Do you tell people when they´ve made you feel bad?

[Eamar]

Among close friends? It really doesn't happen very often, but if it does then yes, I tell them. Why wouldn't you? If they're your friends they presumably respect you enough to not want to upset you, and to let you be honest with them.

I have one friend who (I think due to his upbringing) can be pretty ignorant about social "issues" and will sometimes inadvertently come out with something racist/sexist etc. He's got much, much better over the years I've known him, but if no one had ever told him when he'd upset them he'd never have learnt any different. He'll occasionally say something to me that's really insensitive towards my mental health problems (I'm bipolar, and he once responded to me telling him I was feeling depressed with a suicide joke >.< ), and damn straight I'll tell him he's upset me!

Equally, I kind of expect my friends to tell me if I've accidentally put my foot in it. Sure, it's not exactly a nice feeling, but I always appreciate the honesty.

My gosh, judging by the topics here, this forum is populated by 14 years old....

I feel out of place here.

So, ummm... going to actually contribute something to the discussion? If not, there's no need to leave a condescending comment.

 

[Catrixa]

Depends on the person. If I know them really well, highly value our continuing relationship, and know they'll be receptive to the response, I'll say something (like "Hey, I know you didn't mean it to hurt me, but that last thing you said made me feel really bad"). With some people, this gets me "Oh, wow, I didn't realize you were so sensitive! How awful life must be for you! You really need to get over being that sensitive. Geez." or some kind of defensive "Well, seeing as my opinions are objective facts, and I don't think what I said was bad, clearly you are just an invalid person and can't handle my rightness." Usually, if I know them well enough (but don't want to deal with whatever their reply is), I'll just remember that they really aren't trying to hurt me, because they probably aren't.

If it's a coworker I don't know well/manager, I'll rant about it with someone that isn't an employee. Totally not touching that one with a 10-foot pole. Luckily, I've never really had my feelings hurt by my coworkers/managers, so I really haven't had to deal with this one as much.

 

[Heronblade]

One of the nicknames given to me in high school was Spock.

Does that answer your question?

 

[FPLOON]

Oh, hell to da no! I don't want to sound weak and vulnerable to my fellow chums, yo!! Believe that, son!!!

But, seriously, I tend to only do that when it's just me and the person who rubbed me the wrong way, if possible... There's no point making a big scene about it, especially when I'm on the clock and/or out in public, since that's the last place you want to make a big deal about it...

Then again, I can take a joke if it is one to begin with...

 

[Artina89]

It all depends on the person. For example, there is one person that I work with, and she routinely belittles people, but won't apologize even when it is mentioned to her. In short, she is a rather unpleasant and bitter person but fortunately I don't have anything to do with her as we work in different departments and I barely respond to her when she asks me a question that is nothing to do with work. All other times then I will take that person to one side and explain to them why they have upset me, but I am a fairly laid back person and it is rather hard to upset me really.

 

[The White Hunter]

No, I punch them into the ground for the sleigth against me.

But really no, not usually, I usually just don't care.

 

[Drizzitdude]

The worst thing for me is when people get all butt hurt when you tell them they have made you feel like shit.

Me: "hey you actually really hurt my feelings there, and I would appreciate it if you didn't do/say ___ anymore"

Them: "How dare you! How dare you insult me in this way by implying I am a terrible person for making you feel like shit! What gives you the right to judge me!"

I mean come on people, get real. If you insulted someone or hurt their feelings and they ask you to stop it is not about you just apologize and don't do it again.

Another thing that really grinds my gears is when someone can dish it out, but not take it worth a damn.

Them: 10 minutes of "Your lisp is the most annoying thing I have ever heard in my life, it is like nails on a chalkboard, learn to fucking speak"

Me: "Your an overweight loser with no job"

Them: "oh my god what the hell is the matter with you? Why would you say that you asshole!"

Me: "because you literally just went on a rant about what about me annoys you, so I thought I should do the same thing"

Them: "Yeah well you should have just gotten over it! This wouldn't be a problem if you didn't have such low self esteem!"

Okay really? You can't get over it when someone insults you, but when you go on a huge rant insulting someone else you expect them to? The hypocrisy

 

[Elfgore]

Well they can tell when I retaliate as well. Well that's only with my friends and even then there is barely any venom in our exchange.

For people I only know say at work or something, I usually just brush it off. One of the things I got from my Dad is the ability to deal with things quite easily.

 

[The Wykydtron]

To be honest I rarely get into those situations cuz i'm such a nice guy ^.^

However I am English so fuck no, i'll never forget it, ***** about it in private and hold a grudge for the rest of my life and you'll never be the wiser.

There are a few things I would tell my friends to never bring up but they must have figured it out already because they already don't talk about them, hell maybe they even forgot about some of it. Awesome. I guess having grown up with a grand total of three friends makes everything more precious or something.

If anything i'll be the one accidentally hurting other people's feelings because my overwhelming need to make jokes about EVERYTHING goes a bit sour sometimes. Add that to learning how to speak to a new, more... sensitive girl recently and oh shit accidental landmine. Quickly fire damage control apologies! Now's NOT the time for smileys Daniel get your act together.

See? Jokes. Fuck it I don't really mean to make them it just happens. Probably a near subconcious reaction to my depressing shitty childhood or something because following the standard route of getting hella cynical and jaded over everything is too mainstream.

 

[AetherWolf]

Honestly no, because as much as I love my friends, most of them are bat shit crazy, and if I were to ever tell them they've done something to hurt me, they'd get really defensive, accuse me to trying to guilt trip them, and end up making me feel worse while also not talking to me for a while, thus making me feel double worse.

...I need better friends.

Honestly, I'd recommend completely cutting those people out of your life. Being surrounded by that level of emotional manipulation by people who genuinely don't give a shit about how you feel won't be good for your mental health and self-esteem in the long run. My best friend of two years was someone with this kind of emotional control over me and treated my feelings as something I should feel guilty for voicing it out. It brought me to one of the lowest points of my life and I'm still recovering from it.

Anyway, yeah, on the topic at hand, I've learned from my mistakes and don't take shit. I try not to be malicious if I'm on good terms with the person, but I try to point out and explain why what they said isn't so great and that they should at least watch what they say. If they treat you like shit over the whole thing and try to guilt you into thinking that you're being ~*offended too easily*~ or that ~*you need to learn how to take a joke*~ they aren't worth your time and effort.

 

[Eddie the head]

Naa. I'm a pretty passive and impersonal person. If I do get mad or someone makes me feel bad I just tell myself it will pass and move on.

 

[V4Viewtiful]

Nope, I eat chocolate and get over it. Never been good at sharing like that.

 

[viscomica]

So, long story short - yesterday I was talking to a friend of me, when said friend said something that made me really down on myself. She didn´t realize she had hurt me and I couldn´t muster the courage to tell he exactly how her last statement made me feel.

And that got me thinking - what would my fellow escapist users do?

Do you keep your feelings inside you? Or do you tell people when they´ve said something that isn´t cool? Even if they don´t realize what they´ve done?

It depends. Sometimes you're more sensitive than usual because you are just having a bad day or something bad happened prior to a friend saying something you didn't like and you are able to tell that even if a comment offended you, you're not in your best mood and so you don't wanna risk making things unconfortable for everyone given the fact that it might as well be something not worth getting mad / sad about in the first place. Other times it's just people being outright stupid or saying things without knowing they could affect you. At those times it's important to speak up and explain why those comments could make you mad / sad and ask them for understanding. Or just tell them off if they keep pushing it.

 

[Darkened_Angel]

Yes I do ...Then again I'm pretty upfront.