Just a little background first. I work as a psychologist and it's critical in my profession to be able to separate out emotional responses and respond logically and in the patient's best interests. After seeing two manic-depressives, a drug addict, a person who's just there because they like to boast to their friends that they have a therapist, and someone's who's HIV positive and dying... well, most people would be feeling a mess of emotions, some from the previous consultation, some from this one, and some personal emotions, and that's just no good in terms of helping your patient.
I need to understand and control my emotions and emotional responses for professionals reasons, and maybe there are some escapists out there who are in a similar situation, so here's a good tip. I've been using this method for about 15 years now, so for me it's very quick and easy, but it does require a few months practice.
The method is very simple. At first you sit down with a blank piece of paper and write down everything you're feeling, and a rough percentage or number from 1 to 10, for example:
Tired 20%
Sad 10%
Angry 20%
Contented 40%
Irritable 10%
Now you'll see that sometimes emotions are contradictory, and you can feel contented about some stuff and irritated about other stuff or even the same stuff at the same time, that's fine, it's normal.
Next you focus on one item, for example, "Tired" and ask yourself "Why?" up to 5 times. For example:
1. Why am I tired?
A. I stayed up until 2am finishing Starcraft 2.
2. Why did I stay up so late, I know I'm going feel tired the next day.
A. I really wanted to finish the campaign.
3. Why didn't I just wait until tonight?
A. I'm impatient and I wanted the sense of accomplishment.
4. Why did I need that sense of accomplishment? Am I not getting that sense of accomplishment from my daily life?
A. I keep procrastinating on important stuff like getting my doctorate finished and I replace it with frivilous accomplishments like finishing a game so I feel like I did something that day. This is also why I'm feeling impatient, because I'm not getting anything substantial done.
... ookay. So, next step. What do I need to do? Obviously get off my ass and work on my doctorate for a couple of hours tonight, then afterwards play starcraft for an hour and then get to bed at a reasonable time.
Some questions can be resolved in less than 5 "Why's", but if you're not getting to the root problem in 5 questions then chances are that you need to start again and stop avoiding whatever it is you're avoiding.
Sometimes it's not just something to do, sometimes it's an attitude you need to change, or a different perspective, or just a deeper understanding of why you feel something. These are all good resolutions to this technique. If you do decide on an action item then make sure you do it. The initial action item should be achievable within 12 hours or less of the resolution, so if it's something big you need to do then break it down into smaller tasks, with the first task being accomplished today. This is vital.
Once you've completed the item pause for a moment and realise that what you're feeling has been handled, it's been analysed and you understand why you're feeling that way. Now you can put that feeling in a box and put it away, and stop obsessing about that emotion or feeling, it's under control.
Then you move onto the next item. Be aware that often emotions are inter-related and it's very tempting to "tangle" emotions or issues. Avoid that, separate the issues out into strands like unravelling a ball of string. Work on one strand at a time, and if something comes up that isn't on your list then write it down and "park" it while you deal with the thread you're currently working on. Don't allow yourself to get distracted or the issues will get tangled and you won't be able to analyse or solve anything.
Once you've done this for a while you can abandon the piece of paper and turn it into a meditation. Visualise your emotions as a list, pull the first one off the list, turn it over in your mind until you've asked your "Why's", then put it in a box and put it away. You may choose to leave the positive emotions at the front of your mind but personally I prefer to put everything away leaving me like a blank slate with all my emotions safely stowed before the next patient comes in so that I don't mix my emotions, preconceptions, etc with theirs.
When I'm doing this meditation I "trigger" it with a particular breathing sequence and the combination of breathing, visualisation and focus means that I can accomplish this exercise in under 2 minutes now, and I tend to do it in the 10 minutes I have been consultations, but it takes literally years of practice to get there, and the first time you try this technique it may take up to an hour to do it properly, so you can definitely add "irritated with this technique" to the bottom of your list.
What this technique lets you do is "clear" your emotional baggage, like you'd clean up the temp files on your computer, and it's a good exercise for anyone, regardless of whether you're doing it to try and control your emotions of whether you're just doing it to gain a bit of insight into yourself and your mental condition.
