Emotional Expression

[Seydaman]

So, recently I realized that whenever I'm around other people (And to an extent aware of them in the vicinity), I forcefully tone down my emotions, I can't recall having actually cried in public, and generally tone down my laughter and voice. It's been really hard to deal with and I'm thinking it's probably one of the reasons I enjoy playing games with no one else around (As well as reading, books, tv, etc). Backstory aside,

Anyone else had similar experiences with toning themselves down?

Do you tend to enjoy games, books, etc alone more so than with people around?

Should we be toning down our feels around other people? (As generally people seem to look away when you start sobbing in public..)

Bonus: When seeing someone crying in a public place, how do you feel about it? How do you react?

I had that happening 2-3 years ago when there was a death in my high school, I didn't know the person, but there was a fair bit of public despair. I really felt like I wanted to comfort those people, but ended up awkwardly staring away and feeling bad.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I enjoy fun games with friends as much as the next guy.

But to play something like the Walking Dead, or Journey? I need to be on my own for that shit, for me to be really focusing on that thing, and that thing only.

I'm British. Public displays of extreme emotion are beyond me, but put me in a room on my own, and watch the tears roll

 

[Kae]

I'm pretty emotionless regardless of whether there's someone around or not but yeah I do tone it down even more when there's people around, I don't really laugh or cry, I just have this kinda sad, kinda angry expression on my face permanently and my tone of voice is fairly neutral too, makes me quite funny because no one ever expects me to joke and when I do the delivery is so deadpan that it's kinda ridiculous, because what's funny is that I told a joke not the joke itself.

And yes I tend to enjoy games, movies and stuff more when I'm by myself though I generally prefer being by myself, I don't really think we should tone our emotions down, they are just emotions I don't see what's wrong with showing them and people will understand you better if they can tell what you are feeling.

When I see someone crying in a public area I generally just ignore it, when someone is alone with me and starts crying is when it gets really awkward because I just ignore them like nothing is happening, can't say it makes me feel anything at all, so I don't really know how to react, besides I don't think people want someone like me comforting them, voice is drab and emotionless and I'm kinda scars I have, I don't think I'm really the kind of person to cheer up anyone.

 

[Camaranth]

I try to tone down. I fail. I'm kinda emotional. I geek out and get excited like a child. I cry when I laugh too hard or when I'm really frustrated or mad or just sad. To the point where there are hard rules for me, if we are saying goodbye (like at the airport. I live away from family so it happens a lot) the hug is under three seconds. No more under any circumstances. I can't even watch if the hug is a long one. and if I'm upset leave me the fuck alone to deal with it. I'll talk when I'm calm again.

As for emotional games and movies etc. I definitely want to be alone, or with a small group (2-3) of people that I trust and can be a sobbing wreck around. I hated watching the films in history class in school, cause I'd cry and while my eyes seem a very pretty shade of blue after I cry it's really not a good look.

When I see someone crying in public with a group of people around them I just carry on. If there alone and don't look too sketchy I might sit down beside them for a minute, being raised in Britain I'll probably take them a hot beverage of some variety if it's available, and ask if they need something. Normally that gets a shake of the head to which I respond, K' let me know if you do. Then I carry on with whatever I was doing.

As for should we tone our emotions down....? Not entirely. emotions are human nature and if something is making you happy or upset it should be your right to express that. just don't be a dick about it and try to respect other peoples emotions too. No public display of emotion, really boring world. Too many public displays of affection, frustration, anger and joy and the world is going to be really overwhelming. with a riot somewhere every week.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Beyond explosive displays of anger, I don't show much emotion, privately or otherwise. I haven't cried since I was 12 (I'm 26 now).

Should people tone themselves down in public? Probably. Humans are emotional, empathetic creatures, which basically means our moods can be infectious. As such, it's probably polite to soak it up in some scenarios (Crying at parties, laughing during funerals, etc). Should everyone shut down entirely? No. I can personally attest to how unhealthy that is.

When I see people crying in public, I do get disgusted. In general, I find crying to be disgusting. Intellectually, I know that's not right, but that's how I feel. I try my best not to act on that disgust and be nice and supportive, however.

My lack of emotional depth usually makes this a useless effort.

It's one of the reasons (Which were many) I left my last girlfriend. The woman had no perspective and cried about everything. Couldn't tame her emotions with intellect. Her friend, who she hadn't seen in 2 years outside of jail, got out and was sent back immediately because, as a felon (Drug dealer. Hard stuff), he got caught with a shotgun. She cried almost constantly for a month over the injustice of it all.

 

[Hero of Lime]

I wish I could show more emotion in public, in private I laugh and talk louder, and is a lot more fun to be around in general. In public, I put up an emotion shield that won't let me convey what I want to say or do all the time. I just keep a straight face and go about my day, and I hate it.

I usually play games alone anyway, so I guess that answers that question. Heavy fictional emotional things don't generate any tears out of me, but if they did, I would probably want to hide them by watching/playing those things alone.

Crying however, is something I can't ignore easily. If I see someone crying in public, and no one else is around them, I ask what is wrong and try to cheer them up. Naturally not everyone wants to tell a stranger what is causing them to cry, so it doesn't work all the time, and it's a rare thing to see anyway. However, I've made a good friend once just by asking a stranger to open up and tell me what was troubling them.

 

[Abomination]

The only thing that gets me "emotional" is animals for they are a creature I believe can not express themselves any other way. That's where my empathy is.

When a human is acting emotionally I am disgusted because they should be able to rise above it and handle a situation in a rational manner.

This stems from quite a few negative events in my life that occurred because people were behaving in an emotional manner when a rational one would have left me unscathed.

At the same time I do not form friendships outside of instances where I need to interact with the individual. Most of my "friends" are work friends and I have broken ties with all of my school friends. I only have one emotional attachment to another person and that's my fiancé. The relationship is more than just romance though, we are also a partnership with our finances and living arrangements.

 

[Godhead]

I think I normally tone down the more negative emotions when I'm in public or around with friends. I normally enjoy playing games and watching movies on my own unless I want to talk about stuff in the movie (like Blade Runner or something) or when I'm playing a game of league with my friends.

 

[White Lightning]

Other then the occasional feels thread I typically don't feel too much, so I don't have to tone myself down.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

Depends on the emotion.

I don't tend to like to worry people, and I really don't like accepting help from anyone, so I never cry or show negative emotions in public. Then again, I don't cry in private either, so I guess that one is a moot point. I do tend to be very publicly happy, especially when I'm with my friends. I laugh and joke, and just generally have a good time, especially so if I've been drinking.

As far as playing games and watching movies, depends on the games and movies. If it's something really plot heavy I like to watch/play it on my own at least once so that I get the plot before watching it with people. If it's a movie or a game that's mostly action and spectacle I prefer to play it with friends, and I just generally find it more fun to share the experience.

As far as seeing people cry in a public place, I really hate seeing stuff like that. I refuse to believe that people can't control their emotions enough to be able to find somewhere more private to cry. No one wants to see people crying, and you crying in public bothers everyone there (to different extents) so cut it out. If you really need to cry go lock yourself in a bathroom stall or something.

 

[Aesir23]

I do tend to tone myself down in public, primarily keeping myself fairly guarded except with friends and even then I'll try to keep myself from extreme displays like crying. I primarily put that down to trust issues when it comes to people outside of my "inner circle" and whatnot.

I don't think that people should tone themselves down entirely in public. Sure, try to keep it somewhat restrained since we hardly want people tossing things about in fits of anger but it wouldn't do for people to shut their emotions down entirely either.

 

[PatrickXD]

I don't tone down my emotions at all. I listen to Podtoid whilst walking my dogs, and I am more than happy to laugh out loud in the middle of the street. I read books on busses, and if a book is sad I'll cry and if a book is funny I'll laugh. Emotions are a human experience, most everyone has them and I'll be damned if I'm going to pretend that I don't because someone might think it inappropriate.
As for seeing someone crying in a public place, I usually ask what's wrong. I ended up speaking to a middle aged woman going through a divorce, sitting on the stairs of a busy train station, for 20 minutes. I saw someone crying alone, and I know that if I was in such a bad way that I was crying alone in a public place, I'd probably want someone to talk to. If I'm not willing to be that person then I don't deserve to have someone help me out when I'm in a bad way.
I see some people here commenting that you should lock yourself away to cry alone, and I think that is absolutely disgusting to say. People need help. It doesn't matter if they're alone or in public, someone who is distraught, anxious and in tears needs a hug. If they're in a public place then they can get a hug. So I guess my recommendation is that if you feel like you're about to just break down, hit up your local supermarket. People who cry alone and don't seek help kill themselves, guys. And in our troubled financial times suicide is on the rise. It is a problem, and the only way to solve it is to do away with this weird self imposed emotional repression, drop our judgements of people as weak who show some emotional instability, human up and give each other a bit of our time, a cup of coffee, and a healthy dose of compassion.

That being said, there are plenty of movies that I would prefer to watch alone, or books I would prefer to read, or games I would play. Some things do just feel like very singular experiences. For example, I wouldn't want to play Gone Home whilst in a chat with a group of friends. Or any horror or heavily story driven games. Having other people around would detract from that experience.

 

[AngloDoom]

I'm British. Public displays of extreme emotion are beyond me, but put me in a room on my own, and watch the tears roll

Yeah, this.

I went to watch Pixar's Up in cinemas on its release, not knowing anything about it. Two of my female friends cried, four of my male friends suddenly went very still, and I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes.
Holy jalapeños, that film.

 

[BlindTom]

If you laugh out loud when alone in a room you are a bit weird. Laughter is a social expression and we do it to share the fact that we understood and appreciated something humourous.

 

[doggy go 7]

If you laugh out loud when alone in a room you are a bit weird. Laughter is a social expression and we do it to share the fact that we understood and appreciated something humourous.

So things are only funny when other people are around[footnote]actually, if there are other people laughing at something, you're far more likely to laugh at it yourself, hence laugh tracks and comedy shows always being in front of an audience[/footnote]? I find laughter rather involuntary if something genuinely funny, so I'm not sure I agree with you there.

As for displaying emotions in public vs. in private, I don't tone myself down as such, but I only get the majority of my shittier emotions when I'm alone (usually in bed), so I don't have a wide spectra of emotion in public anyway. It's a lot easier to ignore the existential nightmare of dying when you're making poop jokes with your mates

 

[Casual Shinji]

For me it's not just emotional expression, but general enjoyment/immersion that gets hampered when watching a movie or playing a game in the presence of others. No matter how good something is, part of my attention will always be drawn by the fact that people are sitting around me. That doesn't mean I can't gain a certain enjoyment out of watching other people watching something with me, but in the end it will always divert my attention from the screen.

If you laugh out loud when alone in a room you are a bit weird.

So you never laughed at anything when sitting alone infront of the internet or something? Only when there are other people with you?
I think that itself would be a bit weird.

 

[Smeatza]

I enjoy fun games with friends as much as the next guy.

But to play something like the Walking Dead, or Journey? I need to be on my own for that shit, for me to be really focusing on that thing, and that thing only.

I'm British. Public displays of extreme emotion are beyond me, but put me in a room on my own, and watch the tears roll

I actually started playing The Walking Dead with some friends present, I thought it would be a good game to play in the presence of others seen as it was so cinematic. I didn't know just how heart wrenching some of the scenes would be. Luckily it was just chapter one. If they were present for chapter 5 I would have had to repress the tears and therefore limit the impact that scene had on me.

So yes OP I tone down my emotions in the presence of others, but again, I'm British so it's not really fair. We're all repressed.

 

[Ratties]

I never liked the guy or girl that has to be the funniest person in the room. Anybody who tell's a better a joke, they quickly shoot them an anger glance. I usually become a huge prick when that happens. For the most part, I am usually pretty laid back and toning most of it down.

 

[Bertylicious]

One of the things I always found suprisingly precious, even sacred, was taking the train to commute to work. I would sit in silince with the same people, day in, day out, for years, never interacting with each other in any meaningful way. We would sit and read the paper or stare out of the window or desperately hope the pretty lady with the massive waps wouldn't sit next to us so we could worship her from afar.

Occaisonally during the school holidays some kids would be on the train during the journey home, screeching and hollering at one another. It was utterly appalling.

I think everyone is the same, even non-British people. I mean, why else would they need to turn the lights down at the cinema?

 

[Lawnmooer]

Anyone else had similar experiences with toning themselves down?

Hmm, I don't tend to tone myself down... In fact, quite the opposite, the more people I'm around the more open and loud I become, discussing my emotions and such pretty openly not caring about what the general public around me would think.

Do you tend to enjoy games, books, etc alone more so than with people around?

Yes. Mostly... I generally play games, read books, watch TV/films and listen to music in my spare time, if there are other people around I'd rather use that time to actually be with the people, having conversations, making plans for next time we'll be together etc. For everything else I tend to like to focus on the task at hand, which can make me seem a bit off if a group of friends take me to play Pool (I get focused on the game and less chatty)

Also, I don't see the appeal of groups of friends going to the cinema... Seriously "Oh lets go and meet up and sit in silence in the dark and pretend no-one else is here because we're concentrating on a film!"

That said, there are times when you just want to play some games split screen or actually use a Kinect dancing game where it's really great fun to have a bunch of people to have a laugh with.

Should we be toning down our feels around other people? (As generally people seem to look away when you start sobbing in public..)

I don't think so... Bottling up emotions (Even just in public) tends to cause more issues than it solves in my experience... Expressing emotions (Even negative ones) helps people know what you're like, and how you're feeling, and can help with getting on with people (If there's something bothering you, it can be hard to not act differently for example) and though most people will just look away and walk on if you're crying in public, some will stop to see how you're doing and in some cases can help you feel better.

Bonus: When seeing someone crying in a public place, how do you feel about it? How do you react?

I feel as if I should do something about it, and typically try and help them out either by trying to cheer them up (Coversations to get their mind off it, or being a shoulder to cry on while they vent) or help them calm down at the very least.