Do you tell people when they´ve made you feel bad?

[awesomeClaw]

So, long story short - yesterday I was talking to a friend of me, when said friend said something that made me really down on myself. She didn´t realize she had hurt me and I couldn´t muster the courage to tell he exactly how her last statement made me feel.

And that got me thinking - what would my fellow escapist users do?

Do you keep your feelings inside you? Or do you tell people when they´ve said something that isn´t cool? Even if they don´t realize what they´ve done?

 

[Caiphus]

Well it depends, naturally. When people piss me off at work, customers or co-workers, I'm never really going to tell them about it.

But even outside that, if I'm honest, no, I usually keep that sort of stuff to myself. I'm trying to think of the last time I told a friend that they'd made me unhappy, for whatever reason, and I'm struggling to think of an example.

So, sorry, OP. If it helps give you the courage, I often wish that my friends would tell me if/when I do things that hurt them. It'd stop me repeating those actions in future.

 

[Remus]

When not in a professional environment, absolutely. When in a professional environment, well, I'll let ya know when that happens. I am a blunt instrument. If someone means me harm either physically or emotionally, I'm quick to reciprocate. But my feelings don't bruise easily so if they are hurt it's because somebody was intentionally causing a problem, in which case they deserve whatever I give them. That's my nature. Keeping things like that pent up and not saying anything not only builds up until it explodes, it can actually shorten your lifespan, and I plan to live a long, long time.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Yeah absolutely. What do I have to gain by not telling them? Not only is it unfair to me that I should have to hide my feelings, it's unfair to them that I should deprive them of a chance to apologise and rectify their behaviour. Besides, if you don't address these things immediately they build up inside, and you end up resenting that person, maybe not immediately, but over a series of accumulated incidents. It seems kind of shitty to lose a friend over a few misunderstandings that could have been resolved if someone had just said something.

 

[Bertylicious]

Flipping heck, mate, maybe you can have a drum circle and find the right beat to communicate directly with his man-space.

Under no circumstances would I ever tell anyone how I really feel. At best it will create awkward tension, at worst contempt.

 

[Zhukov]

Uh... sometimes?

I'll usually couch it in sarcasm or a joke. Y'know, so they get the hint that they've crossed a line, but without everything getting all awkward.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

I like to tell people when they've upset me (because not everyone sets out to do it intentionally), but it doesn't always happen.

I prefer to wait until after my emotions have subsided so I can talk to them normally rather than get upset and sound like I'm having a go at them. People are generally more receptive to feedback like that if you're not going "YOU DID THIS AND THAT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON BECAUSE IT HURT ME."

 

[EeveeElectro]

It takes a lot, and I mean a lot to make me feel bad. Most comments I just brush off and laugh which is unlike how I used to react. Now I just can't find a fuck to give.

The only time I'll tell someone is if that person is or was close to me. I feel they need to know how and why they hurt me so they don't do it again. It's usually more than an off-hand insult as well, but when they say something they full-on know I have problems with or when they think they can manipulate my emotions.

Sometimes I just say "Oh, thanks!" sarcastically about anything else then laugh it off.

 

[Mersadeon]

Depends. If I like the person in question even a little, I will say it (unless it's really trivial). If I don't like the person, I won't tell them - or if they disappointed me.
For example, when my ex broke up with me, I was mad. I was furious. Very angry with her. So I didn't show her how hurt I was - in my head, she didn't deserve to see how much it hurt me.

 

[MysticSlayer]

It will take a lot for me to eventually tell someone exactly how I feel about what they are saying. More than likely, my attitude will noticeably change to reflect what I think about them. If I think they were just ignorantly calloused, I may just avoid them for a bit. If they were a complete asshole, I'll likely start speaking more harshly to them. If I lash out at them and tell them exactly how I feel, then you can guarantee it was either an incredibly calloused or vicious comment, or their behavior has been absolutely horrible over an extended period of time.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

How I handle it depends on the context. Usually in the case of friendly banter, when someone is pissing me off a simple 'too far, mate' or something is enough for them to see the line and tone it down a bit.

Learning where each others boundaries are is part of growing a friendship, and I think is the main reason people engage in 'banter'. You've just got to make sure you do it in good humour so they don't become defensive.

When I was a child I had anger issues and warning people when they are pissing me off is one of the techniques I was taught. I don't get mad anymore, but the techniques are pretty much ingrained. So I'm pretty willing to assert myself and try and deescalate situations where people's behavior gets to me.

 

[Eldritch Warlord]

awesomeClaw why are you using acute accents instead of apostrophes?

OT: I don't know if I'd tell someone if they've made me feel bad, hurt feelings are not in the scope of my experience. I'll let someone know if they've made me angry though.

 

[Barbas]

I frown, usually. Sometimes, I also like to furrow my brow - this makes me look thoughtful [http://www.obscurecraft.net/obscureblog/images/mark-wahlberg-happening-stare.jpg].

On my best days, I can think of a joke to make in response. Whatever, it's all good.

 

[Strain42]

Honestly no, because as much as I love my friends, most of them are bat shit crazy, and if I were to ever tell them they've done something to hurt me, they'd get really defensive, accuse me to trying to guilt trip them, and end up making me feel worse while also not talking to me for a while, thus making me feel double worse.

...I need better friends.

 

[awesomeClaw]

awesomeClaw why are you using acute accents instead of apostrophes?

OT: I don't know if I'd tell someone if they've made me feel bad, hurt feelings are not in the scope of my experience. I'll let someone know if they've made me angry though.

English isn`t my first language, and I`ve never really been able to tell the difference. Plus my keyboard is a bit wonky. Is this better or worse?

 

[Eldritch Warlord]

awesomeClaw why are you using acute accents instead of apostrophes?

OT: I don't know if I'd tell someone if they've made me feel bad, hurt feelings are not in the scope of my experience. I'll let someone know if they've made me angry though.

English isn`t my first language, and I`ve never really been able to tell the difference. Plus my keyboard is a bit wonky. Is this better or worse?

Now you're using grave accents. In the standard QWERTY keyboard layout apostrophe is to the right of semicolon ( and to the left of return/enter. If you have no apostrophe key then acute accents are a closer approximation than grave accents. Most fonts show apostrophes as a vertical dash but handwriting generally has them slant slightly down and to the left like a comma (,).

 

[awesomeClaw]

awesomeClaw why are you using acute accents instead of apostrophes?

OT: I don't know if I'd tell someone if they've made me feel bad, hurt feelings are not in the scope of my experience. I'll let someone know if they've made me angry though.

English isn`t my first language, and I`ve never really been able to tell the difference. Plus my keyboard is a bit wonky. Is this better or worse?

Now you're using grave accents. In the standard QWERTY keyboard layout apostrophe is to the right of semicolon ( and to the left of return/enter. If you have no apostrophe key then acute accents are a closer approximation than grave accents. Most fonts show apostrophes as a vertical dash but handwriting generally has them slant slightly down and to the left like a comma (,).

Okay, I've fiddled a bit with my keyboard's settings. I think this is right. Is it?

 

[Someone Depressing]

I don't.

I become so passive aggresive that anyone who touches me grows twintails and gets huge eyes.

In all serious, I never anounce how I feel, because I always feel like shit, and I'm also good at making others feel like shit, and I'm even a little good at making myself feel shit.

 

[Eldritch Warlord]

Okay, I've fiddled a bit with my keyboard's settings. I think this is right. Is it?

Those are indeed apostrophes.

 

[awesomeClaw]

Okay, I've fiddled a bit with my keyboard's settings. I think this is right. Is it?

Those are indeed apostrophes.

Excellent! Thanks for the help!