Fun with Windows Telephone Scammers

[Jaeger_CDN]

For some reason, these idiots keep calling me when I'm in the middle of preparing a meal.

This was around the fourth time they've called and I decided to have a little fun while flipping pancakes. The scammer atleast spoke english without a really nasty accent so it was much easier to actually hear his responses instead of guessing.

When he called he told me he was from microsoft and said that my windows computer was infected. After I asked him what version of windows was 'calling home' to microsoft (at one time he told me DOS) I told him I used linux. I spent 5 minutes telling him that linux was not from microsoft he suddenly became a technician from mac and then linux (the whole time my wife was in the background howling with laughter). At this point he wanted to confirm my name so I spelt it for him f-u-c-k hypen o-f-f he then told me his name was fuck you and I told him we must be related. I swear I could hear him smiling through the phone so we exchanged a few more pleasantries and then he hung up.

I'm thinking that next time I'm either going to tell him I run a small florist company with 12 computers and his security system might be just what i'm looking for or that I don't have a computer but only a leap-pad (a children's toy) and see what they try on that.

 

[Jaeger_CDN]

but if you hang up right away, what kind of fun is that? It stops them from scamming some other person.

Besides if it's a legit telemarketer I do tell them politely to remove my name from whatever list they have but these guys are not legit, granted I'm not happy to talk to them but they do have a product to sell.

 

[RagTagBand]

I got called by one of these guys, My "This is bullshit" detector went off almost instantly. After about 5 minutes of me repeating the same question of "How do you know if my system is infected?" with him responding with "We're trained microsoft technicians and we have to inform you that there's a problem!" I thanked him for informing me and told him I'd deal with the problem myself...End of conversation.

If I wasn't in the middle of doing something, and my phone was anywhere near my computer, I would have had more fun with him.

 

[hooksashands]

Yea, this sounds familiar. For a while I had people claiming to work for the bank I've signed my mortgage with, and they kept asking me to verify my social security number (not just the 4 digits but the entire thing) over the phone. It got to the point that when they they called I would run around my apartment screaming and hitting the floor and breathing heavily, and when I'd come back nine times out of ten they hung up. If ever there is a time to 'Lose it' and release all your stress, it's when these clowns ring you.

 

[Spaghetti]

I prepared to be a Victorian gentleman last time one of the phoned. It was the usual line of "Your IP adress starting flashing red meaning you have a virus. Give us money to fix it" situation. Anyway, this is what followed once they introduced their bizzare attempt to get my personal information:

Me: "Computer? Computer? Oh! You mean Mr. Babbage's Difference Engine! Such a fine device what what!"
Scammer: "Um..yes sir. Your computer. It has a virus."
Me: "A virus? Like one of those bacteria fellows in the body? No no, that can't be right. I know! You must mean woodworm! Yes that must be it, another nasty bug if you catch my meaning what what! I shall inform Mr. Babbage immeadietly of this issue. Is their anything else I need to know kind lady?"
Scammer: *hangs up*

And they have yet to call back!

 

[Jamash]

I've had a few run-ins with these so called "Vindows Security" experts. I usually just tell them my computer isn't connected to the Internet, which causes them to rudely hang up, or if I'm feeling playful and have nothing better to do, I ask and demand to know how they know my computer is infected, then after a few minutes of them explaining their bullshit detection methods, I ask "...yes I understand that, but how exactly do you know my computer is infected when I don't have the Internet/I don't have a computer? Are you a Spy/Wizard/Psychic?".