Euphemisms/dysphemism

[EeveeElectro]

What are you favourite/least favourite Euphemism or dysphemism?
Has anyone heard some funny ones?

I used to like "I'm going to powder my nose" meaning to go to the toilet, but now that apparently means you're going to snort some cocaine in the toilets...
I also didn't know what "spend a penny" meant until my mum explained it because I'd never heard someone say it.
For dying, I think, "s/he's gone to sleep" sounds much more nicer. than "s/he's popped his clogs!" and so on.

On to dysphemisms, I hate the word 'shag' for sex. It's such a disgusting, dirty and disrespectful word. Eurgh.
I'm not a fan of men shouting, "'ere mate, I'm off for a slash!" across the room to his mates in my local pub either.

In case someone doesn't know what I'm talking about;
euphemism - an inoffensive or indirect expression that is substituted for one that is considered offensive or too harsh.

dysphemism - the deliberate substitution of an neutral expression for a offensive one.

 

[space_oddity]

When people say dead people "Passed Away"

 

[SharPhoe]

If the word "gay" counts as a dysphemism for "stupid/unfair/wrong/etc.", then I'm all for hating that.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

Dying; 'Kicked the bucket'

Unexpected erection; 'Pitching a tent' - "I can't stand up, I am pitching a tent right now"

Dysphemism for being mildly insane; 'do-lally'

 

[Clashero]

"Make redundant". I know it's not exactly the same as firing, but it sounds so contrived. "300 workers were made redundant". Really, 300 guys got fired.
Saying Gosh, Gee or Jeez instead of God or Jesus. It's ridiculous. Same with replacing swear words for less offensive versions. Darn instead of damn, heck instead of hell. I mean, why are they even swear words? It was one of the reasons I disliked American public schools for the 2 years I studied there. I was trying to explain to my completely ignorant classmates the concept of Hell properly, and they cringed every time I said "hell". Same thing with saying "Christians think that you will be damned forever if...". What's wrong? I hardly think that "Darned forever" even makes sense.
Look at me, rambling again. I'll stop now.

 

[DannyBoy451]

What are you favourite/least favourite Euphemism or dysphemism?
Has anyone heard some funny ones?

I used to like "I'm going to powder my nose" meaning to go to the toilet, but now that apparently means you're going to snort some cocaine in the toilets...
I also didn't know what "spend a penny" meant until my mum explained it because I'd never heard someone say it.
For dying, I think, "s/he's gone to sleep" sounds much more nicer. than "s/he's popped his clogs!" and so on.

On to dysphemisms, I hate the word 'shag' for sex. It's such a disgusting, dirty and disrespectful word. Eurgh.
I'm not a fan of men shouting, "'ere mate, I'm off for a slash!" across the room to his mates in my local pub either.

In case someone doesn't know what I'm talking about;
euphemism - an inoffensive or indirect expression that is substituted for one that is considered offensive or too harsh.

dysphemism - the deliberate substitution of an offensive expression for a neutral one.

Actually, I'm pretty sure a dysphamism is a nasty way of saying something neutral.

I love them, they're a great source of immature humour, mostly for other ways of saying "penis"
"Pork sword", "**** shovel" etc.

I don't like euphemisms though, I preffer to be direct when I say things and not pointlessly tip-toe around sensitive subjects.

 

[kawligia]

I hate ALL euphemisms because they are stupid.

No matter how soft of a word you use to replace the "bad" one, eventually that soft word will BECOME the bad word and have to be euphemised.

WTF is the point of this constant dance?

 

[JenXXXJen]

"Playing hide the salami" is the best euphenism I've heard in my life.

Got what it is yet?

 

[space_oddity]

"He's holding the sausage hostage"

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

I hate ALL euphemisms because they are stupid.

No matter how soft of a word you use to replace the "bad" one, eventually that soft word will BECOME the bad word and have to be euphemised.

WTF is the point of this constant dance?

Euphemised... PFFFFFFFFT... That was funny!
I like that.

 

[ygetoff]

Euphemisms annoy me a bit. Especially when they're not obvious. For example, if I'm talking to someone, and they say something apparently random, like, "And at at that point he was...not where he should've been." So I reply, "What? Where should've he been? In school? At work? On vacation?" And then they get a little annoyed and make it a bit more obvious. "Let's say he was...on a little trip to the wrong kind of place." And by that time I usually get it, and say, "Oh, he was addicted to drugs. That's a shame. Why didn't you tell me?" And they act all offended, as if I've done something horrible by coming out and stating a fact. Half the time the thing they're euphemising isn't that obscene. It's like talking to Ned Flanders.