Doctorpus does History

[The Wooster]

We were spamming out the obama topic so let's move it into here.

That we only acted like pricks because we were abused by our greasy itallian stepdads?

Roman. Its important to note that they were Roman. Important because they actually went to war against the Italians on a number of occasions.

That said, greasy Roman stepdad doesn't have the same ring to it.

Really? I always assumed the Romans were Italians. You learn something new every day.

 

[The Wooster]

It does kind of make sense. While we can agree that the Italians are very fond of child abuse much like the romans, the Romans ate shit like mouse brains and octorpus bollocks and whathaveyou whereas Italian food is delicious.

Also Romans are awesome. Italians aren't. That explains a lot.

 

[poleboy]

Maybe he means Romanis. Y'know, pikeys. Gypsies.

 

[Graustein]

Yes, Romans lived in Italy, but there was another group (or several) living in Italy at the time, known as Italians, or whatever the Latin equivalent is to that term.

 

[Brett Alex]

History time eh?
*Lights cigar, swills brandy balloon around*
Well, in modern times citizens of Rome are Italian, but in Ancient Rome, what we refer to as The Roman Republic (pre Caesars Civil War) and the Roman Empire (post Caesars Civil war) Italians were technically vassal states. They were often allies of Rome, although they conflicts did sometimes emerge. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_War_(91?88_BC)]

As an interesting side note to that, when Caesar crossed the Rubicon with the XIII legion, essentially committing treason and threatening not only the senate but the sanctity of the Republic itself, the Italians did not, as the Roman loyalists hoped they would, take up arms against Caesar to defend freedom and equal opportunity for all. This is an example of how, just like any other governmental system, democracy can die in the arse. Hard.

 

[The Wooster]

Maybe he means Romanis. Y'know, pikeys. Gypsies.

The idea of pikeys taking over Britain is hilarious.

Bonus points if someone makes the obvious conservative joke and says they already have.

 

[The Wooster]

Alright straight from wiki biatch:

According to legend, Rome was founded on April 21, 753 BC by twin brothers descended from the Trojan prince Aeneas.[2]

Romulus and Remus are the grandsons of the Latin King, Numitor of Alba Longa. The King was ejected from his throne by his cruel brother Amulius while Numitor's daughter, Rhea Silvia, gave birth.[3][4]

Now where is Alba Longa situated you ask?

Alba Longa (in Italian sources occasionally written Albalonga) was an ancient city of Latium[1] in central Italy southeast of Rome[2] in the Alban Hills. Founder and head of the Latin League, it was destroyed by Rome around the middle of the 7th century BC.

.../thread.

Weren't those two brothers supposed to be wolf people or some such shit? I find that version of history far less compelling if the greatest empire the world has ever seen as descendant from a couple of incestous furries.

 

[Lord_Ascendant]

Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome? Yeah, they were raised by a wolf mother before they created the city.

 

[The Wooster]

Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome? Yeah, they were raised by a wolf mother before they created the city.

That takes away from the credibility just a touch.

 

[The Wooster]

This isn't just about Romans folks. Be sure it pipe in with any other interesting historical facts providing they're funny.

 

[Brett Alex]

Alright straight from wiki biatch:

According to legend, Rome was founded on April 21, 753 BC by twin brothers descended from the Trojan prince Aeneas.[2]

Romulus and Remus are the grandsons of the Latin King, Numitor of Alba Longa. The King was ejected from his throne by his cruel brother Amulius while Numitor's daughter, Rhea Silvia, gave birth.[3][4]

Now where is Alba Longa situated you ask?

Alba Longa (in Italian sources occasionally written Albalonga) was an ancient city of Latium[1] in central Italy southeast of Rome[2] in the Alban Hills. Founder and head of the Latin League, it was destroyed by Rome around the middle of the 7th century BC.

.../thread.

Weren't those two brothers supposed to be wolf people or some such shit? I find that version of history far less compelling if the greatest empire the world has ever seen as descendant from a couple of incestous furries.

They were orphans and had a wolf for a mother, it's a legend but since there isn't any more actual facts what can you do about it?

Thing goes like this, bunch of farmers (including Romulus and Remus) in Italy decide to gather up all the tribes and form a city, city gets big and they expand, and before they even know it the city turns into empire and suddenly they have mongols at their gates <_<

No no, the city turns into a monarchy. Ancient Rome went

Monarchy (King)---->Republic (2 Consuls)---->Empire (Emperor-Essentially a dictator)----->East-West Split----->Collapse.

 

[Brett Alex]

This isn't just about Romans folks. Be sure it pipe in with any other interesting historical facts providing they're funny.

If Grausteins still online I think he's gonna agree with me about Boudicca's final battle being, if not funny then at least pitiable.

She had began a revolution, sacked three lightly defended settlements including Londinium and the capital Camulodenum, raised a massive army estimated at 180,000 Celts.

The Roman commander of Britain, Suetonius, faced almost certain defeat and loss of Britain, he could only gather 10,000 men.

After the battle, upwards of 60,000 celts lay dead, and Boudicca has poisoned herself to avoid capture.

I still don't understand how they could be so useless. 180,000 to 10,000. What the hell Boudicca, what the hell?

 

[Mr. Moose]

Anyone here heard of Frederick Barbaroussa?

He was an Italian King and he led his army on a third crusade against the Saracens.
Long story short, the army manages to pull off a victory (against overwhelming odds) and decides to take a dive into the nearest river, but the mighty king forgets to take off his chain armor and drowns on those murky waters.

Seriously, after surviving wave after wave after wave of pissed of Arabs, you die drowned by your own stupidity? Awesome.

I had to laugh.

 

[Brett Alex]

Anyone here heard of Frederick Barbaroussa?

He was an Italian King and he led his army on a third crusade against the Saracens.
Long story short, the army manages to pull off a victory (against overwhelming odds) and decides to take a dive into the nearest river, but the mighty king forgets to take off his chain armor and drowns on those murky waters.

Seriously, after surviving wave after wave after wave of pissed of Arabs, you die drowned by your own stupidity? Awesome.

Very awesome.

But not quite as awesome as Otto von Bismarck.

He was often too impatient to get off his horse to knock on someone's door, so he just fired pistol shots through their window to announce his presence.

He also announced that it was his goal:
-To drink 5000 bottles of champagne
-Smoke 100 000 Cigars
-Sleep with as many women as his schedule would allow him. (Providing they weren't intelligent.)

Now look at all that, and remember that this is the political genius who united and built Germany up from a collection of loosely based city states into a full fledged continental and later world power.

 

[Lord_Ascendant]

then the barbarians came, destroyed Rome and everyone turned to the French. Yeah, they dissipointed us just a bit.

 

[Limasol]

According to this book I'm reading; the other tribes in Italy were called the Latins collectively. Including the Etruscans and Samnites. However the Greek and Carthaginian population of southern Italy was pretty big too, they weren't Latins. However they fared the same.

 

[Mr. Moose]

I believe this is on topic.

 

[Lukeje]

This isn't just about Romans folks. Be sure it pipe in with any other interesting historical facts providing they're funny.

If Grausteins still online I think he's gonna agree with me about Boudicca's final battle being, if not funny then at least pitiable.

She had began a revolution, sacked three lightly defended settlements including Londinium and the capital Camulodenum, raised a massive army estimated at 180,000 Celts.

The Roman commander of Britain, Suetonius, faced almost certain defeat and loss of Britain, he could only gather 10,000 men.

After the battle, upwards of 60,000 celts lay dead, and Boudicca has poisoned herself to avoid capture.

I still don't understand how they could be so useless. 180,000 to 10,000. What the hell Boudicca, what the hell?

Presumably for the same reason that the forces of King Xerxes were defeated by the Spartans / Athenians (and I don't just mean the battle of Thermopolae, the entire war); the winners were the better trained fighting force. Sheer numbers do not always win (however much you believe Command and Conquer to be an accurate depiction of war).

 

[Cyclomega]

Maybe he means Romanis. Y'know, pikeys. Gypsies.

The idea of pikeys taking over Britain is hilarious.

Bonus points if someone makes the obvious conservative joke and says they already have.

It would be an aryan takeover (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)

The Italians referred to, who the Romans fought, were the Etruscans, they were the dominating populations and the Romans were their slaves (more or less) who rebelled and conquered the land.

 

[Mr. Moose]

W-T-F. How? Is Finland some super high tech civilization from the future or what?

Finland was one of the countries that worshipped Odin.

It's really the only way I can explain the awesomeness.