Domestic Violence Against Men

[Soujiro621]

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/bigger-picture/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20968901&page=2

It's this kind of double standard that makes me think women have all the power in the world and all they need do is claim it.

I'm not saying women having power is a bad thing, I still wish I'd have had the chance to vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Barack Obama, but the idea that women aren't violent like men are needs to go away. They're just as capable of it. It reminded me of Lizzie Borden:

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.

From what I've read, a lot of people thought she couldn't have killed her parents, not because women were thought to be incapable of murder, but because of the violence involved in the murders. She was acquitted and it is debatable whether or not she was the culprit.

Domestic violence as a whole needs to be tackled, not just domestic violence against women and children.

 

[levelone]

Yes,but this is a touchy subject and I hope that we can all be mature about this subject and not force over time for the moderators.

that being said I was in a relationship for 5 years and one night we had a verbal argument (nothing major) and then she hit me, she realized if I slapped her the police and other services would take care of her and ship me off to jail, everything was in our name but with me in prison the ownership would fall under her... It Would have been the perfect divorce I would disappear and she would have everything I worked so hard for us all these years.



this continued for about 13 months I thought I could talk her out of this that we could repair the damage all this has caused to us.

until finally she fell in the dining room when she was hitting me and her head fell onto
the corner of the table

it was a minor bruise and very little bleeding, (no more then when you popped a zit as a teenager.

She called the cops and said I attacked her, the cops came in practically storming our home, cuffed me and read me my rights

I was bruised and couldn't walk from when she struck me with a hammer earlier that night

i had called before but I was told it was a crime to prank call the police and tie up the phone lines for real emergencies.

the cops dragged me to the back seat and the only reason I am not in jail is the cameras at my old job showed me with more and more bruising and my cell phone gps showed that i never went anywhere except home and work (money was tight and I did the right thing and tightened my belt so she would not have to)

she was recommended to take anger management, no Court order what so ever.

so I try to have us go to couples counseling and slowly it seems that any development is going to take more time then i thought it would and then when life seems so sure to be going as everyone tells you it will that there is some small piece of normality

6 months later she leaves me without a word she didn't take any of her things except a cell phone&laptop I spent what money i could for a Private Investigator she found her 4 states away working at a bank as a teller.

if i was to hit her once I would have become a felon and lost most of my rights as a citizen.

 

[AlexTheBucket2112]

Yes,but this is a touchy subject and I hope that we can all be mature about this subject and not force over time for the moderators.

that being said I was in a relationship for 5 years and one night we had a verbal argument (nothing major) and then she hit me, she realized if I slapped her the police and other services would take care of her and ship me off to jail, everything was in our name but with me in prison the ownership would fall under her... It Would have been the perfect divorce I would disappear and she would have everything I worked so hard for us all these years.



this continued for about 13 months I thought I could talk her out of this that we could repair the damage all this has caused to us.

until finally she fell in the dining room when she was hitting me and her head fell onto
the corner of the table

it was a minor bruise and very little bleeding, (no more then when you popped a zit as a teenager.

She called the cops and said I attacked her, the cops came in practically storming our home, cuffed me and read me my rights

I was bruised and couldn't walk from when she struck me with a hammer earlier that night

i had called before but I was told it was a crime to prank call the police and tie up the phone lines for real emergencies.

the cops dragged me to the back seat and the only reason I am not in jail is the cameras at my old job showed me with more and more bruising and my cell phone gps showed that i never went anywhere except home and work (money was tight and I did the right thing and tightened my belt so she would not have to)

she was recommended to take anger management, no Court order what so ever.

so I try to have us go to couples counseling and slowly it seems that any development is going to take more time then i thought it would and then when life seems so sure to be going as everyone tells you it will that there is some small piece of normality

6 months later she leaves me without a word she didn't take any of her things except a cell phone&laptop I spent what money i could for a Private Investigator she found her 4 states away working at a bank as a teller.

if i was to hit her once I would have become a felon and lost most of my rights as a citizen.

Thats rough. Really rough. Just hearing that story makes me really angry.

 

[axia777]

I feel for you levelone on a personal level as the same thing happened to me. I agree. My ex-wife hit me on a number of occasions in the past. But like levelone above I just knew that the hypocrite cops would not do a damn thing about it. In this I hate society and all it's bullshit hypocrisy. It is a good thing I divorced her and took my kid.

 

[Bulletinmybrain]

Yes,but this is a touchy subject and I hope that we can all be mature about this subject and not force over time for the moderators.

that being said I was in a relationship for 5 years and one night we had a verbal argument (nothing major) and then she hit me, she realized if I slapped her the police and other services would take care of her and ship me off to jail, everything was in our name but with me in prison the ownership would fall under her... It Would have been the perfect divorce I would disappear and she would have everything I worked so hard for us all these years.



this continued for about 13 months I thought I could talk her out of this that we could repair the damage all this has caused to us.

until finally she fell in the dining room when she was hitting me and her head fell onto
the corner of the table

it was a minor bruise and very little bleeding, (no more then when you popped a zit as a teenager.

She called the cops and said I attacked her, the cops came in practically storming our home, cuffed me and read me my rights

I was bruised and couldn't walk from when she struck me with a hammer earlier that night

i had called before but I was told it was a crime to prank call the police and tie up the phone lines for real emergencies.

the cops dragged me to the back seat and the only reason I am not in jail is the cameras at my old job showed me with more and more bruising and my cell phone gps showed that i never went anywhere except home and work (money was tight and I did the right thing and tightened my belt so she would not have to)

she was recommended to take anger management, no Court order what so ever.

so I try to have us go to couples counseling and slowly it seems that any development is going to take more time then i thought it would and then when life seems so sure to be going as everyone tells you it will that there is some small piece of normality

6 months later she leaves me without a word she didn't take any of her things except a cell phone&laptop I spent what money i could for a Private Investigator she found her 4 states away working at a bank as a teller.

if i was to hit her once I would have become a felon and lost most of my rights as a citizen.

Thats rough. Really rough. Just hearing that story makes me really angry.

The sad part is.. That I am positive that this happens a lot.. Even if you somehow get it to court and try to settle the case a women will get off with far less punishment then a male. The feminist movement also seems laughable in this respect, courts and people still believe women cannot be abusers for some arbitrary reason or another. That they are 'helpless' and must be 'protected.'

 

[Grayjack]

Rage

This really pissed me off. Sorry man.

 

[Arehexes]

Yes,but this is a touchy subject and I hope that we can all be mature about this subject and not force over time for the moderators.

that being said I was in a relationship for 5 years and one night we had a verbal argument (nothing major) and then she hit me, she realized if I slapped her the police and other services would take care of her and ship me off to jail, everything was in our name but with me in prison the ownership would fall under her... It Would have been the perfect divorce I would disappear and she would have everything I worked so hard for us all these years.



this continued for about 13 months I thought I could talk her out of this that we could repair the damage all this has caused to us.

until finally she fell in the dining room when she was hitting me and her head fell onto
the corner of the table

it was a minor bruise and very little bleeding, (no more then when you popped a zit as a teenager.

She called the cops and said I attacked her, the cops came in practically storming our home, cuffed me and read me my rights

I was bruised and couldn't walk from when she struck me with a hammer earlier that night

i had called before but I was told it was a crime to prank call the police and tie up the phone lines for real emergencies.

the cops dragged me to the back seat and the only reason I am not in jail is the cameras at my old job showed me with more and more bruising and my cell phone gps showed that i never went anywhere except home and work (money was tight and I did the right thing and tightened my belt so she would not have to)

she was recommended to take anger management, no Court order what so ever.

so I try to have us go to couples counseling and slowly it seems that any development is going to take more time then i thought it would and then when life seems so sure to be going as everyone tells you it will that there is some small piece of normality

6 months later she leaves me without a word she didn't take any of her things except a cell phone&laptop I spent what money i could for a Private Investigator she found her 4 states away working at a bank as a teller.

if i was to hit her once I would have become a felon and lost most of my rights as a citizen.

I'm glad your still a free man

 

[Legion]

The world in general does need to accept that women are just as capable of violence as men (even though it is less common), and the reality is that most guys would not be willing to admit it for the sake of "dignity".

I dislike domestic violence altogether but what frustrates me is how a lot of girls/women I know believe that women should be equal/superior but think it is wrong for a man to hit a woman in any circumstances.

I am not of course suggesting guys should hit women, I am very much against that, but if you want gender equality then you have to accept that it just as bad for either sex to attack the other.

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You both have my respect for not snapping like so many others would have done.

 

[Musicfreak]

Yes,but this is a touchy subject and I hope that we can all be mature about this subject and not force over time for the moderators.

that being said I was in a relationship for 5 years and one night we had a verbal argument (nothing major) and then she hit me, she realized if I slapped her the police and other services would take care of her and ship me off to jail, everything was in our name but with me in prison the ownership would fall under her... It Would have been the perfect divorce I would disappear and she would have everything I worked so hard for us all these years.



this continued for about 13 months I thought I could talk her out of this that we could repair the damage all this has caused to us.

until finally she fell in the dining room when she was hitting me and her head fell onto
the corner of the table

it was a minor bruise and very little bleeding, (no more then when you popped a zit as a teenager.

She called the cops and said I attacked her, the cops came in practically storming our home, cuffed me and read me my rights

I was bruised and couldn't walk from when she struck me with a hammer earlier that night

i had called before but I was told it was a crime to prank call the police and tie up the phone lines for real emergencies.

the cops dragged me to the back seat and the only reason I am not in jail is the cameras at my old job showed me with more and more bruising and my cell phone gps showed that i never went anywhere except home and work (money was tight and I did the right thing and tightened my belt so she would not have to)

she was recommended to take anger management, no Court order what so ever.

so I try to have us go to couples counseling and slowly it seems that any development is going to take more time then i thought it would and then when life seems so sure to be going as everyone tells you it will that there is some small piece of normality

6 months later she leaves me without a word she didn't take any of her things except a cell phone&laptop I spent what money i could for a Private Investigator she found her 4 states away working at a bank as a teller.

if i was to hit her once I would have become a felon and lost most of my rights as a citizen.

That's really fucked up man, and also kind of scary as I can totally see this happening to other guys.

 

[axia777]

If it had been me, I'd probably have hit her right back - or just called the cops, useless assholes that they generally are.

Also: "'Men are perpetrators of domestic violence; women are victims of domestic violence,'"
This person should be fired and beaten publicly.

I just really, really did not want to go to prison. Fear of prison and the fact that my daughter needs me kept me from whipping some ass. I could have too. I have taken multiple kinds of martial arts, been in countless street fights, and I lift weights.

That's really fucked up man, and also kind of scary as I can totally see this happening to other guys.

Oh it does. Lots of times. Men are just too ashamed to call the cops or just know that the cops will do nothing.

 

[Musicfreak]

The world in general does need to accept that women are just as capable of violence as men, and the reality is that most guys would not be willing to admit it for the sake of "dignity".

I dislike domestic violence altogether but what frustrates me is how a lot of girls/women I know believe that women should be equal/superior but think it is wrong for a man to hit a woman in any circumstances.

I am not suggesting guys should hit women, I am very muc against that, but if you want gender equality then you have to accept that it just as bad for either sex to attack the other.

snip

snip

You both have my respect for not snapping like so many others would have done.

If there is one thing I really hate it is the "you shouldn't hit a lady" line. This line instantly fills me with rage. I'm not a sexist guy so this really pisses me off. IMO any women who uses this term deserves all the sexist and stereotyping the media or anyone else can throw at them.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I can categorically state it is unlikely to happen to me. I mean, I'm usually chivalrous, kind and as gentlemanly as possible, and I can endure quite a bit of punishment when it comes to violence that is either emotionally charged, or otherwise acceptable, but if it came to outright abuse, I'd simply immobilise her and take my chances with a decent lawyer and a competent judge. With more and more cases of DV against men coming to the fore, the liklihood of a successful prosecution against me is...shrinking, year by year.


Doubt it would get that far though. Don't mean to brag, but according to people I know, I get very, very scary when I'm angry. And not 'big, strong guy in a rage' angry - something worse, apparantly. Some people have called it 'a latent sadism coming to the surface', others just think I'm a touch psychotic under preassure, but I can usually intimidate anyone into backing away from me.


Still, I sympathise with your situation, levelone, and you to Axia. I honestly don't know what I would do if I wound up in such a situation, and I'll keep praying nobody I know winds up there (or myself, for that matter). I find it hard to comprehend how....demeaning it must be, to have your masculinity offended by someone else with nigh-on impunity.

 

[El Poncho]

When woman what equal rights people seem to leave out the bad bits and we are stuck with them, I would make sure the police new that she hit me , but how do you react when a woman hits you and if you tell someone they laugh in your face?

 

[Soujiro621]

I'm glad you were able to keep your kid axia777. I don't have any research to quote or anything but it always seems to me the mother is more likely to retain custody of any children (my research involves a quote from the judge in Kramer vs. Kramer so I'd fully accept being wrong).

That's really fucked up man, and also kind of scary as I can totally see this happening to other guys.

Oh it does. Lots of times. Men are just too ashamed to call the cops or just know that the cops will do nothing.

It's the same way with sexual harassment at work or something, men are far less likely to report it. They feel they should just put up with it or that it doesn't matter.

snip

snip

You are both very patient men.

If it had been me, I'd probably have hit her right back - or just called the cops, useless assholes that they generally are.

Also: "'Men are perpetrators of domestic violence; women are victims of domestic violence,'"
This person should be fired and beaten publicly.

You hit her back, you're in prison.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

You hit her back, you're in prison.

I am fully aware of the consequences of my actions.
I don't care if someone has a loaded gun pointed at me - if they hit me, I'm hitting them back.
They can kill me if they want to after that.

As I pointed out earlier, it's not that bad any more. You'll probably get, y'know, a trial, and a chance to tell your side of the story. And these days, judges and juries are becoming more likely to accept the simple explaintation that 'I hate to sound childish, but she struck me repeatedly. Would you propose I did nothing?'

 

[Rolling Thunder]

As I pointed out earlier, it's not that bad any more. You'll probably get, y'know, a trial, and a chance to tell your side of the story. And these days, judges and juries are becoming more likely to accept the simple explaintation that 'I hate to sound childish, but she struck me repeatedly. Would you propose I did nothing?'

I'd prefer to tell that to the cops and avoid a lengthy trial, if possible.

I appreciate that fact, however, my scenario involves one where the police and Prosecution services simply think your bullshitting to cover for your own abuse. I did this because the police and the CPS (DA for you Americans) is more likely to be the weak link in the chain when spotting this sort of thing, wheras at a full trial it is far more likely you will be acquitted.