Alrighty, here we go! As was undoubtably evidenced by everything I've ever said or done, I don't really do the whole "forum-going" thing particularly well, so I ain't sure whether this is a thing that should be being done or not, but irregardless, I've resolved to document my experiences on the trip in what will probably be the longest forum post ever composed by a young gentleman who gets bored very easily. Behold:
(tl;dr me an' I'll snap your scrawny limbs)
First and foremost I'll allow you readers to become acquainted with your narrator and friend (aside from those of you who were there, who've already become perfectly well-accquainted with me, for the most part (especially Tilly (with his penis))); though there've yet to be any pictures of me shared in the thread, I can identify myself as the badass ************ in the hat in that stair-descending video shared on the first page, who made walking down a flight of stairs look like a graceful ballet. Though I'd met with Sky a few times before, this would be my first time meeting most of the others, and though I was fairly well cyber-acquainted with a handful of the other attendees the majority of them were perfect strangers to me; oho, how little was I aware that these people would grow to become compadres whom I would treasure the company of until the end of my days. Of course, since I only came home from Escapism yesterday you may think it's a bit early to be saying things like that, but I'd trust my premonition on this one.
My tale begins - as all good tales do - with Sky14Kemea sneaking up behind me and grabbing me around the waist, causing me to shriek girlishly and leap a foot into the air. I had been waiting at the trainport for someone to turn up and lead me to the hostel we young go-getters would be calling a home for the next three days, so as for me to avoid getting hopelessly lost in the hive of scum and villainy I came to know as "Manchester" over the next few days, and it was at this point that I met a few of our number: naturally, Sky was there, as was her chum Jedoro. At this point, I must take note that Jedoro is probably one of the coolest-looking people I'd ever laid eyes on; he was wearing a leather jacket and red-rimmed sunglasses, and very much had the air of a man whom one would severely hope was not on the opposing team during paintball.
The Spy, our designated fearless leader and the dude who organized the shit, also made his way down - other than myself, he was the only person who could be immediately recognized by the hat he was wearing at all times, and in time that hat became a symbol for valor, dignity and militariesque discipline - and it was on our voyage to the hostel that I met Joe for the first time. Joe's a cool dude. Seriously, Joe's great. Undoubtedly he'll pop up in my epic at a later point, but I haven't actually planned ahead in this or anything and am essentially just slapping shit down on the keyboard as it comes back to me, so I'm unable to tell you when.
Unbeknownst was it to I that my dearest Tilly was also present among my escort, for a pair of reasons - first and foremost was that Tilly Monkfish waits for no man, not even when he's supposed to be traveling as part of a group, and had ultrawalked off ahead of the rest of the group like the mighty man-stallion that he was, and is today - and the second is that he doesn't actually look anything like I had expected. I will confess that I - like a number of you other forumgoers, probably - pretty much expected him to look like a pale, hornless version of his Karkat avatar; this was in no way aided by the fact that Tilly acted based under the religious belief most Irishmen follow that when he was photographed, a part of his soul was stolen. In actuality, young Tilly was almost comparable to a much shorter and more irish-looking Steven Stills (illustration included below):
With our crew sort of kind of mostly half-assembled, we ventured back to the hostel (or, as Insanum, who is another noteworthy cool dude, dubbed it, "the fuck-bunker"), wherein we discussed matters for a little while, then pissed off down to the pub.
Now, it may surprise some of you to note that I've never pissed off down to a pub before, and it may additionally surprise more of you to discover that cramming thirty nerds into a single public house isn't as simple as it sounds. We were scattered about the place, and Sky came to be sitting on the armrest of a sofa, whereas I at one point found myself perched on a low window-sill. Arriving on the scene not long prior to the voyage to the pub was my cherished home-bro Segadroid - and here I must breach my narrative to detail quite how overwhelming this gentleman's presence was. My first words to him were thus:
"Good God, the pictures really can't do you justice! You look like Mario on steroids!"
And lo, 'twas the truth. The dude's built like a frickin' tank. Towering at just under 6'6'', I was quite in awe of him, though this didn't deter me from making a myriad of gay-jokes once StarStruckStrumpets arrived on the scene. More on that later. Also, he's Dutch.
Untold wisdoms were undoubtably shared between Sega and Eleurethra (the other dutch gentleman joining us this year) at the pub, though since we couldn't understand a word of what they were saying, I decided instead to assume they were just talking dirty to one another - and on an instance whence Sega had to turn his back from the table we were sat at to talk to him, my mischievous kleptomaniac tendencies kicked in. Sega had left his wallet on the table in front of him, and it dawned on me that I'd be a pretty terrible friend if I didn't thus nab it and hide it for him. After all, with it just lying there, any stranger could waltz over and pilfer it; and so it was my service as a gentleman to place it somewhere more secure from miscreants. So I stuck it under my shirt.
Sega turned back, and even then he didn't appear to have noticed it missing. Unfortunately, my ruse was jeopardized by the fact that I and some of my table-mates were having difficulty containing giggles, so I thought it may be best to replace my spoils.
"Hey, Sega, look over there."
"What, at that lady...?"
I hadn't even noticed that there was a woman in the area I was pointing at. "Yep; look at 'er."
"What, do you think she's pretty...? If you want, go ask her out, dude."
"Yes, I will absolutely do that! But for now, I need you to keep staring at her."
A moment of silence. "Well, alright."
Mission success. After twenty or thirty seconds, Sega turned back and attempted to engage me in conversation once more, but I had reverted to my infallible defence mechanism of glancing around the room and pretending not to be there.
Shortly thereafter, myself and a band of others returned to the hostel to await the arrival of one StarStruckStrumpets. Ah, and now I'm bored. I shall continue my tale from here on in a later post, so as not to overload you all with information. Holy shit, and this was all in the first hour or two... maybe I should start to glaze over things a bit.