Dota 2 matchmaking a government plot

[Flutterguy]

Thank for comin tonit gentlemen. Our group has discoverd some horribl news.

As good god-fearing Murican's why does Valve keep matching us up with Russians? Why do we keep seeing Russia putin on the news? Or greatest minds have been tackling the case and have come to terms with the truth and here it is;: Gabe Newell is the illuminati.
They are trieing to incyte a war between Russia and America. Obviously these 'russian' players are NSA employees trying to cause us to hate one another. The russians' no doubt has their KGB operatives doing the same thing on theyr servers.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

 

[Barbas]

I guess this is what happens when you walk away from your computer without locking it.

 

[Padwolf]

I read that title a few times to make sure I was reading that properly. Sir, I think you are on to something big here. I consider myself enlightened, and shall try and wake up other sheeples.

FOLLOW ME TO THE LIGHT!

 

[JoJo]

Clearly the reptilians are the one's behind all this. I say we embrace our new cold-blooded overlords, they can't be much worse than the current lot right?

 

[Angelblaze]

Clearly the reptilians are the one's behind all this. I say we embrace our new cold-blooded overlords, they can't be much worse than the current lot right?

Wait you're telling me we're not being lead by man eating cold blooded vile reptilian beings?


Wow. Color me surprised.