"Friends" by association

[Ando85]

You ever have a friend of a friend who you absolutely can't stand? One of my best friends constantly hangs out with someone I simply can't bare to be around. I used to keep quiet about how much I detest this person, but I got a bit vocal about it and many people agree.

This friend of a friend basically carries a cocky personality, yet tries to get pity. Those two traits simply don't match and are both quite irritating. He makes fun of me constantly, but then turns around and wants me to do favors for him. One time he wanted me to drop everything I was doing at the moment to give him a ride somewhere. Since I refused he explains how since he doesn't make fun of me I basically owe it to him to be his personal taxi cab. Funny thing is are both the fact that he thinks not making fun of someone gives him entitlement and the fact that he does make fun of me.

Have you ever had this sort of problem? It makes it to the point that hanging out with a good friend is undesirable because of this other guy. Any possible solution?

 

[subtlefuge]

Talk to him.

Since saying "I hate your personality" is generally a bad approach, I'd recommend addressing the fact that he's making fun of you. Tell him that it stops right here, and if he doesn't respect that, you have no reason to be civil with him anymore.

If it continues, tell your friend that you would rather hang out without this other guy. No reason for you to feel uncomfortable or lose a good friend over this.

 

[Batou667]

The guy sounds like an *sshole.

Try looking at it from a different perspective though - perhaps there have been situations you've been in, where maybe you were new to a group of people, you thought "Ok, let's turn on the charm" and put on a bit of a Jack-the-Lad persona. You know, being a bit more daring than usual, trying out new lines for size, that kind of thing. By and large most people respond positively, of course there's one or two stick-in-the-muds who don't "get" you, but hey, you can't make omelettes and all that jazz. Then one day somebody takes you to one side and says "look, I don't really know you but you're taking liberties and nobody really appreciates that" and suddenly you realise - SHIT! - you are "that guy".

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. The guy sounds like a douche, but if you haven't once spoken to him or made it clear that what he's doing isn't acceptable, then you can't expect him to just change of his own accord.

 

[Ando85]

snip

Actually I have tried the perspective thing. This guy had a really rough and abusive upbringing. He has huge financial problems which are somewhat attributed to his irresponsibility. He was in a car accident that was his fault in which his girlfriend at the time in the passenger seat ended up dying. He almost died himself. He is a meth head. He has been arrested on drug charges and theft several times. He spent a few months in jail for domestic violence.

His xbox live profile states how his 360 is his only escape from his deeply depressing existence. Right now the last I heard he is living with his girlfriend living off ramen noddles and tap water. I could see how he wants to be pitied. I'm in a much more fortunate situation than him so maybe I shouldn't judge, but the cocky personality I just don't think is justified.

 

[Batou667]

Hmm. Well, it's great to be able to sympathise, but this guy's baggage is his alone and it's not your job to bear the brunt of this personality or to fix him.

If it was me, I'd try being straight-up that I didn't like his act, and if he doesn't get the hint, just avoid him. There are some people in life who just aren't worth your time or hassle.