Family...HALP!?!?!?

[leviathanmisha]

Ok, so, here's to another 3 AM post...

Today, in probably like...5-ish hours, I have to go see my mother for the first time since MAY!!! If you haven't come to this conclusion, well, me and my mother don't exactly "get along". She spent most of my teens blaming me for being too much like my father and commenting that I would get nowhere in life with my genetics. So, when I hit 18, I was all too glad to move out.

Now I get to see her again and I'm not exactly thrilled, cause from what I've gathered, she still has a horrible opinion of me and is still making her snide remarks about my life choices.

So Escapists, any advice on how to get through Thanksgiving Dinner without strangling my mother?

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Don't go. Why the hell would you want to attend an event with a person you do not enjoy being around?

 

[leviathanmisha]

Don't go. Why the hell would you want to attend an event with a person you do not enjoy being around?

I would, except she's kinda dragging me over to my aunt's house tomorrow rather I like it or not...my plan at this point is to work on my advanced french hw that's due when I go back to the Uni on Monday.

 

[Justank]

I didn't get along well with my father for a solid portion of my immediate post high school years, I just took the crap in stride and told myself a couple more hours and I don't have to deal with this for x months. Will the food be good at least?

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

Don't go! STAY AWAY!

It's a perfectly understandable thing to do.

 

[leviathanmisha]

I didn't get along well with my father for a solid portion of my immediate post high school years, I just took the crap in stride and told myself a couple more hours and I don't have to deal with this for x months. Will the food be good at least?

I hope...I really hope...I probably should also mention that this will be the first holiday that we've spent together in over 5 years and my dad died 7 years ago...you do the math.

 

[Turing]

Get drunk?

 

[leviathanmisha]

Get drunk?

A Drunk Sicilian trying to conjugate French verbs...sorry, I'll pass on that one...

 

[Justank]

I hope...I really hope...I probably should also mention that this will be the first holiday that we've spent together in over 5 years and my dad died 7 years ago...you do the math.

Obviously a complete story on this is very personal, but running under the assumption that you are forced to go, my best advice is to bring your homework to bail on as much conversation time as possible if things go awry, but try to be the bigger (wo?)man at least to start. It took me a long time to come to terms with my father, and while we're definitely not on the happy family from a Kinect commercial level, it has gotten to a tolerable point. A lot of that did come after I had been living on my own for a bit. Your mother taking out her personal troubles on you isn't fair, granted, but give it a chance. If it's still not happening you have homework that HAS to be done.

 

[Necrofudge]

I really don't see how her forcing you should have any barring on the decision of not going.
You're an adult.

Or if you have to go, try to flaunt your success if it helps.

 

[Havra]

I would say still go. You dont have to see her very often? I think it is sad for her to feel that way. It's only a day right? If you put up with it for 18 years you could do it for a day.

And if it does get on your nerves so much then you can tell her how you feel. Most of the time I say this to people though it is easier said then done...

 

[Justank]

I would say still go. You dont have to see her very often? I think it is sad for her to feel that way. It's only a day right? If you put up with it for 18 years you could do it for a day.

And if it does get on your nerves so much then you can tell her how you feel. Most of the time I say this to people though it is easier said then done...

Yeah, talking about this stuff is the easiest way to get through it, but both people have to want to.

 

[Swaki]

take it, i know it sucks but we all hate family gatherings, theres passive aggressiveness, and the drunker they get the more hateful they get, but its family and they are the only ones who are gonna miss us when we are gone, life sucks i know, but bite the bullet and hope that you outlive them all.

Living good is the best revenge, outliving them all is the sweetest thing.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Don't go. Why the hell would you want to attend an event with a person you do not enjoy being around?

I would, except she's kinda dragging me over to my aunt's house tomorrow rather I like it or not...my plan at this point is to work on my advanced french hw that's due when I go back to the Uni on Monday.

Why are you letting her drag you over there? You're an adult. You are no longer bound by your parents. If you do not want to go then you will say no no matter how many times she annoys you. Any action other than saying no means you want to go, even a little.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I didn't get along well with my father for a solid portion of my immediate post high school years, I just took the crap in stride and told myself a couple more hours and I don't have to deal with this for x months. Will the food be good at least?

This is the best advice you can find.

You haven't seen her in over six months, so suffer through it all and enjoy the cranberry sauce (fucking love that stuff).

 

[lacktheknack]

Drown her with happiness and personal "What are you doing nowadays?" questions. Seriously, she won't be able to figure out what's going on. Drown her nastiness by being very thoroughly pleasant.

If she's a truly poisonous character, she won't invite you over again.

 

[Stoic raptor]

Stories like these always make me grateful that I have a great mom.

Seriously, you should not care about what she says. I know she is your mom, but caring about how people think of you can hinder you. Once you do, everything become easier and more fun.
But it is not an easy thing to do.

 

[zombiesinc]

So Escapists, any advice on how to get through Thanksgiving Dinner without strangling my mother?

If you choose to attend the dinner, ignore her. Be the more mature person in the situation. Be respectful though, otherwise you'll only strengthen her opinion of you.

She's completely unfair and unrealistic towards you. She holds things against you that are completely out of your (or anyone's) control. This is ridiculous, but she is human. And everyone deserves respect, even if they don't give it themselves.

Hope the dinner isn't too irritating or frustrating for you... I can't imagine having a mother like that. Sounds horrible... really makes me appreciate my momma that much more though.

 

[Thedayrecker]

Drink an obscene amount of alcohol.... and yes I realize this advice is coming rather late...

 

[leviathanmisha]

Update: Dinner wasn't so bad and I managed to survive by playing with my dog most of the evening. Her face was quite amusing when I pulled out my crapton of French hw and proceeded to plow through most of it without even blinking.

All-in-all, today was moderately successful.