Favorite Funny Poetry

[mitchell271]

Anything from limericks to long winded poems. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, post your own poetry! e.g. a poem I had to write for my Creative Writing course (it's about Fallout 3)

We Live in the Vault, We Die in the Vault

I was born in the Vault
the one numbered one-oh-one.
But one day my father thought
he wanted to see the sun.

He ran outside.
He told me not to follow.
But rebellious I was
and his words rang hollow.

I was blinded at first
accustomed to false light.
But quickly I recovered
and so begins my plight.

The land was barren
covered in radioactive waste.
A completely nuked world,
is one I currently faced.

I met some folks in Megaton,
a town built 'round a bomb.
One man asked me to destroy it
so I slapped him with my palm.

The good Samaritan I played
and helped those in need.
I retrieved objects for some
and many slaved had I freed.

My journeys led me to a great boat,
the one called Rivet City.
I met a doctor who worked with father,
she thought me quite witty.

But my journey was not
all simple fun and games.
Creatures I did face,
some covered me in flames!

Super mutants and raiders
all tried hard to kill me.
But I fought back well
with my trusty, rusty MG.

I found father again
he told me queer tales.
From the Vault I was not,
he gave many details.

He worked on saving
this land we call home
by giving clean water to
all those who did roam.

Project Purity
that was its name.
This fantastical machine
that deserved great fame.

But many opposed him
and wanted it for themselves
Father sacrificed himself
so we could escape ourselves.

The doctor led me
to the Brotherhood of Steel
I met their leader
who gave me the spiel.

He told me about father
about his greatest deed.
He told me finish his work
and with great speed.

It all seemed for nought
for I lacked the part.
Without the G.E.C.K.
It would not start!

So I searched more Vaults
Most were quite dead.
But there was a mutant
who seemed well read.

He retrieved it for me
but things fell awry
For the Enclave thought
they would stop on by.

Dragged to their base
their leader I did meet.
I convinced him to stop,
it was quite a tough feat.

But before I left
he gave me a vial.
It would destroy everything
that he thought to be vile.

I returned to the Citadel
(the Brotherhood's base)
They decided it was time
to melt the Enclave's face!

I returned to Project Purity
followed by a mech
who's face-melty lasers
left not a single spec.

I entered to building
and started the machine.
But the radiation was too much
it made me glow green.

So ends my tale
I think it went well
I saved the Wasteland
where my remains now dwell.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

I got a knife.

Get in the van.

Not to original, but I ended up having cramps from laughing so hard the first time I hear it.

 

[smearyllama]

"Quick! Quick! The cat's been sick!
Where, where?
Under the chair!
Hasten, hasten, fetch the basin!
Alas, alas, it is too late, the carpet's in an awful state!
No, no, it's all in vain,
For she has licked it up again."

An old favorite of mine that I had to memorize for a project in fifth grade.

 

[Arkvoodle]

"On the chest of a bar maid at Yale

Was tattooed the prices of ale.

And on her behind for the sake of the blind

was the same information in Braille."

 

[Donnie Restad]

There once was a man from the Stan
Whose limericks never would scan
When asked why this was,
He responded "Because,
I always try to fit as many words and syllables into the very last line as ever I possibly can"

 

[StellarViking]

There once was a man from Nantucket-...

No.

There was a young scholar named Yew
Who kept a tomcat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
alphabetical Greek
but he never got futher than mu.

A tragic young lady from Ryde
Ate some green apples and died
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

A brazen old fellow named Cager
Who, as result of a wager,
Was forced to fart,
The whole oboe part
Of Mozart's Quartet in F Major

There was a young artist from Saint
Who swallowed some samples of paint
The entire spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With colorful lack of restraint.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Here is a limerick I wrote for class in high school. I'm pretty damn proud of it.


There once was a student named Lee,
Who desperately needed to pee.
In the middle of class
he whipped out a glass,
and found that he should have brought three!

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

Spoiler: The The Impotence of Proofreading

My favorite funny poem ever. Yes.

I'd post some of my own poetry, but I can't find it at the moment.

 

[Hazy992]

''There once was a man named Enis...'' - Courtesy of Krusty the Clown

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

The Little Boy and the Old Man by Shel Silverstein

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the little old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkle old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man.