Entertain Me

[zenoaugustus]

So today is my birthday, and I've been enjoying it quite a bit, and I was thinking of requesting something cool from the Escapist (nothing major obviously. I mean, at first I was hoping for a check in the mail, but that feel through). So I thought it'd be cool for everyone to throw in their own little funny story or joke (as I love comedy).

I've been thinking about what story I want to share, and I figured I'd post later once I figured it out. But I thought it'd be cool for everyone to make a thread together with all of our collective comedic prowess, not just me, but for the whole website to enjoy. I mean, LRR and ZP are funny, but I think we are pretty funny as well and are what make this website work, so we should contribute to the humor too, out of a sense of fairness.

 

[Zap Rowsdower]

...so then I says to the guy "My birthday was last week and I didn't get anything, so get over it!"
Thanks, I'll be here all week!

 

[The Geek Lord]

So, I said to this one dude, "Uh... Happy birthday, I guess. Here's this awesome in-joke."

 

[Sacman]

I found this pretty entertaining...

 

[Furious Styles]

When they divided up the middle east, which country did Charlie Brown get?
*drum roll*
He got a rock

Huh, guess that only works in spoken english.

Oh well

 

[Polaris19]

Q: What do politicians and fanboys have in common?

A: They can both win, but still be retarded.

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time."

 

[Firoth]

 

[HT_Black]

So an Irishman, a Russian, a Mexican, and a Texan are on a plane over the atlantic ocean, when all of a sudden an engine goes out. The Pilot's voice crackled over the intercom:

"Everyone please remain calm, we're experiencing some technical difficul--oh wait, scratch that, we lost an engine. We're all gonna die unless one of you jumps out. Try to angle your dive, okay?"

An awkward silence passes through the seating area, and after a very tense moment, the Irishman stands up, his head held high and his expression resolute. He says:

"I have no life at home, and no life in America; I will sacrifice myself, and pray that I find peace with the angels."

He then promplty steps into the airlock and leaps into the sea, dying instantly upon impact. Inspired, the others briefly remember his sacrifice, but are interrupted by a loud explosion from the other side of the plane. The pilot says again:

"Uh, hate to break it to you guys, but we lost another engine. We need to lighten the load a bit, okay?"

Another tense moment goes by, and the Russian stands up. He says:

"My life in Russia is over, and I do not have the strength to go on in America. I shall die, that you three may live."

He resolutely draws a breath and leaps from the plane, dying on the way down and bloodily exploding as soon as he hits the water. The Texan and the Mexican shed tears for him beside the airlock, touched by his sacrifice. Just then, the pilot says again:

"I don't know what you guys did, but I don't think that's enough. We're not gonna make it to Atlanta...however, I think we can stop in Tampa without the need for anyone else to--"

Before he finishes the sentence, the Texan leaps onto the Mexican, notstrils flared and eyes wide, and siezes him by the throat. The Mexican chokes out a plea for mercy:

"But senor", he says, "The pilot said nobody needs--"

The Texan forces the airlock open, shoves the Mexican inside, and launches him into the air. As the Mexican falls to his death, the Texan gives him the finger and shouts:

"Remember the Alamo!"

 

[BlumiereBleck]

This came to mind sorta

Spoiler

 

[zenoaugustus]

When they divided up the middle east, which country did Charlie Brown get?
*drum roll*
He got a rock

Huh, guess that only works in spoken english.

Oh well

I still totally found it funny haha. It worked alright haha.