Frustrated/Lonely

[IrradiatedFish]

Well, the reason I brought it up is because of the example that we were talking about. You might not always be able to wedge yourself into a group. You may only connect with a few of the people as opposed to everyone. You may even find yourself not invited at all, instead spending more individual time with the people you connected with originally. Like everything in life, social decisions and situations will never be perfect, nor will their outcomes. The point I want to make though is, even if you do connect with 1 person, you've made a friend. You can apply that mindset to every other situation afterwords.

Hmm... well, see, I think part of the problem is that honestly, yeah, I don't really even want to be a part of big groups. I'd much prefer to have one or two close friends. The problem with that though, is a lot of people are already apart of these groups. And with what I've experienced in the past, it seems rather difficult to try to get into a group (and maybe not even make friends with the whole group as you've said), and get out with a new friend who would rather spend time with you than with their already establish group of friends. I'm probably making this more complicated than it needs to be, but I suppose I'm worried I'm going to repeat my current situation: ~Make friends with a couple people. Get along "decently" with whole group. Group moves on. Friends that are apart of group moves on with them.~ I suppose I'm just hesitant about getting left in the dust again.

Bah, in any case, I need to stop thinking about the past like that and just do what I was going to and move ahead and take action. I suppose I just wish I could stumble across someone in a similar position to me, and then bam, instant soul mate! Haha!

"I'll try my best. I should see how these people really are before I make a decision on whether or not they would really connect with me."

Something like this. When I said trying, I mainly meant in this department. I can understand where you are coming from, but I honestly don't believe that the people associated with 1 person should dictate your chances. If you go about things like that, you could be missing out on friends left and right. If I were in your shoes, I'm positive that I would be connecting or making attempts to connect with anyone I regularly talk to. I don't know what they are really like, because I don't know them well enough. In my mind, if I get to know someone & give them that consideration, I could accurately say at that point whether or not we could bond.

Things that just happen that are out of your power, "The Way Things Are" are not your fault in my view. However, not giving people a chance because of what you said could be. If you could be making friends but weren't because you didn't at least try with people you know, then that is your fault in my opinion. :|

Yeah, I see where you're coming from, and I definitely agree with it. I guess a part of the problem is simply just the application of the ideas. I'm still rather introverted, and I wonder sometimes if me being friendly comes off as awkward. I mean, I honestly don't think I'm an awkward person; I'm a pretty normal guy (ok, maybe "normal" is one of the most ludicrously subjective words I could have used to describe myself, but hopefully you catch my drift). But that said I think I'm making a bit of progress at least, even if it's just in baby steps. I've been making sure to say hello and goodbye to classmates and such as I see them, and I generally seem to get positive replies.

Ask yourself this: what do you have to lose by trying?

Hahah, yeaaaaah, I knowwwww,

Last bit: Don't try too hard. Trying is definitely nice, but there are people out there who will take advantage of it, especially if you are lonely. It's very unfortunate but it does happen. I would hate for you to come to any kind of harm because someone was using or playing you.

Unfortunately, I am subject to this, or at least I have been before. On the bright side, nothing really that bad has come out of it, but I've definitely been "used" before to a certain degree. I guess I get a lot of people asking for favours just because I don't mind helping out.

Last year it seemed like every week that someone was knocking at my door and requesting that I fixed their malfunctioning printer, or troubleshoot a problem on their computer. Also got a lot of people coming to me for help with assignments or looking for an explanation on subject matter from a lecture weeks ago. Now, none of that really bothers me, but none of these people seemed to have any desire to pursue a friendship either, which is unfortunately why it seems that they're only interested in my assistance and nothing more. The one thing that kinda sucked though, was because I was one of few people at the residence with a car, I often got requests to drive people places. Mostly it was just to the school, where I was obviously already heading to anyway, but it's still sort of depressing when I'm paying for parking and gas, and no one wants to pitch in :/ (there was ONE guy who was kind enough to offer gas money once in a while, but everyone else just took it as a freebie).

Eh, what can I say, I'm a sucker.

Different group of people at the residence this year though, and I've actually had none of those things happen this year, so, eh, I guess I'm not worried about being taken advantage of this time around.

Sorry it took me so long to reply! Now for your PM.

Bah! No need to apologize, I'm still glad you got to it . Thanks for both replies!

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The way I look at friends, I think about several things,

• 
  ? Do I talk to you?
  ? Do we have compatible personalities?
  ? What's the chance of argument?
  ? Are you rude in general?
  ? Would you make a great minion to shove under my heel?

I'm highly analytical of my friends, which result in me having very few personal friends, and I prefer to keep a few friends that I know than a bunch of friends I only kinda know. I would think that you fall into a similar category, if not the same?

Hello, thanks for the posting ! Yes, I would say that you made an accurate assumption. I'm very careful about who I spend time with, and I definitely prefer people who I find to be genuine and honest. I'm cautious about most things, and I'm not much of a gambler, so I really like to grow close to people, because I suppose I feel more secure in a friendship that way. All that aside, I feel that knowing someone thoroughly and having them feel the same in return, is a much more rewarding experience. I know it's not realistic to expect all people to feel that way, but I like having a certain level of understanding with others.

I do wish I could go back to having friends the same way I did in elementary school. Generally it seems that kids are honest about "who they are", and what you see is what you get. I miss those times when you could be "best friends in the whole world" with someone, and everything seemed much simpler and to the point.

Last bit: Don't try too hard. Trying is definitely nice, but there are people out there who will take advantage of it, especially if you are lonely. It's very unfortunate but it does happen. I would hate for you to come to any kind of harm because someone was using or playing you.

I would have to agree with this statement. Trying too hard can run you ragged as not trying at all.

Yeah, that's a true thing all right. Scroll up and see the response I posted for her; don't see much point in copy and pasting it again right here , just takes up space!

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I feel bad a bit for not giving a longer post. I'm fascinated by how much you can write for such a small section.

Don't feel bad, I appreciate the time you took to write a reply at all! Thanks !

Hahah, well, no one has ever accused me of being/having simple-minded/a small mind, that's for sure. It sometimes takes me hours to write these replies, not because of how long it takes me to physically type them (I'm rather nimble on a keyboard), but because I usually put lots of thought into my answers (also, I think a lot of the length comes from some unnecessary wordiness too :/). I think my electricity teacher hates marking my assignments because I write therefore statements instead of giving simple numerical answers hahah!

And it is because of this thread that I realized this forum has a friend's list Mind if I add you?

Sure! I'll send you a message right now .

 

[Batou667]

My advice is twofold:

1) Become happier and more comfortable in your own company. Sure, absolute isolation is horrible for all but a tiny proportion of people. But, truth be told a lot of people have fairly solitary hobbies, and that doesn't make them losers or no-lifers. Why not start going to a gym, or fishing, or learning some kind of art? Sometimes the best quality time is the time spent just by yourself. Learn to see yourself as Numero Uno and anybody else as a pleasant bonus, and your relationships will improve.

2) Broaden the net. There are lots of ways to meet people, and often it'll be through a shared interest. That's why every time somebody on this forum asks where they can meet friends or prospective girlfriends, I say, join a club or society. The beauty of it is you'll meet a whole different type of person in your Life Drawing class compared to the buddies you might make in the martial arts club.

Points one and two overlap and compliment each other. The more depth of personality you have yourself, the more people you'll meet and have something in common with, and the more they'll subtly change your personality and perception of the world.

So in a nutshell, do what makes you happy, and put yourself out there.