Existential Rant. (Scornable self-pity inside!)

[Ignignoct]

I'm bored with life.

I don't know what I want.

As far as I know, I don't want anything. I used to admire that idea when I first heard of it in buddhist philosophy, y'know, separating from desire.

Now I feel like I'm playing a third-person game, watching somebody on auto-pilot, go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat. I want to "first person", but there's so little reason to do so.

I work out to feel like I'm doing something substantial with my time. It helps.

I go to malls and realize that I don't want anything that's being sold. I look at peoples actions and behavior and realize that I have nothing I want to learn from them. I give my money to family. They appreciate me. It helps.

I've forgotten the language of desire and selfish drive. I have no self-serving ambitions. I just want to get rich, give it all away, and die. Being military, I'm referred to the Chaplain for psychiatric issues. I've spoken to them before. They have nothing I want to learn. No immediate truths. Pre-manufactured, hollow solutions I've correctly predicted and dismissed as irrelevant to me. It doesn't help that Christianity was a traumatizing part of my childhood.

Taking caffeine pills helps my mood and sense of motivation considerably, but it's a bandaid, not a cure. However, I certainly have a large supply of "bandaids" to go through while looking for said cure.

I feel like I should be wanting a new girlfriend, and expect that to be your answer. I do not. My subconscious is wired to avoid relationships as they've done so poorly in the past, mostly due to emotional fragility and instability on the female's part. My inner Devil's Advocate tells me that I must continue digging through coal till I find the diamond, but my metaphorical arms are exhausted.

Maybe I should get a dog.

I am aware that I may simply be chemically depressed, and suicide is not yet something I'd consider.

How do you feel about your life? Your ambitions?

 

[Kogarian]

I just go with it. I've had similiar problems like you stated, and I'm still experiencing most of them.

But a dog and anti-depressants help. A lot.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

I feel the same way. Although, a dog sounds like a good idea.

 

[SharPhoe]

Wow... that sounds... pretty similar to how I've felt lately. I've been in a monotonous rut for longer than I would like, and although I crave a change of pace, my options are so severely limited, there's really nothing I can do. I'm usually fine, but I come down with a case of depression at least once a week. One of the main things bothering me is that I'm going to turn 20 in five months, and I've never once been in a relationship. I'm thinking I should see a psychiatrist someday soon.

 

[GRoXERs]

Find a friend you find attractive.
Then bang her.
FWB FTW!

No relationship necessary!

 

[Cowabungaa]

Partial recognition. I have the same lack of goals and any form of drive to work for. But I also don't really care about the people around me, I don't care about humans in general. Nor do I work out, since I do not care about myself I obviously don't really care about my looks. As I said I don't really care about people in general, I've been hurt a lot, I feel like I'm still being hurt and it feels like I have to work against a constant stream of bad luck and pain. And, like you, my metaphorical body is beginning to wear out from the fighting.

 

[Arrers]

I also get the feeling that I'm going nowhere somtimes. It's not as bad as your problem sounds, but I can't feel bothered to do anything ever; like I feel that it dosen't matter if I do well in college because I'll just be stuck in a dead-end job either way.

I suppose I could do somthing. Learn to play an instrument or learn foreign a language, or somthing like that.

EDIT

One of the main things bothering me is that I'm going to turn 20 in five months, and I've never once been in a relationship.

I'm 18 and I also have never been in a relationship. I rarely find anyone attractive, and when I do, I'm just too shy to ask them out. It also doesn't help that most of my friends are, at least seemingly, in blissfully happy coupleings.

 

[Nmil-ek]

I would say just go with it for awhile, or maybe get away from it all? How about going minimalistic or getting involved with some people far, far worse of than you? Used to do charity work and it really put things into perspective for me. That and see a real phsychiatrist a chaplin is no good unless you like cryptic scriptures.

Or get laid also good.

 

[IrrelevantTangent]

I'm bored with life.

I don't know what I want.

As far as I know, I don't want anything. I used to admire that idea when I first heard of it in buddhist philosophy, y'know, separating from desire.

Now I feel like I'm playing a third-person game, watching somebody on auto-pilot, go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat. I want to "first person", but there's so little reason to do so.

I work out to feel like I'm doing something substantial with my time. It helps.

I go to malls and realize that I don't want anything that's being sold. I look at peoples actions and behavior and realize that I have nothing I want to learn from them. I give my money to family. They appreciate me. It helps.

I've forgotten the language of desire and selfish drive. I have no self-serving ambitions. I just want to get rich, give it all away, and die. Being military, I'm referred to the Chaplain for psychiatric issues. I've spoken to them before. They have nothing I want to learn. No immediate truths. Pre-manufactured, hollow solutions I've correctly predicted and dismissed as irrelevant to me. It doesn't help that Christianity was a traumatizing part of my childhood.

Taking caffeine pills helps my mood and sense of motivation considerably, but it's a bandaid, not a cure. However, I certainly have a large supply of "bandaids" to go through while looking for said cure.

I feel like I should be wanting a new girlfriend, and expect that to be your answer. I do not. My subconscious is wired to avoid relationships as they've done so poorly in the past, mostly due to emotional fragility and instability on the female's part. My inner Devil's Advocate tells me that I must continue digging through coal till I find the diamond, but my metaphorical arms are exhausted.

Maybe I should get a dog.

I am aware that I may simply be chemically depressed, and suicide is not yet something I'd consider.

How do you feel about your life? Your ambitions?

*hugs Ignignoct* There, there. I understand how it feels to think that everything's pointless. That Bachelor's Degree in nihilism I stole earned wasn't for nothing. And maybe everything is pointless. We live, we breathe, we work, we suffer, and none of it matters because at the end of the day, we all know that after we die less than one percent of the population will care or even notice, and most legacies except for the most pristine ones eventually fade away.

So if life is pointless and there's no meaning to be found in a meaningless world, what do you do? Keep on living anyway. Try to find out whether you're depressed, or just afflicted with ennui, or even if there's an alien parasite living inside your colon sapping your will to live. You mentioned seeing psychiatrists and that they had little to no effect, so why not get help from any family members you might have that would be willing to talk to you about the problems you've been having?

Or talk to a friend. Or a confidant. Or someone you know in your life that's gone through the problems you have or you think might have gone through the same problems. Just talk to anyone about it. Talking about it actually will make you feel better, because you can't solve a problem until you admit you have one. Nor can you continue through life bottling your problems up because you think that no one can help you. Help is out there- you just have to find a way to get to it. And I really do hope that you eventually feel better and that you're able to get past this obstacle, because being depressed sucks and I can say that from experience.

I wish you luck, and I hope you find the answer you're searching for.

 

[Carnagath]

I just sort of float around, belonging nowhere, fitting nowhere like a triangle brick in a game of Tetris, generally being a twat and disappointing and/or alienating everyone that ever knew me. Many times it's their own fault though, so fuck them.

 

[Sporky111]

Lack of ambition is a major problem for me recently. I found that if you find something you like or something that you are good at that entertains you, it helps a lot. I started sketching. I had this image stuck in my head of a SPARTAN (Halo) with a spike through the chest, yet still firing an SMG. Once I got it on paper, I was really proud of myself. If that isn't your thing, listening to music, getting a pet, escaping into a book (cliche, but still true), playing Guitar Hero on a difficulty that is fun but not frustrating; all those help me.

 

[scotth266]

I've hit that point several times. Often enough, it's a matter of finding something new to cultivate your passions in. A dog sounds like an excellent idea, but keep in mind that getting a puppy is a TON of work at the start, though all the dog owners I know say that the bonds formed are well worth it. It's a good idea, well worth looking into.

Apart from that, try a combination of stuff in your free time: do things that you've always wanted to do. Art or learning how to stakeboard are some of my things that I get into when in a slump. Hell, it's gone as far as wanting to learn guitar or how to speak Japanese! There's always something out there to do. Your problem doesn't seem to be one of relationships or religion, as all of us go through trying times with both: it seems to me as if you're just REALLY bored. The only solution to that is to try things out for a whirl. I hate to say it, but that Magic School Bus lady had the right idea there: get messy. A lack of talent in any of these areas is no excuse: talent comes through effort, and those with natural talent are quickly surpassed by those who work hard unless they do the same.

Of course, I'm not saying you should try anything. Avoid self-destructive behaviors like drinking: those at this point will serve only to drag you down.

EDIT: Oracle up there knows what he's doing. Listen to him as well.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Well, OP has neatly summarized the state my life was in several days ago.

But then I realized the best way to snap out of the funk: constant occupation.

Being busy is the best thing I can do to stay happy. That may sound like the kind of thing that would lead you deeper down the hole, but in actuality, my problem was my idleness. When I'm given time to sit around and think, I brood, and I brood hard.

I recommend a hobby to fill your free time, but not a solo hobby like model building. Try picking up a hobby with a community of other people that share it. You're guaranteed to meet new and interesting people, and you'll be able to share your craft with others and feel appreciated for your abilities, not just for what you do for others (let's face it, altruistic qualities of the latter aside, they're equally important).

 

[Carnagath]

One of the main things bothering me is that I'm going to turn 20 in five months, and I've never once been in a relationship. I'm thinking I should see a psychiatrist someday soon.

Nah, don't beat yourself up about it dude. Not all people are successful at that kind of stuff. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that most people aren't these days. You've watched too many movies about teenagers swimming in sex. I was 24 when I first had a relationship, and even that was sort of an "accident", it might easily not have happened. Who's to say when it's too soon or too late? Fuck 'em. In the real world, not all countries are the same, not all social circles that you are stuck with are the same, and not all people are the same. And girls are usually assholes. Pretty, but assholes. Until you meet one who isn't. Whenever that may be. Don't hype it too much, it's nothing to feel pressured or depressed by.

 

[Agayek]

I'm kinda like the OP. I don't really have any motivation or ambition to work towards.

And the really weird thing is that I'm happy about it. I'm perfectly content with my, admittedly rather boring, life. I can't really explain why, but I'm perfectly happy and content with doing nothing more than keeping myself entertained and living in the now.

And SharPhoe, I'm basically in the same boat in regards to relationships. Never managed to happen for me.

 

[L33tsauce_Marty]

Yeah, I'm not really a kid that wants a lot. I really want to be a movie producer though, one of my dreams but my parents are trying to sabotage that as much as possible. My day consists of me wasting my time...I hate it. I love doing things on Adobe After Effects, but it seems like my parents are trying to alienate me as much as possible from something I want to do so badly, and they just want to blame it on my grades.

Anyway, just be happy that if you wanted to do something your parents would let you.

 

[Ignignoct]

*hugs Ignignoct* There, there. I understand how it feels to think that everything's pointless. That Bachelor's Degree in nihilism I stole earned wasn't for nothing. And maybe everything is pointless. We live, we breathe, we work, we suffer, and none of it matters because at the end of the day, we all know that after we die less than one percent of the population will care or even notice, and most legacies except for the most pristine ones eventually fade away.

So if life is pointless and there's no meaning to be found in a meaningless world, what do you do? Keep on living anyway. Try to find out whether you're depressed, or just afflicted with ennui, or even if there's an alien parasite living inside your colon sapping your will to live. You mentioned seeing psychiatrists and that they had little to no effect, so why not get help from any family members you might have that would be willing to talk to you about the problems you've been having?

Or talk to a friend. Or a confidant. Or someone you know in your life that's gone through the problems you have or you think might have gone through the same problems. Just talk to anyone about it. Talking about it actually will make you feel better, because you can't solve a problem until you admit you have one. Nor can you continue through life bottling your problems up because you think that no one can help you. Help is out there- you just have to find a way to get to it. And I really do hope that you eventually feel better and that you're able to get past this obstacle, because being depressed sucks and I can say that from experience.

I wish you luck, and I hope you find the answer you're searching for.

Oh, yeah, I've resigned myself to the idea that objectively life has no set meaning, and only our subjective perspectives and goals can give ourselves meaning etc... I'm just running out of goals, at least in the short-term.

Anywho, Oracle, I really appreciate the caring and thought-out answer, everyone's responses, really. I'm feeling better already, and I'm going to spend the night brainstorming hobbies and goals to achieve.

I'm also getting my colon inspected for alien parasites just in case.

Well, OP has neatly summarized the state my life was in several days ago.

But then I realized the best way to snap out of the funk: constant occupation.

Being busy is the best thing I can do to stay happy. That may sound like the kind of thing that would lead you deeper down the hole, but in actuality, my problem was my idleness. When I'm given time to sit around and think, I brood, and I brood hard.

I recommend a hobby to fill your free time, but not a solo hobby like model building. Try picking up a hobby with a community of other people that share it. You're guaranteed to meet new and interesting people, and you'll be able to share your craft with others and feel appreciated for your abilities, not just for what you do for others (let's face it, altruistic qualities of the latter aside, they're equally important).

It's funny that you say that, because a co-worker of mine who's also into comedy is looking for a troupe to roll with around the comedy club circuit, and I'm going with once he finds one.

Maybe I'll be happily busy sooner than I think =p.

 

[IrrelevantTangent]

I'm also getting my colon inspected for alien parasites just in case.

Always a good idea.