Warning - I have absolutely no understanding of coding so this review won't look too pretty.
~ Fox Reviews ~
- Starcraft -
Much like Sex, nearly everyone in the world has at least heard of or done Starcraft. I'm not going to go through an incredibly long segue way and talk to you like I'm your kindergarten teacher. Instead I'm going to throw you out on your ass in the endless ramblings of what I call 'my review' and see whether you survive or not. I suppose I'll also inform you that I'm not reviewing the computer version ? there's not much to say about it after all. It kicks ass when you first play it, it kicks even more ass when you play it online, (and do basically everything but actually play Starcraft, User Map Settings anyone?) and the game kicks your ass when you try to play against a South Korean.
~ Fox Reviews ~
- Starcraft...64! -
I lived in two separate houses due to my parents being divorced. One of the said homes had a computer and the other didn't. I'd play Starcraft but long story short, my computer decided to eat it (I'm not kidding) and I was without the joys of Real Time Strategy ? especially at my other home which I would soon return too. So what could I do? Well, I checked my N64 games and saw a nice set of choices.
Perfect Dark, a game I'll always consider superior over Golden eye. Mortal Kombat Trilogy, sort of like MK Armageddon but with non saggy tits and actual playability. Hybrid Heaven a decent RPG by Konami, and a bunch of other crap.
Eventually I rented Starcraft...and what I felt was boredom.
Apparently the game didn't really require a memory card because a good portion of it was already beaten and I was too negligent erase the memory card or play the game in chronological order. Crappy memories aside however, I have a review to write and you've got some cookies to eat. To start things off the graphics are crappier, some prices are changed, there is major lag issues if (yes, there's lag in an offline game) you have more then two or three enemies, obviously there is no voice acting, and you get to unlock a special mission or two if you beat the game or rub Raynor's balls.
Yay?
Aside from that the game is basically Starcraft: Watered down edition. In the end it's still the same game at heart. Terran are still stupid humans that aside from having the best starting unit and nuclear bombs suck. Zerg still come straight from the depths of hell to rape and devour humans. And Protoss still contradict any logic by being both fundamentally religious and advanced. And for all you masochists out there the game still has an option to be slowed down for absolutely no reason. Is there anything beyond that though? Well, the Console version does have one redeeming factor actually ? you can play the game with a friend on split screen. Ah yes, someone had the bright idea of making a console game actually allow two players ? it's been a long fucking time since I've last seen that. So, yes. You and a friend can team up in allied melee to take down a bunch of enemies with entirely randomly AI scripts. At times the AI will do absolutely nothing, at other times the AI will kick your ass with an air mass, and in most cases the AI will lose because it sucks.
There are other modes however like melee, where the comp is allied and you and your friend are not. FFA where absolutely no one is safe ? but this is nearly pointless because it's obvious your friend will resort to screen looking. And then there's scenarios ? one of them is where you can play Starcraft Super Bowl. It's like actual foot ball except people die, you get protoss units, there's absolutely nothing in common with the actual sport, and my insane laughter can be heard in the background because deep in my heart I know some Red neck watching foot ball has died.
With a crappy attempt to imitate Zero Punctuation I conclude that: (Imagine this In Yahtzee's voice, I'm sure you can.)
Starcraft: Watered down edition Is overall a decent game. And I say that more out of pity then being professional here. It's unfair to compare it to it's inbred Father, Mother, Sister ? Whatever the crap the original Starcraft is because, in the end there's no way you can successfully port a computer game that takes more then 64 bits to work on a system with only 64 bits - It's much like one of those hollow bibles used to store liquor into except there's no liquor in it. You don't really plan on reading the bloody thing and what really matters is missing.
Phew, I'm glad that's over with. Well I had fun times with Sc: Crap Edition But for the time being I'm not feeling too nostalgic to play it again. Though, it would be nice to indulge in a nice First Person Shooter with one of the best heroines in gaming history....
God, I love Perfect Dark.
~ Fox Reviews ~
- Starcraft -
Much like Sex, nearly everyone in the world has at least heard of or done Starcraft. I'm not going to go through an incredibly long segue way and talk to you like I'm your kindergarten teacher. Instead I'm going to throw you out on your ass in the endless ramblings of what I call 'my review' and see whether you survive or not. I suppose I'll also inform you that I'm not reviewing the computer version ? there's not much to say about it after all. It kicks ass when you first play it, it kicks even more ass when you play it online, (and do basically everything but actually play Starcraft, User Map Settings anyone?) and the game kicks your ass when you try to play against a South Korean.
~ Fox Reviews ~
- Starcraft...64! -
I lived in two separate houses due to my parents being divorced. One of the said homes had a computer and the other didn't. I'd play Starcraft but long story short, my computer decided to eat it (I'm not kidding) and I was without the joys of Real Time Strategy ? especially at my other home which I would soon return too. So what could I do? Well, I checked my N64 games and saw a nice set of choices.
Perfect Dark, a game I'll always consider superior over Golden eye. Mortal Kombat Trilogy, sort of like MK Armageddon but with non saggy tits and actual playability. Hybrid Heaven a decent RPG by Konami, and a bunch of other crap.
Eventually I rented Starcraft...and what I felt was boredom.
Apparently the game didn't really require a memory card because a good portion of it was already beaten and I was too negligent erase the memory card or play the game in chronological order. Crappy memories aside however, I have a review to write and you've got some cookies to eat. To start things off the graphics are crappier, some prices are changed, there is major lag issues if (yes, there's lag in an offline game) you have more then two or three enemies, obviously there is no voice acting, and you get to unlock a special mission or two if you beat the game or rub Raynor's balls.
Yay?
Aside from that the game is basically Starcraft: Watered down edition. In the end it's still the same game at heart. Terran are still stupid humans that aside from having the best starting unit and nuclear bombs suck. Zerg still come straight from the depths of hell to rape and devour humans. And Protoss still contradict any logic by being both fundamentally religious and advanced. And for all you masochists out there the game still has an option to be slowed down for absolutely no reason. Is there anything beyond that though? Well, the Console version does have one redeeming factor actually ? you can play the game with a friend on split screen. Ah yes, someone had the bright idea of making a console game actually allow two players ? it's been a long fucking time since I've last seen that. So, yes. You and a friend can team up in allied melee to take down a bunch of enemies with entirely randomly AI scripts. At times the AI will do absolutely nothing, at other times the AI will kick your ass with an air mass, and in most cases the AI will lose because it sucks.
There are other modes however like melee, where the comp is allied and you and your friend are not. FFA where absolutely no one is safe ? but this is nearly pointless because it's obvious your friend will resort to screen looking. And then there's scenarios ? one of them is where you can play Starcraft Super Bowl. It's like actual foot ball except people die, you get protoss units, there's absolutely nothing in common with the actual sport, and my insane laughter can be heard in the background because deep in my heart I know some Red neck watching foot ball has died.
With a crappy attempt to imitate Zero Punctuation I conclude that: (Imagine this In Yahtzee's voice, I'm sure you can.)
Starcraft: Watered down edition Is overall a decent game. And I say that more out of pity then being professional here. It's unfair to compare it to it's inbred Father, Mother, Sister ? Whatever the crap the original Starcraft is because, in the end there's no way you can successfully port a computer game that takes more then 64 bits to work on a system with only 64 bits - It's much like one of those hollow bibles used to store liquor into except there's no liquor in it. You don't really plan on reading the bloody thing and what really matters is missing.
Phew, I'm glad that's over with. Well I had fun times with Sc: Crap Edition But for the time being I'm not feeling too nostalgic to play it again. Though, it would be nice to indulge in a nice First Person Shooter with one of the best heroines in gaming history....
God, I love Perfect Dark.