First date, PANIC

[BloatedGuppy]

I Feel a little better after reading this but, I should kind of explain. This girl has been my best friend since I was in like, year 8 (8th grade? I have no idea, probably) And we've only ever been face to face twice. We met at a comiccon, I'd gone alone and we just started chatting, then afterwards we started texting. And that's really where our friendship started. We were both kind of sad, but we gradually made each other happier. She was always there for me, and I tried to do whatever I could to cheer her up when I could. I always felt like I was weird, texting some girl I never see, but she never made me feel like that. We'd had a couple of rows, and always made up before, but this time I think I really went too far and I can't make it up to her. I can't see her because she lives really far away. It sounds kind of... less real, when I explain how we tend to talk, like, less important than people I see regularly, but she was my only real friend when I really needed one, and I pushed her away. If I'm honest, I wouldn't expect her to ever come back, because there are so many ways for her never to talk to me again, and so many reasons for her to hate me. It's eating me alive, partially because I don't like being alone, mainly because I hurt her.

I've had a long time friend I've known for many years now. We met in Ultima Online, of all places, and eventually graduated into online emails almost daily (we get bored at work). I've met him face to face exactly once, and he's one of my best friends.

We've had our rows as well, including one where we stopped talking for several months. Eventually we got back in touch, and smoothed things over. If you and your friend were as close as you imply, it is quite possible that this, too, will blow over.

You seem pretty certain that she has "many reasons to hate you", though, so without knowing for sure what exactly it is that you think you've done, it's hard for me to guarantee that things are going to be okay. If you were utterly monstrous over a long period of time, there's always a possibility she finally decided to be rid of you. If you just said hurtful things during a single argument/conversation, that's usually something that can be recovered from.