Return of the news rhyme! It's been quite a while.
Rat-Kings are the best non-fictional monstrosity. Would the carpet-like rat mass just be a moving warm carpet that squeaks when you step on it? apart from the random eyeballs, that would be quite charming.
I think that a tazer would be a better option for theater-texters. It's far quieter than a gun and doesn't interrupt the movie with a murder investigation. In any case, a tactical reload shouldn't be needed as the texter should have stopped after the first mag.
If I manage to get 4 people together, can we just have the entire rat? Stuffed rats just look so much better without most of it being covered in stitches.