My entry for the review thingy, seeing as the original deadline has passed I thought I'd chuck it up on here. Written in ten minutes while I had hayfever so expect the unexpected (shite)
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Okay, so I'm browsing my local games store and generally being me when I come across a slew of new titles. They look all shiny, like the employees have actually given them a bit of a shoeshine before they put them on the shelf. I see the one about a grizzled young man killing zombies; I see the one about a grizzled young man getting revenge by killing zombies and the one where you play as a zombie out to get revenge on a grizzled young man for wiping out your necro-chums.
Now I'm a man who loves shot gunning both people and corpses in the face as much as the next guy, but even I think there's been somewhat of a dearth of creativity from devs lately. If I wanted to shoot corpses in the face, I'd just go down to the local graveyard and have my fill of war veterans. Sure, people would get a tad peeved for desecrating the memories of the fallen, but they'll thank me for thinning out the zombie horde when the day comes.
Where was I?
Right, the games store. Anyhow, as much as the latest zombie game calls to me like an undead siren, I begin to realise I may not have enough money to get the game. Damn you AIG! Damn you to hell! Ironically, people are touting zombie banks as a solution to the crisis, proving you can solve anything with zombies, but I'm getting off the track again.
So, getting dirty looks from the employees who don't appreciate people breathing on their stock and then leaving without buying anything I leave the store. There's this wind blowing right, like nothing I've ever felt. It's bitterly cold so I turn up my collar, looking like a douche bag frat boy in the process. So I'm walking along the avenue, looking like a douche bag when I see neon lights beckoning me with their radioactive warmth.
BENNY'S ARCADE!
It's funny, up until that point I had forgotten about the loose change in my pocket, but upon seeing that sign the shrapnel in my pocket is weighing me down, so I decide to check out the arcade to waste a bit of my time and loose change.
The machines had seen better days, but one machine strikes me. It has a picture of a monkey on it. Now, I'm a complete sucker for anything with a monkey on it. In fact, that's how they served me with a summons when I killed that guy. Anyhow, there I am being dazzled by the neon lights and the monkey and I look upon this faded brown box full of hyper-colour dreams and it's marked Donkey Kong.
On the screen some guy who's jumping over barrels and climbing ladders being taunted by some sort of testosterone-filled ape. Being a sad, sad man I had nowhere to go, so I decided to give the thing a whirl. Hell, it didn't look that hard. I was going to wipe the smirk off that smug Billy Mitchell's face.
Joysticks huh? I'd heard of these but only now did I get to give one a go. Sure, it was more likely to give me arthritis than the relatively ergonomic design of an Xbox controller, but I'm a sucker for pastiche.
So I'm jumping over these barrels, and I die at least five times but you know what? I was actually enjoying myself. I was actually getting jollies from this poorly rendered monkey jumping game. I mean, what kind of ridiculous premise was this? I'm playing as some guy who has to rescue his frankly, homely looking girl from a giant ape. I mean, seriously, it's been done before.
What's my motivation here?
I mean, at least in King Kong they had the whole 'The humans are the monsters!' angle to it, but with Donkey Kong you're trying to save your girl from a giant monkey. That's right. Donkey Kong vilifies monkeys by painting them as roided-girlfriend stealers! That's not right man, I mean; I don't want to feel the stinky breath of a PETA member down the back of my neck every time I play a game.
You know, I've been thinking about the absurdity of it all, meanwhile I've been running out of cash. I'm getting pretty close to level five now. My motivation from a narrative viewpoint has been out the window for some time now and yet I persist with this daft jumping and climbing. Then it hits me, this is what arcade game play is all about.
It's not about getting A-List voice talent or having a team of writers nutting how to keep the players interested in inane game play. It's about the game play, pure and simple. It's about doing the same thing over and over and over again and having the time of your life. It's not only the genesis of modern gaming but also the synthesis of good game play, something modern devs have forgotten about and labelled 'retro', as if to relegate it to the past when it should very much be a signpost for the future.
Yet there I was, my money now considerably lighter, I had fun and I felt like I accomplished something tangible with my day besides fragging yet another anonymous zombie or member of a private army. Dammit, I was level five!
When it was all said and done, I was reminded of why Donkey Kong is a prime example of classic arcade gaming at its best. You did virtually the same thing over and over again and it gave me a reason to put another coin in the machine. It wasn't about protagonist's motivations or getting a new weapon or even unlocking a shiny new achievement, it was fun in its most pure element.
Before we had the glitz and the glamour of all of the graphical whiz-bang tomfoolery, all developers could rely on was solid game play. In that respect, Donkey Kong epitomises this philosophy and remains a compelling game which will chew your coins like nothing else. It's inspired various world record attempts and was indirectly responsible for a kickass brand of barbeque sauce, because purely and simply it was a challenge, but a challenge which was fun.
Arthritis be damned, I'm going back into the arcade tomorrow to finish what I started.
=====================================================================================
Okay, so I'm browsing my local games store and generally being me when I come across a slew of new titles. They look all shiny, like the employees have actually given them a bit of a shoeshine before they put them on the shelf. I see the one about a grizzled young man killing zombies; I see the one about a grizzled young man getting revenge by killing zombies and the one where you play as a zombie out to get revenge on a grizzled young man for wiping out your necro-chums.
Now I'm a man who loves shot gunning both people and corpses in the face as much as the next guy, but even I think there's been somewhat of a dearth of creativity from devs lately. If I wanted to shoot corpses in the face, I'd just go down to the local graveyard and have my fill of war veterans. Sure, people would get a tad peeved for desecrating the memories of the fallen, but they'll thank me for thinning out the zombie horde when the day comes.
Where was I?
Right, the games store. Anyhow, as much as the latest zombie game calls to me like an undead siren, I begin to realise I may not have enough money to get the game. Damn you AIG! Damn you to hell! Ironically, people are touting zombie banks as a solution to the crisis, proving you can solve anything with zombies, but I'm getting off the track again.
So, getting dirty looks from the employees who don't appreciate people breathing on their stock and then leaving without buying anything I leave the store. There's this wind blowing right, like nothing I've ever felt. It's bitterly cold so I turn up my collar, looking like a douche bag frat boy in the process. So I'm walking along the avenue, looking like a douche bag when I see neon lights beckoning me with their radioactive warmth.
BENNY'S ARCADE!
It's funny, up until that point I had forgotten about the loose change in my pocket, but upon seeing that sign the shrapnel in my pocket is weighing me down, so I decide to check out the arcade to waste a bit of my time and loose change.
The machines had seen better days, but one machine strikes me. It has a picture of a monkey on it. Now, I'm a complete sucker for anything with a monkey on it. In fact, that's how they served me with a summons when I killed that guy. Anyhow, there I am being dazzled by the neon lights and the monkey and I look upon this faded brown box full of hyper-colour dreams and it's marked Donkey Kong.
On the screen some guy who's jumping over barrels and climbing ladders being taunted by some sort of testosterone-filled ape. Being a sad, sad man I had nowhere to go, so I decided to give the thing a whirl. Hell, it didn't look that hard. I was going to wipe the smirk off that smug Billy Mitchell's face.
Joysticks huh? I'd heard of these but only now did I get to give one a go. Sure, it was more likely to give me arthritis than the relatively ergonomic design of an Xbox controller, but I'm a sucker for pastiche.
So I'm jumping over these barrels, and I die at least five times but you know what? I was actually enjoying myself. I was actually getting jollies from this poorly rendered monkey jumping game. I mean, what kind of ridiculous premise was this? I'm playing as some guy who has to rescue his frankly, homely looking girl from a giant ape. I mean, seriously, it's been done before.
What's my motivation here?
I mean, at least in King Kong they had the whole 'The humans are the monsters!' angle to it, but with Donkey Kong you're trying to save your girl from a giant monkey. That's right. Donkey Kong vilifies monkeys by painting them as roided-girlfriend stealers! That's not right man, I mean; I don't want to feel the stinky breath of a PETA member down the back of my neck every time I play a game.
You know, I've been thinking about the absurdity of it all, meanwhile I've been running out of cash. I'm getting pretty close to level five now. My motivation from a narrative viewpoint has been out the window for some time now and yet I persist with this daft jumping and climbing. Then it hits me, this is what arcade game play is all about.
It's not about getting A-List voice talent or having a team of writers nutting how to keep the players interested in inane game play. It's about the game play, pure and simple. It's about doing the same thing over and over and over again and having the time of your life. It's not only the genesis of modern gaming but also the synthesis of good game play, something modern devs have forgotten about and labelled 'retro', as if to relegate it to the past when it should very much be a signpost for the future.
Yet there I was, my money now considerably lighter, I had fun and I felt like I accomplished something tangible with my day besides fragging yet another anonymous zombie or member of a private army. Dammit, I was level five!
When it was all said and done, I was reminded of why Donkey Kong is a prime example of classic arcade gaming at its best. You did virtually the same thing over and over again and it gave me a reason to put another coin in the machine. It wasn't about protagonist's motivations or getting a new weapon or even unlocking a shiny new achievement, it was fun in its most pure element.
Before we had the glitz and the glamour of all of the graphical whiz-bang tomfoolery, all developers could rely on was solid game play. In that respect, Donkey Kong epitomises this philosophy and remains a compelling game which will chew your coins like nothing else. It's inspired various world record attempts and was indirectly responsible for a kickass brand of barbeque sauce, because purely and simply it was a challenge, but a challenge which was fun.
Arthritis be damned, I'm going back into the arcade tomorrow to finish what I started.
