Favorite Simpson Quotes

[Vorocano]

Also, from "Who Shot Montgomery Burns:"

Moe is in the police station, hooked up to the lie detector.
Eddie: "Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?"
Moe: "No!" BUZZ
Moe: "Alright, maybe I do, but I didn't shoot him!" BING
Eddie: "Checks out. All right sir you're free to go."
Moe: "Good, cuz I got a hot date tonight." BUZZ "Uh, a date." BUZZ "Dinner with a friend." BUZZ "Dinner alone." BUZZ "Watching TV alone." BUZZ "All right, I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue." BUZZ "Sears catalogue." BING "Now would you unhook me already please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment." BUZZ

Ya gotta watch it, to get Moe's tone if nothing else: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-TZ8Z5S9rI&feature=related

 

[googleit6]

Homer: I can tell the difference between butter and 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.'".
I think it's from "Secrets of a Sucessful Marriage".

"no you cant Mr. Simpson, no one can"
from homer goes to college

Thanks for the correction.
It took me a while to actually understand what Homer was saying in that line, but once I got it, it was golden.

 

[TheGameXXVII]

Skinner: Shamus, we won't need you to speak any more.
Shamus: WHAT? this is your doing, Willie! I'll turn ya groin ta puddin'!
Willy: ach, you talk like a poet, and you fight like one TOO!

*they start fighting*

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

A log with Lisa's face crashes through a restaurant named Kentucky fried panda (or something like that)

Homer: NOOOOOOOO! It was finger ling-ling good!!!

Shame I can't remember the name of the episode.

From 'Lisa the Tree Hugger', where Lisa becomes the last member of the Simpsons to try and fake their death.

Homer: You tried your best and you failed. The moral of this story is never try.

Don't know the episode.

From 'Burn's Heir'. And just for OT, here's my favorite bit from that episode:

Actor Posing as Homer: (Monotone) I do not miss Bart at all.
Actor Posing as Marge: I am glad he is gone.
Actor Posing as Lisa: As am I.

*APaH drops his sandwich*

Actor Posing as Homer: B'oh!

It is later revealed Mr. Burns has wrote an entire, book-sized script for this one scene just to fool Bart.

Yes I am a Simpsons maniac, why do you ask?

 

[C.G.B.S]

"Max Power, he's the man who's name you'd love to touch! But you mustn't touch! His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn't fear! 'Cause his name can be said by anyone"
- Homer Simpson

"The only way to be cooler then him is to do exactly what he does"
- Bart Simpson

 

[ManaAdvent]

Pretty much this scene:

Almost everything Homer says:

Homer:"But the ball! His groin! It works on so many levels! Roll it again."

Oh, let's not forget YVAN EHT NIOJ!

 

[Kragg]

From The Simpsons Movie:

"Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't, He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig!"

That was the best part for me.

you make me cry, so much good stuff in earlier seasons and you pick that
*rant on post season 10*

 

[Marter]

From The Simpsons Movie:

"Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't, He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig!"

That was the best part for me.

you make me cry, so much good stuff in earlier seasons and you pick that
*rant on post season 10*

I'm sorry.

I never watched early Simpsons though. The only Simpsons I've actually seen is the movie, and that's really the only part I can remember.

 

[buddee1]

Homer: I can tell the difference between butter and 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.'".
I think it's from "Secrets of a Sucessful Marriage".

"no you cant Mr. Simpson, no one can"
from homer goes to college

Thanks for the correction.
It took me a while to actually understand what Homer was saying in that line, but once I got it, it was golden.

actually i think your right
my bad

 

[Kragg]

From The Simpsons Movie:

"Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't, He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig!"

That was the best part for me.

you make me cry, so much good stuff in earlier seasons and you pick that
*rant on post season 10*

I'm sorry.

I never watched early Simpsons though. The only Simpsons I've actually seen is the movie, and that's really the only part I can remember.

ah well that explains it, id suggest to watch the earlier ones, but possibly that is just nostalgia speaking

 

[Fbuh]

(Flanders throws a rock at Homer's window to get his attention at night)
Homer: Oh, so you want a rock war, eh? (picks up bucket of rocks labeled War Rocks)

 

[Graeme Philips]

Homerwalks in on vampire Bart trying to convert Lisa) BART! How many times have i told you not to bite your... Wait a minute! You are a vampire!

Grandpa: (runs into the room holding a wooden stake and a mallet) Quickly! We have to kill the boy!

Marge: (following Grandpa) Grandpa, how did you know he was a vampire?

Grandpa: He`s a vampire? (drops the mallet and stake. turns and runs out the room) AHHHHH!!!

 

[C.G.B.S]

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
- Homer Simpson
"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."
-Homer Simpson
"You don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad."

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

STEALING!? HOW COULD YOU! HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING THAT GUYS BEEN SAYING AT CHURCH? YOU KNOW...CAPTAIN WHAT'S-HIS-NAME!? WHY DO YOU THINK I TOOK YOU TO ALL THOSE POLICE ACADEMY MOVIES? FOR FUN!? WELL I DIDN'T HEAR ANYBODY LAUGHING, DID YOU!? - Homer Simpson yelling at Bart for shoplifting.

(from the same episode)
Okay Marge, I've laid out the boys punishment. First, he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Secondly, no egg nog...in fac, no nog, period. And lastly, absolutely NO stealing for three months!

 

[Queen Michael]

"Alcohol is a way of life! Alcohol is my way of life! And I aim to keep it!" -Homer

 

[Pegghead]

I remember one episode where Bart was concerned about sitting a test, so Otto said

"Hey man, I got held back, twice! And now look at me, I drive the school bus"

And anything said by Moleman is priceless.

 

[YouCallMeNighthawk]

When the lottery is going on and homer buys load sof tickets.

Grandpa: I knew we wouldn't win!
Homer: Well why didn't you tell the rest of us?!? WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET!!! *throws table over*
Homer: *looks at bart* If you was 18 we'd be rich rich, but noooooo you had to be 10!!!

HAHAHA! CRACKS ME UP EVERYTIME!

 

[S.R.S.]

Just think of these as top 100 contenders.

 

[TimeLord]

(After finding $10 under the sofa instead of a peanut)

"Awww $10? I wanted a peanut"

$10 can buy many peanuts

"Explain how"

Money can be exchanged for goods or services

"WOO HOO!"