There?s a saying among Star Trek fans in regards to the movies. Namely, every Odd numbered films suck balls. This was a standard rule of thumb when it came to discussing the matter. Sure, Search for Spock and Generations were certainly watchable, but they just didn?t reach the same level of awesome as The One with Kahn, The One with The Borg and, my personal favorite, The One With The Whales. Then, well, then Nemesis happened. Nemesis, or Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan Starring Picard. It was the 10th in the series, and it ate more cock than that German Cannibal. So, do we assume that the trend is reversed now? Well, Maybe.
Let?s face it, There are a lot of factors ensuring that this movie doesn?t suck. It?s directed by a long time Star Trek fan who has enough crossover appeal to make sure people who?ve never heard of Star Trek (yes, they exist) get a look in too. It?s got cameos from original Star Trek actors and a cast made from the dream of fanboys, what with Spock being played by Sylar and Scotty being played by Shawn of the Dead. The trailer suggests good things to come, and it?s the first new Trek in checks watch 5 years. So can we really just sit back and let Mr Lost make every single one of the insidious and incredibly vocal Star Trek fan very happy?
Of course not, you twit. Star Trek fans are never happy. If they WERE, Star Trek wouldn?t still be here today. It would be buried as another 60?s thing that nobody remembers like, well, I don?t remember. That?s kind of the point. Star Trek has such a massive and loyal fanbase that has stuck by it despite what it?s become. And yet they complain about even the smallest niggling details like Checkov not being involved in the first series and Uhura?s hair not being styled in quite the right way. My next paragraph is devoted to you
SHUT THE FUCK UP. I mean it. If you fuckers ruin this for me, I?m gonna fucking hunt you down and fucking kill you. This is the first prospect of decent Star Trek we?ve seen in a long time and if one more person dares tell me that Eric Bana can?t pull off a Romulan Commander, that person is going to find out what their own Arsehole tastes like! The original series, despite its many, MANY glaring flaws, somehow became the first ever Cult Hit. Spawning four spin offs over 20 years after its cancellation is evidence that no matter how shit it is, and it has been very shit, people still love it. For some reason switching off the fucking TV has never been an option, so for nearly 50 years we?ve had to listen to them bitching over whether Janeway or Dax were hotter.
So, when this movie DOES finally come out, we can expect a lot of ?loyalists? complete with Vulcan ears and head ridges firing fucking phasers at the screen at anything they disapprove of, but of course, they?ll still all buy tickets (or torrent it, let?s be honest), watch it, buy it on DVD and create enough interest to create another sequel so we can all do this dance again. I love Star Trek. I really do. One of my favourite early adolescent memories was joining the Star Trek club when I was 12. My first foray into adventure games was Star Trek 25th Anniversary for the Mac (mental note, find torrent), and I understand that a lot of these fans have had similar experiences with it, I do. And, like all childhood experiences, I understand the rage one flies into when somebody fucks with it, but lets look at some facts here: Deforest Kelly, James Doohan and most importantly, Gene Roddenberry are dead. Very, VERY dead. Star Trek creator, and two main characters, are dead. Your childhood experience is therefore, dead. But, thanks to you vocal freaks, one day hopefully I will be able to take my child to see their first Star Trek film. So, thanks, I guess. Now shut the fuck up, and enjoy the movie.
Let?s face it, There are a lot of factors ensuring that this movie doesn?t suck. It?s directed by a long time Star Trek fan who has enough crossover appeal to make sure people who?ve never heard of Star Trek (yes, they exist) get a look in too. It?s got cameos from original Star Trek actors and a cast made from the dream of fanboys, what with Spock being played by Sylar and Scotty being played by Shawn of the Dead. The trailer suggests good things to come, and it?s the first new Trek in checks watch 5 years. So can we really just sit back and let Mr Lost make every single one of the insidious and incredibly vocal Star Trek fan very happy?
Of course not, you twit. Star Trek fans are never happy. If they WERE, Star Trek wouldn?t still be here today. It would be buried as another 60?s thing that nobody remembers like, well, I don?t remember. That?s kind of the point. Star Trek has such a massive and loyal fanbase that has stuck by it despite what it?s become. And yet they complain about even the smallest niggling details like Checkov not being involved in the first series and Uhura?s hair not being styled in quite the right way. My next paragraph is devoted to you
SHUT THE FUCK UP. I mean it. If you fuckers ruin this for me, I?m gonna fucking hunt you down and fucking kill you. This is the first prospect of decent Star Trek we?ve seen in a long time and if one more person dares tell me that Eric Bana can?t pull off a Romulan Commander, that person is going to find out what their own Arsehole tastes like! The original series, despite its many, MANY glaring flaws, somehow became the first ever Cult Hit. Spawning four spin offs over 20 years after its cancellation is evidence that no matter how shit it is, and it has been very shit, people still love it. For some reason switching off the fucking TV has never been an option, so for nearly 50 years we?ve had to listen to them bitching over whether Janeway or Dax were hotter.
So, when this movie DOES finally come out, we can expect a lot of ?loyalists? complete with Vulcan ears and head ridges firing fucking phasers at the screen at anything they disapprove of, but of course, they?ll still all buy tickets (or torrent it, let?s be honest), watch it, buy it on DVD and create enough interest to create another sequel so we can all do this dance again. I love Star Trek. I really do. One of my favourite early adolescent memories was joining the Star Trek club when I was 12. My first foray into adventure games was Star Trek 25th Anniversary for the Mac (mental note, find torrent), and I understand that a lot of these fans have had similar experiences with it, I do. And, like all childhood experiences, I understand the rage one flies into when somebody fucks with it, but lets look at some facts here: Deforest Kelly, James Doohan and most importantly, Gene Roddenberry are dead. Very, VERY dead. Star Trek creator, and two main characters, are dead. Your childhood experience is therefore, dead. But, thanks to you vocal freaks, one day hopefully I will be able to take my child to see their first Star Trek film. So, thanks, I guess. Now shut the fuck up, and enjoy the movie.
