Embarrassment over being a "gamer"

[BeanDelphiki]

This may seem like an odd way to preface a post here, but I do not really consider myself a gamer. I have played some video games (like I think just about everyone in my generation has - I'm 26, for the record), but I do not devote much time or energy toward playing games. I own maybe 20 Playstation games, I pop one in for a bit maybe once a month, and I'm not sure if I've ever even finished one. (Oh, and, uh, I'm not very good at them. Ha.) I feel like calling myself a "gamer" would be like calling myself a "musician" because I can play "Chopsticks" and "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on a piano.

I do, however, think gaming is very interesting. Beyond the oft-mentioned training of "hand-eye coordination," I think it has a lot of potential as a story-telling medium that has yet to be fully realized. I think games have value as an experience in this respect that cannot be replicated or replaced by books or movies. (Note that this statement is not intended as a value judgment of books, movies or games - I'm saying they're qualitatively different, not that one is quantitatively better.) I'm also interested in the exploratory, puzzle-solving nature of games, and what relationship that has to the way we interact with technology in the digital age.

Now, I'm taking an introductory sociology course at uni this semester. As part of the course, we have to do a research paper on a topic related to a chapter we're studying in our text. Virtually everyone in the class is stuck for topics and I felt similarly until today, when I had the brainstorm that I could do a paper on gaming as it's presented in mass media, and public perceptions of gaming/gamers. Naturally, I wanted to discuss this with my instructor and make sure that he felt this topic fit the assignment.

Well, not only did he think the topic fit the assignment...he called me to the front of the room to use my topic as an example for the class, and discuss possibly methodologies we might use for topics like mine.

So here's the part I found interesting. When he called me to the front, asked and then announced my name...I just knew he was going to tell the class what my topic was, and I felt a flush of apprehension.

Sure enough, he said, "This is Bean, and his topic is going to be on public perceptions of gamers."

Approximately a quarter of the class immediately laughed, and I felt quite embarrassed. I thought, Great, now they all think I'm a gamer myself, and I picked the topic because I'm obsessed with games and couldn't think of a more "academic" topic.

(Whether or not that's actually what they thought - I certainly can't prove it, and I might be wrong - is nevertheless something I'd consider irrelevant to this post. The important thing is that is what I assumed they thought.)

My own reaction really surprised me (and naturally I noted this down), because I honestly feel - or thought I feel - that gaming should not be considered an embarrassing hobby or interest. From what I've observed, games are often very artistic (shut up, Ebert), add to social dialogue (being that they are reflections of our culture - and sometimes on our culture as commentaries), challenge our perceptions (through story and elements of their design), and generally require skill to play - what could be embarrassing about interest in them?

Yet I clearly was embarrassed about being publicly identified as a gamer, against my conscious objections to the idea that "gamer" should be a shameful identifier.

Further thoughts/observations I've made:

- I'm not entirely sure if my reaction was just to the idea of being a gamer, or more specifically to the idea of being an obsessive gamer (for choosing the topic), i.e. am I embarrassed by the label in general, or am I specifically embarrassed by the idea that I've been seen as fitting a social stereotype about gamers...or both?
- I recall now that when I first discussed this topic with my instructor, I opened the conversation with, "I'm not a gamer myself, but I'm interested in gaming culture..." Again, I'm not certain if this reflected some subconscious embarrassment over being identified as a gamer, or just wanting to deflect any assumptions that my interest was immaturely personal and not of serious academic interest. (Or is that again concerns about appearing to fit an ugly stereotype, i.e. the idea of gaming as a frivolous and immature interest?)
- I think if I'd been mistaken for a gamer in a community of other non-specific "geeks," I would not feel the same way even if they were not gamers themselves. I think I might be embarrassed to be presented as having knowledge or a skill set I don't think I have (i.e. "Oh, no, I'm not an expert on Battlestar Galactica, I've only seen a few episodes") so I think the embarrassment is only limited to people I would assume to have little knowledge or acceptance of gaming - not just non-gamers in general.

::

Okay, I know this is a long post, so here's the end.

I'm curious to know if others here have had somewhat similar experiences. That is, even if you have good reasons that you've carefully thought about for being unashamed - even proud - of being a gamer, have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself feeling embarrassed or ashamed of this interest? Particularly when you didn't anticipate you would?

I hope I have not misstepped anywhere on discussion of this topic. I just joined this site, and while I'm sure perceptions of gamers have been discussed here before (sorry to repeat anything), I'm very curious to know if people can relate to this specific experience of being surprised by your own shame.

Thanks!

 

[theonlyblaze2]

Everyone has felt embaressed at one point or another. When it comes to games, yeah, when I first started playing them, it was kind of embaressing to be called "a video game player"(I don't think the term "gamer" existed in my school). Once I got to High School, I just stopped caring what people thought. You can find flaws in what I like. Yes, some people become addicted to video games or become obsessed with them. A larger number are addicted to drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. What I like is what I like, and I don't need to explain that to anyone.

What I am trying to say is: If you don't think you are a Gamer, then you aren't. Just because they laughed at you doesn't mean they think you're a Gamer. It probably means that that quarter of the class thinks that video games are stupid, childish things that are beneath them. Also, only a quarter of the class laughed. Who knows how the other 3/4 feel about games. Don't feel embaressed that you came up with a social relevant topics before everyone else.

 

[Irridium]

Very recently actually. I'll spare the details, but suffice to say I felt ashamed, and I was surprised I felt ashamed. I've always said you shouldn't be ashamed of liking games. And that moment really screwed with my brain. Its weird really...

As for you, well I'd say to not feel ashamed, but after my little story, I don't know what to say. I guess don't feel ashamed? Hypocritical yes, but its true.

Also, see what theonlyblaze2 said.

 

[BeanDelphiki]

What I am trying to say is: If you don't think you are a Gamer, then you aren't. Just because they laughed at you doesn't mean they think you're a Gamer. It probably means that that quarter of the class thinks that video games are stupid, childish things that are beneath them. Also, only a quarter of the class laughed. Who knows how the other 3/4 feel about games. Don't feel embaressed that you came up with a social relevant topics before everyone else.

To clarify, I'm not looking for any personal validation. (Although thank you for offering it anyway.) I agree, I don't really know what they thought - but I know how I reacted based on what I thought they thought.

I mainly posted this because I found my own reaction interesting from a researcher's point of view. That is, I wasn't aware that negative public perceptions of gamers had seeped into my subconscious enough that they'd affect how I'd feel if other people identified me as a gamer. (Or I thought they had.)

I'm curious if people who do identify themselves as gamers have caught themselves feeling the same way (even when they didn't think they would), or is your own confidence in your interest rock-solid? (You seem to be saying the latter, and thanks for that.)

And yes, it's true that only some people laughed. I've been thinking about that, too. That is, did other people not laugh because they didn't care and didn't find it funny? Did they not laugh simply because they were in a classroom, regardless of their personal feelings? Etc. Considering how low the public opinion of video games is, it's actually kind of interesting that only a quarter or so laughed.

 

[Uber Evil]

I just feel ashamed because I feel like it detracts from my social life, but try not to let that bother me too much.

 

[BeanDelphiki]

Very recently actually. I'll spare the details, but suffice to say I felt ashamed, and I was surprised I felt ashamed. I've always said you shouldn't be ashamed of liking games. And that moment really screwed with my brain. Its weird really...

Not just me, then. By "screwed with my brain," do you maybe mean that it shook your self-perception in some way?

 

[Valate_v1legacy]

I don't usually care about what others think of me (I'd have committed suicide by now if I did), but I find it frustrating when people who control what I can and can't do think it's wrong.

Very frustrated.

 

[Forktongue]

I don't think your experience is that unique, so don't beat yourself up over it Bean.

I think some gamers feel awkward or embarrassed talking about gaming in public is partially due to the general public perception of videogames as a hobby. You hit the name on the head when you said: "or more specifically to the idea of being an obsessive gamer". I feel like the general public doesn't acknowledge that there are actual casual gamers out there. Not casual in the "I play Farmville and BeJeweled" sense, but people who enjoy popping in a game on a semi regular basis. Its ridiculous if you apply the logic to any other hobby (If someone says they like reading books, you don't immediately picture them as an obsessive bibliophile) but for some reason it is applied to gamers.

You might want to look up a phrase called "gamer's guilt". It's something I heard about when taking a course on the history of videogames. I'm paraphrasing here, but essentially gamer's guilt is a sense of shame brought on by playing games. My professor argued that unlike other hobbies, a gamer doesn't have anything to show for the time they spent playing a game, and this is why they have a sense of shame regarding their hobby. I personally disagreed with his idea of why, but the topic itself was really interesting.

EDIT: Sorry, I hit "post" instead of "preview. I was going to add that I've felt this on occasion too. I'm usually very vocal when it comes to people making sweeping judgments on games or gamers, but I've felt foolish when talking about games in a social situation where some people clearly looked at me in a more negative light. I like to think that as gaming matures as a medium it will become more socially accepted, eliminating the sense of guilt people sometimes have when speaking about an interest of theirs.

 

[theonlyblaze2]

What I am trying to say is: If you don't think you are a Gamer, then you aren't. Just because they laughed at you doesn't mean they think you're a Gamer. It probably means that that quarter of the class thinks that video games are stupid, childish things that are beneath them. Also, only a quarter of the class laughed. Who knows how the other 3/4 feel about games. Don't feel embaressed that you came up with a social relevant topics before everyone else.

To clarify, I'm not looking for any personal validation. (Although thank you for offering it anyway.) I agree, I don't really know what they thought - but I know how I reacted based on what I thought they thought.

I mainly posted this because I found my own reaction interesting from a researcher's point of view. That is, I wasn't aware that negative public perceptions of gamers had seeped into my subconscious enough that they'd affect how I'd feel if other people identified me as a gamer. (Or I thought they had.)

I'm curious if people who do identify themselves as gamers have caught themselves feeling the same way (even when they didn't think they would), or is your own confidence in your interest rock-solid? (You seem to be saying the latter, and thanks for that.)

And yes, it's true that only some people laughed. I've been thinking about that, too. That is, did other people not laugh because they didn't care and didn't find it funny? Did they not laugh simply because they were in a classroom, regardless of their personal feelings? Etc. Considering how low the public opinion of video games is, it's actually kind of interesting that only a quarter or so laughed.

Thanks for clarifying it for me. No, I have never felt ashemed for being a Gamer.

 

[Trolldor]

*snip*

If I spent my entire life worrying about whether I met somebody else's standards I wouldn't be as well off and as happy as I am now.
But am I a gamer?
No, I'm a Journalism student, former English/History Minor, Education Major student. I regularly play video games to help pass the time between parties with friends, work and University.

 

[Irridium]

Very recently actually. I'll spare the details, but suffice to say I felt ashamed, and I was surprised I felt ashamed. I've always said you shouldn't be ashamed of liking games. And that moment really screwed with my brain. Its weird really...

Not just me, then. By "screwed with my brain," do you maybe mean that it shook your self-perception in some way?

Yep. Which is strange to me because I've never really felt that way before. Gets me thinking that maybe all the negativity on games is getting to me subconsciously. Which really frightens me.

 

[Drakmeire]

I have never been embarrassed over being called a gamer. what right does anyone else have to be judgmental over anything you like. I'm am an avid gamer, cosplayer, and all around nerd and I don't care who knows. I never let it get in the way of anything important and I stay in shape as well as socialize with others (I don't like many people so that probably makes it easier)
screw what others think, if someone ostracizes you for being a gamer you're a better person than them anyway.

 

[Penguinness]

If you think that's bad try admitting you're doing a games design degree to everyone you know

 

[MetaMop]

I was raised on video games, some of my earliest memories are of playing old M-DOS games, and I don't see any "shame" being a "gamer"
In previous years, we've seen alot of negative attitudes towards gaming, but that will change and all the lawyers and politicians will eventually find some other political tailcoat to ride.
There's no shame that comes with enjoying video games, and anyone who says there is, isn't worth attention.

 

[Bihac]

Have never felt ashamed of being a "gamer", as it were.

Back when I was in training, it came up in a question how long do you spend on the computer on average, everyone else was saying 1 or 2 hours, when I said eight, and the teacher took a moment to clarify if i meant a week, or each day. I got stares from the rest of my class. Still couldn't care less, I found it all very amusing.

 

[maiqtheliar]

My boyfriend is also a game design major, and he feels a lot of guilt about it. Game design as a major hasn't reached the level of prestige as, say, film or creative writing as a major, despite the fact that it requires a lot of skills and talents that encompass those other majors and exceed them, in that programming is also required. He even goes so far as to be intentionally vague about his major (saying "interactive media" or just "design") to avoid having to explain his choice. When not talking to strangers, he's really confident and self-assured about his passion for video games and his fear of exposing that passion to others creates a pretty decent level of cognitive dissonance.
As a girl who plays games pretty regularly, I've definitely felt a decent level of guilt or shame about my hobby. There is a perception that games are "boyish", so along with the usual paranoia about stereotypes and judgments (games are a waste of time, games are violent, games lead to basement-dwelling, unemployed losers, etc etc) I've dealt with quite a lot of paranoia regarding how people view me as a "girl gamer".
Anyway, my solution has always been to not call myself a "gamer", and just talk about video games when they come up in conversation rather than push them in myself.

 

[BeanDelphiki]

My professor argued that unlike other hobbies, a gamer doesn't have anything to show for the time they spent playing a game, and this is why they have a sense of shame regarding their hobby. I personally disagreed with his idea of why, but the topic itself was really interesting.

Now, that's interesting. Wouldn't it be a better argument to say that the public perceives that gamers have "nothing to show for [playing games]"? I think that's more accurate, since it seems that gamers themselves feel they have something to show for it. (Also, where did you take a course on the history of videogames?)

Interesting post, thanks.

-snip-

Wow. I feel for your boyfriend that he has to feel that way.

It's a good point you bring up about female gamers - it hadn't occurred to me, but it makes sense that women and girls who play video games would have additional concerns about the way they're perceived.

 

[Chris646]

I have never felt ashamed at being a gamer, because I grew up on video games. Heck, my parents were gamers before I was born.

 

[aPod]

-snip-

That is an interesting point. It's not so much that playing games results in the time being wasted and nothing being gained, but society views it as such and so subconsciously many of us do feel shame for that.

However, playing a video game is more beneficial than watching T.V. or a Movie for reason's you pointed out in your original post. It's not to say it's the best use of time but maybe its the best way to waste time.

As for myself yes i did not like to be identified as a video gamer. Unless I was hanging out with a bunch of people I knew were into video games I would not bother to bring it up. Now days it's a different story. Maybe it's part of growing up where you worry less about what others think about you and more about what you think about yourself.

Anyways Bean very interesting topic you choose. Good luck with it. Remember we're gamers, we're all ticking time bombs. So paint us nicely. Or else

 

[Aidinthel]

I don't generally hesitate to mention that I play a lot of videogames if asked about my interests, but I am a bit apprehensive about what a person's first reaction will be. Fortunately, I've found that most of my fellow college students are also gamers to some degree. Just a couple hours ago I brought out my old Warcraft 2 disc to play a bit and this girl from down the hall who was visiting my roommate mentioned that she used to play it with her father and siblings. I had no idea at all that she played games before that moment.