Friendship/Life Troubles

[JemothSkarii]

I'm not really here for sympathy, I'm just here for advice and to vent (in a non-ranting way). Girlfriend of two years and 3 months broke up with me three months ago. Effectively, I'd freaked out because she said we should take a 'break' and that in that time frame I'd changed, saying that I wasn't the Ben that she knew because I was fretting about us. She had also gotten a crush on my best friend, who is gay and in a relationship, and although she stated she still loved me, she'd rather live with a crush on someone she could never have. In the last three weeks she said that she'd try and get back together with me, and showered me with love and affection, while I was being as normal and loving as possible. Then she just dropped me, with a plain 'I'm sorry, let's stay friends'.

I haven't spoken to her in three months, as even her name or her getting mentioned feels like a knife in the heart and sickness wells in my stomach (I threw up on a night out because my friend told me she wanted to 'make things right'). By looking at her DeviantArt and some other pages, she's clearly moved on, and my friend (the one she 'loves') says that she wants to say sorry. To make things worse, I have a crush on one of my friend's sisters, whom doesn't trust boys because she was sexually abused by some foster parents and her step father years ago. So thus I'm torn between my ex (whom I still love very much and cannot bring myself to blame her for anything, even the fact that during our relationship she'd fallen for 3 other guys, two being good friends of mine) and my crush, whom is very unreadable and we don't have too much in common. I feel like the bad guy because I can't and won't face my ex. This whole thing with her has lead me to slight alcoholism, having a drink during the day to scramble my head, and that I can't focus or function at anything, which is causing lots of problems with my parents and myself, as they want me to get some higher education.

The other thing is one of my best friends who I've known for 12 years, we grew up together. He's in a relationship with a girl in America which he's known for a few years but only got together about 2 months ago, a few weeks after he broke up with his boyfriend. She had also recently broken up with a fiance who would beat her and now she is paying for him to go over there and live with her for a few months. What pisses me off with him is this; during his relationship with his ex boyfriend, he would nag him for hugs and sex while he just sit in his room all day and play Arma or Project Reality. He also went to do VCE at a Uni with his boyfriend, but dropped out after a month because he wasn't getting any affection from his boyfriend. This is relevant because he is getting what I wanted with absolutely NO effort on his end and such a short time frame. I had been working to see my girlfriend for two years, and I still needed to wait another year and a half, and he gets to go live with his after a few months of doing NOTHING. I can't even look at him, partially from jealousy, and partially because I believe he'd been cheating on his ex for a while. He's also used me for food, alcohol, trips into town under the pretense of hanging out, I can't stand him or it.

Got any advice for me, and has anyone got any similar situations.

Sorry if it isn't clear, my head's all over the place.

TL;DR: Still heartbroken over my ex and torn between her and a crush, and pissed off at a best friend, what should I do?

 

[SiskoBlue]

?? This reads like a trashy soap opera. You are surrounded by lots of drama. She loves you she loves you not, you love her but you crush on someone else, she loves a gay guy.

A word to the wise, some people get bored with a simple life and create these dramas to make their life more exciting. There's not real thought to consequences or how this will effect other people. Get a group of these people and it's like watching pinball machines bouncing around. Lots of colour, lights and excitement but inevitably they're all going down the hole because all that drama is pointless.

So you have to ask yourself the question. Either you love the drama and want to be part of it, then go right ahead. But! You'll have to toughen up if you want to last. Forget the girl she's playing games, experimenting, and clearly doesn't know what she wants but is willing to give just about anything a go to find out. That's her choice so you have to deal with it.

If you've had enough of the drama then do what the rest of the sensible world does, walk away. Find some real friends who are real people and not drama queens, enjoy life and try not to f*** people up on a whim.

Good luck.

 

[endnuen]

Cut away all the sickness from your life. Seriously, all that bad influence? Enjoy being miserable or just not strong willed enough to take the appropriate action?

Go be with other girls, will help you get over her. And for you friend? Either confront him or just phase him out of your life. Out of sight out of mind.

 

[JemothSkarii]

I wasn't clear enough in the OP; I've cut off all contact with my ex, with everything in my house holding some reminder of her and one of my friend's is friends with her. My 'friend' would nag his ex for sex and affection and then just play ArmA and Project Reality all day while his ex did all the housework and such. Yes, being jealous over my friends going to the States is pitiful and petty, I just...he...I can't word it without it sounding extremely immature and idiotic.

 

[Zantos]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I wasn't clear enough in the OP; I've cut off all contact with my ex, with everything in my house holding some reminder of her and one of my friend's is friends with her. My 'friend' would nag his ex for sex and affection and then just play ArmA and Project Reality all day while his ex did all the housework and such. Yes, being jealous over my friends going to the States is pitiful and petty, I just...he...I can't word it without it sounding extremely immature and idiotic.

I know what you mean I had a best friend who had 8 serious girlfriends in the 6 years I knew him and it really pissed me off for some reason, not because I didn't have girl friends in high school that was my choice, but because he pretty much did the bear minimum to get sex and when he got bored he dumped them, one of them on valentines day after they exchanged gifts. I realized that I wasn't pissed because he got things so easy, I was pissed because of the way he went about it, I thought he was kind of a despicable person when it came to romance. He was a great friend to me and we never had any real issues, but I dealt with it by being a better friend for his first girlfriend then he was a boyfriend. Hell I am still friends with her now, talk to her once or twice a week, haven't really talked to him in 6 years or so. I guess my point is, find something to do that either makes you feel like a better person, or find something that you feel makes up for all of his negative actions.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

I have two questions for you
1. Can anyone trade in their awesome points in this manner
2. Is there a number I can call to find out how many awesome points I have left on my card?

 

[Zantos]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

I have two questions for you
1. Can anyone trade in their awesome points in this manner
2. Is there a number I can call to find out how many awesome points I have left on my card?

Anyone can do it, and you always have as many as you think you have, go nuts mate!

 

[artanis_neravar]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

I have two questions for you
1. Can anyone trade in their awesome points in this manner
2. Is there a number I can call to find out how many awesome points I have left on my card?

Anyone can do it, and you always have as many as you think you have, go nuts mate!

Good to know, time to work on turning in my infinite awesome points

 

[Zantos]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

I have two questions for you
1. Can anyone trade in their awesome points in this manner
2. Is there a number I can call to find out how many awesome points I have left on my card?

Anyone can do it, and you always have as many as you think you have, go nuts mate!

Good to know, time to work on turning in my infinite awesome points

Don't forget to trade some for a little modesty.

Seriously, it's like any RPG encounter, except instead of rolling some d20 for some reason you just pick an awesomeness score and hope for the best.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Mate, the fact you worry about this already puts you several thousand awesome points above someone who, even by rule of bias, is still trailing in double digits.

Now you're not going to get a girl that can let you live entirely by your rules. There's gotta be some comprimise between your world and hers. Also the feelings you feel will still be there when you find something she gave you or maybe go somewhere she liked. Why not just cash in your awesome points (if I can do it anyone can) for a sweet and understanding girl who wants to play video games with you, and will give you a well deserved cuddle if things get a little overwhelming. Doesn't matter what your friends are doing, they aren't you and aren't a standard to live by, the girl I'm talking about will immediately trump everything with a royal flsh of awesome. It'll be awesome, just remember to picture the awesome whenever you get down.

I have two questions for you
1. Can anyone trade in their awesome points in this manner
2. Is there a number I can call to find out how many awesome points I have left on my card?

Anyone can do it, and you always have as many as you think you have, go nuts mate!

Good to know, time to work on turning in my infinite awesome points

Don't forget to trade some for a little modesty.

Seriously, it's like any RPG encounter, except instead of rolling some d20 for some reason you just pick an awesomeness score and hope for the best.

Hahaha that was an awesome analogy. Most of the girls I meet are through my best friend and his fiance so they see me at my norm, so I figure I could use a little cockiness sometimes