Fetishes And The People Who Love Them

[XDravond]

Only people whom are afraid (as I see it anyhow) to be different refuse to claim they have fetish, it might be an average "boobs","but" or "arm" fetish or a slightly more exotic one like BDSM or old/young, to the truly unusual/less known/less accepted like poop, furry or necrophilia...

We all (almost I guess...) have one, it's just about what the one (or many) you like to spend the rest of your life with can accept them, (and if you can accept theirs)
Telling anyone what "interest" it actually is, is something different though...

(Find your and most "paraphilias" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias)

I think you might be overstating the point a bit, or perhaps misunderstanding what a "fetish" really entails. To compare "liking boobs" to "having a boob fetish" is a little like comparing "liking beer" to "having an alcohol addiction," at least for some people. Basically, a fetish is a little stronger than just what might be considered an "oddball" preference.

This isn't to say that all (or even most) fetishes are destructive like addiction. It's just to say they're not simply the same appetite for a different food. They're a pretty different type of appetite, too.

Yep you're right and I'm bad at expressing my thoughts properly...

 

[Dastardly]

Yep you're right and I'm bad at expressing my thoughts properly...

Nah, I wouldn't say that. I was more clarifying for the purposes of the discussion, not specifically to "correct" you or anything...

 

[aba1]

Fetishes And The People Who Love Them

Just because you're different doesn't mean that you need to be alone.

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Great to see another one of these articles!

The original questioner seems to say that his fetishistic desires have reached a level where he cannot imagine being in a "normal" relationship. As if there was a progression, where the fetish has increased to such a magnitude that it's the only thing he desires. Would repeated exposure to fetishistic material through porn and fantasies generally strengthen the fetish or sate it?

If exposure increases the dependence could that be used as a valid argument against hardcore "fetish" pornography?

It's probably a case of different strokes for different folks (Given the subject matter I can't not use that phrase) but it's still interesting. Would the porn act as a healthy outlet or could it be addictive? Or more likely both or none at all?

*Captcha: "head case"

Interesting thoughts but I wouldn't say that constant exposure to fetishes will make need more or become addicted. I know for me at least I never even started with regular stuff I was drawn to BDSM from the get go and while there were some things I disliked at first I have since grown to like. I don't think these changes occurred because of constant exposure but me slowly getting to understand myself.

 

[aba1]

I think the person who wrote the letter probably hasn't actually been in a decent relationship and such ancillary fetish stuff would go away in pursuit of two person activities.

I'm sorry, but this is totally untrue in many/most cases. I suggest that anyone interested in this -- whether it's because you feel alone/you won't find anyone for you, or because you simply take an interest in psychology -- look up the Savage Love column by Dan Savage. It's a weekly column that's all about sex. One of the most common problems that people email him is how to satisfy a fetish within a relationship, or how to deal with the fetish of a partner. First, Dan Savage gives amazing advice. Second, people with fetishes won't feel nearly (or perhaps at all) as hopeless and alone once they read his stuff (though not all of it is related to this subject; you'll have to seek out those particular columns/emails, but they're pretty darn easy to find). Third, it's an awesome column and you should read it!

I myself have a fetish. It's a strange one, but not in any way destructive or hurtful to a partner. Still, I have never revealed it to a partner because I'm worried they'll see me as strange or perverted. Really, my fetish isn't any stranger than, say, a foot fetish, but it is a bit less common. I still don't know how I'll ever reveal it to a partner, or find a partner who is interested in it.

But this last point is important, for reasons the Savage Love column elucidates. Most people who write in about it write in asking how they can satisfy their partner's strange fetish even though they themselves don't share it. Savage suggests that people be good partners who are willing to try anything within reason and comfortability if it will make their partner happy and satisfied. Why? Because they themselves will also feel satisfied, and will enjoy a better relationship. As I said: it has to be within reason and the partner must be comfortable with it. But this advice tells people that it's ok if your partner has a fetish that may seem strange, and it's ok to be trepidatious when it comes to fulfilling it; but, most of all, it's ok to engage with your partner in fulfilling it, and it's not nearly as strange as you might initially think.

EDIT: so I guess my main point is that, for all of those who feel they may never find someone with the same fetish, you have to know that it's ok! Even if you don't, you may very well find a partner who cares for you so much that they are willing to fulfill it anyway, provided that it's not harmful and doesn't make them uncomfortable (a good example of the former would be stomping small animals with heals; a good example of the latter would be anything involving poop or vomit....ewwwwuggghhhh).

This is all very true you remind me of myself in some ways. I was dating my gf for almost 3 years before I told her my fetish and even then we had been practicing hers for well over a year. You defiantly get a sense of satisfaction from making your partner happy. You will likely find someone one day that you will be comfortable with enough to tell and it will help a lot with your own comfort, it really strengthens the relationship to know each other so deeply

 

[Musicfreak]

I was astonished by the claim that fetishes would be 'in'. What is 'in' is to make actresses in movies wear ridiculous outfits with elements randomly selected from items asociated with BDSM, or maybe let them be humiliated a little in a somewhat sexual context. That doesn't make anything 'in', all it does is show that Hollywood producers are dumb shallow people (I know, no news value there).

Doesn't change that you can expect to be looked at weirdly, shunned, sacked or worse if it comes out you're either having a fetish, or happen to be into bdsm.

People have faced prison sentences because of being into bdsm. A Belgian judge was robbed of his job and pension because of a video with him and his wife doing bdsm, the video was also illegally obtained evidence. In the UK there is the infamous Spanner case; people being sent to prison for going against Christian morals.

Let's just suffice by saying it's not 'in' at all.

Of all the fetishes out there BDSM is by far the most excepted. Even when women in movies aren't wearing ridiculous outfits like you say you still see allusions to men dominating women and vice versa in movies all the time. They have MASSIVE conventions dedicated to it. Hell I've seen them cover the conventions on G4 a surprising amount and I don't really even watch that channel anymore. EVERY sex toy shop has BDSM equipment. You just don't find equipment for more obscure fetishes like you do for BDSM. Saying it's in may be taking it a bit far but speaking personally there are much much much more unaccepted and deathly embarrassing fetishes to have.

 

[Aureliano]

That seemed like a generally good response to an unfortunate but probably both common and reasonable question.

Not sure where the commitment part comes from though. In a sense it seems like good advice, but it's probably for further down the road than for somebody still uncomfortable with their sexuality. The relationship you have when you're awkward and clumsy in the bedroom is very different from the one in which you feel confident and comfortable, and your long-term significant other might not be able to make the transition with you if you move from one to the other. At that point, it's good to reevaluate whether you're staying in the relationship because you want to or just to spare their feelings.

 

[Kanatatsu]

I feel like the person asking the question probably knows about fetish comunities on the internet, so yeah ...

I also feel like whatever they want to do probably falls in the basket of stuff nobody would or could ever let them do, given their signature line.

And I feel like this is fine, because it sounds like whatever they want to do probably should not in fact be done to anyone.

 

[Formica Archonis]

Also, I can't stop watching your avatar. It's addicting.

Thank you. Since its recent update to add more stuff it's been getting a few comments.

OT: I can't tell if I have weird fetishes... or normal porn has just become boring...

There's such a thing as "normal" porn? Seems like it's all got a slant of some sort. Fake amateurs, naughty bosses, surprise A2M just as you were getting close goddamn it, barely legal, MILF, high heels even on the beach (now that's just comedy), barefoot fetish, etc. etc. Sometimes it seems like normal porn is porn whose kinks aren't overstated.

Somewhat related: I remember a with the [http://badgods.com/normo1.html] topic.

[http://badgods.com/normo1.html]

(Ah, I used to love Bad Gods. Shame Lore doesn't have the full archive back up.)

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

endlessly seek novel experiences with different partners.

Yes, I know this post is from forever ago, but I just read the article today, so here goes.

I always find this concept odd - that people would seek "novel experiences with different partners." It seems to me that constantly being with a new partner would get samey after a while.

I personally prefer to endlessly seek novel experiences with the same partner - possibly in different and unique combinations with other partners, but most often just with one partner as we continue to explore our sexual desires and preferences.

Anyway, OT, I thought you gave very good advice in this column. ^^