So these two guys come into our ghetto location, not an uncommon occurrence. Both were on crack. Again, not uncommon. But, what made this different were their dosages. I don't know if they're even still alive but here's the situation. Our ghetto store is 1 shift, 12pm to 7pm (8pm on Fridays and Saturdays). The same person that opens, closes. We don't take broken items, pay piss poor for horribly damaged games/movies, and I thought I'd seen everything that we couldn't take, but these guys proved me wrong.
So the first guy walks up to the counter, and starts stammering. Epic stammering. Trying desperately to get his story out he kicks off the lies saying that I had just shifted with two non-existent and conveniently uncharacterized co-workers, and I wasn't here just minutes earlier when they swore they'd give him $20 cash for "this game".
Now let me describe "this game", or as he called it, "dis gyam". It's round. It fits between your pointer finger and thumb. And is completely invisible.
He held out his empty hand as if holding a game between his two fingers, insisting that "g-g-g-guy inna, inna, inna, dis d-d-d-d-d-dis dis guy, d-d-d-d-d-dis guy inna girl, g-guy-g-g-g-g-guyinna g-g-guyinnag-guyinnag-guyinnagi-g-g-guyinnagirl." he forced out, pushing his hand further over the counter toward me insistently. "Guy inna girl! 'Dey-d-'dey-d-d-d-dey guyinnagirl! 'dey-d-d-dey sid-dey sid!-dey-d-dey-dey sid! Twenty dollas!" Finally believing he'd gotten his point across, as his eyes focused on a brick on the wall behind me as if he'd spotted Solid Snake ducking under a packing crate.
Then his friend spoke up in his defense. This friend had a jacket on for the pouring rain whereas his compatriot had none and was soaked from head to toe. "'Dey wuz heee, 'dey sid twenty dollas!" he managed before completely losing focus and staggering toward the PS3 section immediately upon his statement.
By this point the first crackhead had started drooling and staring at the ceiling, his hand still holding the imaginary game. I thought he was going to completely forget where he was and leave my counter so I could tend the next customers who'd formed a line by this point and were quietly snickering to themselves about these two fiends but he made eye contact again and pushed himself toward the counter again, this time finally making his way to the register, probably expecting money to come out by this point.
"So haw much weel ya gimma 'fo eet? C-cu-cuz d-d-da-da gai-da guy innagirl-guyinnagirl, dey-si-dey-dey sid-" and I cut him off there, raising my hand.
"Sir for one, only one person works in this store per day." I started.
He blinked, eyes rolling in different directions as he tries to refocus, "But da guyinnagirl-"
"Second," I said, cutting him off, "This is your first time in the store today. And third," I paused a moment to make sure he was listening, "you're not holding a game in your hand."
It was finally at this point he actually looked at his hand. On reflection I shouldn't have been as flummoxed as I found myself when he said, "Fuck yoo tawkin' 'bout? Tha gyam's raat heeya!" he said, pushing his empty fingers at me. He stumbled as his chest bounced him off the counter and he fell onto his friend. They got into an incoherent argument as they pushed their way out of my now crowded and hysterically laughing store full of customers.
Every co-worker I've told this too has nearly split their sides laughing and I want to know if I'm the only person this happens to, or if my fellow Escapists have had similar, or god help us, even weirder encounters of the human kind?
(I did a search, no matching threads in the past, and I've been dying to type this out but never had the patience until now. Also I wish this were a fabrication, it's certainly absurd enough to raise that accusation, but I swear it's 100% genuine.)
So the first guy walks up to the counter, and starts stammering. Epic stammering. Trying desperately to get his story out he kicks off the lies saying that I had just shifted with two non-existent and conveniently uncharacterized co-workers, and I wasn't here just minutes earlier when they swore they'd give him $20 cash for "this game".
Now let me describe "this game", or as he called it, "dis gyam". It's round. It fits between your pointer finger and thumb. And is completely invisible.
He held out his empty hand as if holding a game between his two fingers, insisting that "g-g-g-guy inna, inna, inna, dis d-d-d-d-d-dis dis guy, d-d-d-d-d-dis guy inna girl, g-guy-g-g-g-g-guyinna g-g-guyinnag-guyinnag-guyinnagi-g-g-guyinnagirl." he forced out, pushing his hand further over the counter toward me insistently. "Guy inna girl! 'Dey-d-'dey-d-d-d-dey guyinnagirl! 'dey-d-d-dey sid-dey sid!-dey-d-dey-dey sid! Twenty dollas!" Finally believing he'd gotten his point across, as his eyes focused on a brick on the wall behind me as if he'd spotted Solid Snake ducking under a packing crate.
Then his friend spoke up in his defense. This friend had a jacket on for the pouring rain whereas his compatriot had none and was soaked from head to toe. "'Dey wuz heee, 'dey sid twenty dollas!" he managed before completely losing focus and staggering toward the PS3 section immediately upon his statement.
By this point the first crackhead had started drooling and staring at the ceiling, his hand still holding the imaginary game. I thought he was going to completely forget where he was and leave my counter so I could tend the next customers who'd formed a line by this point and were quietly snickering to themselves about these two fiends but he made eye contact again and pushed himself toward the counter again, this time finally making his way to the register, probably expecting money to come out by this point.
"So haw much weel ya gimma 'fo eet? C-cu-cuz d-d-da-da gai-da guy innagirl-guyinnagirl, dey-si-dey-dey sid-" and I cut him off there, raising my hand.
"Sir for one, only one person works in this store per day." I started.
He blinked, eyes rolling in different directions as he tries to refocus, "But da guyinnagirl-"
"Second," I said, cutting him off, "This is your first time in the store today. And third," I paused a moment to make sure he was listening, "you're not holding a game in your hand."
It was finally at this point he actually looked at his hand. On reflection I shouldn't have been as flummoxed as I found myself when he said, "Fuck yoo tawkin' 'bout? Tha gyam's raat heeya!" he said, pushing his empty fingers at me. He stumbled as his chest bounced him off the counter and he fell onto his friend. They got into an incoherent argument as they pushed their way out of my now crowded and hysterically laughing store full of customers.
Every co-worker I've told this too has nearly split their sides laughing and I want to know if I'm the only person this happens to, or if my fellow Escapists have had similar, or god help us, even weirder encounters of the human kind?
(I did a search, no matching threads in the past, and I've been dying to type this out but never had the patience until now. Also I wish this were a fabrication, it's certainly absurd enough to raise that accusation, but I swear it's 100% genuine.)
