I had the unfortunate task of trying to explain it to a person who feels like everyone who isn't a disabled war veteran needs to work, otherwise they're clearly stains on society who are leeching off our tax dollars. I don't think I explained it well enough for that particular person to understand.

 

[Ren Osaiike]

Officially diagnosed with the following: Psychopathy, Severe Bipolar Disorder (to the enxtent of hallucinations), Attention Deficit Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I'm one special guy. :/

 

[Eamar]

Some people don't believe aspergers, or really anyone on the autism spectrum aside from those with full blown Hollywood style autism even exists.

Same goes for mental illness, unless you're a stereotypical axe-wielding maniac. It's amazing what people will a) turn a blind eye to and/or b) claim must be a choice.

Spoiler: And if they're not downright aggressive about it, they come out with stuff like this:

 

[JoJo]

Also, no, it wouldn't be known as "higher functioning autism". Both the terms "Aspergers Syndrome" and "high-functioning autism" are obsolete, and nowhere to be found in the latest DSM-V. In an effort to help more people, all things autism are now called ASD, "Autism Spectrum Disorder", with the fallback-term PDD-NOS mentioned earlier being used if one does not meet enough criteria for ASD, but still have similar and/or additional difficulties not better covered by stand-alone diagnoses.

Ah, thanks, still getting used to this fancy new terminology.

And to add to the direction that the general conversation has turned, it is depressing how often even on this forum people question diagnoses of anything from depression to autism to bipolar, whereas no-one would think of doing the same for say a poster who said they had diabetes, or a peanut allergy, or a broken wrist. Unless you know someone in real life, you're nowhere near qualified to make a judgement one way or the other, and even then you probably aren't unless you're a professional or you happen to have the disorder yourself.

 

[CyberSinner]

Well trust me I am not misunderstood genius.

For me, most of my life boils down to what I don't understand. I smile, I am nice. I try my hardest to make people see me for who I am. I try to be honest. And YET and YET, I am cursed that for no matter how much good I do people hate me. I don't know why. I do everything right, I smile.

I was bullied since kindergarten and even then in college I was bullied by teachers and people of authority. So I have distrust for authority and people.

I am such a raging hypocrite sometimes. Because I want people to like me and understand me for what I am. More like a misunderstood weirdo. Instead they distrust me. Yet, ironically I distrust them at the same time. I am a firm believer that everyone has an ulterior motive, its been shown to me time and time again in the past. People show me their true colors and I ask myself why I am so surprised they turned out to be a two face arsehole. Because I let down my guard and think I am overthinking things, this person I need to trust them, I need to stop thinking they are against me. Its a self fulfilling prophecy. And every time I try to break the mold, it still happens.

If I trust people, they turn out to be an arsehole and sting me twenty times more with venom in my blood.

If I distrust them, people think I am an arsehole, until oh look I was right, but I am still an arsehole.

I also have lived the curse of my life, that everyone can do it, but me. This has been a constant thing since childhood.

I give out an idea, people around me reject the idea.

Someone a few days later that isn't me, gives out the same idea, worded in the same way, and everyone likes it.

If its me. I am wrong. I am always wrong. Everything I do is wrong. Of the many good things I do, people always will stick to glue all the bad I did. I am constant cycle of repeating myself because people just

There is something wrong with me, that makes people hate me or stay away from me. And I don't know what I do wrong. Ever. I never understand people.

They are so illogical, emotional, and they do not run on common sense. I don't know what I am doing wrong. And I don't know how to fix myself either because when I do it doesn't make logical sense to become this instead of that.

That is how my life is affected.

 

[AnarchistFish]

I haven't been diagnosed with anything but my personality seems to fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder (although over the past year I've all but broken out of the latter which I'm not sure is really possible if I really had/have it). Chuck chronic depression in there but I'm slowly emerging from it.

 

[Church185]

Depression and ADD here. I was on medication for both, but I keep taking myself off of it. ADD meds are the worst, I go from eating like a rabbit to ravaging the kitchen whenever my medication starts to wear off and it's often made sleeping very hard. I remember shortly after my diagnosis, while the doctor was still trying to adjust my dosage of Adderall, I would go without sleep for a couple days. It severely affected my school work and I would occasionally hallucinate from lack of sleep. For those reasons I've grown to distrust medicine that is supposed to fix my mental problems.

Now I just kind of deal with the depression and ADD. I occasionally catch myself daydreaming about killing myself, but I would probably never go through with it. I make sure to share those experiences with my girlfriend, who is incredibly supportive and awesome. As for ADD, I find that I can help focus my attention by listening to music or people speak about something I'm interested in. It feels almost like an anchor for that wild focus and allows me to work and study without having to be medicated. It's not an ideal situation, but it has worked for me for several years.

 

[Savagezion]

I'm ADD also, minus the hyperactive.

It makes it pretty difficult to hold my attention on anything I'm not very interested in. For example, if I'm reading a book and it gets a little dull, I can keep on reading for pages but my mind wanders and I don't absorb any of the information I've just read. Eventually I'll realize this and I'll have to go back several pages to re-read everything, often repeating the same mistake and having to read the same three pages several times over. Even when I willfully try to keep my attention on something boring I just can't keep it up for long.

On top of that I tend to put things down without thinking about where I'm putting them because my mind is always somewhere else, so I lose my car keys every other day and I never know where I've put my tools. My life is consistently a clusterfuck.

But it has its advantages too. I'm an extremely fast learner when I am interested in the topic or task. When something grabs my attention, I become a single-minded information sponge and a perfectionist. I'll learn every detail and pick it up like I've been doing it for years. In school I was only ever A+ or F, depending on the class and whether it held my interest or not.

Medication (Ritalin) tends to balance things out a bit, but I stopped taking it years ago, because I find ADD is actually useful now that I understand it better and know how to apply it to my advantage.

This may as well be my post. Marajuana can help it out too. I have used it to much success before. I regulate my doses and such. (it can be used to help focus or send the ADD into overdrive depending on how you dose it) I don't see ADD as a disease or a disorder personally. I have come to use it to my advantage so much that I see it as simply a different type of thought process than "normal people". Kinda like my brain uses a different protocol. Most people's brains use Windows and mine uses Linux. Once I accepted that, all kinds of shit just kinda "fell into place" or perhaps realigned better. I quit trying to make my brain "act normal" and just accepted it as normal and that seems to work just peachy.

I am like the plague of annoyance to 2 types of people which are those who are bi-polar (probably because I am like a wild card all the time) and OCD people (my life is a consistant clusterfuck).

I have never medicated for it unless you count weed.

EDIT: One trick I used growing up was if I needed to hear a lecture or such I would doodle or draw. It seems my mind likes to multitask more than others. If I can do something constructive with my hands and focus on it while listening, I'll retain all of it no matter how boring it is. Just be careful to not get too "into" your drawing/doodling.

 

[Rot_At_The_Root]

In the last six weeks i've been having panic attacks, the first one left me in hospital as i thought i was going to die. I was referred to the local mental health unit last week for CBT treatment. I'm not a happy bunny, the doc gave me a short course of diazapan which are wonderful as they calm me down. However they are supposed to be addictive and i can see why as i'm already starting to rely on them and i've only got another 5 days worth of pills left and that's scaring me. I'm barely functioning as it is, the doc said he wont give me any more. He gave me some beta-blockers to help with the physical symptoms of the attacks but i read the information that came in the package and now i'm scared of taking them at all. I'm constantly tense, i keep realising how bad i'm stressing and forcing myself to relax. If i don't take sleeping pills i'm not getting much sleep at night either.

It's beginning to have a major effect on my life. My wife doesn't really understand what's going on, and i can't find the words to tell her. I spent an hour yesterday sat on the bed staring at the wall trying to calm down. I'm not getting anything done at work and people are going to start to notice soon.

 

[keniakittykat]

I have 'Tourette syndrome' But outside of loudly squeaking'in inappropriate locations, such as a quiet auditorium, I don't have any problem with it. It can be embarrassing sometimes, but I don't even notice myself doing it half the time.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Well, I have OCD, so the majority of my activities revolve around trying to control/resist/ignore my obsessive-compulsions but eventually failing because I don?t like to be stressed out to the point of having to take an agonising shit every three hours or something similarly disgusting due to not acting on my compulsions for longer than I feel I can. It?s also led to be developing depression, meaning I just feel empty a lot of the time and have to force myself to do things so I don?t just get bored and start thinking terrible things. Well, OK, my official diagnoses were ?OCD?, ?generalised anxiety disorder?, and ?clinical depression?, but my cognitive behavioural therapist says they?re all pretty much tied into my problem of perfectionism.

My therapist formerly prescribed me Fluoxetine which, to his and the medication?s credit, helped me for a while (although part or most of it could?ve been to do with the CBT), but then it just hit a standstill which continued even as I took Sertraline. I stopped taking the meds because they weren?t working, I didn?t know if they were ever going to work, I just hated having to take them every morning (can?t swallow solids, so I had to dissolve them in warm water every morning and mix it in with apple juice to mask the rank taste), and my mum got a bit worried after I failed to top my meds up one week and just started getting awful dizzy spells.

The CBT by itself helps in so far as I can vent to someone every week and be given general emotional support, but the motivation I can feel after leaving a session never lasts long and I?m soon back to my neurotic self. And since I?m 18, he says he has to move me up into the Adult Mental Health Service or whatever, and since CBT isn?t working long-term for me, he said he?ll try and see what kind of alternative therapy path will work best for me, if any. Anyway, it?s affected my personality and behaviour to the point that I often have mood swings, flip out over little things like tripping over a bag, and have difficulty revising for my exams because I?m constantly distracted by my compulsions that just get worse if there?s something else stressing me out.

I mean, it?s not all bad, and it could be worse (although it could be better). I like to think of myself as a fairly good writer, and I have ambitions of becoming a journalist (no specifics, though). Of course, whether I?ll actually get there or end up dead in a gutter from sheer incompetence is unknown. Despite regularly thinking of killing myself because I hate how I haven?t felt like myself since I was 12 (and it?s just gotten worse, then somewhat better at age ~17, then worse again) and I hate my life and 97% of the demands it places upon me, I?ve never self-harmed (aside from a few feeble scratches on my arm from a kitchen knife before I just decided the idea was stupid because I don?t like pain, surprisingly enough) nor made an actual suicide attempt.

I still have friends, and I can both intentionally and unintentionally make people laugh, despite the fact that I don?t consider myself witty or socially apt. There are occasions where I can distract myself enough by watching videos or films, or even talking on a forum like this, so the OCD doesn?t have as much control over me. But, again, it never lasts, and most times I just feel anxious, or my brain goes into overdrive as if it?s actively searching for all the things that could possibly make me have a silent panic attack, like the future, or?anything, really. What?s more ? and sorry for the cliché ? no-one understands me, because no-one could possibly understand the illogical shit that goes on in my messed-up head and the frustrating thing is, I know the processes that?ll lead to the solutions, but I somehow can?t bring myself to follow them through to the end. Maybe it?s just a problem with my wiring, I dunno. I?m rambling now, I?ll stop.

 

[Smolderin]

I have medically diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. I did not self diagnose, I was professionally diagnosed back when I was in middle school. I am 22 now, and to be honest I could write a book on how Asperger's has affected me...I probably will one day to, me being a writer and all, I would imagine it would be some great self therapy. Without bothering you all with the details however, I will just say this. Asperger's has been rather interesting to live with, it has its good points, and it has its bad points. It has mostly affected me in the social department but through early intervention, I was able to put on a convincing mask of normality while I am in public and I still do to this very day. It has been hard, and there have been times were I curse the day I was born, but I have slowly come to grow and accept myself. However, this is not the end to my problems. I am still suffering from many things people with Asperger's deal with.

For instance, I am emotionally detached, completely empty inside, I do not know what love is, and I have an extreme lack of empathy. No, I am not being dramatic, I am being honest. Luckily I am highly self aware so my flaws are easy to spot for me, but these issues don't seem to be something that can be fixed easily. Emotional detachment and lack of empathy may just be innate traits that define who I am. They may just be a part of me that will never change. The issue of love though? I hold out hope that one day, I might find someone that can not just describe it to me, but show me as well. As an outsider look in, love seems like such a troublesome emotion...why anyone would want to deal with used to be beyond me, but as I grow older...I start to think that maybe being in love could be kind of nice. Still, I maintain the position that it is something I could go without, and if it comes to me one day, then so be it.