Favorite Comeback

[orifice]

"so's your face"!

 

[psijac]

Democrat: You're not thinking for yourself!
Me: Just because i don't share your beliefs I'm not thinking for myself?

Pretentious Guy: I'm kind of a big deal
Me: Yeah, you're the one that gonna shoot bush right?

 

[jezz8me]

I frequently call my dad fat but whenever i do he replies with "And your ugly, i can loose weight"

 

[Caliostro]

[anything unrelated]
"because your mom's a whore."

[anything unrelated]
"because you touch yourself at night."

[anything at all]
"No u."

Classics.

Other than that, it's very situational. I generally prefer witty sarcasm, but it depends a lot on the situation.

 

[Surreysmith]

my fav comeback was on scrubs

janitor: point to iraq
jd: *points*
janitor: that's china
jd: Your China

 

[Typhusoid]

Have you slept with your mom? Pity, everyone else has.

 

[Kabutos]

I like confusing people rather than stunning them with my sheer* amount of wit, so I will say something along the lines of:
"You make a valid point, my good sir/madam, but if the Photonic Resonation CHamber had a cucumber that sprouted screen doors, the shampoo would fall on the left side."

*not really

 

[fedpayne]

My friends parents were divorced, and thus my friend's dad was kind of his buddy, and he actually did a "Yeah? Well I slept with your mother!" joke at my friend. He was quite upset and had to leave the room, whilst he and I fell about laughing.

Also,

I am rubber, you are glue.

My enemies crack like glowsticks beneath my Monkey Island jokes.

You fight like a dairy farmer!

How appropriate, you fight like a cow!

WOW! you're good enough to face the Sword Master!

Why? Ya training ta be a nurse?

 

[foolishnun]

I use 'you face is ______' quite a lot.

I know it's lame but it amuses me in my own little way.

Edit: actually it amuses me in a BIG way.

 

[InvisibleMilk]

Meh, I just realize what a stupid thing the person just told me

I had an aquaintance (I refuse to say i know him) call me a flaming homosexual- as I was holding hands with my girlfriend down a hallway.

other times, I just laugh and say, "Ok, you'll have a better day now, right?"

 

[PureChaos]

Me: "You know what I don't get?"
Friend: "Laid?"

Oh SNAP.

thats awesome, wish i'd been there for that.

one of my friends likes saying 'your face' as a comeback (if anyone can think of something i can say back please let me know)

if somebody says your face just say:

"Is pointed in the direction of a retard" you have to be looking at them for it to work.

if i said that to her she would actually kill me... its perfect. thanks

 

[rottenbutter]

Spoiler: I find this one quite amusing.

 

[ffxfriek]

"Fuck you!"
"Yes, please."

"Go fuck yourself!"
"Tried. Can't bend that far."

"Shut the fuck up!"
"I've tried! The fuck won't stop talking!"

Some of my standard comebacks.

for the first one..im guessing it doesnt work when saying it to another guy.

 

[Zer_]

I usually say something along the lines of "You're a wart in humanity's gene pool, go die by natural selection please."

 

[KyleTheAngry]

I forget where i heard it but..

Save your breath buddy...you'll be needing it later to blow up your girlfriend...

 

[ffxfriek]

I usually say something along the lines of "You're a wart in humanity's gene pool, go die by natural selection please."

most of these arent cold like that...but thats cold....i like it.

 

[Quinn Davis]

Only if you respond quickly, very very quickly.
"Excuse me? I couldn't hear you around that cock in your mouth."

It pisses off tough guys to no end. Oh, I forgot, Be in a car that is in motion and yelling this out the window at the time. Or you will probably be pummelled.

 

[Dys]

Probably won't sound funny written, but the good ol' "******" muttered under my breath (at friends/people I know obviously not people that are going to get all anti-homophobic on my ass) is quite effective. Although its more the tone than the phrase that makes it funny.

Eg.
Friend: "dude you should really buy a civic, then you can get a nice bodykit"
me: "******" (passive agressively and looks away)

#note: It is particualrly funny when used against girls. Don't question it, it just is.

 

[Beowulf DW]

During Free-For-All on Halo 3:

Jerk-I-was-beating: "Your mom was great last night, PUSSY!"

Me: "Your dad was even better."

Same jerk: "..."

Everyone else in the game instantly started cracking up.

 

[TwistedEllipses]

heres mine:
I am rubber, you are a ******* ***** ****** sucker ***** son of a ****** - ***** with ***** ******** parrot in a hat ****** **** ***** ******* *****! Whatever you say bounces off me and ***** you.