Friend zone sucks

[Mordwyl]

Friendships are reciprocated. If it seems to be one-sided then I wouldn't even bother with the friendship to begin with. You say she's a great friend, all fine and dandy. Have you asked if she's seeing anyone? If you don't have my luck she may not which gives you the opportunity to ask her out.

Don't be pushy and insist or it'll really put her off. Be cool about it. On the off chance she declines for any reason it may not necessarily mean she's not interested though, so ask if she's available any other time. After all if you're not given a definite answer (i.e. "Sure!", "Yeah!", "Not really, no." and "Sorry but I'm just not interested.") the battle isn't over.

 

[Exocet]

Man up,buy flowers and tell her.
If she rejects,go for the guilt technique and ask her to at least give you a shot,just once.If it doesn't work out,you forget the whole thing and move on.

PS:it's important to sell yourself as the better boyfriend by telling her jsut how much better you would be than any other guy she might have been with,reminding her you have been a good friend and it's worked out pretty damn well.

 

[sam_savage1393]

Easy. Just end the relationship... But if you want to get "closer", actually try to be flirtatious and let her know. It's all you can really do.

Ding Ding Ding. Its a little known fact, but ALL girls like to be flirted with. And since you know her personally, you know her "sweet spots" (things she enjoys or wants). Use your friend-status advantage and plan your move correctly, and you will get farther than the friend zone.

 

[JEBWrench]

This friend Zone thing, is entirely a concept imagined by people with self-esteem issues who want to justify their inaction.

You can never be too close to attempt a relationship. I have dated many of my friends. We're all still friends. In fact my little friend group have all been with each other at some point, or almost.

If she's a good friend just promise yourself that if it does go wrong you'll still be her friend. One of my best friends from school is now my partner of five years. It DOES happen sometimes.

I fixed that for you.

 

[Fizzlewinks]

You don't get out of the Friend Zone. I've been in it for about 6 years. Not saying I've spent the last 6 years longing for her and not seeing anyone else. But I find that even when I'm in a relationship I think about her a lot. Just today we were hanging out and she was talking about her new boyfriend, and currently being single it really sucked to have to listen to it. The best advice I can give is to just move on as I am trying to do.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Bite the stick, share your feelings and if that doesn't work then you're stuck living with single man's syndrome and the treatment is internet porn.

 

[StriderShinryu]

Pretty much what everyone else is saying. You don't want to be in the friend zone? Then try to move things forward. If she's not interested then that will likely end things (unless you want to do the silly "I love her but she just wants to be friends so I'll sit around and stare at her all day while she virtually ignores me" dance.. because, unlike in the movies, that never does go anywhere). If she ends things, you don't want to be in the friend zone anyway so it's not like it's a huge loss. Now, if you are really are a close friend to her and don't want to lose that if the relationship thing doesn't go over at all, then you've got a different problem.. but if that were the case you wouldn't likely be describing it as being in the "friend zone."

 

[PrototypeExKrow]

Thanks again everyone some are more helpful than others, as i said in a earlier post im not gonna push the matter if she wants to she will bring it up again, till then i have several girls whom ive stuck in the friend zone and want out so i guess you just gotta live with ya got lol

 

[Seldon2639]

Yeah, there's no getting out of the friend zone unless you take the proverbial leap of faith from the friend zone ladder to the dating ladder. I'll post a link later, maybe.

I wanted to respond to this directly, because it's really bothersome as a concept to anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of cause and effect.

Basically, the logical process that goes into the "friend ladder" versus "dating ladder" crap is "I was friends with this girl, and liked her, but she didn't like me, so it must be because we were friends". That logic doesn't work, it makes a leap that we don't want to really look at:

It assumes that she would have liked me save for being friends. And that crap is crap. If you had asked out any of your female friends before they got to know you, do you think they would have said yes? I don't. I know that all of my female friends who don't like me romantically never did, and never will. My actions in becoming her friend neither increased nor diminished my chances.

Think about it this way: there are people you don't like romantically. If one of those people (a classmate) came up to you and decided to be your friend, you still wouldn't like them, right? If they asked out out six months from now, you would say no, wouldn't you? Even though you're friends you made the decision that you don't like her romantically months before. And if you liked her, and became friends, do you really think your feelings would change?

Why in the world do you think women are different?

 

[Seldon2639]

It depends on whether you're in the friends zone (and I consider the term to be somewhat disturbing in and of itself) and content, or angry.

I don't think you're in the friends zone if you aren't content just being her friend. If you aren't actually willing to be her friend even without the possibility of a romantic relationship, then you're just a manipulative bastard. Sorry to be blunt, but true friendship is an end unto itself, not a path through which you become boyfriend and girlfriend. If you would be her friend even if you didn't want to be in a relationship, be happy that you have such a good friend. If you're only her friend because you want to shag her, you're no friend at all.

To put it another way: if you're really her friend, there's no zone. If you aren't her friend, you're just trying to connive your way into a relationship.

Easy. Just end the relationship... But if you want to get "closer", actually try to be flirtatious and let her know. It's all you can really do.

Yeah, you can get in the friend zone, but you can't get out. It's kind of like being in a roach motel. This is easy- tell her how you feel. She'll get all uncomfortable and laugh nervously and say something like "blah blah blah, but not in that way." You'll never want to talk to her again. Problem solved. You'll be in the ex-friend zone.

If you follow the advice of any of the above-quoted writers, OP, you won't have ever been her friend. You'll have been a jerk. If you're really her friend, you wouldn't be willing to throw away a good friendship just because she doesn't want to ride your baloney pony.

http://somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

Don't be that guy.

 

[Seldon2639]

Simple. Get rich or have a 12 inch penis and one day "accidently" let it flop out.
Other than that. You are a friend. It is up to you if you want to be her little cuddle ***** never getting any and just being her kick toy while she screws every other guy in town.

As always, bash.org has the answer.

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Except part of a dating 'resume' is whether the other party finds you attractive. The only significant difference I've found between a good friend and a relationship is if the people want to have sex with each other. If she isn't interested in you physically, you're going to have a friendship (at most).

So, while she may consider you a "great guy", or a basis for comparison in non-physical attributes, she doesn't consider you a sexually viable option, and thus not actually boyfriend material. Bash.org is full of crap. Or have none of us ever been friends with women (or, for that matter) men with whom we'd never want to have sex, and thus would not want to be in a 'relationship' with? Lord knows I have.

And, by the by, the idea that a friendship with a girl isn't worthwhile unless you can bang her means you've never been friends with a girl. I am, of course, curious whether you apply the same standard to your male friends.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

Yeah, you can get in the friend zone, but you can't get out. It's kind of like being in a roach motel. This is easy- tell her how you feel. She'll get all uncomfortable and laugh nervously and say something like "blah blah blah, but not in that way." You'll never want to talk to her again. Problem solved. You'll be in the ex-friend zone.

If you follow the advice of any of the above-quoted writers, OP, you won't have ever been her friend. You'll have been a jerk. If you're really her friend, you wouldn't be willing to throw away a good friendship just because she doesn't want to ride your baloney pony.

http://somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

Don't be that guy.

He's not asking how to be her friend. I don't think he really cares. He asked how to get out of the friend zone. The Bofus method of *re-reads the advice* honesty will likely get him out. I just said to tell her how he feels so I could sit back and watch as the hilarity unfolds so that he would have been true to himself, and truthful to her.

 

[The Warden]

Ask her out or just drop contact, depending on what you mean.
If plan A doesn't work and you don't want to do plan B, then you're fucked.
Unless you take plan R, but I really hope you aren't that kind of person.

 

[Joe Matsuda]

my friend just stoping being friends with this one girl

c.8 months later he was like "hey, long time no see, want to hang out?"

then I guess they..."did the do"...my advice though, "there are plenty of fish in the sea...and with bigger racks!"

 

[Acier]

I have some female wisdom I'm going to pass on.

the 'friend-zone' isn't real. It's something boys made up. If she doesn't see you more as anything than a friend then she never did.

however, there is a difference between a girl not being attracted to you and just not having the courage to ask her out. If she's clearly expressed she has no interest being with you romantically then just let it drop. If her feelings haven't been clearly defined then ask her out, the worst she can do is say no (and honestly, the only person who has any real potential to ruin the friendship at that point is you, that is by drifting away)

Friend zone isn't real, either you never had a chance or you haven't taken the necessary steps to make it into a relationship

 

[Blanks]

I dunno how to get out but my situation is being friends with my ex turned into unofficial fooling around. how?... idk

 

[Iron Criterion]

I was in a similar situation myself recently. Me and my best friend has everything in common, to such an extent she might as well have been me, and of course I fell in love with her. In took a long time and a tremendous amount of courage for me to try to get out of the friend zone, and initially I did because we briefly dated. However it didn't work out and we went back to being friends, unfortunately we could no longer function and thus I have lost my closest friend.

 

[Seldon2639]

He's not asking how to be her friend. I don't think he really cares. He asked how to get out of the friend zone. The Bofus method of *re-reads the advice* honesty will likely get him out. I just said to tell her how he feels so I could sit back and watch as the hilarity unfolds so that he would have been true to himself, and truthful to her.

I may have missed something, but things like "You'll never want to talk to her again. Problem solved. You'll be in the ex-friend zone" do give an impression that your advice is basically "cut off your nose to spite your face".

My point, of lack of a better phrasing, is that if he's willing to destroy the friendship to get out of the "friend zone", he's not in the "friend zone". If he's capable of ruining an honest-to-goodness friendship for want of getting his horn polished, he's not her friend. The best he'd be in, in that case, would be the "unsuccessful manipulator zone"

 

[Delock]

Yeah... Don't. Seriously, if you're in the friend zone, you don't move forward. I happen to have had two friends who wound up in this situation (and the guy decided to make a move after a week of stressful events destroyed me and I had to spend the entire weekend being a therapist and a mediator in the ensuing fallout). Unfortunatly, she doesn't like you in that way. Trying to go forward will creep her out and your relationship won't be the same again. Accept that she's your friend and that's all she'll be and move on. Trust me, you don't want to then have an awkward relationship from then on.

 

[Stryc9]

she hasnt told me no (yet) but she doesnt wanna lose me as a friend,

Yes she has, right there, she just said it. Trust me I know.

so i dunno well be friends either way and if she does say no then thats that im not gonna press the matter.

You can continue to be friends if you're both willing to make it happen, again trust me I know from personal experience.