Facebook: Your Cat Is a Public Figure, Not a Person

Mike Kayatta

Minister of Secrets
Aug 2, 2011
2,315
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Facebook: Your Cat Is a Public Figure, Not a Person



Facebook will disable 83.09 million accounts, and many of them have names like Mr. Fluffypants.

Cats are amazing creatures. They really, really like treats. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3GJycgu-cs&feature=player_embedded] Perhaps that's the reason why millions of cat owners have decided to feature their beloved felines on Facebook with profiles of their own, often complete with way too many pictures, aribitrary political rambling, and non-stop torrential updates of what they're eating for lunch. Well, Mark Zuckerberg, it seems, is not amused. According to an updated regulatory filing, soon, Facebook will be closing down over 80 million fake accounts, a large portion of which to be what the site considers "misclassified" pet profiles.

Facebook considers these accounts "misclassified" because your little litter-lurker is, indeed, allowed on the social networking site, just not on equal footing with his or her human owner. And while some of you may immediately infer that they need take a subordinate role, the felinophiles out there won't be surprised to learn that it is, in fact, quite the opposite. Proper, and legal cat representation must be handled in the form of a fan page, akin to what you may find for other "Public Figures" on Facebook, such as a popular actor, musician, or author.

Though different from the other profiles set for the purge - including both "duplicate" (people who create more than one profile, say one for work and one for play) and "undesirable" (profiles that violate terms, such as spammers) accounts - "misclassified" accounts make up an impressive 2.4% of total active registrations.

So, if Miss Pawington is still detailing her life of napping, scratching, and butter-licking to all of her kitty cohorts on a daily basis, you may want to inform her highness that Facebook won't adhere to her nine-life policy: If your account is disabled as part of this process, you won't be able to create a new one without special permission from the company.

Source: CNN [http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/02/tech/social-media/facebook-fake-accounts/index.html]

Image: Catpicca Blog [http://catpicca.blogspot.com/2011/05/when-cat-has-facebook.html]

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Andy Shandy

Fucked if I know
Jun 7, 2010
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I wonder if this will apply to the profiles that people create for their babies, with the pictures of the ultrasound as the display picture and shit.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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I call bullshit! EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CATS! RALLY AROUND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

Also, you guys did it! You made the new design more bearable! Thank you!
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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FalloutJack said:
Fappy said:
I actually don't give a damn about Facebook, but if anyone needs something to rally behind, I offer this:

It's the Malcolm X of Cats. He will be a brilliant leader!
 

Xan Krieger

Completely insane
Feb 11, 2009
2,918
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Considering I was considering makeing a page for my dachshund now I know what to make it as. Thank you escapist for helping me avoid a lock.
 

nodlimax

New member
Feb 8, 2012
191
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Oh my kitten...

this means the stockprices will drop even further....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s
 

monev44

New member
Nov 9, 2010
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Wait.... if cats arn't people then I've been royally been screwing up that recipe for Solient-Green. No wonder I can't get it past the FDA, my ingredients list is totally off!
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
 

The White Hunter

Basment Abomination
Oct 19, 2011
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Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0580886/] hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0628325/].
 

DugMachine

New member
Apr 5, 2010
2,566
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Oh god I hope they delete all those stupid "Like this is you love jesus, ignore if you love devil" accounts. PLEASE for the love of jebus christ on a bun DELETE THOSE ACCOUNTS!

Also those silly community profiles that spam stupid meme pictures would be nice too.
 

The White Hunter

Basment Abomination
Oct 19, 2011
3,888
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Fappy said:
SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0580886/] hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0628325/].
Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
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United States
SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0580886/] hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0628325/].
Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.
No problem, it is a pretty old one. They both played Catwoman in the 60's Batman show/film and made cat-puns constantly. The recent Catwomen still do it, just to a less retarded extent :p
 

T'Generalissimo

New member
Nov 9, 2008
317
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Hmmm...I wonder how much deleting duplicate accounts will affect the numbers of players that Facebook games think they have. I imagine that quite a lot of people make fake accounts for the purpose of gaining in-game benefits on their main accounts.
 

Froggy Slayer

New member
Jul 13, 2012
1,434
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Didn't you guys know? Facebook is SIRIUS BIZNES. Who knows what could be at stake if the cats kept these profiles?
 

The Funslinger

Corporate Splooge
Sep 12, 2010
6,150
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SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
These puns really are giving me paws for thought. I'm not kitten around here!
 

The White Hunter

Basment Abomination
Oct 19, 2011
3,888
0
0
Fappy said:
SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
SkarKrow said:
Fappy said:
CLmichaels said:
DVS BSTrD said:
I got a bad feline about this.
That pun was pawful. This post was worth my Escapist virginity.
That was a pretty classy way to pop the cherry there. Cat puns 4 life.
There's nothing quite like a pun with purrfect delivery after all.

Seems retarded, don't care about face book anyway, I only came here for the puns.
I think I am going to have to write the mods and tell them Lee Meriwether [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0580886/] hacked you guys' Escapist accounts.

EDIT: Though there could be other suspects [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0628325/].
Um.. I don't get the references? D: Sorry.
No problem, it is a pretty old one. They both played Catwoman in the 60's Batman show/film and made cat-puns constantly. The recent Catwomen still do it, just to a less retarded extent :p
Ahhh okay, see I know nothing of movies lol I just love puns. xD