Escapist, please provide some constructive criticism

[reg42]

Hello, Escapist.
I've been asked to write a play for my school's "Green Weekend" thingy. Basically, it's a "save the planet" weekend, so naturally my play is meant to deliver a message. I'm not really worried about that.
What I am worried about, however, is my comedy. I've been known to be pretty funny around my friends, and I'm a fair writer, but I don't know whether my friends comedic sense and the comedic sense of normal people are the same things, so basically I'm asking you to critise the comedy (constructively of course) and give some general pointers.

Spoiler: Writing within

James, a lawyer enters with his 3 clients, Henry MacDonald, George Roberts, and Fred[footnote]Haven't come up with and name for him yet, but he's not in this part[/footnote]. Already in the room is another Lawyer, Allen, and 2 witnesses.
James: Don't worry, old chap. This'll be open and shut before you know it!
MacDonald: Well, I expect nothing less...
MacDonald waves some money in front of James' face before placing it in his hands
MacDonald: ...but just to be sure.
Off-set voice shouts "All rise!". The judge, Hugh, enters.
Hugh: Oh, hello. I wasn't exactly expecting all this until later. James!
James: Hugh! I didn't know you were working on this! How's the wife doing?
Hugh: Oh, she's wonderful! She's dead, you know.
MacDonald: How are you, Hugh? Do you remember me?
Hugh: Should I?
MacDonald hands money to Hugh
MacDonald: Remember me now?
Hugh: Ah, yes. We go far back.
Allen: Ah, the judge is here. We should get get started.
Hugh: I'm sorry, and you are?
Allen: Me? I am Allen Livingstone, prosecutor of the wicked, protector of the truth, liberty, equality, freedom and justice! I am the fear behind the eyes of those who do wrong to Mother Nature. I will bring these people to their knees. I will make these people pay for their sins! I am Allen Livingstone!
Hugh: That is interesting, though I don't care. Anyway, we are here for [pause]why are we here again, James?
James: It's a murder Hu-
Hugh: It's a murder! The murder of [pause] someone. I don't have notes on that, but I'm sure it's important. After all, I'm expensive.
Allen: What?
Hugh: Nothing.

Ok, so that's just a small snippet obviously, but I'd really appeciate any feed back you can offer.
Thanks guys!

 

[delet]

I found it a bit humorous; more context would probably help along with my capability to remember names... But otherwise I liked it.

[sub]I don't think I count as 'normal people' though so I wouldn't suggest trusting my opinion as one too much...[/sub]

 

[starwarsgeek]

I enjoyed it; although, a little context to the snippet would be nice. Why are they in court exactly?

 

[MetricFurlong]

Well, it seems ok so far. I assume you're going for a more light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek kind of tone which you seem to be accomplishing so far. You haven't really given us much to go on though - this is only going to be the first few minutes - so there's not really all that much I can say about it I'm afraid.

 

[reg42]

I found it a bit humorous; more context would probably help along with my capability to remember names... But otherwise I liked it.

[sub]I don't think I count as 'normal people' though so I wouldn't suggest trusting my opinion as one too much...[/sub]

I enjoyed it; although, a little context to the snippet would be nice. Why are they in court exactly?

Well, it seems ok so far. I assume you're going for a more light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek kind of tone which you seem to be accomplishing so far. You haven't really given us much to go on though - this is only going to be the first few minutes - so there's not really all that much I can say about it I'm afraid.

Well, I just wanted an idea about whether I was going in the right direction with the humour. The storyline gets more revealed as the play goes on.
I'll try post it up here once it's all done and done.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

My style of humour is a bit more surreal. What you have there could be good, but there isn't enough for me to tell right now. It certainly doesn't look poor by any means.

 

[ultimateownage]

I liked it, the humour, all though not particularly normal, was good and well done, if not the kind of thing I would laugh out loud at. Although not all humour needs to be, so it depends on the form of humour you where going for.
/using posh sounding words to sound like I now what the fuck I'm talking about.