Favourite quotes from Video games

[Eddie the head]

"You win again technology!"- Copernicus Leslie Qwark
Also
"Qwark: Space, it's huge. So huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they would be almost impossible to find... Luckily for Ratchet, Captain Copernicus L. Qwark was on the case. His mission, rescue the Lombax's one and only friend. Yep, without Clank, Ratchet was alone in the universe. Alone...alone..alone!'
Ratchet: 'You realize this ship has an ejector seat, right?'."

 

[putowtin]

"I think we're about to kick the reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids"

and

"The way I see it, there's basically two types of people. I'll start with guys like me. Guys who sit on the couch; we might not like the shit that happens to us, but we deal with it. Then there are guys like you."

 

[Vegosiux]

Vhailor: When the injustice is great enough, justice will lend me the strength needed to correct it. None may stand against it. It will shatter every barrier, sunder any shield, tear through any enchantment, and lend its servant the power to pass sentence. Know this: There is nothing on all the Planes that can stay the hand of justice when it is brought against them. It may unmake armies. It may sunder the thrones of gods. Know that for all who betray justice, I am their fate. And fate carries an executioner's axe.
Nameless One: I see.
Vhailor: No, you do not see. Pray you never will.

And, also, one of the best lampshades in gaming, like, ever:

"I'll bet ye've got all *sorts* o' barmy questions!" She mimics your heroic stance: "Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the Magic Girdle o' Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?" She spits. "Dung, all o' it! Only gets ye in the Dead-Book! I ought ta kick ye in the shins fer even pesterin' a poor ol' woman about it all! Now go away an' leaves me in peace!"

 

[SajuukKhar]

The holy one returned at last, Vehk, golden with wisdom. His head found its body had been tenderly used. He mentioned this to Molag Bal, who told him that he should thank the Barons of Move Like This, 'For I have yet to learn how to refine my rapture. My love is accidentally shaped like a spear.'

So Vivec, who had a grain of Ayem's mercy, set about to teach Molag Bal in the ways of belly-magic. They took their spears out and compared them. Vivec bit new words onto the King of Rape's so that it might give more than ruin to the uninitiated. This has since become a forbidden ritual, though people still practice it in secret.

Here is why: The Velothi and demons and monsters that were watching all took out their own spears. There was much biting and the earth became wet. And this was the last laugh of Molag Bal:

'Watch as the earth shall crack, heavy with so much power, that should have been forever unalike!'

Then that stretch of badlands that had been the site of the marriage fragmented and threw fire. And a race that is no more but that was terrible at the time to behold came forth. Born of the biters, that is all they did, and they ran amok across the lands of Veloth and even to the shores of Red Mountain.

But Vivec made of his spear a more terrible thing, from a secret he had bitten off from the King of Rape. And so he sent Molag Bal tumbling into the crack of the biters and swore forever that he would not deem the King beautiful ever again.

Vivec wept as he slew all those around him with his terrible new spear. He named it MUATRA, which is Milk Taker, and even the Chimeri mystics knew his fury. Anyone struck by Vivec at this time turned barren and withered into bone shapes. The path of bones became a sentence for the stars to read, and the heavens have never known children since. Vivec hunted down the biters one by one, and all their progeny, and he killed them all by means of the Nine Apertures, and the wise still hide theirs from Muatra.

The ending of the words is ALMSIVI.
.
.
.
vivec killed people with his johnson

 

[Fr]anc[is]

Kickass music too.

 

[distortedreality]

A bomb!

 

[Erana]

"My name is Ego Montoya. You spill my water; prepare to dry."

One of those stray messages from point and click games that is just epic for both its allusion and its randomness.

 

[Hal10k]

"Talking meat. An amazing accident of the universe."

-the Yor Collective, Galactic Civilizations 2

 

[NewYork_Comedian]

Oh Company of Heroes, the units in your games never seem to stop having awesome/hilarious quotes.
King Tiger: "Some people think we are compensating for something."

German Officer: "This halftrack smells like volkesgrenadiers!"

British Infantry picking up a weapon: "Hopefully i'll do better than the poor fucker who left it here."

Sherman Tank about to be destroyed: "SHIT, DRIVE, DRIIIIIIIVE!"

American Sniper: "Heart or head, either way jerries dead." (Quadruple bonus as the guy who voices the sniper voices GARRUS from Mass Effect)

Wirblewind- "Rain.....Open topped tank.....Fucking great engineering."

Volksgrenadier after hitting a mine: "WHOS ARM IS THIS???"

American Halftrack: "Look theres blood on the door handle."

Churchill Tank: "Shut the fuck up, we're getting a message!"

 

[Legomaniac91_v1legacy]

"You big, stupid, jellyfish!"-Shepard, ME3

"Oh don't be such a baby, ribs grow back! *whispers* No they don't."-Medic, TF2

"You're the protagonist. I'm just a cool, hansom foil who happens to be your twin brother"-Henry, No More Heroes

"Dad I'm not a crazed gunman, I'm a hired assassin! Well the difference being one's a job and the other's mental sickness!"-Sniper, TF2

 

[Biodeamon]

"I'm going to take out all your bones, drain all of yor blood, sit on your lap and tell you about all the cool sh!t i want for christams!"

oh army of two, you so silly

 

[Biodeamon]

wait what the hell is up this double post?!
damnit captcha you made me re-post!

 

[Captain Epic]

Every word to come out of Andrew Ryan's mouth.

Also: "I've had enough of your disingenuous assersions!"

 

[Andrewtheeviscerator]

watch?v=v9GWHG_3rxc

And

couldn't pick just one

watch?v=i8glYx2qQx4

 

[ThePenguinKnight]

"You speak of knowledge, Judicator? You speak of experience? I have journeyed through the darkness between the most distant stars. I have beheld the births of negative-suns and borne witness to the entropy of entire realities... Unto my experience, Aldaris, all that you've built here on Aiur is but a fleeting dream. A dream from which your precious Conclave shall awaken, finding themselves drowned in a greater nightmare."

 

[Grivahri]

"Is somebody out there? Fishy, fishy, fishy? Coming to eat me too? You can't get me little fishy. Not in here. I'm safe behind my walls." - Crazy man in locker, KoTOR 1

"Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!" - Auron FFX

I remember that I tried for a really long time to get that bastard out of the locker

 

[MajorTomServo]

Technicly, it's from a trailer, but...

"As long as there are two people left on this Earth, someone's gonna want someone dead." -The Sniper

 

[The_Lost_King]

"I'd go to a beach watch the sunset, collect sea shells."
"You would go mad within a minute"
"Maybe do tests on seashells"

"You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it."

This

 

[Rikomag132]

"You big, stupid, jellyfish!"-Shepard, ME3

"Oh don't be such a baby, ribs grow back! *whispers* No they don't."-Medic, TF2

"You're the protagonist. I'm just a cool, hansom foil who happens to be your twin brother"-Henry, No More Heroes

"Dad I'm not a crazed gunman, I'm a hired assassin! Well the difference being one's a job and the other's mental sickness!"-Sniper, TF2

Damn it, I was going to quote the big stupid jellyfish line AND the medic! Meh.

"Go on and build another of your little guns, I'll shove every one of them up your arse" Demoman, TF 2
"And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a zoo!" ... "Unless it's a farm.." Soldier, TF 2
"Diagnosis: you suck!" Scout, TF 2
I could go on with TF 2 quotes all day.

"Throw more goblins at the problem. At best it goes away. At worst there are fewer goblins."
I can't remember where this one's from..

"For a brick, he flew pretty good!" Sgt. Johnson

"'So, you offer your life in exchange for theirs?'
'Of course not, I offer yours'" Kain, from, uh, some game.

I know plenty more, just can't be arsed to write them all down.

 

[Skoldpadda]

Sam: My mind is a swirling miasma of scintillating thoughts and turgid ideas."
Max: "Me too."

*

Oh, let's quote Borderlands' Tannis! She's made me laugh on several occasions.

"Flynt was an employee of mine but I fired him for gross incompetence. When he left, he stole a fragment from me and punched my dog, which was the fourth and final part of the key. The fragment is part of the key, not my dog."

"If the Lance are taking an interest in what we're doing, then things just got a lot more dangerous-- for you not for me. I'm safe and sipping a nice chamomile. They know the legend of the Vault, too, and it is unlikely they will let you simply walk in unopposed and cheerful. Also, I have butter cookies."

"My instrument readings suggest we may find another Vault key fragment at the Trash Coast. Unfortunately, in your way are the inhabitants of Jaynistown who smell of alcohol and ignorance. They like science as much as I like the idea of music. Music is wasteful and stupid."

"Day 653. Today is my birthday. I've been alone for an incalculable amount of time. A convict accidentally crossed over into my encampment this morning, and I allowed him to look about before I shot him in the back several times. I was immediately filled with regret upon doing this, because the human contact, no matter how awkward, would have been nice. I've decided his name was Lesli, and he had a troubled childhood where people would make fun of him for having a girl's name, and the torment eventually lead Lesli to a life of crime and debauchery. There was a tattoo on his bum that looked not unlike the name, 'Patricia'. I might have imagined the tattoo. The experience compelled me to move the Vault key fragment I found so that it can be safe. It's extremely important. So I've given it to the man known as Crazy Earl. He's not crazy. He doesn't like people. The Vault key will be safe with him... I also gave him my underwear."

Oh Patricia <3

*

Morte: "Your face is simply BEGGING to be kicked!"

*

"Life... is strength. This is not to be contested; it seems logical enough. You live; you affect your world. But is it what you want? You are... different inside. This woman lives and has strength of a sort. She lost her parents to plague, her husband to war, but she persevered. Her farm has prospered, her name is respected and her children are fed and safe. She lived as she thought she should. And now she is dead. Her land will be divided, her children will move on, and she will be forgotten. She lived a good life, but she had no power; she was a slave to death. I wonder if you are destined to be forgotten. Will your life fade in the shadow of greater beings?"

In fact, Irenicus is so damn quotable.

"Your actions affect so many others than yourself. You will come to realise how little choice you have. You will do what you must, become what you must, or others will pay for your cowardice. You will accept the gifts offered to you."

And the classic:

"No, you'll warrant no villain's exposition from me."