Epic names for everyday objects

pwnzerstick

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Mar 25, 2009
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Give an epic name to an everyday object that still describes what it is, such as Photon cannon = flashlight. Be creative!
 

starwarsgeek

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Nov 30, 2009
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Intellectual Arsenal: a library


...why yes, I did watch the werewolf episdoe of Doctor Who recently, why do you ask? :)
 

CrystalShadow

don't upset the insane catgirl
Apr 11, 2009
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Unidirectional Visual image reproduction system...

Eh. That's not so much epic as just... Needlessly technical. XD - It's a television, by the way.

It does remind me of the Dutch/Flemish thing:

English: Helicopter

Dutch: Helicopter. (Yeah... That's right)
(indedentally, vliegtuig = aircraft)

Flemish: Hefschroefvliegtuig

Literal translation: Lifting-screw-aircraft

Ah, the wonders of giving things names that describe them rather literally.
 

Ldude893

Elite Member
Apr 2, 2010
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Made in South Africa. It's been a rave during the recent FIFA World Cup
 

SilentCom

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Mar 14, 2011
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Ink dispensing precision writing aparatus = pen

(Edit: A real life epic name/acronym would be light amplified stimulated emission of radiation or l.a.s.e.r. for short- that's right a fricken LASER pew pew!)
 

crudus

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Oct 20, 2008
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Anarchemitis

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Dec 23, 2007
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Ambient Radiant Thermal Energy Dispersion Applicator - Toaster
Standardized Regulator Information Readout - Clock
Universal Calculation and General System Emulation Apparatus - Computer
Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill [C.O.L.B.E.R.T.] - Treadmill with Vibration Isolation System (Actual device on the International Space Station)
 

Nieroshai

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Aug 20, 2009
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Personal Ranting Interface(formerly known as "forum")!
A new device of interest is the Aperture Science Fish-Shaped Personal Bread Charring Device.
Please be warned that -cake- does not fit within the Aperture Science Fish-Shaped Personal Bread Charring Device. Your hand, however, does.
 

Drakmorg

Local Cat
Aug 15, 2008
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Blender = Solid Liquification system
Baseball Bat = Intruder Kneecap Tenderizer
Knife = Blood Liberator

probably doesn't say anything good about me these were the first things to come into my head...
 

littlealicewhite

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Jul 18, 2010
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Gentle decontamination semi-liquid = Soap
Portable rain/sun protection system = Umbrella
High velocity lead dispenser = Gun
Portable entertainment/communications processor = Cellphone
Hair realignment device = Hairbrush

I could keep this up all day.
 
Feb 9, 2011
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This particular item needs no name change, for the sheer hilarity of its name. The only reason I have ever heard of it, is because one of my co-workers uses it at work. I give you the most epic hand armor (Green Bottle) of our generation, gentlemen. For when you're on the job, or..."on the job"...there's:

 

SenorNemo

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2011
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These sound like Aperture Science titles, which are epic in there own way, but I'm not sure that's what the OP intended. Lemme try...

Plasma Energizer | Flourescent Lamp
Organic Fiber Weave | Paper
Wave Modulators | Headphones
 

A Random Reader

New member
Nov 18, 2009
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Stationary external entertainment system: a console.
Collection of organic fibre weave sheets with precise ink patterns: a book.
Mobile self-contained entertainment system: a portable games system.
Circular information storage device: a disk.

Also; catastrophic failure of the vertical position: tripping
 

Toriver

Lvl 20 Hedgehog Wizard
Jan 25, 2010
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Combination Hard-Copy Daily Information Briefing/Flyswatter/Dog Training Device/Packing Material - Newspaper
Inanimate Object Band-Aid - Duct Tape
Electronic Semi-Interactive Recreation Device - Game Console/Gaming PC
Stationary Temperature-Controlled Storage Unit - Refrigerator/Freezer