Escape to the Movies: Oblivion

[Jacco]

Well outside of that final "twist" involving his real nature I called everyone one of these "twists" just based on the trailer.

Same. Every damn one of those twists I called the first time I saw the trailer. Ugh.

 

[Leftnt Sharpe]

Sounds like a cross between Moon and Mass Effect, if the Reapers were really incompetent. Which is ironic, because I'm pretty sure that Jack Harper is the real name of the Illusive Man............

 

[Darth Sea Bass]

Dude no need to put yourself through the lone ranger on my account!

 

[Dascylus]

I remember going to the cinema with my friends a while back.
I remember there not being enough spaces for us to see the Hobbit and essentially it all came down to Twiglet, Jack Reacher and James Bond... 5-1 against seeing Bond and it was never gonna be Twilek.

Jack Reacharound bored me to death and I have now reconsidered who I go to the cinema with in the future.

Oblivion looks like much more of the same and I am getting tired of it all.
I'm tired of Cruise, his choice of movies are poor. If I go check I'll find an Executive Producer credit for Cruise won't I.
This means I'm trusting that he has chosen to do a movie based on his personal tastes/motivations.

You know when a friend comes up to you and plays that prank to get you to eat something hilariously awful. He says it's fine and you nearly fall for it until the asshole across the room shouts, "go on man, don't be chicken" and suddenly all doubt is cast on the situation.

Tom Cruise with an executive producer credit on a movie he stars in is that asshole kid.

I'm gonna go check my facts now and see if that EP credit is listed.

****EDIT****
I was wrong.

 

[Falseprophet]

Flowchart of Picking An Action Hero Name

1. Pick a name for your action hero
2. You chose Jack didn't you?
3. Go back to 1

Exception: If your hero is a robot originally programmed to lift heavy objects, Jack is an acceptable name, if on-the-nose.

 

[TheSchaef]

Wait, so:
- aliens came to earth to harvest its most precious resources
- earth is a barren wasteland
- aliens have blown up the moon
- the story is a series of pointless plot twists that exist to set up lifeless action sequences that are supposed to look cool for their own sake
- there is no true consequence for death for the two main characters

... are you sure this isn't Dragon Ball Z?

 

[Mark D. Stroyer]

I still can't read the title without my brain going, "THEY MADE AN ELDER SCROLLS MOVIE?!?!" which is instantly followed by dejection.

So despite my irrational love for all things sci-fi, yet another one to skip. *Sigh.*

 

[antigodoflife]

God, I love this review.

In the end it just sounded like a really bad Matrix meets Dark City. Well I knew this was going to be bad since I saw the trailers. I knew this was going to be bland the second I saw Tom Cruise not in a Historical Epic or drama by Art House Director extraordinaire. I knew it was going to have breakneck editing because it's produced by the guys who made Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The dialogue in the trailers screamed terrible writing and the visuals through out looked unimaginative.

Here's hoping After Earth is as good as it looks.


On a side note: I gotta say, Bob, I know a lot has recently happened where you live and I hope you weren't too effected by the event, but this has got to be one of your most bitter reviews you've done. You just sound so tired/exhausted and nasally clogged up and I don't know what it is but all combined, it just made this review all the more better and this is easily my second favourite review you have done.

(Nothing could beat your review on "Up" though, sorry)

 

[Steve the Pocket]

There is always a way to explain why a movie is bad without spoiling the plot. I plan on watching it at some point anyway so I guess 2 minutes of Tom Cruise critique and "it's bad" is all I get this week

There is indeed. And that way, in this case, is "The premise -- that is, the real premise once you factor in all of the twists -- is completely ridiculous and makes no sense. It involves an overly-elaborate and even self-defeating plan on the part of the bad guys that only exists so that the audience can be hit by one twist after another."

Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

It's like, you know the big twist in BioShock? You know how that only worked because it was a first-person game starring a blank slate of a protagonist, and even then it makes people wonder "Wait, why did you go to all that trouble just for what you were trying to accomplish?" It's like that. In fact, now I have a perfect example to point to when I explain how ridiculous a BioShock movie would be if they tried to follow the plot of the game.

 

[grey_space]

I agree with your review there Bob (which is rare) the movie is just....bad. Not terrible or rage inducing or anything just a big load of meh.

Do not be arsed to go and see this move.

 

[tangoprime]

I can't wait to see this and Battlefield Earth shrink wrapped together on a Wal-Mart shelf for $5.99.

 

[tangoprime]

***SPOILERS BELOW***

Spoiler

So Tom Cruise was conditioned to work for Aliens and lost his wife? This isn't an original story, it's a documentary!

***SPOILERS ABOVE***

I see what you did there... and I approve
I was really waiting for the twist where John Travolta showed up.

 

[cricket chirps]

There is always a way to explain why a movie is bad without spoiling the plot. I plan on watching it at some point anyway so I guess 2 minutes of Tom Cruise critique and "it's bad" is all I get this week

Yea i am on this boat too I usually ignore the spoiler warning and watch anyway but i've gotta agree with the above comment. The movie looked really interesting to almost everyone i've talked to about it(and that is not just close friends). So...yea, kind of dissapointed to hear you felt it was so bad you didn't mind spoiling it. :/ For once, i hope i don't agree with you.

 

[1337mokro]

Ah the old highly advanced aliens, stupid plan trope.

I will repeat this a thousand times over but any story fails when there is an obvious blatantly easier solution that for some reason isn't used.

 

[JokerboyJordan]

There is always a way to explain why a movie is bad without spoiling the plot. I plan on watching it at some point anyway so I guess 2 minutes of Tom Cruise critique and "it's bad" is all I get this week

Yea i am on this boat too I usually ignore the spoiler warning and watch anyway but i've gotta agree with the above comment. The movie looked really interesting to almost everyone i've talked to about it(and that is not just close friends). So...yea, kind of dissapointed to hear you felt it was so bad you didn't mind spoiling it. :/ For once, i hope i don't agree with you.

It's funny, apart from one of the points, all of the other 'twists' were pretty much shown in the trailer I saw for this movie.

Sad to hear it's not great, but like you said it's Tom Cruise being Tom Cruise. Although it does have Morgan Freeman being a badass... It's good that he still has it at his age.

 

[impocalyptic]

Very true about magnolia. Great film but impossible to show Cruise's scenes due to obscenity. No less awesome tho. What a performance.

 

[Don Reba]

If I understand correctly, though, the difference between Prometheus and Oblivion is that one is offensively ignorant, where the other is merely incoherent. If this is the case, I would rather watch Oblivion for the pretty art.

 

[Pigeon_Grenade]

when i first saw Morgan Freeman in this in the trailers, my first reaction was- why is he trying to be Lawrence Fishburne, was i the only one with that reaction?