Favorite drunken quotes

[Realitycrash]

Family Guy probably has the best of these, when Brian gets drunk (one of several times) in a Bar.
"I'm not drunk..I just have a speech-impediement"
-Falls of chair-
"And an inner ear infection.."
-Vomits-
"And a stomach virus.."

 

[Lunar Shadow]

"The leabiand(sic) and punk (sic: Meant to be pink) flamingos counteract the chaotic goodness of the ferrets! Do you want the ferrets to take mt soul!" ~mwe drunk texting my best mate at 4am after I got utterly trashed after a bad night at work.

 

[Bling1907]

"I'm not drunk, right beer cans?" -Some guy i don't even know.

 

[Murais]

"Dude, I can't feel my pants." - Friend

"Holy shit... I'm a MOTHERFUCKING SEAL!!! AR-AR-AR-AR-AR-AR!!" - Me, drunk and high.

 

[Avayu]

One rare example of myself realising that I'm drunk, speaking with surprising clarity to a just as drunk friend:

"You know, whenever I'm drunk, I've got a little man in the back of my head. And he's speaking all the time, telling me, all the damn time: 'Patrick, you're drunk! You're acting like an idiot!' He's going on and on about how silly this all is and how stupid you all are. Now give me a beer."

At least that is what I was told I said. Needless to say, my "little man" has become a kind of meme amongst my friends.

 

[Shotgunjack1880]

"I hear about the spelling bee you son of a *****" - My friend Dale. We still have no clue WTF he was talking about.

 

[dday4you]

"imma gonna take that pretty girl to a ball,cause all preety girls deserve to go to a ball"- jim carey in yesman LOL

 

[Hashime]

One of the Mods on the minecraft server I play on.

 

[gellert1984]

[youtube] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz6HDCXUzjs[/youtube]

Also:
'if you could be any character in scooby doo, which character would you be?'

'Velma's vagi...'

 

[LongAndShort]

A mate told me of sister after a long night on the champagne...

"I can only see through one ear!"

 

[Aurgelmir]

"How do you measure the size of a box this big *Hand gestures to show the size of the box*"
~Person I know

 

[LittleJP]

"Hey guys! I don't feel anything"
"Really? I'm going to punch you in the solar pex, k?"

"Alright!"

He passed out between me winding up, and him on the ground, and to this day, he still doesn't remember getting hit.

 

[Blitzwarp]

Mine was more of a scene. One night at uni I had stayed behind to finish a paper. It was about 11.30pm when I suddenly heard singing from outside. I ventured out to discover one of my flatmates crawling along the floor singing "WHOOOA I'M HALFWAY THERE WHOOOOA GOIN TO THE CLUB YEEA..." he passed out halfway through the sentence and stayed there for the rest of the night. XD

 

[ReservoirAngel]

The best one I can remember in recent years:

"Don't let the Grim get me. it lurks in playgrounds. kinda pedo really..."

This was Jordan when drunk beyond belief. Having just randomly watched the 3rd Harry Potter film while drinking heavily, I'd gone to the corner shop to get...something. I can't remember what, but he asked me to get it. Anyway, I found him lying on the pavement near the child's playground that's right near my house.

He said that as I helped him back indoors.

 

[kickassfrog]

The night after a serious drinking binge, my lab partner said to me:

"The plus side of being at uni is that I now no longer fear death"

 

[Xenomemphate]

Another gem from me:

"What time are you guys getting the half four bus?"

 

[TheEvilCheese]

[HEADING=1]"GIN JELLY!"[/HEADING]

 

[Captain Cuddles]

imma fuck you harder than Ron Jeremy, with less warmth

 

[springheeljack]

Aha this calls for some Charles Bukowski!!!!
"That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen."

 

[emeraldrafael]

I remember I once went into a bar (I was the designated driver), and was drinking a Dr. Pepper. Then some guy who was immensely drunk walked up to me and started getting in my face that I wasnt drinking drinking and wanted to fight. He got as far as:

I'm gonna kick the shi-BLECH!

And then puked all over the floor and fell into it. Though that was probably my fault. I stood up and moved from side to side, and that probably gave him nausea.