Escapists' standard safety gear

[Kollega]

As you all know,it can be dangerous on the internet - even in a place of such high standards as The Escapist. What do you think should constitute standard-issue gear for all newcomers? I think it should be:

* Troll-control nightstick.
* Flame-proof suit.
* Omni-detection device (AKA Search Bar).
* Emergency flaregun (report button).
* A spellchecker.
* Cyanide pill in case of a 4chan raid.

What else?

DISCLAIMER: Yes,this is a joke thread. Can we have some fun please?

 

[Berethond]

The Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd.

 

[Omikron009]

Lots of hand sanitizer. Biohazard suit. A blindfold for those truly nasty images. A first aid kit. And a shotgun. The internets is serious business. You can't let yourself be caught off guard.

 

[Kollega]

The Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd.

THIS! Oh god,this! It's certainly much more neccesary than the items i've listed!

 

[Blackadder51]

Cheese, there can never be to much cheese

 

[Berethond]

The Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd.

THIS! Oh god,this! It's certainly much more neccesary than the items i've listed!

Pretty much.
It's impossible to get angry or worked up about anything while listening to Pink Floyd.

 

[ExaltedK9]

*Break glass in the case a zombie survival thread)

point towards enemy...

 

[Labyrinth]

Don't forget to include your Oxford dictionary 21st Century edition for defence against the Myspeeling Vyris, and Roget's Thesaurus. Additional protection can be gained by including Classic Literature to ones armour. And kittens. Kitten armour! The ideal defence now available from your nearest Lassic Industries outlet.

 

[Aardvark]

A stick with a honeybadger tied to the end of it. The most powerful melee weapon known to man.

Kitten armour!

How many kittens must be slaughtered and skinned by you heartless bastards to create one suit?

 

[Kollega]

A stick with a honeybadger tied to the end of it. The most powerful melee weapon known to man.

The horror!

 

[Vanbael]

The Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd.

THIS! Oh god,this! It's certainly much more neccesary than the items i've listed!

Pretty much.
It's impossible to get angry or worked up about anything while listening to Pink Floyd.

Note to self: Put copy of Dark Side of the Moon in fallout shelter.

My personal survival divice, duck tape duck tape. I have a roll in my backpack next to my college text books.

 

[Kollega]

My personal survival divice, duck tape. I have a roll in my backpack next to my college text books.

Duct tape is like The Force: it has a light side,a dark side,and it holds our universe toghether.

 

[Labyrinth]

Kitten armour!

How many kittens must be slaughtered and skinned by you heartless bastards to create one suit?

No, you misunderstand. The kittens would be alive in little cups and harnesses, well padded, with food packs available. They'd be strapped to someone, 9 on the front, 9 on the back. No-one would hit you ever!

 

[Twilight_guy]

We should all get a panthlet called: Regions, respecting other peoples' beliefs
as well as a copy of: Opinions: why you don't always have to be right and have everyone agree with you

 

[Cxizent]

1 Truth
2 Justice
3 Reasonably Priced Love
4 A Hard Boiled Egg

 

[letsnoobtehpwns]

The Dark Side Of The Moon by Pink Floyd.

Did you know that Osama bin Laden use to listen to Pink Floyd?

 

[The Black White Guy]

Hah ha! this is actually pretty funny

 

[RemoteControlRox]

Brain Bleach, for those things you really need to unsee.
It would be so very useful.

 

[Kollega]

Brain Bleach, for those things you really need to unsee.
It would be so very useful.

Oh yeah.

 

[Biosophilogical]

A diaper cause some of the things said will have you cacking your dacks

A good friend (noone likes to be alone)

A fire extuingisher (suits save only you, this is so we can salvage threads before the smoke attracts the banhammers and the thread lockings)