Escapist Community: Help me enjoy games again.

[MaAlGon3]

I've been a gamer since the SNES era, I used to love and play games for fun, regardless of how much I would fail or succeed at them. However, as I've grown, I've developed a mentality that has led me to be deathly afraid of failure, in any way, shape or form. What that means is that nowadays, I can't play any videogames for fear of failing at them, even though i'm consciously aware that failing at a game is harmless. I'm not talking about multiplayer either. Games like FTL: Faster Than Light, Shovel Knight and XCom: Enemy Unknown intrigue me, they look like so much fun but I can't even bear to start a new game for fear of failing at them. Does this happen to you or someone you know? Can you offer tips on overcoming this fear? I still love games and would like to keep enjoying them, but I can't with this fear holding me back. I appreciate any help you can provide. Thanks in advance.

 

[NPC009]

What constitutes failing? A game over? Completing the game while having missed some sidequests? Maybe you could try some games without those fail states first. Maybe something like Virtue's Last Reward were 'bad ends' are a part of the game and essential to beating it.

Or, I don't now, dive into some other game you'd like to play and experience for yourself how trivial failing is.

But my guess is it won't be that simple. Are you experiencing anxiety or obsessive compulsive behaviour in other parts of life? If so, you may want to get professional help.

 

[G00N3R7883]

- Try to think of failure as an opportunity to learn. The first time I played a campaign of Total War Shogun 2, I knew I was going to lose because I'd never played a game like that before. But the mistakes I made and figuring out how to correct them, helped me to develop tactics to win my next campaign. This can especially be applied to Xcom.

- Play games on the lowest difficulty settings to gain confidence, then move up when you feel comfortable.

- Focus on AAA games because, although there will be exceptions, generally speaking I find that their difficulties are much more forgiving than indies.

- If you get stuck on a puzzle or a difficult fight, you should always be able to find a guide or some tips somewhere online to help you progress.

 

[aozgolo]

I'd suggest trying games where failure is a goal-post. I had similar but less severe issues where I hated hardcore difficulty in games because I would never finish them.

Oddly enough roguelike games broke me out of that. I'm usually a very safe kind of player, I prefer to turtle it up, take my time, and proceed carefully.

Try something like Rogue Legacy, yes you will die, a lot, but each time you die you get BETTER. You get to buy new upgrades for your character and try new character types and find your favorite.

Roguelike games are specifically designed with dying a lot in mind, and while it may seem counter-intuitive to go with a game that intends to kill you over and over, it's sort of like facing your fear head on. Roguelikes quickly teach you that death can be a fun part of the game, and while at times it may be frustrating, it's more of a "I'm going to beat this" kind of feeling instead of a hopeless throw your controller on the ground kind of thing.

Spelunky is another good one to try, it's got a very easy control scheme, but the levels are challenging and quick to complete and you learn a lot each time you play.

Don't Starve is pretty unforgiving in it's difficulty however each time you die you gain experience based off how long you survived which can unlock new characters to play as, which gives dying a sort of reward.


Look for games that have the following:

-Rewards for death, where even dying gives you something new to help you.
-Shorter Playtimes, the game doesn't have to be short but something where dying doesn't usually mean losing hours upon hours of work.
-Multiple playstyles either through different classes, characters, skill sets, etc. that let you try different approaches each time you start over.


Yes you will die, but dying isn't failure, it's learning to succeed.

 

[freaper]

It's funny that you mention Xcom. I was playing a Long War campaign not too long ago and I just had to quit because I couldn't bear to see my squad members die to (in my opinion) bullshit rolls and I was sick and tired of having to save-scum. I've been playing Kerbal Space Program recently, a game about building rockets and planes and exploring space. No high stakes, and it's all about messing around and experimenting with different constructions. Maybe you could give these kinds of games a try, and boost your confidence that way? I recommend looking up some tutorials on youtube (Scott Manley's the guy to go to) or the first few hours are going to be frustrating as hell.

 

[Shymer]

Does this happen to you or someone you know? Can you offer tips on overcoming this fear? I still love games and would like to keep enjoying them, but I can't with this fear holding me back. I appreciate any help you can provide. Thanks in advance.

Amongst other things, every human has a need to win, and be right. This can be more intense in some people than others. I get upset by some games where it seems like I can control my destiny, but where I fail because of something unexpected - unfairness. It does not manifest as fear in me, but rather anger.

Your reported fear reaction sounds quite intense. Is it just games or does it affect other parts of your life? How do you handle risk of failure in real-world pursuits? This might be symptomatic of depression or anxiety disorder that you may want to discuss with a professional. There are a number of ways of dealing with fear depending on severity - meditation, good diet and exercise, company and discussion.

If it is just games and game selection, then it shouldn't be too hard to identify types of game where this is less of an issue for you. I would start with games that are fun to play - and then work upwards towards those that challenge you - perhaps with friends. Co-op games might be ideal to overcome fear of failure and enjoy achievement again.

You mentioned FTL and XCom, which are very different in nature. FTL is random in the way it behaves and obscures the chances of certain outcomes - the same decision in two different games may give you different results. It is designed for multiple run-throughs. There is no perfect solution - just ways to minimise failures. Oddly this random element and short investment time/ ease of re-start makes it a bit easier to accept it when things fail.

XCom gives the impression of much more control over your win/loss outcome. You get an explicit to hit % and you know what kind of damage the weapons cause and you can see how many hits the monsters have and the map has squares you can count. In that way when you do lose troops/battles it feels like your fault. Also the game is long and you have to invest a lot of time with each run-through. This makes it harder to accept - particularly when a 95% hit chance seems to fail more than 5% of the time. That's just confirmation bias, though.

There are pure design/puzzle games like SpaceChem, which are totally deterministic and it's about efficiency and elegance. Others like Gratuitous Space Battles, which are purely about design and the games play themselves. Or Peggle, which has one control decision (where to ping the ball) and the rest is pure feedback. Games about flow (Torchlight III or Diablo) or games with no losing conditions (nothing springs to mind, but I'm sure there are some).

Good luck!

 

[TheArcaneThinker]

Try runnning with rifles... its a game where you die every 5 secs at first but as you build up skills , you start lasting 30 mins or more... its just the thing that you need....there lies is victory over fear .

 

[Casual Shinji]

The Escapist community only helps those who help themselves.

Just dive in headlong, and treat yourself to a comfort snack each time you fail.

 

[stroopwafel]

Games are made to have fun. So, don't forget that I guess? Just change your focus to seeing it as some sort of competition to something that is enjoyable to do. I love challenging games but only if the challenge is enjoyable to me. If the challenge is not than I knock it down a level or play another game. Nobody cares if you win at a videogame or not. So don't put any pressure on yourself.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I don't think you're going to find any games that don't have a failure state of some kind. I mean you played SNES and those games were horrifically brutal and difficult! You should be jaded to the idea of failing.

But try something casual. Something easy going. RollerCoaster Tycoon. Just get it on Steam for $5 and spend a afternoon making a little park. There's a certain level of challenge(not much, but some) and a way to fail, but you have to actually try to fail, rather than try not to.

 

[drummond13]

I'm guessing this fear of failure is also present in your everyday life as well?

I would seek therapy. I'm not kidding, nor am I trying to be insulting. We all need help like this every once in a while. What you're describing sounds like the kind of thing that will get in your way the rest of your life unless you learn how to deal with it. Games might even be a good way for you to test how far you've come.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

I'm guessing this fear of failure is also present in your everyday life as well?

I would seek therapy. I'm not kidding, nor am I trying to be insulting. We all need help like this every once in a while. What you're describing sounds like the kind of thing that will get in your way the rest of your life unless you learn how to deal with it. Games might even be a good way for you to test how far you've come.

Yeah, I don't mean to be rude but I have to agree with this post OP.

If you can't play a video game because you're literally 'afraid of failing', you might need help, life is going to require you to take way bigger risks than 'my animated Soldiers in a video game might get killed".

 

[ffronw]

*snip*

Try something like Rogue Legacy, yes you will die, a lot, but each time you die you get BETTER. You get to buy new upgrades for your character and try new character types and find your favorite.

Roguelike games are specifically designed with dying a lot in mind, and while it may seem counter-intuitive to go with a game that intends to kill you over and over, it's sort of like facing your fear head on. Roguelikes quickly teach you that death can be a fun part of the game, and while at times it may be frustrating, it's more of a "I'm going to beat this" kind of feeling instead of a hopeless throw your controller on the ground kind of thing.

*snip*

Yes you will die, but dying isn't failure, it's learning to succeed.

Gotta agree with Shaun Kennedy here. Your best option is just to dive in with both feet and embrace the death, and nothing is better for that than Rogue Legacy. Dying is actually a road to improving your character. That little change to the usual system may be exactly what you need to get past this fear.

Plus, Rogue Legacy is an awesome game, and it's free on PlayStation Plus in February (http://blog.us.playstation.com/2015/01/29/playstation-plus-februarys-free-games/). Can't beat free.

 

[Alcom1]

You could wean yourself with games that have weak failure states or low difficulty. Kirby games come to mind.

 

[sageoftruth]

There's the recent Telltale games, like Walking Dead, Guise of the Wolf, and Game of Thrones. That could go one of two ways. Most of the games revolve around making decisions that have no objectively right or wrong answer. As a result, it mainly comes down to whether or not you consider decisions with morally gray results to be failures.

 

[CaitSeith]

I appreciate any help you can provide. Thanks in advance.

I think this is what I would try to do:

1. Start with a free game or a demo; or maybe a game you already have (that way, if you fail at least you don't lose money).

2. Fail intentionally at the very beginning. Try to test what can kill you and what can't.

3. If you can, pass to the next level and fail immediately. Repeat this two or three times.

4. Try to pass to the next level and, if you still are to afraid of failing, fail on purpose.

On other note. Games nowadays (specially AAA titles) have lots of ways to save your progress at practically any time (and sometimes even automatically). Games like FTL or Shovel Knight are usually the exception.

 

[SweetShark]

This only happen to me when I know I will get bored real soon. Playing for 30 minutes a game and failing at the end of the Level and make you play the same part again, is a pain in the ass.
So my advice: Don't be afraid to give up if you are not good in a specific game. Don't be a "slave" to the desire to finish a game completely.