Fantasy Novel

[Eliam_Dar]

Hello my fellow escapists, well this is my first thread, and I am opening it to request some input about a fantasy novel I am working on.

I have spent the last 2 years developing a fantasy world, which at this point has grown considerably, including different empires, kingdoms, backstory (about 6000 years), religions, etc. I am trying to avoid some of the standars of the genre (for example I am NOT going to use a prince in a white horse, or dragon riders, or elves, etc). So I need opinions and inputs about the following:


1 - The hero: I am currently working with a fallen knigth, from a religious order. He has fallen due to a personal tragedy and was exiled before the start of the story.

2 - The religion: Though all the cultures in this world have different religions, all the religions have a point in common, that is the main deity.

3 - The social structure: In this world, humans are the strongest race, one of the empires (where the main story will be set) has Roman like development, law, and army. There are other two land races (and one in the water at least for the momment, it is really difficult to integrate it to the main story), one being dragons, other a human-eagle like creature.

4 - Magic: In some kingdoms is welcome, in other's it isn't, and in some of them Inquisitions are practiced to destroy all the wizzards.

5 - The Wizzard. A woman, which is sent to an Empire as the ambassador of a kingdom, she cannot be persecuted by the inquisitors due to her status, but she is not welcome on the Empire in question.


Any input on these ideas is welcome, any comment too =)

And if you find grammar errors, don't worry, the book (which is partially written) is not in english.

 

[Erja_Perttu]

I'm not quite sure what it is you want me to say here, because you've just presented base ideas. Whilst they're good ideas, and with a bit of expansion (which after two years I assume is already done, and this is just an outline) could be awesome, there's not really enough detail here to be able to provide any real sort of critique.

That being said:

1 - You're hero is a stereotype right off the bat. If you're ready a how to on how to write the hero of a fantasy story, this is step four., so you've kinda just started in the middle with it, and I assume the back story will be told in flashbacks, or dream sequences, or some such other thing.

Now, this in itself isn't a bad thing, so long as you can do it well, because it's the pulling it off that counts. What you tend to find with the religious personal tragedy types is that there's angst, and a lot of it, which can get annoying for the reader, so you've got to either structure your story so it has a suitable resolution, or make it an undercurrent of angst, so the reader doesn't have to deal with it 24/7. in my experience, a self pitying hero is an annoying hero.

2 - By saying there is a central deity to all the religions, are you also suggesting these different religions are interlinked; or that said deity is one and the same in all beliefs, or is it a co-incidence? Either way it's an interesting point to explore, if that's where you want to go with it.

3- Depending on how you're doing this, either by segregation, caste system or perfect culture mish mash, the mixing of race could be a strong story point. Without knowing any more detail that there is a social structure, it's not really possible to comment on it.

4 - Again, the use or non use of magic can be a good way of introducing a new character or plot point, especially if the views of different characters clash or cause tension.

5 - I'm guessing the Wizzard/wizard is going to be a central character here, or at least pivotal to the plot somehow. It seems an interesting concept, sending a magic user as an ambassador, but it does raise the point of why send said woman in the first place if it has a negative affect on the diplomatic situation. I'm going to go ahead and assume you've addressed this, but it seems rather odd looking at it from an outsiders perspective.

As a selection of ideas, these seem good, but as I stated when talking about the Hero of the piece, these are all still well within the realm of the fantasy staple. Considering how hard it is to find a boundary to break these days, that's all well and good, but make sure you don't fall into the hole of writing the same story, just with different names and places. If you can see a way of mixing things up, go for it, and don't get too bogged down in the detail. Back story is good, and shows you've thought things through, but how much of it is the reader going to have to know, and how much are you going to spoon feed them, or leave them to figure out? Whilst relying on things that happened in the distant past can increase the grandeur of a tale, having too many history lessons can make an audience switch off.

I hope the writing goes well.

In short, good ideas and good luck to you!

 

[Eliam_Dar]

I hope the writing goes well.

In short, good ideas and good luck to you!

Thanks, I hope it too. It is true I haven't given much, but to expand a bit more:

1 - No the hero is not a self pitying.
2 - The central deity is common to all religions, each religion has minor gods, or guides.
3 - Caste system, the main empire where the story will take place at least has a feudal like system.
4 and 5 - Exactly, the wizzard is central to the story. She has to be a female due to a relationship plot with the hero. And there is a good reason why she is an ambassador being so young and a woman.

thanks for your comments is good to see potential plot issues from another perspective =)

sorry for not being that detailed but as you must imagine, I try to save the best part until it is written.

 

[Regiment]

Well, let's take these one at a time.

0) Backstory is good, but requiring a three-credit History of [your fantasy world here] class to understand anything is bad. As long as you keep the history out of the story unless it's important, it's great that you have that planned.

1) As mentioned, he's a cliche, but I'd need to see how he's written to judge him fully.

2) I'm not sure how a lot of separate religions can share a chief deity. Again, without knowing the story, my judgment's a little skewed. I'd be interested in how this came about- it would be a good plot point.

3) Well, if the races aren't Amoral Human, Hard Drinkin' Dwarf, Uptight Tree-Hugger Elf, and Always Chaotic Evil Ogre-Like Creatures, that's good.

4) Without knowing how this is relevant to the plot, I can't judge it. It sounds like a decent springboard for ideas...

5) Sounds good, if a little cliched. Why send a wizard to a magic-distrusting society? Surely the leader of her country has more socially acceptable messengers.

In general, these are good ideas, but they could be expanded into great stories or utter tripe. Without more knowledge about your story, all I can say is "sounds like a good foundation".

 

[Blindswordmaster]

1)Motive. Why are are your characters doing whatever the hell they're doing? How has your knight's fall from grace affected him? Is he an angry drunk? Is he a merciless soldier of fortune? Is he still clinging to the old ideals of his order? You need a good reason for your characters to go on their quest, or fighting monsters, or fucking blue animal women, or whatever the hell they're doing.
2)give your characters something interesting to do. The key to good storytelling? Interesting, relate able characters in thrilling situations.
3)Explain what you need to in order to move the story along. You're going to want to explain every part of the world. DON'T. Explain what is needed to progress in the world. Or put it all at the beginning of the story in giant yellow letters flying in space.
4)Have a short character list. If a character isn't important to the story, they don't need to be there. Remember: Some people are just normal, boring people. Every world needs NPCs.
5)NO CLIFFHANGERS!!!! End the fucking story in a succinct fashion. You don't have to tie up every loose thread, but you need to end the main story by the end of the story.

That's all I've got.

 

[Eliam_Dar]

snip

That's all I've got.

thanks

about point 1, thanks will keep it in mind. And the main character has lost his faith and is mainly a soldier of fortune, though with certain principles

about point 3, in fact I have noticed that it is quite difficult to do what you say, though it is true, I shouldn't describe everything, just what I need. Thanks for that =)

about point 4, totally agree, in fact I have discarded 3 characters that do not have much to do there.

about point 5, I am planning to do everything in just one book, no cliffhangers I promise.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

snip

That's all I've got.

thanks

about point 1, thanks will keep it in mind. And the main character has lost his faith and is mainly a soldier of fortune, though with certain principles

about point 3, in fact I have noticed that it is quite difficult to do what you say, though it is true, I shouldn't describe everything, just what I need. Thanks for that =)

about point 4, totally agree, in fact I have discarded 3 characters that do not have much to do there.

about point 5, I am planning to do everything in just one book, no cliffhangers I promise.

Excellent. You're going to go far kid. Also, about your knight; may I suggest an unwavering belief in professionalism? Professionals don't kill anyone they don't need to. Professionals just do their job and do it well. Professionals are clean, efficient, courteous, and above all, disciplined.
And don't shove in a love story where it doesn't fit. If it can't develop organically, don't include it. Good luck, and don't fuck up.