Escape to the Movies: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

[Azahul]

ok i have no doubt that this movie would be fun to watch the only problem i have is if apes took over San Fransisco do you think there would be any hesitation when we bombed the hell out of the city and them with it?

Absolutely. Aside from the mind-boggling number of people that are incapable of figuring out that of course the movie is going to have a reason why the monkeys win, rather than have them win "just because", the number that believe the American government would be willing to nuke the monkeys is unbelievable. The odds of nuclear armaments being deployed against a threat like this are ridiculously low. I can barely imagine a situation in which the USA would be willing to deploy nuclear weapons against their own turf, even if all civilians were out of the way.
Think of it like this. The USA in Vietnam fought an enemy that they couldn't reasonably engage in any meaningful way on the ground. They were willing to use chemical weaponry against even civilians in the process, but even then they didn't resort to nuclear weapons. Now, the odds of the US government deploying chemical or nuclear weaponry against a target on their own soil are so close to zero as to be nonexistent. That kind of warfare renders areas uninhabitable (or at the very least, inhabitable with a large health risk) for vast periods of time, and even if it would save the lives of American soldiers, the US would prefer to send in ground troops. See, this is why Afghanistan hasn't been nuked yet. Certain weapons just would not be used until, likely, it would be too late to do anything.

 

[Pedro The Hutt]

Well, there still is fire bombing. =p Or cluster bombs since I doubt UN conventions apply to non-humans. And a vast variety of other destructive materials that they could use to level San Francisco without resorting to nuclear weaponry or a ground invasion.

That said, I don't have a problem with the apes winning but it shouldn't be through such a damn contrived, convoluted method that reeks of plot convenience (never thought I'd have to use those words twice in one week). I think with Planet of the Apes the same applies as with Star Wars, it's one of those things that work better if the origin story isn't told in detail or shown. It was infinitely more interesting to wonder how Anakin fell to the dark side or what happened in the Clone Wars or how the Empire came to be than the actual story we got.

And the same easily applies to Planet of the Apes, it's (probably) much more interesting to imagine how the titular apes got to be in the position of power they had in the original film rather than actually seeing how it happened, because indeed, the story would seem really convoluted when actually told. Especially since I can't imagine any laboratory bringing in so many simians that we'd have no chance to win if they became clever and hostile without Peta or any other number of organisations that care about the well being of animals breaking the door down.

Granted, I haven't actually seen the film yet so I could be terribly wrong, but the trailer certainly had me rolling my eyes.

 

[Moeez]

I didn't know this was a remake of conquest of the planet of the apes, I can dig it. Ending of that film was really dark, all of those movies had excellent endings.

 

[YodaUnleashed]

Might consider seeing this now even though I couldn't really take the trailer all that seriously. I suppose that's the key to enjoying this film, I mean apes literally rising up and battling humans in a large scale war? It just seems so ludicrous but I suppose great apes are the most intelligent creatures next to us, especially chimpanzee's (and no dolphins are not smarter, I mean chimps are the closest related animal to us, of course they're smarter for the sake of our own human egos). I was hoping this film would deal with animal treatment issues and tackle some of the moral questions and though I don't fully get that impression from your review it's clear they at least touch on it in some way.

 

[matt87_50]

yeah, it was good, just one thing

Spoiler

humanity is in fact not doomed by their cruelty to apes. no, if you stay to the end to find out for sure, they are actually doomed by is a lax attitude to the development of super viruses, and alarmingly poor work places health and safety, and quarantine measures at the facility where this is done...

in fact, an animatrix origin of the machines type story where the apes briefly coexist with the humans as a parallel society before humanities greed, arrogance and paranoia ultimately cause and end battle of "only big enough for the one of us" between a by then superior ape civilization and humanity, may have been interesting (or at very least, allowed for a squeal) (and, hell, this may have been what happened in the original saga, I can't remember)

but as it is, this film is pretty clearly a prequel to the first, original planet of the apes film. everything is pretty neatly tied up. apes are intelligent and the intelligence is now genetic. and humanity is doomed to extinction. the end.


ohhh sh*** thats what all that Maned Mission to Mars stuff was about!? now I remember! thats the guys who wind up crash landing on the planet of the apes!

 

[omegawyrm]

You know what I really appreciate about you as a film critic, Bob? You don't have to be so highbrow. You don't beat me over the head with how Rise of the Planet of the Apes isn't a serious, Best Film Oscar contender. It's a movie about apes. In which a gorilla attacks a helicopter. And I can get behind a premise like that. I enjoy the art house stuff, too, but sometimes you just want to see a gorilla attack a helicopter. You don't make that seem like a bad thing. I don't have to try to sort out if you hated the latest over the top summer blockbuster because it wasn't Schindler's List or if it genuinely stunk. Thanks for helping me spend my money wisely this summer.

Double that for me.

Seriously, suspension of disbelief did not even register to me as an issue when I saw the trailer for this.

 

[neolithic]

This sounds like the same movie as Transformers 3...

An hour or so of "blah blah blah" to get to the climactic CGI showdown.

One is the worst movie ever, and one is "awesome".

Though, that kinda sounds like Star Wars 3...a bunch of crap till we get to Anakin vs Obi-Wan, and Anakin's new threads.

::shrugs:: To each his own I spose.

 

[funguy2121]

I have to say, I thought this looked terrible until I read this review. Which isn't to say I will enjoy this movie, as I didn't care for the Tim Burton remake and I've never really enjoyed any of the Heston films.

Whenever there's something this beloved that isn't schlocky blockbuster nonsense, I usually assume that there's something I'm just not getting, though that may be my own neurosis.

 

[Mischlings]

And it still doesn't explain why airstrikes weren't launched against the monkies via Tomahawk Cruise Missiles from some warship off the coast... or where the hell is the fucking army??!! We do have gas-masks and shit for fighting a biological/chemical warfare, for god sake we spent 650 billion dollars on the shit last year...

The entire uprising takes place over the course of a day or two at the most. This focuses only on the San Francisco area as well, so the chimps are only facing a SWAT team and about a squad of police officers -- there hasn't been enough time or enough of a threat demonstrated for the army or such to come in. The chimps also outmaneuver the police, since the people really aren't that great at tactics. (The chimps climb to the top of the bridge and go under the bridge in order to sneak up).

Also, everyone is acting like the end of this movie should lead directly into Planet of the Apes -- no, it doesn't. It sets the stage for it to happen eventually, but it doesn't go right into it.

I agree with jeffers on all of this. Also, what's the obsession of getting the army involved in EVERYTHING? If that was part of every movie on the face of the Earth, which everyone seems obsessed with, wouldn't everyone get sick of that too?

 

[Jabberwock xeno]

I'm not sure I can really get over the fact that they have enough apes to really start up a revolution in just one city for this movie. But I can still give it a try and know that it can never happen in real life because their will never be that many apes or monkeys in one city that can start a revolution and beat all of the assault rifle carrying SWAT teams, police officers, and Animal Control.

But like Bob said its a fun movie that isn't serious so I will watch it because it actually seems pretty good.

My feelings, more or less.

I want to watch it, but I won't be able to if it entirely ignores the fact that a primate uprising would fail spectacularly.

 

[samaugsch]

To all the people who think the scenario in this film is just too ludicrous to take seriously:

- Studies have shown that chimpanzees are not just intelligent creatures (ratcheted up to super-intelligent in the movie), they are also much much stronger and faster than humans. A chimp running on all fours is capable of speeds of 40km/h, faster than any human. As for strength, they have anywhere in the region between twice and five times the strength of your average human. Male chimpanzees have been recorded lifting 800lbs one handed, and female chimpanzees over 1000lbs. They are strong, fast, intelligent buggers, and one on one would clobber the ever-loving shit out of a person. Gorillas are even more terrifying. Estimates put their strength between ten and twenty times that of humans. They've been known to casually bend tempered steel bars like they're nothing. They are ludicrously, ludicrously strong, and also capable of topping 30km/h at a run.

In short, apes are exactly the sort of creatures that make for great Hollywood pictures: they're stronger and faster than us, and in this film at least just as intelligent. People may scoff that they're using spears, but they forget that a spear thrown by a chimp or a gorilla is going to have exponentially more power behind it than a spear thrown by a human. And humans can throw spears pretty damn hard.

Before you scoff at the unlikelihood of 'silly monkey' taking over the world, perhaps read up a little on just how powerful apes are, and how much damage they can do if they feel the need to lash out.

It's also important to take into account the durability of the spears. The spears may be able to go through the body armor of SWAT teams, but they would most likely shatter if they tried doing it with tanks.

 

[ecoho]

ok i have no doubt that this movie would be fun to watch the only problem i have is if apes took over San Fransisco do you think there would be any hesitation when we bombed the hell out of the city and them with it?

Absolutely. Aside from the mind-boggling number of people that are incapable of figuring out that of course the movie is going to have a reason why the monkeys win, rather than have them win "just because", the number that believe the American government would be willing to nuke the monkeys is unbelievable. The odds of nuclear armaments being deployed against a threat like this are ridiculously low. I can barely imagine a situation in which the USA would be willing to deploy nuclear weapons against their own turf, even if all civilians were out of the way.
Think of it like this. The USA in Vietnam fought an enemy that they couldn't reasonably engage in any meaningful way on the ground. They were willing to use chemical weaponry against even civilians in the process, but even then they didn't resort to nuclear weapons. Now, the odds of the US government deploying chemical or nuclear weaponry against a target on their own soil are so close to zero as to be nonexistent. That kind of warfare renders areas uninhabitable (or at the very least, inhabitable with a large health risk) for vast periods of time, and even if it would save the lives of American soldiers, the US would prefer to send in ground troops. See, this is why Afghanistan hasn't been nuked yet. Certain weapons just would not be used until, likely, it would be too late to do anything.

i never said nuke man i said bombed which means daisy cutters and the like. also i would assume there would be news coverage and the second they saw a gorilla take out a police helicopter there would be a military deployment most likely fighter aircraft and attack helicopters sent to the area at which point this little problem would be over as the apes would ether surrender(they are smart enough to know when they are screwed) or die horribly.

BTW if you dont think we are capable of using a nuke on our own soil your very deluded. If we thought we had to we would, thing is we usually dont have to

 

[Twad]

The premise turns me off completely. I didnt see it of course, but i really dont see/understand how a few hundred "smart" monkeys can conquer a planet with 6 billion people on it. A planet with about millions of professionnal soldiers backed up with tanks and helicopter gunships..

So a monkey jump a 'choppa? So what? IMHo it might be cool, but its kind of dumb too.

 

[velcrokidneyz]

it is amazing how bad these assumptions are form people who ahvent seen it. the trailers do not do it just at all! its pretty well crafted and I can understand the whole "not seeing the origin, but imagining it", but it was really good IMO and far better than my initial impression.

Again, the trailers do not do it justice, see it before making assumptions.

 

[Dickdatduck]

The premise turns me off completely. I didnt see it of course, but i really dont see/understand how a few hundred "smart" monkeys can conquer a planet with 6 billion people on it. A planet with about millions of professionnal soldiers backed up with tanks and helicopter gunships..

They don't take over, they just try to escape the city.

 

[SleepingDragon]

The premise turns me off completely. I didnt see it of course, but i really dont see/understand how a few hundred "smart" monkeys can conquer a planet with 6 billion people on it. A planet with about millions of professionnal soldiers backed up with tanks and helicopter gunships..

They don't take over, they just try to escape the city.

finally someone who actually sees the movie and knows what happens instead of the majority of posters in this thread who make bs assumptions acting like they know what they are talking about.

 

[Beertaster]

If you are thinking apes revolt and take over read on, otherwise Spoiler alert.



The Apes don't take down the humans, Its the drug that made them smart. Helps apes, kills humans.

 

[Azahul]

i never said nuke man i said bombed which means daisy cutters and the like. also i would assume there would be news coverage and the second they saw a gorilla take out a police helicopter there would be a military deployment most likely fighter aircraft and attack helicopters sent to the area at which point this little problem would be over as the apes would ether surrender(they are smart enough to know when they are screwed) or die horribly.

BTW if you dont think we are capable of using a nuke on our own soil your very deluded. If we thought we had to we would, thing is we usually dont have to

The nuke comment was more aimed at everyone else saying "We have nukes!", rather than you.
And honestly, that's the thing. These are apes. What are the odds of anyone thinking that they have to use nukes to win? They're monkeys, for crying out loud!