Ever happen to you?

[nunqual]

This isn't a personal advice thread, just a weird thing that I've come across in my conversations with this person.

So this girl I know, let us call her Zorg, likes me. At least, I'm pretty sure. Anywho, we talk a lot on Facebook, and have nice conversations. However, when we talk in person, it's awkward and kind of weird. My conversations through Facebook are a lot more meaningful than any that I've had in real life. Any hypotheses as to why this is? Has it ever happened to you?

 

[enzilewulf]

If you make a fool out of yourself you will only be screwing up with her, and if you screw up you can instantly log off. That way you won't have to face it.. Also you don't need to worry about looks. I use to be like that..

 

[Johnnyallstar]

TRAITOR! YOU DARE TALK PEACEABLY WITH THE ZERG?!?! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY ARMORED BOOT!

But on topic, it's the distance. When you are up close it gets so much more intimate, and the dance becomes that much more complex. Not only is it merely words, but also body language, tone of voice, and subtle glances which bespeak more meaning than the words you are really saying.

It's easy to just type.

 

[tomtom94]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm not proud of the fact I can't talk to girls in real life.

 

[The Procrastinated End]

Because while your on Facebook, Facebook owns your soul.
And while your online you have time to think, and aren't as anxious as when you are face to face.

 

[child of lileth]

Maybe you're just intimidated, or nervous when she's actually in front of you. I've had similar situations with talking online and on the phone instead, and people have had the in-person thing with me before. It's just the way some people get if they really like the person.

 

[HerrBobo]

This isn't a personal advice thread, just a weird thing that I've come across in my conversations with this person.

So this girl I know, let us call her Zorg, likes me. At least, I'm pretty sure. Anywho, we talk a lot on Facebook, and have nice conversations. However, when we talk in person, it's awkward and kind of weird. My conversations through Facebook are a lot more meaningful than any that I've had in real life. Any hypotheses as to why this is? Has it ever happened to you?

There are diffrent rules in real life.

 

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

Ahh yes. Same thing happened to me, actually. Frighteningly similar.

A girl liked me, and we could talk on MSN for a good while. Good convos. Then in person we didn't really talk, not as much anyways.

The only advice I can give you is the same reason why we broke up:

You just might not be 100% compatible with this person. Please excuse me if I'm totally wrong, I'm just trying to help.

But if it's the same case, then we might have the same reason.

 

[Breaker deGodot]

TRAITOR! YOU DARE TALK PEACEABLY WITH THE ZERG?!?! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY ARMORED BOOT!

But on topic, it's the distance. When you are up close it gets so much more intimate, and the dance becomes that much more complex. Not only is it merely words, but also body language, tone of voice, and subtle glances which bespeak more meaning than the words you are really saying.

It's easy to just type.

Coming from a message board, that's incredibly ironic.

 

[Iffat Nur]

I call that the "They cant kill you" syndrome.

Basically, you have a much happier feeling when you arent directly in front of her. Whether it is because you dont know how she actually feels about your screw-ups or you are under hormone fire, but trust me. I got it too :*(

 

[BlumiereBleck]

Yeah and I wonder if that Zorg wants to destroy the world too.

 

[octafish]

It is better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't. Ask her, it won't kill you if she just wants to be friends.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

TRAITOR! YOU DARE TALK PEACEABLY WITH THE ZERG?!?! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY ARMORED BOOT!

But on topic, it's the distance. When you are up close it gets so much more intimate, and the dance becomes that much more complex. Not only is it merely words, but also body language, tone of voice, and subtle glances which bespeak more meaning than the words you are really saying.

It's easy to just type.

Coming from a message board, that's incredibly ironic.

I don't think ironic is the right word for it. I would say it's much more poignant.

 

[Hollock]

I kinda have the opposite problem, that's why I don't use facebook.

 

[blackbobcat]

Maybe you're just intimidated, or nervous when she's actually in front of you. I've had similar situations with talking online and on the phone instead, and people have had the in-person thing with me before. It's just the way some people get if they really like the person.

this*

basically the more time you spend in real life with her the more comfortable you will be

 

[Blair Bennett]

I know several people who genuinely cannot divulge any information on any aspect of their lives unless it is via the internet. As Johnnyallstar has already pointed out, more capably than I will be able to, let me assure you, "it's about the distance." The internet is, regardless of the fact that you're still talking to living, breathing people, inhuman and impersonal. It's sort of like a less annoying version of the Theory of Anonymity.

In all honesty, I wouldn't be too worried about it. If you think she's really into you, try instigating one of these conversations in person next time you see her. If she's uncomfortable, be understanding, as it's been made pretty much impossible for people to be comfortable with one another face to face in today's society. In addition to this, social customs have instilled in people the near need to allow the other person to make the first advance. This goes for everyone.

Oh, did I mention that I'm one of these people?
EDIT: Zorg is a very pretty name.

 

[Florion]

It's easier to talk to a computer screen than a human being... You don't worry about your computer judging you as much as you do when there's a pair of eyes looking at you, even if you know there's a human on the other side of the computer screen.

Practice having meaningful conversations with people you trust in real life, and avoid having meaningful conversations on the internet. If you allow yourself that kind of intimacy online, you're less likely to develop the skill of communicating in real life simply because you don't have to.

 

[TheTaco007]

Often this is because of how much more freely you are able to speak when writing or typing. Sure, it's very difficult to use inflections, but you have the entirety of the english language at your disposal. When I'm in a conversation, I sometimes feel rushed, because when speaking out loud, I'm expected to respond within a second or two of the other person talking, thus not allowing for any time to THINK about what I'm going to say.

My advice? Talk. Just talk. You don't have to be saying anything of huge interest, just carry a conversation. Try it. Don't think to hard, just start speaking. Start with a question.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Nope. No internet interaction has ever been more important to me than face to face conversations.

Also the reason it seems easier for you to communicate to this girl via Facebook is that your hormones don't kick in as violently. It is easier to compose your thoughts through a keyboard than it is through your vocal chords if you haven't practiced it. Don't worry, keep meeting with her and you'll ease into a relationship or friendship. I'm not about to tell you where to go from here.

Yeah and I wonder if that Zorg wants to destroy the world too.

...

Aren't you thinking of Zorc?


[sub][sub]I need to meet up with you someday Marter![/sub][/sub]

 

[thylasos]

You have somewhat longer to formulate your repsonses or gather your thoughts in a virtual setting, whereas when you're face-to-face you have the problem of trying to fill silence rather than letting conversation flow naturally. The sentiment remains the same, the verbal interpretation is less precise, or rather slow, or over-thought.

It's just a problem of getting used to each other in a real-life context and going with the flow. Silence doesn't necessarily need filling. You can always listen to some music or something, and just wait for somehting to strike you as a point of discussion.