Does anyone else not have any friends IRL?

[Marik2]

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

Outside companionship? What do you mean by that?

Talking to people in person. I only hang out with my family.

Also your post is full of over thinking things. I just rolled my eyes reading it.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Bolded important part for you. You maybe meet 1-2 people in life, that are worth the name.
Ofcourse, you can also just go about and pretend like everyone else. Lower your standards and be a drone yourself...

Sounds like a 'you' problem, to be honest.

I mean, I don't have that very many friends ... but then again I know plenty of people I call 'associates', and a fair few number of them would be pretty good friends I imagine. I regularly get invited by workmates at uni to go to a barbecue, or to go to the pub with, or people I meet at my LGS wanting to have a late night meal with, or maybe a beach party, or random strangers I'll strike up a conversation about anything ... from sports, motorbikes, politics...

People are people, and your average person is perfectly affable, decent, has your average sorts of responsibilities, particularly as you get older in life.

If you're going to assume people in general are garbage, well maybe it's not them with the problem.

I don't consider it very 'drone-like' to not just assume I can't connect with people. That sounds pretty depressing to be honest. I mean, sure ... I've known people that seemingly want to hurt me when I came out to them. But then again, I've met heaps of people that don't care, either. The world is a pretty big place with a whole lot of people. You're kind of missing out not taking a gamble on other people being worth your time.

Besides, socializing has profound psychological benefits.

 

[Drathnoxis]

It may surprise people, but I actually do have friends. I'm part of a larger gaming club, I teach martial arts, I have tons of game-night friends for Arkham horror, betrayal at house on the hill, cards against humanity, etc...
I just started dating a lovely young woman, and my brother and I are reconnecting on Sundays over Borderlands 2 multiplayer.

It's harder to make new friends than to keep old ones, true, but parties and game nights are a great way of meeting people with similar interest. If you like being alone, then that's all well and good, as long as you're not lonely.

Do you play any games, like bored games or card games, something where you can be face-to-face with people? Is there a local hobby store you can go to on Friday night and see if anyone needs 1 more player for their game?

No, I'm not really into that kind of stuff. I couldn't go to something like that alone either, it would be so awkward!

I wasn't really looking for advice with this thread, but thanks for the thought.

Ah yes, I don't have any friends because I'm smarter than everyone else and I don't want to make any effort to be social.

Was this directed at me? I don't recall ever saying it was because I was smarter than anyone else. I just spoke about my social anxiety.

Talking to people in person. I only hang out with my family.

Also your post is full of over thinking things. I just rolled my eyes reading it.

Maybe it is, but that's how I am. It's a bit of a sensitive subject and I wanted people to be able to open up a little, so I had to be the first one to be honest. Sorry if baring my soul made you feel uncomfortable, but it's a subject I've wanted to bring up for a while now.

I think you've seen me mention it a couple of times in relevant places. I have absolutely no IRL friends at all.
Or even close acquaintances. Or anyone I meet regularly at all that would fill a social role.
Nor any internet friends either.
It's been this way for about 10 years now I think.

I had a best friend from 1st class to 4-5th class, until another "friend" moved in and poached on that.
The best friend moved away after 6th class, sadly.
That poacher remained until 9th class and made me do a lot of stupid things.
The group we were in then all chose different schools after 9th class, so I got out of that.
After 9th class I got closer to at least one person, but when we got out of school a few years later we stopped hanging out.
We are still distant acquaintances, on good terms, but we have wildly differing tastes.
After school I started hanging out with a few years younger cousin of mine, but he too turned out to be untrustworthy.
Only interested in himself and doing things entirely his way and on his terms. A pure narcissist.
It was harder to break off and get away, but I finally managed to get out of that draining relationship.

I've always been a lone wolf and have absolutely no problems being on my own for extended periods of times though.
It can go months without me even seeing another person now, except for family due to living arrangements.

I've been let down by a lot of people so I have huge trust issues, but I can't deny that movies with solid, dependable friends (or a best friend) hit me right in the feels.
I feel like I could really devote myself to a true friend and be there for them in times of need, if I felt they would do the same for me.

And as you said, not seeking pity. Maybe empathy or understanding though. ,)

I couldn't exactly remember if you were one of the ones who had mentioned it before, but I thought you were. We seem to have quite a bit in common though, I think we are two of the only people here who still don't use Steam, and for basically the same reasons.

But yeah, it's just nice to see that there are others who are in the same boat. If you feel like talking about this more, send me a PM.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

-snipped meself!-

I couldn't exactly remember if you were one of the ones who had mentioned it before, but I thought you were. We seem to have quite a bit in common though, I think we are two of the only people here who still don't use Steam, and for basically the same reasons.

But yeah, it's just nice to see that there are others who are in the same boat. If you feel like talking about this more, send me a PM.

Wow, I didn't know you were among the few non-steam posters here as well!
I think there might be 2-3 more but I'm terrible with names and remembering theirs is out of my scope just now.
Yeah, steam is a bit of a bug-bear with me and I probably mention it a tad more than proper..
To look at the bright side of it, it's good to know I've made some impression at least!

I might just send that PM, soon-ish.
I'm pretty open but, since not everyone is so inclined, some questions and answers deserve some breathing space.

 

[Kae]

I've almost always been like that since I'm fairly antisocial, I'm pretty geeky though so once I had a chance encounter with some people playing D&D I started playing with them and that sort of got solved, I got way over my head though and that lead to some awkward situations including almost involuntarily having sex with a taxi driver but I've learned how to approach things now more or less, I just act like my usual dickish but helpful self and people just gravitate towards me.

Other than the D&D group I don't think I'd consider any of them close friends though.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Yep, right here.

I haven't had any friends since high school, and considering I'm 35 now it's been a while. I was born in a relatively large family, so I can't complain too much about being lonely. But it does suck. I just don't feel comfortable around other people who aren't immediate family.

The blame lies squarely with me, since I'm too tangled up in my own anxieties and perceived inadequacies to ever form a proper connection. There's also the issue that I have a hard time reading the mood, processing the information, and following the conversation when I'm directly conversing with someone. Small talk is a nightmare for me.

 

[sanquin]

I have 1 "true friend". The only friend I would trust my life to. All the others are either just acquaintances, or friends that I just like hanging out with every now and then. The former consisting of about 30~40 people, and the latter consisting of about 5~8 people I think.

It all depends on your definition of "friend" I guess.

 

[BarkBarker]

I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

 

[sanquin]

Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

Not saying this is your situation, but if you don't want to be friends with anyone within reasonable distance of where you live because of their 'flaws', then maybe you should consider that the problem is you, not them. Being friends also means compromising on what you do or don't accept. As said before, they have no obligation to 'fix' their 'flaws' for you.

I'll state again, I'm not saying that's your situation. I just quoted you because I thought to write this after I read your post.

 

[gsilver]

---

 

[maninahat]

I was like this for a while. After uni I was unemployed, living long distance with my GF, and only had my immediate family and my pet fish for company. The one friend I had kept from uni fitted into the "with friends like these..." category, and I didn't see him too often if I could help it. If like me, you are an insular person who doesn't go out much, doesn't meet like minded people in work, and have moved away from your original circle of friends, you can end up not knowing anybody.

That changed a bit when I got a job and moved in with my missus. I didn't make many friends through work (and the ones I made are too insular to go out with), but meetup.com changed things a lot. I used it to find a local boardgame and RPG group, joined an RPG, and I've stayed friends with those guys since. They're not close close, but then again I don't get chance to see them every day. Basically, if you're lonely and in a new place, I can't recommend meetup.com highly enough for finding people with matching interests.

 

[Saelune]

Social Anxiety Disorder is a *****.

I do have 'friends' but they are kinda my brother's friends who I play DnD with. Been thinking of trying to look for places that play DnD publicly to meet people though, since I like DMing and lots of people dont, but finding such places is not easy, and might require me going into the city to do, and dragging DnD stuff around isnt always the easiest, certainly not on NYC subways. And I dont trust to invite strangers into my house.

 

[Auron225]

I have friends in far away places. I still consider them friends, even if I don't see them often. People have said that a sign of a true friend is one that you can go years without any contact with, but when you do meet again you can just pick up where you left off.

I don't really have any exclusively online friends - I just chip into conversations here and there (like right now).

Also, OP, I don't think friendship is supposed to be work. What you're describing sounds like the work required in a romantic relationship - friends shouldn't require frequent attention from you. I mean, you can even PICK your friends (kinda), so although there are people out there who want to hang out with their friends all the time... you don't have to be friends with those people in particular. And hey, if you find people who's company you like, then you may find that you actually do want to spend time with them.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

I have plenty of friends. 6 or so ones I've known since grade school, and one or two I met in CEGEP or University. And a bunch I met through my city's LARP scene.

But you'd be forgiven for thinking I have none, because I rarely see them or even game with them these days. Adult life makes you really freakin' busy.

I still meet my old friends every once in a while and we really enjoy each other's company, but hot damn is it hard to plan anything because people have work, appointments, girlfriends/wives, youtube channels to run, etc etc.

Having friends isn't so hard, especially once you've known them long enough that the friendship is taken for granted and a every-other-month "Yo, wanna hang out at my place? We'll play Smash and board games and order sushi!" get met with a "Yeah, sure, why not?"

Now, if you never ever go out anywhere or participate in local social groups, yeah, that'll make things hard. But it's still doable.

People have said that a sign of a true friend is one that you can go years without any contact with, but when you do meet again you can just pick up where you left off.

Yup, this is legit. It's also important for adult friendships because my god people get busy.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Social Anxiety Disorder is a *****.

I do have 'friends' but they are kinda my brother's friends who I play DnD with. Been thinking of trying to look for places that play DnD publicly to meet people though, since I like DMing and lots of people dont, but finding such places is not easy, and might require me going into the city to do, and dragging DnD stuff around isnt always the easiest, certainly not on NYC subways. And I dont trust to invite strangers into my house.

Good DMs are hard to come by and should be treasured! I'm sure there are a dozen and a half gaming clubs in New York that would kill for a good DM for a campaign, especially if you're good with voices and provide mead. I've been working on my Ork voices for a deathwatch d100 game I want to DM

I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

Annoyingly pleasant? About friends?! This isn't Teen Titans, I ain't Starfire and you ain't Raven.
I'm just pointing out that you can be friends with someone who smokes or drinks, simply be asking them not to do that in front of you. Most people, certainly anyone worth being friends with, will be all 'oh sure, I won't smoke in front of you'. Although they might still have a beer, as that doesn't endanger your health.

 

[Saelune]

Social Anxiety Disorder is a *****.

I do have 'friends' but they are kinda my brother's friends who I play DnD with. Been thinking of trying to look for places that play DnD publicly to meet people though, since I like DMing and lots of people dont, but finding such places is not easy, and might require me going into the city to do, and dragging DnD stuff around isnt always the easiest, certainly not on NYC subways. And I dont trust to invite strangers into my house.

Good DMs are hard to come by and should be treasured! I'm sure there are a dozen and a half gaming clubs in New York that would kill for a good DM for a campaign, especially if you're good with voices and provide mead. I've been working on my Ork voices for a deathwatch d100 game I want to DM

Dunnow how 'good' with voices I am, but I do use them. The corrupt mayor they met last session ended up sounding like Watto from Star Wars. Also they met a Lizardman who I enjoyed voicing, though I (intentionally) go Argonian for such races.

Side thing, but kind of relevant. Yesterday was my DnD day. While preparing, I looked at my brother's player sheet, to check some things, and noticed that he written "Vial of Ork blood", cause he is on a Warhammer kick right now. (He is literally about to leave to play Warhammer).

 

[Souplex]

Y'all are sad.

 

[sageoftruth]

Well, as someone with a passion for connecting with others I couldn't be more different, but I didn't come here to rub that in everyone's face. Mainly, I came to talk about online friends. I got into writing about 10 years ago, and by posting on writing sites, I eventually found another writer, who respected my potential but wanted to help me improve.

Since then, he and I have become super close, sharing our writing, offering each other feedback, and even giving each other advice on how to grow as writers. I know his first name, his screen name, and his hobby, and that's about it, but I feel a strong closeness with him that I haven't felt since college, even overshadowing the friendship I have with my roommate, who I've known since 2nd grade. This is because we're both always helping each other out and have a strong mutual trust.

My point is, even online, you can build surprisingly strong friendships. I think trying to grow as a person, by cultivating certain skills you're passionate about can be a great step towards building your confidence to reach out to others.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Hmm, there's a handful of us. Not that I didn't really expect it.

Just an idea, but what do people think about making a usergroup for introverts, shut-ins, and people with social anxiety? People could share their experiences and feelings with other people who are in similar situations.

Let me know if that's something you are interested in. You can let me know in a PM if you'd rather too.

It's just a thought, though. If people aren't into it, that won't hurt my feelings either.

---

Oh you deleted your post? I hope you didn't feel embarrassed. That's some rough stuff you are going through. I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say, because I hadn't been in a situation quite like that :/

 

[Kae]

Y'all are sad.

I'm awful at reading people, what I assumed was being friendly was actually flirting and it took me way too long to realize what was going on.