Explaining yourself on Valentine's Day....

[DrownedAmmet]

Also, as a side note, I totally believe in the whole "there is someone out there for everyone" tripe. Look at all the crazy shit that people are in to that the internet has brought together! If there's someone happy to put shit in their mouth, there's someone out there who would be happy to put your tongue in their mouth

It's a worthless saying, though. Most of us will never find that one. Like finding a needle in a very big haystack.

Nah, there's 7 billion people on this planet, so there's probably a few dozen people out there for us, not just one. And with the internet you can effectively shrink that haystack. So it's like trying to find one of a few dozen needles in a huge haystack, but you have a magnet.

Actually a better analogy would be the search for extra-terrestrial life. The law of averages says that they are out there, somewhere. There is no guarantee we will find them any time soon (or at all), but the reward is too great not to try

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

a relationship is like a shit friendship most of the time. Unless you find someone who is into the exact same thing as you (which is a pretty big statistical deviation for most of us here, not gonna lie), your relationship will just be long awkward pauses and arguments over what movie to watch and who gets to do what. It's like being friends with someone you have little in common with, but you supplant discussion with the romantic stuff.

Generally, being in a relationship doesn't require surgical attachment - you're still allowed to have separate lives and interests.

I know, the point I'm trying to make that if OP is sad over that during Valentine's Day then he may be over-idealising not being single.

 

[the December King]

I have some suggestions from personal experience, if you'd like to hear them.

Go volunteer somewhere. Help people. Travel. Take up a hobby that gets you meeting people, but not in a romantic way, just gets you out and meeting different people. It can be hard, but just join a local gym, and work your arms for a couple of weeks as you get used to the space. Smile. Be friendly.

All of these things help to change your attitude when you feel like you are alone. And concentrating on yourself isn't helping- fight the urge to turn inwards. Doing things, not with the focus of taking your mind off of having no SO specifically, but to find happiness in other ventures, is key. Try to enjoy the moment. And try not to turn sadness into bitterness- this can be hard to do, but it's no one else's fault that you are alone... and, when you are ready to accept it, it won't be yours, either. That'll be confidence, come a knocking.

Those are all lessons I learned when I was alone. And it wasn't because I was holding out for a supermodel- fuck anyone who tells you that shit, this is a forum and they most likely don't know you. On the other hand, in my life I did pass up or miss out on what could have been some wonderful, life-changing encounters because I was a blind fool. But there is no blanket statement that covers all of this. Such is life.

 

[Bobic]

Honestly, I've seen more single people complain about a perceived attack on their bachelorhood by non-single people than I've seen non-single peop~ blah blah blah.

No one cares what your relationship status is. If someone cares enough about your relationship status to comment about it they are either your aunt, your secret crush, or a dipshit.

Dammit, until the last line I was about to leap in and be all, nuh-uh, someone does care enough to comment all the time, it's my nan, and god's love her and all that, but it's very tedious.

Anyway, I think the only real person judging the OP's singality is the OP himself, to which I say. NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP FLAT OUT DOES NOT MATTER. Seriously, if you're happy, then why seek change, and if you're not happy (which is the assumption I'll work with) then you gotta change that shit. And here's the secret, no relationship will grant you happiness, they can certainly improve your life and whatnot, but depression has deep seated issues you gotta work through first, if you're ever going to get out of that funk. Here's another fun secret, this one personal to me, but I used to suffer from serious depression, and I get that you can look at the things you don't have (like a lovely girlfriend) and say 'if I just had that, I'd be so much happier'. That's not how it works, both in the curative, and the 'life ain't gonna gift you things with no effort' angle. So, you see yourself as having a boring life, poor social skills, and poor humour. D'yu know how to solve that? The same way you build any other skillset. Practice practice practice. I don't know where/what your life consists of, so can't be specific, but find some outgoing activity around other people you can throw yourself at. Join a local indoor rockclimbing club. Whatever. Work on that shit.

Also, remember the fantastic age we live in, you want socialising practice with women, go to okcupid, message everyone that even remotely tickles your fancy, have conversations with whoever replies, and dates with whoever replies a lot (though, fair warning, don't expect a large amount of replies, but fire off enough messages and some will get responded to). It'll be a good way for you to practice the whole courting/dating thing, and who knows, one of them could be your special someone (and thank fuck for that, because I feel dirty all over for referring to real human beings seeking love as 'practice'). I mentioned my depression earlier for a reason. A few years ago on Valentines I'd have been sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, complaining about my own inadequacy and possibly even making whiny posts about singlehood on irrelevant gaming forums (why don't you check my post history and find out!) This year I went on a date with a wonderful gal, had a good deal of fun, and we're going out again next week.

You can get better, and being better is awesome. Do it.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Fake it till you make it, is today's usual model for living.
No one cares about the reality of your situation, they want to hear you make up some bullshit that looks all fine and dandy. To them you will only ever look successful if you lie about it hard enough.

It is of course bloody stupid but that is how the world currently works, that is expected of you.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

If you're sad over not being in a relationship, just remember that at the end of the day, a relationship is like a shit friendship most of the time. Unless you find someone who is into the exact same thing as you (which is a pretty big statistical deviation for most of us here, not gonna lie), your relationship will just be long awkward pauses and arguments over what movie to watch and who gets to do what. It's like being friends with someone you have little in common with, but you supplant discussion with the romantic stuff.

o__O

Personally I wouldn't get into a relationship where the only thing keeping it together was only the romantic stuff. That just sounds kind of awful to get into...

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

If you're sad over not being in a relationship, just remember that at the end of the day, a relationship is like a shit friendship most of the time. Unless you find someone who is into the exact same thing as you (which is a pretty big statistical deviation for most of us here, not gonna lie), your relationship will just be long awkward pauses and arguments over what movie to watch and who gets to do what. It's like being friends with someone you have little in common with, but you supplant discussion with the romantic stuff.

o__O

Personally I wouldn't get into a relationship where the only thing keeping it together was only the romantic stuff. That just sounds kind of awful to get into...

I did say 'most of the time', but on the whole this is true.

If people are just constantly happy when they are together with and without romance then the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is, nor would there be half as many breakups. People leave over stupid stuff very often or over serious stuff, because at the end of the day, no one will ever truly understand you.

The romantic moments are the highlights and what keeps everything together.

It's bleak, but it's the conclusion I've been led to by my own experiences and of those around me that I care for.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

because at the end of the day, no one will ever truly understand you.

While I don't think you're quite wrong, I'd question whether anyone needs to truly understand you (or me) in order to be happy together. Mrs B and I are very happy (well, I am, I haven't asked her) together, even though we'll never truly understand one another. I can, of course, share my deepest, darkest secret with her (I pushed the stop button on an escalator) but she still won't grasp fully how or who I am, because she'll never know what led me to that dark point (my dad told me to do it).

We're on the same page my man.

I'm saying that relationships shouldn't be over-idealised, since to a lot of single people, they over-sell it as some sort of soul-mate pairing(helped in no small part thanks to media and advertising as well as people over-selling things in general) leaving them to angst on Valentine's.

 

[B-Cell_v1legacy]

Valentines day is over-rated anyway, it's just Excuse-For-Chocolate Day, really.

100% agreed. only reason valentine day is celebrated so big companies can sell their ballons and some other red craps. waste of time.

 

[Something Amyss]

See, I've never had to explain being single on Valentines Day. Not because I'm never single (though I'm not now), but because I don't give a crap.

The big problem appears to be that you feel this is an issue in the first place. Being single bothers you. Unfortunately, you treat women with antipathy, and that's probably going to put most of them off you. If this is such a big deal to you, you might want to look into the actual reasons that you're single, and I think that attitude is central to them.

This seems like a pity party to me, and...I don't get it. You've complained that women aren't worth your time/are frustrating/intimidating/not attractive because they don't meet fanservice standards before. That's fine. Not everyone has to be paired off. Take a page from John Oliver and move on:

Or, if pairing off really matters to you, consider your approach. Because if you believe even a tenth of the things you say about women online, I imagine you make women in the real world uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. You don't have to be alone, but if you don't want to be alone, you need to do some serious self-reflection. Especially if you're "self assessing" yourself so low and expect a partner to be tailored to your specific tastes.

Take the advice. Seriously.

It's a worthless saying, though. Most of us will never find that one. Like finding a needle in a very big haystack.

It's a worthless saying only if you limit it to one special someone like a fairy tale. For any one of us, there are probably twos, tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of compatible people.

I mean, it depends on what you're looking for, obviously.

Valentines day is over-rated anyway, it's just Excuse-For-Chocolate Day, really.

Which is why it's the best day of the year!

...well, not really, since I'm not big on chocolate, but it amused me to make that joke.

I may be wrong, so forgive me if that's the case, but I'm pretty sure the OP has made threads before about how the only women he finds attractive are those with the proportions of an anime character: slim waisted and large chested.

Hopefully not the eyes, too. Those look...uncomfortable.

 

[aba1]

Unfortunately, you treat women with antipathy, and that's probably going to put most of them off you.

I don't know if there is some sorta background context here but if you are going based of this thread alone that seems like a wild thing to say. I mean you think he hates women because he wishes he had a girlfriend? He spends more time being hard on himself then women and from what I read at no point even blames any women for anything. I feel like I am missing some context here cause it seems like such a wild accusation seemingly just so you can smugly put him down. I dunno if I am missing something please feel free to fill me in.

 

[Something Amyss]

I don't know if there is some sorta background context here but if you are going based of this thread alone that seems like a wild thing to say.

Well, first off, there is some sort of background context here. I allude to it thusly: You've complained that women aren't worth your time/are frustrating/intimidating/not attractive because they don't meet fanservice standards before. It's only like, two sentences later.

Second....

I mean you think he hates women because he wishes he had a girlfriend?

"Antipathy" is not hatred. It can be. I don't know his innermost feelings, but antipathy also means hostility (which he has demonstrated) and aversion (which he has outright stated). I actually doubt he hates women. That doesn't invalidate the notion that he speaks about women in a negative and often hostile fashion.

Third, if you feel like you're missing context, it's probably a good idea to ask.

Part of the reason I commented here is because Paragon Fury actually seems like he's probably a decent person outside the context of certain threads which harp excessively about the "problems" of real women and the necessity of anime women. Part of it's because I don't like seeing people in pain, even if I don't like them, unless they're paying. >.>

But not only do I see this issue, he's copped to part of it. And it clearly bothers him that women don't want to be around him. Other people have covered the element that he seems to have rather unfair and unrealistic standards, but there's more to it than that. That behaviour is prominent enough it's the specific reason he started to stand out to me. And I'm going to go out non a limb and say this is not the sort of impression guys looking for girls want to give.

 

[Elfgore]

Listen to what many others have said here. Appearances matter, yes. But as someone who is overweight and everyone who has ever called me handsome has been women over forty and a dude[footnote]Good looking out, Frappe-San[/footnote]. I've had a couple girls who have liked me and going by the reaction when I show their pictures to people, they have all been attractive women. This is not meant to brag, take it as such if you wish though[footnote]Just note I'm twenty going on twenty-one and I've never dated anyone[/footnote], it is to help make my next point have more ground.

I've asked the friends of these three women why they liked me. An overweight, average looking guy. They told me because I'm funny, energetic, happy-go-lucky, fun to be around, and in general a positive person. So what a lot of people said helps getting people to like you and get girlfriends. Being a downer all the time, moping about stuff, just constantly being negative, and not activally pursing looking for one is a great way to not get a girlfriend or friends in general to be honest.

I've never had to explain myself on Valentines Day either, don't know why that's a big thing

 

[Dizchu]

It's fine to like fanservice harem anime. It's fine to like exaggerated and overly sexualised depictions of women. And despite how much it makes me cringe, it's fine to openly express enjoyment of these things.

What isn't fine are the attitudes I've observed in previous threads where these ideals seem to colour your view of women. You surround yourself with media like this as a substitute for actual interactions with women and that's not a great thing to do. It's a problem a lot of people who consume media face, it can easily distort their views on society. Rom-coms aren't inherently bad but without an actual understanding of how relationships work, they can easily lead to people believing that a "friendzone" exists and that any woman can be "won" if they try hard enough.

Look, a romantic relationship is just a type of friendship. You have friends, right? Why do your friends like you? Chances are the reasons why your friends talk to you are the same reasons why anyone who'd be romantically interested would talk to you.

But I'm sorry, these people are not and will never be squealing highschool girls with blue hair and tits that jiggle endlessly.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Dont worry so much. Its fine not to have a girlfriend. Life isnt all about sticking your dick in holes. Its okay to be a virgin. I say it again, despite the world trying to insist it isnt, its okay to be a virgin or to not have had sex for a long time.

 

[Foolery]

So, uh, when did the Escapist become r/Foreveralone? Just so you know OP, no really one gives a much of a damn if you're feeling down on yourself. If you act broken, and continue to believe that narrative, people will avoid you. I think it's better to create some sort of happiness or at least low-level contentment that comes from the self, rather than relying solely on external sources.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

See, I've never had to explain being single on Valentines Day. Not because I'm never single (though I'm not now), but because I don't give a crap.

The big problem appears to be that you feel this is an issue in the first place. Being single bothers you. Unfortunately, you treat women with antipathy, and that's probably going to put most of them off you. If this is such a big deal to you, you might want to look into the actual reasons that you're single, and I think that attitude is central to them.

This seems like a pity party to me, and...I don't get it. You've complained that women aren't worth your time/are frustrating/intimidating/not attractive because they don't meet fanservice standards before. That's fine. Not everyone has to be paired off. Take a page from John Oliver and move on:

Or, if pairing off really matters to you, consider your approach. Because if you believe even a tenth of the things you say about women online, I imagine you make women in the real world uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. You don't have to be alone, but if you don't want to be alone, you need to do some serious self-reflection. Especially if you're "self assessing" yourself so low and expect a partner to be tailored to your specific tastes.

Take the advice. Seriously.

It's a worthless saying, though. Most of us will never find that one. Like finding a needle in a very big haystack.

It's a worthless saying only if you limit it to one special someone like a fairy tale. For any one of us, there are probably twos, tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of compatible people.

I mean, it depends on what you're looking for, obviously.

Valentines day is over-rated anyway, it's just Excuse-For-Chocolate Day, really.

Which is why it's the best day of the year!

...well, not really, since I'm not big on chocolate, but it amused me to make that joke.

I may be wrong, so forgive me if that's the case, but I'm pretty sure the OP has made threads before about how the only women he finds attractive are those with the proportions of an anime character: slim waisted and large chested.

Hopefully not the eyes, too. Those look...uncomfortable.

With the compulsive nature to respond these OP's destined-to-be-repeated posts with merely humour and no useful advice, i feel it necessary to highlight and endorse? ...this advice. A lot of this OP's state of perception is seemngly due to a lack of empathy, innate or environmentally inspired , which has many paths and roots. Once you get past yourself, you will realise that everyone else is just as human. Just as confused. Embrace that, because it's a greater connectef to souls than you could imagine. Sorry for the embarrassingly spiritual wording, i am still a being of science, but there ia always wonder and hope, and learning.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Alright, I'll try to get everything in one post that I can.

1: While the image mentions Valentine's Day, its really more of an "any time of the year" kind of thing. It just gets worse around romantic holidays like VD. And it comes from a lot of people (like my parents) in both subtle and not so-subtle ways.

2: I don't know that I've even said ten things different things about women here, much less than you could get the idea I don't like them or hate them.

3: I know that self-assessment probably seems a little too common, but for me, I am not lying and its true. Its not my grooming or hygiene that makes me look bad; I just don't look very good even when I attempt to.

As much of an asshole as it makes me sound like...yeah, the smarter than others thing is demonstrably true. I consistently outperformed my peers and even adults on standardized testing of all kinds (I was so good they used to think I was cheating in school and isolated me and watched me take the tests for a while until they saw I wasn't and then they just let me go). Even as an adult I take to new things far, far more quickly than others to the point where I'm working as quickly or more so than people 5-10 years my senior there.

The only areas where I lag are more advanced math (because the methods and thought processes that allow me to be so good at other things fail when trying to apply them to math, as noted by my old psychologist) and foreign languages; unfortunately for foreign languages you could be forgiven for thinking I have a learning disability I'm so bad at them (Fun fact: I lost an almost $40,000 a year scholarship to college because I'm so bad at FL that it dragged my GPA down. I went from a basically free ride at a highly prestigious college to paying out of pocket with student loans because of it. Yes, I hate myself everyday because of it).

Of course, I spent most of my time feeling like a dumbass compared to people I went to college with, so I'm not sure what its worth now.

4: I don't really have "friends". At least, not ones who actually talk with me. I mostly do things by myself and don't talk to anyone. I tend to leave people alone to enjoy their own time and the things they're doing, and I definitely don't intrude when it looks like others are enjoying themselves.

5: Its not like I didn't TRY to have more fun and do more things in my life; but I had kind of exhausted a lot of possibilities by the time I was even out of highschool. One of the few ones that DID stick, paintball, went with me through college. But as anyone who plays knows, paintball is a ludicrously expensive sport and hobby, and not something you can really afford when you're making student loan payments, rent etc. (To compare, in a single day of paintball you can easily drop $300 in air, paint, refreshments etc., especially if you go real hard. You can easily drop $1,000 in a weekend if you go to something like Castle Crashers).

6: I'm just really bad at socializing, so it doesn't go well with me involved. Oddly enough I'm a great presenter, but I suck at regular conversation. And around women that I like its almost physical impossible for me to act "normal". Putting words into coherent sentences is a challenge - I think I might actually panic if a woman openly showed interest in me. Needless to say, socializing is not one of my strengths.

7: I know real women don't look like anime women. But if I were to make a comparison; yeah, most people don't wind up in a Ferrari or Camaro. But they probably don't imagine themselves driving a little Subaru or Jeep when thinking about the car they really want either.

 

[Glongpre]

Honestly, Valentine's day is dumb. I don't even know what day it falls on. I was more worried about how my gym session will go, and getting my glycogen stores back up lol.

I know how you feel about socializing around women. It is really hard for me as well. I can really only talk to them if I know them, or if they talk to me first. Otherwise, I am really uncomfortable, and it is hard to just be myself.

Just be open to improving yourself in social situations and it will get better, like it has for me. But you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. Just be impulsive. When you get that feeling to say something, just take a deep breath and say it, don't think about it! Remember to continue breathing afterward

 

[Spider RedNight]

Somehow your explanation didn't make anything better.... just made you seem like one of the many many many people online who are like "omg I'm so smart and awkward and unattractive" so at least now you sound like a teenager instead of a college kid now. Congratulations.

The thing is... you shouldn't care. By posting all this stuff, you're letting everyone know that this bothers you and if you REALLY believed all this "sigh I'm single and here's why" stuff, you wouldn't post a thread trying to "explain yourself", you'd shrug it off. Like what OTHER people who are single do.

Obviously if you don't have friends but you're catching a lot of flack for being single around "romantic holidays" (implying that there's more than one which please fill me in because I'm at the point where I barely acknowledge Valentine's Day as anything but a candy cash grab, much less any OTHER holiday that could be considered "romantic"), then you're doing something right or wrong on the social front and right now it sounds less like "people are bothering me" and more like "I'm bothered that people I have to interact with ask me if I'm single and why".

Parents, I get. Parents do that. If you're letting yourself get bothered by standard questions around Valentine's Day or whatever then that's on you, pal.

I'm still confused how you don't socialise much and you're supposedly bad at it but you've managed to get people to "make you explain yourself" often enough that you just HAD to make a thread about it.

Still sounds self-piteous but now it's "super sad teenager" mode instead of "I'm an adult with flaws" mode.