Dumbest Way You Have Hurt Yourself

dfphetteplace

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Nov 29, 2009
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What is the dumbest way you have hurt yourself? In real life, not video games. Yesterday I put an industrial staple in my hand while in my workshop. The damn staple gun in backwards from ever other one on earth, and now part of my hand is numb and another part feels like it is on fire. So, what have all of you done to yourselves?
 

Nincompoop

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May 24, 2009
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I often get angry and squeeze my mobile phone in my hand. It retaliates by being a solid object, thusly hurting my own hand. I f**king hate my mobile phone.
 

Onyx Oblivion

Borderlands Addict. Again.
Sep 9, 2008
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I was in kindergarten, and purposefully stapled my finger to see what would happen.
 

Nemu

In my hand I hold a key...
Oct 14, 2009
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Rolled off the top bunk of my bunkbed and drove me knee into a heating vent when I hit the floor.

Decades later, I can still hear my Da yelling "Wot the hell was THAT?!?!" and my whimpering reply of "...nothiiiing...."
 
Dec 14, 2009
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Well there was that time my appendix tried to kill me, that was fun.

The best way however, involved a soldering iron, liquid metal and my arm.
 

Idlemessiah

Zombie Steve Irwin
Feb 22, 2009
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I dropped my 360 on my big toe yesterday. It still works but my toe is purple :(
 
Jan 15, 2010
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I cut a big chunk of my thumb from a Washing machine door. You know those little hook things that the lock the door. Yea, I cut myself on that and it was pretty deep.

Also getting electrocuted while trying to change my light bulb...after coming out of the shower.
 

uguito-93

This space for rent
Jul 16, 2009
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The moral of my story is: Dont plug in old sowing machines you found on the side of the road in. What seems like a good idea when you are 8 usually isnt.
 

HSIAMetalKing

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Jan 2, 2008
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In high school I was doing a project that involved hot glue-- the kind that you use with the little gun loaded with solid glue sticks. Anyway, after the thing had warmed up there was no glue coming out when I squeezed the trigger so I tried pushing on the glue stick-- hot glue spoog'd out onto my hand and leg.

To add insult to injury, my first instinct was to run the wounds under COLD WATER, which instantly hardened the glue. This led to a series of painful skin-extractions and a set of puffy scars on my right hand and right leg which remain to this day.
 

Regiment

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Nov 9, 2009
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One day, while I worked at the amusement park, some genius decided it would be expeditious to jump the fence to get in line. That night, while closing, I found that he had kicked one of the slats out of the fence. I picked it up to put it in the booth, and idly tossed it in the air and tried to catch it with one hand so I could have a better angle. I managed to cut myself a few times on the nails. It looked like I had been attacked by a mountain lion. I had those marks on my hand for the rest of the summer.
 

Nivag the Owl

Owl of Hyper-Intelligence
Oct 29, 2008
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I once slept on my bed the wrong way round. By the morning, I had forgotten and ended up smacking at least 90% of my body against the wall trying to get out.
 

dthvirus

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Oct 2, 2008
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Sacked myself by tilting a chest of drawers towards me. The middle drawer rolled out and nailed me in the crotch. Hurrrgh.
 

Valksy

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Nov 5, 2009
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Back in the day when I shaved my legs with an electric "ladyshave" type method I didn't notice that the metal foil had broken and had a tiny bit of sharp metal sticking up. I cut the living hell out of myself with that thing by virtue of a high pain threshold and how unbelievably sharp the little tiny bit of vibrating metal was. I literally had several feet of lacerations all over my right lower leg.

It never did hurt but fucking hell, it was a lot of blood....
 

Cuacuani

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Nov 16, 2009
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After having some surgery on the roof of my mouth under local anaesthetic, I managed to bite through my own bottom lip. I only realised because my sandwich was tasting funny.

Edit: I also once electrocuted myself and fell asleep on my ex. She was my ex at the time. Did not end well.
 

Darth Caelum

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Jan 21, 2010
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I tripped while running around, having fun. The Resulting wound on my Chin required stitching.
Stupid part is, the Entire thing was Replicated ALMOST THE SAME WAY when i injured myself on the Forehead this time.

Of course i can hardly remember which came first though. it heappened when i was.....5? 6?
 

kurupt87

Fuhuhzucking hellcocks I'm good
Mar 17, 2010
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When mind bendingly drunk and pissed off I elbowed my way through a car rear window. I'd tried to punch through first but that hadn't worked and just hurt my hand. Yeah, that's a period of my life I regret. Glass hurts.

On a different situation at a party a group of lads were being complete tossers to me, I was drunk (I know...) and so wanted to fight them. Yeah, them. This was obviously a bad idea and with the help of my friends and a persistent but small voice of reason I just walked away. Trouble was I was still drunk and epic-ly pissed off and had no release of tension, fight/cry in other words. So I decided to take my frustration out on a wooden fence. I managed, after about a minute or two, to punch my through it. My hands, unsurprisingly, were in tatters.

Moral of the story, I have anger problems and shouldn't drink so much.
 

El Poncho

Techno Hippy will eat your soul!
May 21, 2009
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Hurt my finger closing my laptop while my fingers were still on the edges :(
 

EightGaugeHippo

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Apr 6, 2010
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cut the peice of flesh just above the nail off the top of my left middle finger, with a pair of --->SAFTY<--- scissors when I was 10.
Safe my arse

When I was 6, making pancakes with my parents, I touched the bottom of the pan whan I tried to flip them.

13, I faceplanted down 5 concrete steps on my skatebord. Almost broke my nose and had an inch long cut across my neck.